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Topic : Communication

Number of Replies: 2186
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 05:06:47 pm
Author : dataimport
Good communication between partners can make or break a relationship. Share your tips and stories.

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October 4, 2005, 10:29 pm CDT

thanks

Quote From: emetica

Wow that is exactly the same situation I am in at the moment. My partner and I have been together almost 2 years however, and his female friend is drug-dependant. It's a very hard situation to fix I know. It's caused me unbelievable anxiety and stress and has put a huge strain on our relationship.  

  

Maybe the best thing would be to organise an outing with you, your partner and his other friend just so you can meet her and talk with her. Maybe get a better understanding of where she stands with your partner. I have tried this but have not been able to completely communicate with her because of her drug dependency.  

  

My partner swears nothing is going on between him and his friend, and that he is only trying to help her sort her life out so that she doesn't get any worse or in the worst case, overdose. Your partner most likely is the same, just trying to help out. Although I know from experience that this is isn't much consolation. 

  

If your relationship is as close as you say it is, and you haven't been together all that long, then I wouldn't worry about it too much. He is with you for a reason, and I am pretty sure that if you voiced your concerns, he will listen to you and try to sort something out. 

  

Sorry I couldn't be of too much help, maybe someone else could offer something more? 

thank you for sharing your experience.  I think what bothers me is that my needs are not being met so I try to control what he does .  I feel he turns to others and will go out of his way to help distressed people. So if I am well he will not attend to our relationship whereas a relationship requires nurturing every day.   I have told him that I felt I got his attention when I was not well and I did not want this.  I have tried to bluntly speak my needs by saying : "I need this from you" ,  or  "I need you to ..."  but when it works, I have to put the dots so close together it almost becomes a line !   When it does not work he gets defensive.  There are other issues like :  MONEY he will spend thousands of $$ on his home renovations and on a brand new watch but he refuses to take us out for dinner or he wants us to share all expenses even though he makes more than twice as much as I do !!!!   (I do not stay at his house ever; he stays over at my place a couple of times a week.  His place is a slump and has been for the past 3 years.  He is happy to live this way until the house is finished.)   I feel although he can be generous and thoughtful he can also be extremely selfish. 
 
October 5, 2005, 9:05 am CDT

I just can't get to know him...

Hey evryone... I've been seeing this guy for about 3 weeks now and I find we hardly see each other at all witch sucks, cause I'd really like to get to know him even more but I only get to see him about 3 times of week and about 1h to 2 hours per night... I mentionned to him at the beggining that I wanted something serious and that I wasen't going to settle for less! But see I really don't know if this is the right timming to talk to him about seeing each other more since it hasen't been this long. 

But I'm fed up of not getting to really know him and getting my plans with him cancelled all the time! (last night he dished me to go hang out with his friends and he never even apologized for it!).  

What should I do? Mention it right now or wait another little while? 

 
October 5, 2005, 9:28 am CDT

Communication

Quote From: juewels

Hey evryone... I've been seeing this guy for about 3 weeks now and I find we hardly see each other at all witch sucks, cause I'd really like to get to know him even more but I only get to see him about 3 times of week and about 1h to 2 hours per night... I mentionned to him at the beggining that I wanted something serious and that I wasen't going to settle for less! But see I really don't know if this is the right timming to talk to him about seeing each other more since it hasen't been this long. 

But I'm fed up of not getting to really know him and getting my plans with him cancelled all the time! (last night he dished me to go hang out with his friends and he never even apologized for it!).  

What should I do? Mention it right now or wait another little while? 

He sounds like he's just not interested in you. 

 
October 5, 2005, 9:46 am CDT

maybe your right

Quote From: cangurl

He sounds like he's just not interested in you. 

but he calls me his gf and he talks about doing things months from now... ??? He also told me after his other gf that he became verry independant....
 
October 6, 2005, 3:58 pm CDT

HELP!!!!!!!

I've been in a relationship for 3 years and the question came up, who is more important in your heart my girlfriend or my family. I have been close to my family my whole life and I feel that they are the most important thing to me. My girlfriend cannot except that, she need to have me say that they are equal. Am I wrong in this situtation. 

 
October 9, 2005, 5:56 am CDT

Re: HELP!!!!

Quote From: newman

I've been in a relationship for 3 years and the question came up, who is more important in your heart my girlfriend or my family. I have been close to my family my whole life and I feel that they are the most important thing to me. My girlfriend cannot except that, she need to have me say that they are equal. Am I wrong in this situtation. 

Hi newman, 

  

I know what you are going through.  I am in the same situation with my bf.  We've been going together for 5 years.  He's been wanting me to move to FL, and with my  health problems,  I'm inclined to go.  I need the warmer climate.   

  

On the other hand,  I have a son in PA , whom him and his wife JUST had a baby two and a half months ago.  I've always wanted to be a grammy!   Right now they are only an hour away. 

  

I have another son here in NY  Whom is close to me and a big help. 

