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Topic : Communication

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Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 05:06:47 pm
Author : dataimport
Good communication between partners can make or break a relationship. Share your tips and stories.

 
kayla14ann
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July 8, 2008, 1:42 pm PDT

Trust problems, self-esteem along with it...

     I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years now. Before he met me, he had an online relationship on and off for about 3 years I'd say. When we got together, he promised not to talk to her again, and not try and contact her.  I am 18, and he is 19.  At the beginning of our relationship, he left me for her.  Whom he only saw once.  He picked her over me, but 7 months later I took him back.  Things have been pretty good.  He doesn't have a myspace or anything, and says he doesn't think about her.

I'm just worried that down the road, he might want to contact her.  Or being to miss her.  How do I know he really did forget aobut her?  He told me it's over with her and him.  And that he'll never leave me to be with her or anyone else.  But the thought is still in my head, and it puts a strain on our relationship.

Among other little things, we get into fights a lot that has to do with girls.  He doesn't look at girls and he's not that type of guy who's all into girls either.  He's very shy, and low key.  I'm not happy with the way I look, I weigh about 190 and im 5'8.  I always think that he sees another girl, and wishes I looked like her.  All skinny, and perfect skin and whatnot. How do I get over this?  How do I love myself for who I am and not obsess about others looks?  It starts fights daily.  I'll get in mad moods all the time, and I'm usually not enjoyable to be around. I want to change for me, and for our realtionship.

Thank you for anyone who read all of that.
 
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kayla14ann
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July 8, 2008, 1:43 pm PDT

Communication

Quote From: kayla14ann

 Do you get comments like that frequently?

You said you like to show off your body, so be it.  But be aware that when you wear revealing clothing, others will judge.  That's how people are.  The mother that made a comment most likely doesn't want her daughter wearing revealing clothing.  I doubt she said the word "slut" to her 7 year old daughter, but maybe something along the lines " You don't want to look like that ", or something.  Your boyfriend made the right choice.  People will have their opinions, yes they may hurt others, but that's what happens. If it makes it angry what people say about you, maybe you should cover up a little when going to places that don't require such revealing clothing.
OOPS!

First time on boards, messed that up.  Meant to make that a reply to "bunnyface" 's post.
 
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sandy0914
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July 9, 2008, 5:01 am PDT

Get motivated and get moving.

Quote From: kayla14ann

     I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years now. Before he met me, he had an online relationship on and off for about 3 years I'd say. When we got together, he promised not to talk to her again, and not try and contact her.  I am 18, and he is 19.  At the beginning of our relationship, he left me for her.  Whom he only saw once.  He picked her over me, but 7 months later I took him back.  Things have been pretty good.  He doesn't have a myspace or anything, and says he doesn't think about her.

I'm just worried that down the road, he might want to contact her.  Or being to miss her.  How do I know he really did forget aobut her?  He told me it's over with her and him.  And that he'll never leave me to be with her or anyone else.  But the thought is still in my head, and it puts a strain on our relationship.

Among other little things, we get into fights a lot that has to do with girls.  He doesn't look at girls and he's not that type of guy who's all into girls either.  He's very shy, and low key.  I'm not happy with the way I look, I weigh about 190 and im 5'8.  I always think that he sees another girl, and wishes I looked like her.  All skinny, and perfect skin and whatnot. How do I get over this?  How do I love myself for who I am and not obsess about others looks?  It starts fights daily.  I'll get in mad moods all the time, and I'm usually not enjoyable to be around. I want to change for me, and for our realtionship.

Thank you for anyone who read all of that.

If you are unhappy with the way you look and feel then you absolutely have the ability to make some changes.  Start eating better, exercise and join a gym, get a new haiir style etc...  You can even ask him to join you in helping you to stay on track.  Losing weight can build your self esteem and self image so get a plan in place and take action. 

 

How do you know he has forgotten abot her?   You don't.  But if you create a healthy relationship with him filled with good times and laughter he would have no reason to look elsewhere. Let him know how you feel about yourself and why your mood swings are bothering you etc...   If you're struggling with personal issues you should definately seek out a therapist as well.  We all have the ability to recreate ourselves so get motivated and get moving. 

 
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najatdiva1
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July 9, 2008, 12:50 pm PDT

thanks

Quote From: sandy0914

Definately sounds like Mike is not over his ex yet and you need to be careful as the relationship you two are starting may be a rebound one for him which means that ultimately you will be the one to get hurt somewhere down the road.  So many people start new relationships because they are lonely - instead they should be taking a long break from the whole dating scene until they are emotionally healed from their previous relationships so they don't dump all of their emotional baggage on the other person which is what Mike is doing to you.  He may not even realize he is doing it but it definately proves that he still has feelings for his ex.  If I were you I'd absolutely back off a bit and let him continue to work this out with his therapist.  He's no good for you now but down the road he very well may be.  Keep your relationship strictly a friendship one for now and let him know how you feel that you would like to be friends with him but a romantic relationship is out of the question.  Guard your heart and persue other interests while he is working out his issues.

 

Thank you so much for your advise I,m taking my time with him because like you said I do not want to be

a rebound girl. I forgot to mention that he has not seen her in two years.
 
