I have been dating a man I met on vacation for a year and nine months or so. He lives in NYC I live in Indiana. We love each other very much. Eventually, I would love to live in NYC. However, the cost of living is MUCH higher in NYC than Indiana. We decided that he would move to Indiana nearly a year ago so that we could be together.
Here's a little back ground. I have a beautiful three year old daughter from a previous relationship. Her father and I seperated four months before I met my bf. After the seperation, I moved in with my best friend who also recently seperated from her son's father. We lived as roomates for a year with our children until we were both financially stable to get our own places. My bf and I talked about me getting my own place with my daughter and getting settled and then he would come and live with us. He has met my daughter only twice, however they will talk on the phone with each other sometimes. He loves her and she likes him as well. It's nice.
On the other hand, I got my own place in May of this year. It is now November and he still has not come through. There had been some communication problems as we both have been working our selfs to death to be able to be together. We are working different shifts. We talked on his lunch hour through the week. He works second shift and I work first, plus time hour time difference we were on made it a little difficult. My problem was, it seemed as if after work and on the weekends he would never answer his cell phone. This led me to be a little insecure. I am a very confident woman. The only problem is that I've been cheated on before and I am sensitive to certain things.
Additionally, I went to visit him over New Years this year and on my way home I realized that I had his CD case. I found a CD a girl made for him. It said I love you all over the front of it. The problem is that it had a song on it that he said reminded him of me, and he first heard that song on the vacation we met on. I understand that this could have been from before he was officially my bf.
I'm a bit of an impatient person by nature. If I want something, I go after it 110%. I think about what I want and then I set goals and thing of a plan of attack on how to accomplish them. I understand that I am more of a go getter than him. I feel like it is taking him to long to come through. I also tried to tell him that there is never a good time, things will always come up and delay the process of moving. However, you have to just do it. He is more of a take the long road and be 100% sure that you have a back-up plan B and C and even D type of person. We get a long great and challenge each other to think a little differently.
I tried to talk to him about not answering his phone, however after a day I couldn't get ahold of him. I called him three times. So my anger and impatience kicked in. Along with my ego. I text him and e-mail him. I informed him that while I love him like I've never loved another man I love myself to much to be on the back burner. I told him that I never wanted to loose contact with him, I just couldn't be his girlfriend. I still feel like he is the one for me. It's something internal, I know he feels the same becuase we've talked about it. I felt like I gave it my all to do everything that I could to bring us closer and we were still 1200 miles apart and we are approaching two years. I told him maybe it's my insecurities and issues but I couldn't do it anymore.
He told me that he's been working himself to be able to come through. He is closer to being able to do it than he ever has been and he feels cheated. At the same time he said that he understands that I have got to do what is best for me. He said that he has never given me any reason to be insecure or make me feel like there is someone else.
So we've been broke up for a week. I feel better because I'm not putting pressure on myself to figure out where our relationship is going. At the same time, I feel he is the one for me. I guess I am in a way testing his to see if he will persue me. I think that it is up to him, if he wants me I am here. Also, a part of me things. I'm tired of being alone. If he wants me he should be here......Another part of me thinks that I've put too much pressure on this and I shouldn't place my frustrations on our relationship like this. I don't want anyone else and I can't imagine being with anyone else.....what to do? I'm confused and can not sort this one out.
