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Topic : Communication

Number of Replies: 2186
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 05:06:47 pm
Author : dataimport
Good communication between partners can make or break a relationship. Share your tips and stories.

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September 2, 2005, 2:49 pm CDT

What to do???

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 years. I recently moved to a different state to be closer to him, because being 1300 miles apart was just killing us both. We're still a few hours away from each other, but it's so nice to see him more often.  We get along so well... never have any arguments - EVER. I recently did something I know I shouldn't have done... i logged into his e-mail account. I'm not sure what I thought I was going to find... and it's not like I was suspicious about anything. It's been a week now, and I'm still not sure why I did what I did. But I don't hide anything from him, and he doesn't hide anything from me, so I told him I went into his e-mail. He can't forgive me... says he's not mad... just doesn't understand why I did it and doesn't know if he can trust me anymore since I can't trust him. I'm afraid I'm going to lose him over this, and I don't know what to do, say, or think. Please help me :( I love him so much
 
September 5, 2005, 10:05 pm CDT

Communication

Quote From: piha1972

I have been dating my partner since the beginning of June.  We both agree that things went very fast.  He is 2 years younger (30).  He has a LOT of friends. His social life is exhausting for me.  I had made it clear that I felt very uncomfortable with guys' night out and that I would prefer not to be excluded.  As far as I am concerned, my partner is welcome anywhere I go with whomever.  He recently made plans to visit a female friend at her place.  I was VERY upset when she called him to confirm the plan I did not know about. I have never met her.  I did not know they had made plans to meet up at her place just the 2 of them.  They have known each other for many years I believe. 

I still feel very strongly about this although I know that there is nothing between them (I cannot talk for her).  He is only trying to be a supportive friend as she is anorexic. 

Despite all explanations, I feel very upset and strongly about it. 

  

I do not know how to find a solution and I feel guilty to deprive him from his previous lifestyle of bachelor. 

Has anyone been in a similar situation ? 

How can I put it to him in a way that is not going to make him feel strangled since the relationshhip is so young yet so close ? 

Thank you for sharing your experience. 

Wow that is exactly the same situation I am in at the moment. My partner and I have been together almost 2 years however, and his female friend is drug-dependant. It's a very hard situation to fix I know. It's caused me unbelievable anxiety and stress and has put a huge strain on our relationship.  

  

Maybe the best thing would be to organise an outing with you, your partner and his other friend just so you can meet her and talk with her. Maybe get a better understanding of where she stands with your partner. I have tried this but have not been able to completely communicate with her because of her drug dependency.  

  

My partner swears nothing is going on between him and his friend, and that he is only trying to help her sort her life out so that she doesn't get any worse or in the worst case, overdose. Your partner most likely is the same, just trying to help out. Although I know from experience that this is isn't much consolation. 

  

If your relationship is as close as you say it is, and you haven't been together all that long, then I wouldn't worry about it too much. He is with you for a reason, and I am pretty sure that if you voiced your concerns, he will listen to you and try to sort something out. 

  

Sorry I couldn't be of too much help, maybe someone else could offer something more? 

 
September 7, 2005, 9:53 am CDT

Worry about WHY he got so upset

Quote From: heven626

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 years. I recently moved to a different state to be closer to him, because being 1300 miles apart was just killing us both. We're still a few hours away from each other, but it's so nice to see him more often.  We get along so well... never have any arguments - EVER. I recently did something I know I shouldn't have done... i logged into his e-mail account. I'm not sure what I thought I was going to find... and it's not like I was suspicious about anything. It's been a week now, and I'm still not sure why I did what I did. But I don't hide anything from him, and he doesn't hide anything from me, so I told him I went into his e-mail. He can't forgive me... says he's not mad... just doesn't understand why I did it and doesn't know if he can trust me anymore since I can't trust him. I'm afraid I'm going to lose him over this, and I don't know what to do, say, or think. Please help me :( I love him so much

If it was an accident, then why would you tell him?  Trust me, if you looked at his, he's looked at yours!  You need to quit worrying about losing him and start worrying about WHY he got so mad about it to begin with.  Here's how I look at it:  IF it were my email and he looked at it, I wouldn't care.  BECAUSE I have NOTHING to HIDE....Get it....Why would it bother him so bad if he had nothing to hide?  You never said if you found anything in the email(s)? Did you?  If you didn't, he's probably forwarded them to a web mail account (yahoo, hotmail, etc.) and then deleted them.  People are clever. 