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bunnyface
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July 9, 2008, 1:00 pm PDT

Communication

Quote From: jaimie1974

How do you feel about freaking out on your boyfriend? Did it make you feel better about the situation? Did it solve anything?
When a situation occurs that you dont like and you would normally have an argument, my advice to you is to take a second and ask yourself this: is it worth it?
It was definitely inappropriate for a stranger to say rude things about you, but I agree with your boyfriend. By choosing to not make a scene, he was being the bigger person, his decision was mature and reasonable. Your actions were immature and unreasonable.
You must know that some people might think of your style as inappropriate. You opened up your post describing yourself as a person who shows off her body. If you dress in a style that you enjoy and a style that is flattering to you, then you cant concern yourself with what people may or may not say. You know that old saying, you cant make everyone happy all of the time. Have confidence in yourself and your style. As for your boyfriend, again, he made the mature decision. Even if he did say something, would it have changed anything?

thank you for the input. honestly it makes me feel better when i just let it all out instead of holding it in thats just the way i am, even though sometimes it is better to just keep your mouth shut once in a while but its really hard to do at times.  
 
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bunnyface
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July 9, 2008, 1:04 pm PDT

Communication

Quote From: kayla14ann

 Do you get comments like that frequently?

You said you like to show off your body, so be it.  But be aware that when you wear revealing clothing, others will judge.  That's how people are.  The mother that made a comment most likely doesn't want her daughter wearing revealing clothing.  I doubt she said the word "slut" to her 7 year old daughter, but maybe something along the lines " You don't want to look like that ", or something.  Your boyfriend made the right choice.  People will have their opinions, yes they may hurt others, but that's what happens. If it makes it angry what people say about you, maybe you should cover up a little when going to places that don't require such revealing clothing.
I dont usually get negative comments its always more on the positive side. "Slut" was the exact word she used. Im over the situation now simple because we have something else to argue about or dwell on 
 
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bunnyface
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July 9, 2008, 1:12 pm PDT

Communication

Quote From: kayla14ann

     I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years now. Before he met me, he had an online relationship on and off for about 3 years I'd say. When we got together, he promised not to talk to her again, and not try and contact her.  I am 18, and he is 19.  At the beginning of our relationship, he left me for her.  Whom he only saw once.  He picked her over me, but 7 months later I took him back.  Things have been pretty good.  He doesn't have a myspace or anything, and says he doesn't think about her.

I'm just worried that down the road, he might want to contact her.  Or being to miss her.  How do I know he really did forget aobut her?  He told me it's over with her and him.  And that he'll never leave me to be with her or anyone else.  But the thought is still in my head, and it puts a strain on our relationship.

Among other little things, we get into fights a lot that has to do with girls.  He doesn't look at girls and he's not that type of guy who's all into girls either.  He's very shy, and low key.  I'm not happy with the way I look, I weigh about 190 and im 5'8.  I always think that he sees another girl, and wishes I looked like her.  All skinny, and perfect skin and whatnot. How do I get over this?  How do I love myself for who I am and not obsess about others looks?  It starts fights daily.  I'll get in mad moods all the time, and I'm usually not enjoyable to be around. I want to change for me, and for our realtionship.

Thank you for anyone who read all of that.
I can relate to you alot. I get into fights  with my boyfriend about girls pretty much 24 hours a day im as jealous and insecure as it gets. The gym the new hair is good but you need to work on yourself on the inside before you make changes on the outside cause youll end up haveing the very same problems.  Trust me no  matter how good your outside looks if the inside doesnt match its like taking one step forward and two steps back
 
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rosalasan
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July 21, 2008, 3:00 pm PDT

I need advice BAD!!

 

Basically. I love my boyfriend to death. He is everything iv ever wanted.

Everything is perfect except two things that are the two most important things in my life.

Marriage and childeren. I havent experience either. But he had a son at a young age and hasnt seen him for a while. he has also been engaged once. These two things are ruining everything because I have waited to have kids and get married and I wanted to experience that with someone who hasnt either.

This is depressing me so bad, I dont know what to do. I am 22 and he is 24. I am almost done with college. I am thrown off track because I never thought the man of my dreams would come with the two biggest problems to me. theres always a catch! PLEASE I need advice DESPERATELY!!!
 
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ramoes
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July 22, 2008, 5:44 am PDT

Worried

Me and the father of my baby  whose now my husband dated for 3 months i fell pregnant  in 2006 september and we split up because another woman fell preganat with his child.Then the child of the other woman passed away. We got back together when our daughter was four months. Things were okay till i found a text message on his mobile from another woman since then i'm having a hard time trusting him.He does everything i want to prove that it was nothing. Its been more than six months since i saw the sms but i still have troubles trusting him. Im not sure if im scared that he'll leave again or he'll cheat on me plus there was someone sending me text messages telling me he's cheating. I really dont know what to do, the worst part is we are already married. I guess the seed of doubt is here and i cannot seem to get rid of it.
 
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starlightsuzie
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July 25, 2008, 2:29 pm PDT

I need reassurance

My boyfriend and I have been together for alomost 8 years. And I am still having a difficult time expressing my emotions with him. We just moved into our own place and lately I've been feeling more like a roommate than his girlfriend. The passion has long gone, I don't feel appricated, nor loved. He rarely tells me that he loves me. I know he does but I need to hear it as well. He's not an affectionate type of guy, no public cuddling, no out-of-the-blue flowers, nothing! I don't expect him to do something every day, but it would be nice to once in awhile to receive flowers or little love notes, just for my assurance.How do we get the passion back and how do I express how I've been feeling without him shuting down on me?
 
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