Topic : Breaking Up

So I guess I was wondering what others thoughts would be on staying with a man who is an alcoholic who refuses to stop drinking or try and get help. Every problem that we encounter seems to be my fault in his eyes. If he goes out and gets drunk he might say that I pushed him to do it because I made him mad. Or even if he just went out and drank because he was having fun  with his friends then if I get upset with him then it is my fault for making too big of a deal about it. My boyfriend is 25 years old and has already suffered from 2 alcohol induced seizures and this past July he had to spend a week in the hospital with pancreatitis which was also caused by alcohol, but he told his mom it was caused by stress. What a joke! Everytime he goes out and gets drunk he has some kind of cut or bruise on him and he doesn't remember how he got it and he rarely remembers how he got home. Recently he drove to another town and met me and a friend of mine when we were heading home he rode with us because he told me that he gotten a ride there with somebody else. The next day he went outside and said his car had been stolen and he was very upset and was looking everywhere for it. Come to find out that he had actually driven his car there and not remembered it, yet he doesn't act like that is a big deal. Well I think it is. I feel like I can't handle it anymore. I don't want to abandon him but I feel like I'm wasting my life on someone who really doesn't want to live it with me. I'm so hurt and confused, also a couple of weeks ago on a Sunday he grabbed his bag and packed it and just walked out the door. I finally tracked him down at his mothers house and he said that he was going to stay there for awhile until he got things together in his life because he wasn't happy. Which I completely understand but then he showed up at my house drunk twice in the following week. So now we don't live together so I don't get the companionship but I guess when he's drunk he doesn't want his mom to see so he shows up at my house. That is the last thing I want. Please give me your input.

I know this is easier said than done, but at this point, he is only using you because he wants to hide his alcoholism from his mother- so you need to be strong, keep your self respect, and when he shows up at your home, either tell him to leave or call someone to come and get him. He hasn’t shown up sober or attempted to talk to you while he was sober at all? It sounds like his alcoholism is worsening; but please know that YOU had nothing to do with it, that is just his convenient excuse. Alcoholics have the need to blame others for their problems, but you don’t have to be his victim. You will end up feeling used and drained if you allow this to continue. Be good to yourself, you deserve so much more.

I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half now.  We live together and get along great and love each other.  Lately we have been talking about getting engaged.  I would love to be engaged, but i have these weird feelings.  Some times i feel like i want to be single again, but then i think about it and think if i break up with him i really may not find someone that is as good as him.  He treats me very well, and loves me and would do anything for me.  I don't know if that makes me seem like I'm scared to be alone and if i break up with him then i might not find someone else.  I don't know what it is.  We have not talked about this, and i don't think it would be a good topic for us to talk about.  We recently got into a fight about the same one stupid thing that we fight about and i told him i was done with it because I'm sick of fighting over the same thing, and I'm done.  I told him if we fight about it once more I'm done with it all because its too hard emotionally on me.  When i said that he broke down and he didn't want that to happen, and at that moment i felt like i did love him and he is the one i want to be with.  But then a couple of days later i start to feel like sometimes i want to be single again.  I know i love him and when i think about it i couldn't find anyone better for me and i don't want to loose him.  But i just get these urges to go out and party like I'm single and see other people, but i would never want to loose him.  I am sooo confused.  Are these feelings at all normal?  Does everyone want to be single again at some point in their relationship,  or do i really not love him like i think i do?  PLEASE HELP ME!!!

I know it is what I have to do and I thank you.... I do go to counselling and she said to be friends if possible because of the child ... I need to work on me and move on and I know this.    I know you think she is innocent  and that maybe true but she should have a right to know what he has done.....I feel sorry for her.  If it was you wouldn't you want to know.

But thanks again much appreciate you opinnion

The only person here who is pathetic is your boyfriend!!!  This is not about you, this is about what he is doing and the choices he has made.  This is about you having no self worth or respect for yourself to even consider taking a man who has no morals and character.  He doesn't need to make a decision, you do.  He is cheating on you, lies to you and puts the blame on you.  What are you missing??   He wants you to get your act together??????  What about him?  If he truly loved you and wants to be with you then he would dump his girlfriend of 2 years and start working on your relationship.  The problem is that he doesn't want to !!!!!  He's moved on whether he knows it or not and just forgot to tell you.  He's giving you 6 months???  What the hell is that!!! 

I know this is hard - please find a therapist today to help you deal with your emotions and getting through this.  And you will get through this and realize that this guy isn't worth it.  You can't make him come home nor can you stop him from having his freedom - the only person you can control is you.  Call him and tell him to come pick up his bags- He's got 24 hours to do it or they go into the garbage!.  Get child support settled via the courts, see a therapist for emotional support and start healing.  Start exercising is this weight bothers you as well, but do it for you!