Topic : Communication

I have been dating this man for about a month.  We get along great.  We have enough in common to get along but enough differences to keep it interesting.  Well, I lied by omission.  I did not divulge the total truth about a friend.  I did not tell him I have dated dated  this friend in the past. 

The other night I was texting my guy  friend telling him that I think he has treated me wrong as a friend and I was pretty much done.  The new guy came up behind me and read my text messages.  He did not let me know he was there so he was spying on me.  I wasn't doing anything wrong.  But he did discover this guy wasn't just a friend but someone I had dated.  Now he won't talk to me.  He thinks I am a liar and can't be trusted. He thinks I have unfinished business with this man and he is second choice.  I am done with the friend.  I really like the new man but not sure he will give me a second chance.  I have apologized.  I tried to explained to him my reasoning. 

What do I do? 

I have a problem i'm too shy to talk to girls i'm really shy and i cant rid of it!! i fell strong only after i working out in the gym i feel that i can to anything... but if i dont i just dont feel it...

i cant find a job, cant talk to girls=cant find girlfriend, i never had-have any friends that are girls...

and beacuse i'm shy i cant achive my goal in life i dont know that to do about it i fell lost!!

i have some freaky dream but ahh if you dont belive in some thing you already lost... dream are good thing.

so that to do? any one can help me? telling me that can i do about it?

sorry for bad english i'm not from uk or usa i cant write 100% in english :(

I think that asking him to at least put these photo albums away, in a closet or someplace, is a reasonable compromise. He is saying you are a jealous freak because he probably does not understand why you feel so strongly; after all, they are just pictures. They are not her, and he is living with YOU. If these albums are out in public areas, I know that it would bother me also. Ask him to put them away. But, if he still refuses, you need to think about what you are prepared to do. Are you prepared to deal with the ex wifes pictures laying around your home & just get used to it? Or are you prepared to leave? You have to make a decision, because continuing to complain about it isnt the solution. All you can do is make a respectful request; if you are denied, then the ball is back in your court so to speak.

Hi. I understand how you feel. I would like to add my opinion to this.

I have always kept pictures. I just don't like to throw them out. I think it has to do with just a matter of remembering where I was, who I was with, it brings back certain memories, not all of them are good...but I keep them anyway because I am not ready to let go of the memories.  It doesn't mean I am in love with any of these guys....maybe its a matter of having proof.  Little by little I throw out pictures because they eitehr didn't come out so clear, or I just really don't care about them anymore. Either way, I can honestly say I do not love any of the old boyfriends that I have pics of.  Now, would I have them out for the public to view? No. Its not necessary. Unless one day we have a group sharing photo session, they are deep in a box in a closet....not because I am hiding them, but because they take up too much space. :)  I have come to the conclusion that I keep them because one day my family and friends will not have me around, and this is going to be the connection that they see - they will get a glimpse of the people that have come and gone for me. Its a part of me that they will be able to look at. Then they can throw them out...I wouldn't care at all.

Now, my ex's family had a family photo in the dining room where we ate all the time as a family and his ex wife was in it. I trust it was for the sake of the children to keep it there and even though it was like a set of eyes following me, :), I got somewhat used to it. I don't think it would have been cool if my mom had a pic of me and my ex in her apartment and I don't think my husband would have liked it too much.

So, in all defense of pack rats all over the world, I say , let him keep his photos but let him know that they are not to be displayed unless it is children related. If not, then he is living in the past; therefore, can not, no way, no how, be able to completely be yours 100%.  I hope this helps.

After reading the other response, I had to post again. Many years ago, I was in an exact situation that you are in- but it was in the reverse. My husband (at the time; now ex) refused to sleep in the same room where the albums were. I felt strongly that because they were 1) in albums that are closed, on a bottom shelf that no one sees, and 2) of my ex and our child together, with one or two of mostly my ex husband with our child in the very bottom corner, that he was over reacting. He slept on the couch for weeks, and on top of that, he was verbally abusive towards me over this whole subject. I finally caved and put them all in a box, taped up the box with duct tape and labeled it for anna (my childs name) and put it away in the closet. Then we went through a honeymoon phase where he was very sweet to mebut the pattern became clear that there would always, always be SOMETHING for him to be insecure and b*tch about. He was never fully satisfied that my ex was truly out of my life. We had a child together, but we didnt like each other- when picking up/dropping off our child after/before visits, we didnt even speak. But it was never good enough for my husband at the time.

Im suggesting to you that you think about this: if your fiance does get rid of the pictures/put them away, will that really be all it takes to make you happy? Be honest with yourself, because you need & deserve that honesty.