Topic : Communication

You should see the movie sometime if you havent already. The thing is that you CANT force your bf to grow up. He has to do it in his own time and as long as he is loving life the way it is then dont expect him to change anytime soon. Honestly it is very sad that his parents have done this to him...they have blinded him to the real world and breaking free of this wont be easy. Good luck.

It is great that when you are together, you have a great time. It isn’t great that he is basically controlled by his parents- but you need to remember that he is allowing them to control him. Have you asked him why? Perhaps it is a safety net for him.

My advice for you is to keep encouraging him to get out and experience some adventure, even small things in life. Little by little, he might begin to want to get away from mommy- hope so for your sake!

But…Dr. Phil would say never to give out more than you are taking in while you are in a relationship, and those are also words to remember, because if this relationship ends, you don’t’ want to end up feeling used up.

personally, if I were ever to utter those words, I would mean just that.  It has been on again off again for a while, I think both side feel it might work.  You have a history with this guy.  he learned to behave like you were far away and now you are closer.  That is great when long distance relationships work out that you can be close after some time.  Maybe when he first got to town, you were the only person he knew, now that he has a roommate maybe he   is getting out more.  He wants to get to know his new surrounds, without you there all the time.  It sounds like he is asking for more "space" right now.  based on what you said, and the assumption that you trust him with every bone in your body, I would say to take a step back.  He is not asling you to leave.  He likes your friendship/companionship, but he also wants to see what all is out there.  Go with what you believe.  Does he think you are "the one" and he just needs time to adjust to his new surroundings?  Or is he not sure that you are "the one", and he wants to see what else is out there, but keep you "in reserve", for in case that he doesn't find anyone better?  If you think that he is "the one", then give him the space that he is asking for.  I tend to think that love is an investment,  the bigger the risk you make, the bigger the gain/loss.  just don't invest more than you can afford to lose, but if you win, you win big.

 

"never underestimate the impossible...there's no such thing as hopeless if you believe "

I did repond to your message last night.  look for the other message titled "from a guy", written by me.  I think if you really believe him and trust him, then go for it.  If he needs to learn whohe is again, help him figure it out, but dont tell him  who you think he ie.  Help him see who he is.  We have to figure it out ourselves, we cannot be told.

Thanks for the advice, it is always nice to hear a guys opinion because us girls don't see things that way.  I definately want to support him and want him to be happy.  I wouldn't push aside my own happiness at the same time.  We are in our mid twenties, which I feel can be a very transitional age.  I guess I just needed to hear if this type of feeling (on his side) is common...........

This is coming from a very introverted male.  From a guy that does not make new friends all that well.  What he is saying is definatly plausible.  He just made two major life changes.  1 he moved to a new city and 2 you are there and you enjoy to spend time together.  If I were you I would back off a little and give him some space, yet be there for him when he needs you.  Whatever you do, DO NOT sacrifice your happiness for him

In a previous posting - More than being Mr Nice Guy?? - (please read) I wrote about a break up I was going thru with a man I was dating for 7 mos.    Well following that posting, this man continued to call me and call me until I eventually broke down and started to accept his calls.   This all started on Monday..  I have spoken to him about dozen times since then UNTIL... yesterday... he was calling me 2-3 times a day. He was always the one to call.   I spoke with him yesterday, on my lunch hour, he asked what I was doing over the weekend. I told him I didnt have any plans so far.  We ended the conversation on a positive note, he said I enjoyed talking with you, I said I felt the same... I have not heard from him since..... I know its a little soon to assume he wont call again but I have two fears... #1 the weekend is here and I fear Im being used as company during the week but not good enough for the weekend.  #2  I told him I was hurt by our break up and that I thought it would be best for my heart not to continue talking with him unless we might try to reconcile.  I was still hoping he would see my side of the story. He said he didnt see that happening in a previous conversations.  So why then does he continue to call me?   Now Im wondering if he isnt just playing with my emotions and perhaps keeping me around "just in case"   Should I just put an end to it and stop taking his calls all together without explaining myself??  I know it would be hard to tell him this is my intention and maybe its the easy way out but I would just rather stop taking his calls and try to move on.  Thoughts?? I would like some real honest reponses, I cant deal with this much longer...I dont want to be a door mat either..

 

I have been hanging out with Nathan and we are extremely close.  We have gone through alot together.  I know he cares deeply for me.  He recently told me that I was his best friend.  But he has always made it clear that he doesn't want a relationship with anyone right now because his parents just divorced and he is also financially struggling.  We spend alot of time together and we talk everyday.  l asked him if his feelings would be hurt if I dated someone else.  (Just to see where our relationship was)  He said he would be jealous and his feelings would be hurt, but he would want me to be happy.    I just don't understand.  Which is it?  Someone please help me break this down?

This all makes sense to me.  He sees his parents get a divorce after however many years, he now seess that a marriage that looks like it is going well, in reality,is not.  He is also stuggling financially.  That means that he may not be able to "take care of you" the way that he thinks you should be cared for(as chivalrous as it may seem, many guys believe it to be thier "responsibility" to take care of thier spouse).  As far as he would be jealous and hurt if you were to date another person, yes.  Does he want you to be happy, yes.He wants you to be happy.  He doesn't WANT you to date someone else, but if you had to he may find a way to get over it eventually.  It seems to me that he likes you, and he would like to keep you around, but he also understands if you cannot wait for him and you move on without him.  Do what makes you happy.  If you can afford the time and emotion to wait for him to become "available, then wait for him.  Whatever you do, keep yourself happy with your choices.  Hope I helped.

 

thank you for simplifying this for me.  sometimes he really spins me in a different direction.  i didn't mention that he also said that one day he would date other people and i should be happy for him.  i guess that was his way of making himself seem less committed to me.  thank you for responding.  you made it really simple for me to analyze.