Topic : Communication

Hi Amanda! It's really weird that she is his x of 4 yrs and is still contacting him. Are you absolutely 100% sure he hasn't seen her since then? And that  there is no possible way that she may actually be pregnant with his child? Because if this were true, then it all kinda makes sense. If not, then you just need to ignore her. You say she won't leave you alone, how is she contacting you guys? If she is calling him, then how did she get his # after 4 yrs? If he is talking to her then he needs to just stop all contact. As far as the myspace, how in the hell did she find out his password? I'm sorry to say this, but it seems to me that your boyfriend might not be telling you everything, but  that's just what I get from your post, you really didn't give a whole lot of information. I could be very wrong here, but something seems a little fishy to me.

From when I was 20 I had a long adulterous affair with a much older (14 yrs.) married man, it lasted initially for 8 years. He was a colleague and it was one of those classic stories where he promised me the world, love and alot of naughty sex, etc. (he said he would leave his wife and children to have a good life with me) but gave me nothing but emotional development problems and severe heartache.

The affair itself was somewhat interrupted  when I met another single man my age and we started a long-distance relationship for some time. I still continued to see my married lover as we were work colleagues, and we still would meet for our sexual pleasures.

Nearly 5 years ago I met my current boyfriend, we had met several years previous, but it was only physical. I always admired him though, he was a star athlete, and when we met again I became more infatuated.

We didn't immediately become too close but we saw each other and were intimate on some occasions during the first year of our relationship. I did want to consider HIM my boyfriend after some years though.

I did not tell my boyfriend anything about my married lover at work until just recently but I watered it down and told him it all ended completely in 1996, and that we almost never saw each other anymore.

The real truth was indeed another story. I did not admit that I was still seeking attention and feelings from my married lover while we have been together. I did NOT even admit that we still worked in the same building and that I was meeting alone with him whenever possible. I did not HAVE to have ANY contact, but I wanted to as he never made me feel rejected and he always wanted me near him as much as I did.

I DID admit that in the first three years of our relationship I was getting rides both to and from work alone in a car with my lover, and that we often had lunch and dinner in between work and when work finished. This admission came after the fact that I got caught.

However, the contact with my lover DID get less, but never totally ended. He happened to be transferred to another department just after my boyfriend moved in with me, and from that time we stayed in touch over the phone, but also met for lunch, in his new office, after work and office parties whenever we it could safely arranged.

He was present at a Christmas party last year, and I DID flirt with him when he arrived, I took his telephone and kept it from him and then looked through his telephone to see who he was keeping in touch with. I told my boyfriend I wanted to be picked up early but then I broke this agreement and stayed behind at the party with my lover. I do not remember much of what happened, so I told my boyfriend that I was with one of my best friends the whole night (thinking she would cover for me as usual). Then lied about everything when my boyfriend asked me some questions after arriving home quite late, looking very guilty, drunk, out of breath and very red in my face. My boyfriend happened to ask one of my best friends if we had fun at the christmas party, and he was told that she did not see much of me at all. I want to forget everything about that night.

My nightmare of lies and betrayal was revealed when my lover called me on my cell phone one afternoon in late May after I sent him several text messages during the course of that same day. I was at home with my boyfriend and when I saw his number and decided to answered the phone anyway. We talked about some different topics and then this turned in to a HUGE argument for almost one hour, with my boyfriend listenening. As my boyfriend knows me pretty well, he said I have NEVER heard you argued with anyone like that ever before. I was then asked who I had been arguing with on the phone. I lied, then continued lying for some time thereafter until I was pressured to confessed who it really was.

After this was then revealed, I continued lying about the exent of the contact with my lover. I did not tell my boyfriend any truth until some weeks later. By that time he had already confronted my lover in his office and was told by my lover much more than I ever dared to tell him about my past behavior, thoughts and feelings.

NOW my boyfriend will not believe anything I say about my past. He is convinced there has been more sexual contact with my lover and others beyond what I have already explained. He is convinced I have had more feelings for my lover and other men than him during our entire relationship and will not even believe that I have also cared for HIM the last 5 years.

The past 4 months have been a complete nightmare. My boyfriend has been furious, frustrated, shocked and totally devestated. It did not help my cause when I used my lover's name in bed recently either!

I called my lover on speaker phone to have a 'private conversation' with my boyfriend listening. He confirmed in those "private" telephone conversations that our last sexual contact dates were at least 3 years apart and he was very scared and nervous to discuss any of our sexual histroy whatsoever. He told my boyfriend that Nov. 2004 was the last sexual encounter between us while I had already admitted to my boyfriend that it was in 1996, then changed my story to March 2002 just recently. My lover also stated that the last time we have been intimate was in his car and this is not (my apartment) what I had already told my boyfriend.

I want my boyfriend to both believe in me, to love and trust me again!!

I desperately need this nightmare to end .... any suggestions?

I NEED SOME STRONG EXPERT ADVICE ... PLEASE!!!

Let us take a moment to appreciate the beauty of woman. In her non-plasticized state, she is a nurturing antidote to the mania of man for accomplishment of abstract ideas. She does not deal in concepts of what might be, but in a practical bettering of what is; where a man looks to the horizon for his dreams, woman is busy examining what is in her hands and configuring it to be as pleasant as possible. When man comes to her in a state of duress, heartbroken at a failure of some small part of the dream and yet unable to cry, she is the one who empathic cries with him, if even silently, and sings him to sleep. If his dreams become too fantastic, she is the one to nod and point out that the house needs fixing. In its natural state, this is not sabotage (as it might be today), but a reminder that if he works outward from what he has, he might be happier and also clear his mind for the task he seeks. Woman is like man except that where he is deductive, and posits responses to observed tendencies in the world, she is inductive and becomes these tendencies in a bettering form. When the world is on fire and the devil coming up the pipes, it is woman not man who will lead the tribe to prevalence.

Much as the penis invites its use as a probe, the man is that which launches into the world, where woman as a recessed genital organism is more focused on her sphere of influence. As a result the male brain operates from impulse to a quasi-scientific response to the world, projecting a counterpart to the natural laws it observes that, if applied, conjecturally seems a logical means to achieve an ideal formed of an ultimate archetype of that impulse. A man seeing cruelty formulates a theory of justice and then struggles to implement it, where a woman simply avoids the source of cruelty. This projective impulse is really the only use of the male, and it is the origin of all reasonable wars and defenses and idealisms; when society becomes plasticized, men lose their idealism and thus begin to seek pleasure, but must justify it and so denigrate reality as a concept in their minds and praise illusion. A man goes from hero to religious lunatic in three seconds if not properly balanced by a woman.

http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=108886160&blogID=166467921&MyToken=538be417-e121-4302-a4ee-117de77d86b9