  

My ex was having an affair and what tipped me off more than the change in attitude was the fact that I found out that he a webmail account.  Why would you need a webmail account when the home ISP gave us five to use??   

  

Just some thoughts.  

 
September 10, 2005, 9:32 pm CDT

What's He Thinking?

I was just hoping someone could give me insight into a dating/communication problem I'm having. I had been talking to a guy for about 2 weeks before we decided to go on our first date (met online). We went on the date this past Wednesday and everything went really well. We talked the entire time (almost no silence whatsoever) and laughed constantly. I had a lot of fun on the date and he seemed to be really interested in me. At the end of the date, he asked me to call him the next day if I wanted to. I told him I would. I also asked him to call and let me know that he made it home safely. A little while later, he did call and said he was at home. I asked if he really did want me to call him the next day and he told me only if I wanted to.  I preceeded to tell him I would, but only if he really wanted me to. He responded by telling me that he did want me to call him. Anyway, the next day I called him a few times and he never did answer. I then called the next day and he didn't answer then either. Why would he ask me to call if he didn't want to talk to me? What's he thinking? Any insight or ideas would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.
 
September 12, 2005, 11:54 pm CDT

Not answering

Quote From: krisrc85

I was just hoping someone could give me insight into a dating/communication problem I'm having. I had been talking to a guy for about 2 weeks before we decided to go on our first date (met online). We went on the date this past Wednesday and everything went really well. We talked the entire time (almost no silence whatsoever) and laughed constantly. I had a lot of fun on the date and he seemed to be really interested in me. At the end of the date, he asked me to call him the next day if I wanted to. I told him I would. I also asked him to call and let me know that he made it home safely. A little while later, he did call and said he was at home. I asked if he really did want me to call him the next day and he told me only if I wanted to.  I preceeded to tell him I would, but only if he really wanted me to. He responded by telling me that he did want me to call him. Anyway, the next day I called him a few times and he never did answer. I then called the next day and he didn't answer then either. Why would he ask me to call if he didn't want to talk to me? What's he thinking? Any insight or ideas would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.
From what you've said he probably didn't want to hurt your feelings by saying don't call. Call if you want to......he may not want to. You had a good time on your date and he probably did too but you don't really know anything about him and he could have a lot of stuff going on in his life....It's hard to be let down but pick yourself up and get out there! There are more fish in the sea.
 
September 14, 2005, 8:28 am CDT

Should I leave or Stay

I meet my boyfriend about 4 months ago and we been dating for a month now. I have a problem with him always in the club, his boys always asking him to go with them all the time and i'm so sick and tired of always going to make them happy. He tells me he wants the relationship to work but it at times it seems like he don't because he goes out with them. I can understand that he want to have a guys night out but it's more than one time out of the week. I told him to chose the club or me and I don't know was that to much of a demad to ask him but i'm so fustrated about the whole thing I don't know what to do. He had told me that every girl he been with cheated on him and did him wrong and could him going to the club be away for him not to get too  close to me? I don't want to be overracting about it, he knows how I fell about it, he tryed a couple of times not to go too the club and he didn't but then it starts right back up again. Should I just stop bring up that I don't like him going to the club and let it play out or should I leave because I don't know what else to do?
 
September 30, 2005, 5:07 pm CDT

My morals-vs-His desire

I recently found disgusting pornography on my boyfriend’s computer (I mean REALLY disgusting, completely disturbing.) I know it is only "normal" for men to take delight in porn, but I feel like I’m responsible for his obvious dissatisfaction in bed. Feeling this way makes me want to become what he desires, which means I must give up the morals I maintain as a "civilized love maker." I cannot put this past me and I think its beginning to take its toll on my sanity. Please someone help me! 

