Topic : Communication

I met my current boyfriend on an internet dating service.  I would not have met him other wise.  We lived about 90 miles apart.  We have now been together for about 4 years and have been living together for the past 13 months.  We are currently buying a home together and getting ready to move in in August.  The only real complaint I have is the number of losers I had to endure to find him, and the fact that he is a much better communicator online than in person.  Good Luck to you but remember type doesn't take the place of face to face.

At  37 years old, your girlfriend is an adult who can make her own decisions as to who she dates.  She doesn't need her mother's approval.  I would ask her why she feel the need to hide anything from her mom. 

For whatever reason, you may never have a sit down with her mother.  Her mom may be a very controlling person who is use to running her life and making decisions for her.  I would ask your GF what's the worse that can happen is she stops hiding your relationship.  Will her mother disown her, stop talking to her etc?  If that's the case, it's high time she starts living her own life and stop worrying about the what if's.... This life isn't a dress rehearsal, she needs to allow herself to have a life regardless of what her mother thinks.  If her mother truly wants her to be happy, she'll come around when she is ready. 

HI, I'M A WIDOW OF A LITTLE OVER THREE YEARS.....AND I HAVE NEVER REALLY DATED MUCH....I MARRIED MY FIRST TRUE LOVE WHO WAS MY SOUL MATE AND WE WERE HAPPILY MARRIED FOR 13 YEARS , TOGETHER FOR 15.......I GOT INVOLVED WITH SOMEONE WHOM I WAS ALREADY FRIENDS WITH ABOUT 1 YEAR AFTER MY HUSBANDS DEATH..AND IT WASN'T REALLY A BAD RELATIONSHIP...IT WAS JUST TOO MUCH TOO FAST..AND WELL ALTHOUGH WE DID EACH OTHER SOME GOOD WE WEREN'T MEANT TO BE TOGETHER, SO I'VE SINCE ONLY BEEN OUT ON A FEW DATES AND TALKED TO A FEW GUYS THROUGH ONLINE DATING SERVICE, I FIND THAT I'M VERY CUT AND DRY WITH MY ATTRACTIONS FOR A GUY AND THIS IS PORBABLY HINDERING ME.....BUT I'VE ALWAYS BEEN THAT WAY WHEN I MEET PEOPLE..I PAY ATTENTION TO ACTIONS, FACIAL EXPRESSIONS, HOW THEY CARRY THEMSELVES....MORE SO THAN WORDS.......AND OF COURSE I'M AWARE OF IF THERE IS A PHYSICAL ATTRACTION OR NOT........I'VE LEARNED TO ACCEPT THAT I'M VERY PICKY AND WELL THATS OKAY I GUESS....SO I WASN'T REALLY FINDING ANY ONE THAT PEAKED MY INTEREST DATING...SO I DECIDED TO JUST RELAX AND ENJOY ME AND NOT WORRY ABOUT MEETING SOMEONE.....I HAVE SO MANY GOOD FRIENDS IN MY LIFE AND WE ARE ALWAYS DOING STUFF TOGETHER.......AND I WAS DOING JUST FINE.....THEN WE WENT OUT OF TOWN AND WHILE WE WERE OUT I MET SOMEONE AND WELL ALTHOUGH I'M NOT A PROMISCUOUS GIRL ONE THING LED TO ANOTHER AND IT HAD BEEN ALMOST A YEAR SINCE I HAD BEEN WITH MY EX...TO SAY THE LEAST I DIDN'T EXPECT ANYTHING TO COME OF IT, BUT HE TOOK MY NUMBER AND WE SAW EACH OTHER AGAIN BEFORE WE BOTH WENT BACK TO OUR HOMES AND WE HAVE TALKED ALOT THROUGH TEXTING AND ON THE PHONE SINCE THEN....WE BOTH MENTION HOW NICE IT WOULD BE TO SEE EACH OTHER AGAIN, BUT IF I SUGGEST A REAL PLAN..HE SAYS JUST PLAY IT BY EAR....BUT THAT IT WOULD BE NICE.....SO NOW ITS GOT ME WORRYING THAT MAYBE HE'S JUST BEING NICE TALKING TO ME AND THAT I'M REALLY ANNOYING HIM..... HE SAYS HE WOULD TELL SOMEONE IF THEY WERE BOTHERING HIM...SO I TRY NOT TO WORRY ABOUT IT TOO MUCH. HOWEVER...AS FATE WOULD HAVE IT HE HAS ACTUALLY PEAKED MY INTEREST AND I REALLY ENJOY TALKING TO HIM AND HE SEEMS LIKE A VERY COOL GUY, I WANT TO GET TO KNOW HIM MORE IN PERSON BECAUSE ITS HARD TO READ PEOPLE OVE RTHE PHONE AND HOW ELSE CAN I REALLY LEARN WHAT KIND OF PERSON HE IS...AND IF WE HIT IT OFF AS WELL AS I THINK WE WOULD BEYOND THE PHYSICAL ASPECT.....BUT WE LIVE ABOUT 10 HOURS APART....MY QUESTION IS WOULD HE REALLY SPEND TIME TALKING TO ME SOMETIMES TIL 2AM IN THE MORNING,  AND A FEW HOURS AT A TIME..IF HE REALLY DOESN'T HAVE SOME SORT OF INTEREST....I'M SO INEXPERIENCED WITH DATING HOW TO'S WHICH WE AREN'T EVEN DATING WE ARE REALLY JUST TALKING.......I WANT TO TAKE A STEP OUT THERE AND BE DARING BY JUST HOPPING A PLANE AND GOING TO SEE HIM BUT I ONLY KNOW THE TOWN WHERE HE LIVES...AND WHERE HE WORKS.....IF HE HAS A GENUINE INTEREST WOULD A GUY LIIKE THAT KIND OF SURPRISE OR NOT? IS THAT TO OVER THE TOP.... ITS JUST I'VE ALWAYS BEEN TIMID AND SHY AND NOT AGGRESSIVE AT ALL BUT EVER SINCE I LOST MY HUSBAND, I HAVE TRIED TO OVERCOME THAT AND REALLY TAKE CHANCES BECAUSE I DON'T WANT ANY REGRETS...... I MEAN I GUESS I JUST NEED TO BE PREPARED FOR REJECTION AND TAKE A CHANCE..... CAN SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT THEY THINK.......

I'm usually one to say to try to work out your differences through therapy first before ending a relationship especially when there is a child involved, with one exception - physical abuse.   It is never okay or either one of you to lay a hand on eachother, especialy when a man strikes a woman.  (that may come off as a little sexist but men are typically stronger than women and more powerful).  Either way, what you two are doing isn't working.  To have a child in this type of environment is to say the least is absolutely wrong.  Your child eserves to be in a loving, safe and secure home.  And if that means that splitting up and going your separate ways - then you need to do so.

Why do you want to stay in a relationship that  is bad?  Emotionally and physically.  What do you love about this guy?  He obviously has no respect for you, if he did he would,'t be hitting you and verbally abusing you and following your every move.  Don't stay together just because he fathered your child.  Don't stay because you are afraid to be alone or scared to be a single parent. 

I would recommend to you to get into counseling or speaking to a pastor/priest about your situation,  I can't imagine either one of them telling you to stay in an abusive relationship for the sake of your child or because you feel guilty.  This time you spend on earth is not a dress rehearsal, you don't get a second chance so make the right choice for both you and your child.