  

I also have always wanted to be a snowbird.  I didn't realize at the time how hard a decision that would be to move south until now. 

  

Like you asked, how do you pick between your family or your SO?  With me there is health issues.  It would be better in warmer climate, but, then it would be nice to have family near by, along with the bf. grrr, so frustrating, and stressful!!!!! 

 
October 10, 2005, 7:28 am CDT

does anyone ever respond to posts ?

Quote From: dabny1957

Hi newman, 

  

I know what you are going through.  I am in the same situation with my bf.  We've been going together for 5 years.  He's been wanting me to move to FL, and with my  health problems,  I'm inclined to go.  I need the warmer climate.   

  

On the other hand,  I have a son in PA , whom him and his wife JUST had a baby two and a half months ago.  I've always wanted to be a grammy!   Right now they are only an hour away. 

  

I have another son here in NY  Whom is close to me and a big help. 

  

I also have always wanted to be a snowbird.  I didn't realize at the time how hard a decision that would be to move south until now. 

  

Like you asked, how do you pick between your family or your SO?  With me there is health issues.  It would be better in warmer climate, but, then it would be nice to have family near by, along with the bf. grrr, so frustrating, and stressful!!!!! 

Does anyone ever respond to messages here?
 
October 10, 2005, 2:15 pm CDT

Communicating isn't working

I really need all the advice I can get, so please help! 

  

I've been in a long distance relationship for about a year and a half.  Our cities aren't too far appart so we still see each other fairly often, and we talk on the phone once or twice a day.  I love my boyfriend and I'm very happy with him.  I can't imagine myself with anyone else.  However, our relationship isn't perfect (no relationship is), and we often have arguments.  This is where the problem comes in...I like to talk about our issues, because it gives me a better sense of how he feels about the issue and talking about it helps me deal with it.  On the other hand, he HATES talking about our issues.  Often, for him, there is no issue and he thinks I am just looking to create problems.  To him, talking about stuff makes things worse and he feels distressed after we've talked about it.  Recently, he asked me "Why must we always fight?".  I wasn't sure what to think after he asked me this...does this mean he's unhappy with me? And what does he mean "we always fight", because in my eyes, we talk, we don't fight, even if we end up disagreeing on something, we usually come up with some sort of compromise.  I'm really confused. Am I just not supposed to talk about stuff, 'cause it stresses him out?  He also thinks I'm not happy with him, because I always have something to discuss. How can I tell him or show him that I am happy with him?  He doesn't seem to believe me... 

  

I would really appreciate your insight on this situation. 

 
October 12, 2005, 2:14 pm CDT

Communication

Quote From: newman

I've been in a relationship for 3 years and the question came up, who is more important in your heart my girlfriend or my family. I have been close to my family my whole life and I feel that they are the most important thing to me. My girlfriend cannot except that, she need to have me say that they are equal. Am I wrong in this situtation. 

too be blunt, I think that until you two are married, your family has more rights.  I mean 3 years?!?  Frankly, the fact that you have to ask..makes me feel sorry for the girlfriend already. 

 
October 13, 2005, 9:09 am CDT

Communication works

Quote From: rosy15

I really need all the advice I can get, so please help! 

  

I've been in a long distance relationship for about a year and a half.  Our cities aren't too far appart so we still see each other fairly often, and we talk on the phone once or twice a day.  I love my boyfriend and I'm very happy with him.  I can't imagine myself with anyone else.  However, our relationship isn't perfect (no relationship is), and we often have arguments.  This is where the problem comes in...I like to talk about our issues, because it gives me a better sense of how he feels about the issue and talking about it helps me deal with it.  On the other hand, he HATES talking about our issues.  Often, for him, there is no issue and he thinks I am just looking to create problems.  To him, talking about stuff makes things worse and he feels distressed after we've talked about it.  Recently, he asked me "Why must we always fight?".  I wasn't sure what to think after he asked me this...does this mean he's unhappy with me? And what does he mean "we always fight", because in my eyes, we talk, we don't fight, even if we end up disagreeing on something, we usually come up with some sort of compromise.  I'm really confused. Am I just not supposed to talk about stuff, 'cause it stresses him out?  He also thinks I'm not happy with him, because I always have something to discuss. How can I tell him or show him that I am happy with him?  He doesn't seem to believe me... 

  

I would really appreciate your insight on this situation. 

Hi! I sortof know what you're going through. I just ended a relationship about a month ago, partly because my bf didn't understand why I needed to talk sometimes. Communication is a must in all relationships. Its good that you love him, but also he needs to respect you; if he doesn't then he really doesn't love you. I'm happy that you want to talk about issues in your relationship;I think relationships would be more successful if both bf and gf talked to each other and listened. I think guys do not understand fully of why us, women has this urgent need to talk. They may think we're trying to pick a fight, but most of the time we just want to talk some of our issues we're dealing with with our bf's. On a last note I think all guys need to talk through their feelings more with their gf's and also listen more. If everybody does these things I can assure you that the both of you will have a better relationship. <><Karina<><
 
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