 
October 1, 2005, 2:44 pm CDT

What should i do?

i met my boyfriend more than two years ago through some chatroom.  After talking  to each other for a year, we decided to meet face-to-face.  After two times meeting each other face to face, we decided to move in with each other.  My family and his family diapproved our relationship.  Around Christmas of last year, my family and his family got together and talked about our relationship , and let us dating each other.  I forgot to mention, he and i was still in school at that time, but since we had to pay the rent, he decided to work to pay the rent so i could continue to go school.  My dad saw the problem and wanted to help him to go to school, so he took both of us into his house and created an opportunity for him to go to school.  But at that time it was too late so he had to wait until fall.  During the time my boyfriend stayed at my house, many problem derived.  My boyfriend only went to work and went home.  Once he got home he just stayed in the room until the time he had to go to work again.  My dad was upset because my dad thinks that my boyfriend is so lazy, not helping around the house or at least clean up the room a little.  Also during this time i found out that i was pregnant.  But we hid from our parents.  When my parents found out, they were so mad  and a cold-war started between my boyfriend and my parents.  Because of that, my boyfriend moved back to his parents when i was 8 months pregnant, which made my dad even more upset.  When my boyfriend was at home with his parents, he didn't do anything, didn't work, didn't take care of fiancial aid for school, he just stayed and played games.  Time after time i asked him to move back to my state and live in an apartment with me, but time after time he yelled at me and refused to move back.  When i went into labor, my boyfriend was not there, he came a day later and only stayed for 3 days and then came back to his parents house.  He comes to visit the baby  and me once a month.  Right now i have to take care of the baby and try to finish school at the same time.  My parents see that and hate him even more.  Right now they can't even stand each other.  My parents said that they will never accept him.  If i leave to be with him then i will never see them again.   Right now the relationship between my boyfriend and i are rough, if we do not talk to each then we are fine, but everytime we talk to each other on the phone, he always yells at me, cuss at me, and he makes me cry all the time.  But whenever he comes to visit me, both of us are very happy to be next to each other.  Am i wrong when i asked him to move to my state, live with me and help me take care of the baby?  I know that his parents totally protest the idea and right now he listens to them.  Should i stay with him?  Should i leave him and focus on my baby and my school right now?  Anyone with ideas please help me.  please tell me what you think
 
October 4, 2005, 9:55 pm CDT

matter of choice

Quote From: promising

I recently found disgusting pornography on my boyfriend’s computer (I mean REALLY disgusting, completely disturbing.) I know it is only "normal" for men to take delight in porn, but I feel like I’m responsible for his obvious dissatisfaction in bed. Feeling this way makes me want to become what he desires, which means I must give up the morals I maintain as a "civilized love maker." I cannot put this past me and I think its beginning to take its toll on my sanity. Please someone help me! 

No it is not normal.  It may be frequent but it is not normal.  You might want to try to get him to look at it this way:  what if one of these girls were his daughter or sister (unfortunately) ?  what would he think ?  would it be OK for his daughter or sister to be the object of such material ?  

He has no moral boundaries for himself as a man.  He seems to have limited self control. If this is what you want as a father for your children then this is ok.  As far as I am concerned it is a simple straightforward deal breaker.  My partner is not interested in this at all.  He has other interests that keep him busy.  This has nothing to do with you. 

You need to maintain your personal integrity and require your partner to support, respect and protect your integrity.  Then move on for your own sanity and self respect. 

Hope this helps.  All the best and chin up ! 

 
October 4, 2005, 10:14 pm CDT

wrong number?

Quote From: peanut6789

From what you've said he probably didn't want to hurt your feelings by saying don't call. Call if you want to......he may not want to. You had a good time on your date and he probably did too but you don't really know anything about him and he could have a lot of stuff going on in his life....It's hard to be let down but pick yourself up and get out there! There are more fish in the sea.

did you have the correct number ?  Is he in hospital ?  did he get scared ? perhaps .... 

  

Next ! chin up ! 

 
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