Topic : Breaking Up

I definately know what you are going through. My ex and I have been broken up for almost 3 weeks. I was with him for 8 years, and we have a 2 and a half daughter together. I feel like I want to call him to see what hes doing, but I know that I shouldnt. I find myself asking him if he is talking or seeing someone else, and I know in my head that I dont have a right to. Its really hard, to not know what that person is doing. I was crazy about my guy too, and it really hurts now b/c daughter is going through separation anxiety. Sometimes I think that I am too...lol. My ex acts like he is sooo much more happier now and nothing in the world bothers him, and I hate that ! Trust me, I know. My ex keeps saying that he doesnt know whats going to happen in the future, with us so that leaves me kinda confused on what to think. Maybe he needs some space to clear his head. I think that he will realize what he wants in time. He is young, so maybe for now let him go. Dont bug him, just wait and see what happens. I know what its like to be young and be with someone, I'm only 23. Take care. Be strong !

well the thing about this relationship was that he was everything I have ever wanted. And he told me that I was everything he wanted in a relationship. He took me to a field one night and told me that this is the place where we would have our house built. I am so crazy about him. Should I keep doing what im doing and have no contact with him. He told his family he could see us getting back together some day. Everytime we see each other we just stare at each other and my heart drops. I think he is just scared but is there anything else I can do to help him realize. We love each other so much and He still wont take any pic off of facebook or myspace. What is going throug his mind? Why is he doing this to me. He said he needs to get his ducks in a row. I am just so scared of losing him.

you are wayyyyyyyyyyy too good for him

move on as much as it hurts

dont call him if he calls pick it upp and keep it on his mother dont ask"what about us " no say hows your mother when you find out say you have to go move on

some day he will relize what he lost and come running back but it will be too late because you will be with someone who appreciates it . trust me

I met this guy at work about 3 years ago named Jimmy and we started talking at work. Later I found out from friends that he

had an interest in me. I myself really did not want a relationship and I made this clear to him. He continued to contact me

online asking me to go out with him and tell me why I should go out with him. I started to fell sorry for him because he was

telling me and also my friends how much he liked me and how he wished I would give him a chance. Out of guilt I went out with

him and it seemed ok at first until he began to smother me and make stories up about my friends. It seemed he was always

trying to get my friends fighting with me. After 2 months of dating I told him i didn't want to see him anymore because of

everything that was going on(lying,smothering me and such). I told him he needed to talk to someone and try to get help for

himself for his lying and such I would be there for him as a friend. he didn't get any help at all he still contnued to stalk

me. he used to wait outsie work for me and call me and e-mail me. Then finally he told me he was going away with the

military. I was so happy, no more looking over my shoulder. After being spit up for about 2 months I found out I was pregnant

and that he was trying to get me pregnant the whole time I was with him. I also found out that he took a girl from work out

to lunch and he slept with her at a baseball park during their one hour lunch and then went back to work. Which just turned

my stomach. Anyway i didn't tell him I was pregnant but I heard he had been going around telling people I was pregant since

the day I left him. I broke all comunication with him for 6 months. By then I was 8 months pregant and I felt guilty not

telling him I was pregnant and the baby was his. he came home one weekend from work and we decided to go out for a drive that

is when I told him the baby was his. We continued to hang out as friends and a few weeks later we decide to get back together

on one condition and that was that he had chnaged. Of course he told me he thought about things and that he had changed and

to me it looked like he had changed. Everything seemed so perfect for the first 4 months we were back together so we decide

to get an apartment together. We havr been living in this apartment for 2 years and it is just terrible. He does nothing at

all to help out with the kids or the house work or the bills. My daugther from a previous relationship has moved in with my

mother because of the way Jimmy treats her and the baby we have together never wants to be with him. He treats all of us like

crap and all it is in this house everyday is emotional abuse from him. My mothers wants me and the baby to move back in with

her but Jimmy will not watch the baby long enough so I can get moved into my moms. He doesn't want me to leave and he has

been saying stuff to my family to make me look bad. he has been saying I want to live with my mother for the rest of my life

and that i don't want to work. just so you know I have held the same job for 6 yrs so as far as not wanting to work it just

does not make sence. I feel like he is trapping me here because he won't help me move by watching the baby.

I had been dating a girl for 2.5 years. She's 23, I'm 25. We've both told each other we love each other many times and I know I want to marry this girl...

For the first 1.5 years we weren't able to spend a lot of time together because of the distance between us either because of summer travel, summer jobs, or school. I took a job almost 2 years ago that required me to travel quite a bit but when I was home i was near her hometown. About a year ago she took a job in her hometown so we could try and spend more time together and see how things would go being around each other more. I've had issues throughout our relationship opening up to her all the time to tell her how I feel, but whenever we'd sit down and talk about us, I would be able to talk about it and it's been getting easier for me. From the first 6 months after she moved home things were going really good. We get along great whenever we're alone but the thing has been we never get to be alone a lot. She moved back in with her parents and it wasn't until 3 months ago that I moved out of my parents house because I wasn't traveling as much. Things started to go downhill in November when I started studying for my CPA license. I told her when I started that things were going to be hard because I'd need to spend a lot of time studying and that I may only be able to give her 1 day a week to be together. She seemed very understanding and willing to work things through. We ended up breaking up in May...her reasons being it was getting very hard for her to be with me but only getting to spend 1 or 2 days a week seeing me. Her quote was "It's so hard to understand how we can love each other so much but yet it's so hard for this to work." We decided we would try to be friends wait until I was done with my tests to try and figure things out between us. The only stipulations she laid out were no kissing on the lips and no sex. I told her I still wanted to be with her but that until i finished my tests I wasn't going to be able to give her more time than what I had given her already. We still hung out a lot during May (even took a vacation together at the end of the month), June, July and beginning of August. Whenever we hung out we would hold hands, cuddle, and hug a lot. She even asked me a few times to spend the night with her so that I could hold her. I told her on more than one occassion that I wanted to get back together with her when my tests were done and her response was usually, "You really want to get back together with me?" and I would always answer yes. Also, she'd been talking about moving for the last several months and I knew she wanted to move away. My only stipulation was I wanted to be done with my tests then we could go where ever she wanted and I told her i would go with her. After we broke up I started to realize how much my tests consumed my time and started to do little things for her to let her know I cared and wanted to be with her (balloons on her bday, calling her to say hi, meeting her for lunch, etc...) Even before I took my last test in August she gave me a big hug and a kiss on the cheek and said good luck and wanted me to come see her the next day before I left for a 3-week work trip. However, the night after my test i went out with some buddies and saw a mutual friend of ours. I talked to this friend and my (ex)-gf came up. We talked a little about her and then went on my way. The next day my ex called me very upset because the friend I had talked to said I was bad mouthing her and she couldnt' believe i was doing that and she felt very betrayed even though we weren't dating anymore. When she told me what her friend said I corrected her and explained what I really did say and she seemed understanding and then mentioned that her friend admitted to being really drunk. She said she still felt hurt by the thought I would open up to her friend about those things when I couldnt' talk to her about them. We met up for about 3 hours to talk face-to-face before I left on my trip. I told her I still loved her and wanted to be with her and she said she still loved me.Before I left she gave me a big hug, said she wished I could be her date at a wedding in two weeks, that maybe since we won't see each other for the next 3 weeks we should just take the time to think about us. She told me to travel safe and she'd call me soon. That night she sent me a text saying "Good night." I expected to hear from her by the end of the week since she said she'd call soon as I had a lot more to tell her than what I was able to because we had to cut our talk short the week before. Because I hadn't heard from her I cancelled my weekend plans and went home to see her/talk to her. I called her on my way to let her know I was coming back to talk to her and if she didn't want to see me that she should just call and let me know and i would keep my distance. I never heard anything from her so I went to where she was having her art showing. She seemed surprised to see me but happy as she gave me a big hug. We hung out that Friday night and had a drink with her cousin. When she was ready to go she gave me a ride back to my place and I told her that I had come home to talk to her and see her because I missed her and wanted to tell her everything i didn't get to the week before. She said she didn't know if she would have time to talk to me because of previous committments but since I came back for her she was interested in making time to talk. Again, gave me a big hug and told me to take care and get some sleep. Saturday she called and said she had family committments and wouldnt' be able to talk but that we could talk Sunday before I left and I was ok with that. However, when she called back sunday she started out by saying, "I've been thinking and I know you came back to talk to me but I've said everything I've wanted to say and you've had other opportunities to talk to me and you didn't so I dont' think it matters. I told you I needed some time to think about things and you coming back this weekend to talk makes me feel like you just don't listen and it's almost an insult to my intelligence that you would do that." I told her that I came back to tell her what  ididn't get to last week and that i didn't come back with the intention we would get back together...just so that she would know everything I had to say before she made a decision. I told her I did respect her decision but I had to tell her everything because I love her. I told her how I felt about her and all my thoughts and fears throughout the relationship. She told me it would've been nice to know about that stuff earlier but that she had decided months ago that we couldn't get back together and that it was too late for me to open up to her. We ended up talking for almost 2 hours and only had to hang up because she had to get ready for a movie with her family. I asked her why she couldnt be with me and she said that because i wasn't able to be completely open with her without her having to pry she didn't feel she could trust me...that was the only reason. Before we hung up I simply told her I didn't come back to try and make her to make a decision about us, just to tell her everything I wasn't able to from the previous week and even though she said it was too late that she could take into consideration how much I tried to improve my communication with her over the last couple months especially the last 2 weeks. She said she didn't know and thought it best if we didn't have any communication between us for awhile. I told her that I understood and I'd respect her space and that the ball was in her court whenever she wanted to talk. 

A couple days later I called a friend of ours to hang out. As we were talking she asked me how I was doing because my ex had asked our friend to find out for her. She said that my ex really cared for me and that's why this is so hard for her right now. She also told me that I just need to give her time and that only my ex and i know what we need to do to make this work...but that she does really care for me.

I also ran into her dad the other day and asked how she was doing. He said that she was interviewing for jobs and that she was getting ready to move (as she had told me about). He made it sound that because she was moving things were over and he told me that she really cares about me but made it sound like she never wanted to hear from me again.

It's now been about a month since my ex and I last talked. I never thought it would be this long without hearing from her. I don't know how to take what her friend said or what her dad said and I feel that the only way I'll really know what's going on is if I talk to her. I feel that if she has made a decision and decided to move on without me she owes it to me to at least tell me that herself. She told me that she needs to be selfish for herself right now and pursue her goals and dreams since she was so understanding about me pursuing mine and I understand that...I just don't know why she feels she has to do it without me. We seriously have been best friends for the last 2.5 years and even though I've had a hard time opening up to her she knows me better than anyone and i've told her that. I have to do a lot of traveling for work over the next 2.5 months and would hate to leave and not hear from her before she leaves (if she's gone before I get back). I realize her actions over the last couple months don't really back up her words that she had decided we were done months ago....but should I contact her and fight for her like I told her I would if anything ever happened to us? Should i give her more time and space? Any advice or thoughts would be great!! thanks...

You are only trapped because you are allowing this man to trap you!! You are kidding yourself to think, even for a moment, that he would actually watch the baby so you could move- that is NEVER going to happen. The best thing you can do for you and your precious children is to make a plan to move out- find another family member or friend to watch your baby and get the heck out of there. My advice to you is to not tell him before you leave; just wait until he is gone to work and pack up your stuff and go. He isn’t ever going to do anything to help you; he is only interested in holding you back in life so that he can keep you like a pet. He will continue to tell lies about you to other people so that he can get you alone and isolated; that way, he will have complete control. Don’t allow this to happen; you deserve so much more!

Dr. Phil says that guilt is a wasted emotion; where does guilt get you? It only makes you feel badly about yourself. If you make decisions based on guilt, you will lose out every time. I urge you to seek professional therapy because you need to learn how to think and make rational decisions without allowing guilt to get in the way. (In my own personal experience, I left an abusive relationship when I had a 3 week old baby; I brought my baby to my therapy appointments with me! No need to find a sitter!) It is difficult to change because this is the way that you’ve been living your life and making decisions based on guilt for a long time, but all the hard work is worth it! You’ve made some wrong decisions in your life, but it is never too late to begin making the right decisions- the sooner the better. If your self esteem is low and you think this is all you deserve, think of your precious babies and what they deserve- they deserve a happy, healthy mom who is there for them. The way things are now for you are very sad, you shouldn’t be separated from your child. Be good to yourself and take care of YOU.