Topic : Communication

Hide nothing from your partner.
"I have a philosophy. People who have nothing to hide, hide nothing," states Dr. Phil.

It's been a rather turbulent pregnancy emotionally. The physical part was ok until now. I am 9 1/2 mths and it can happen any day now. However, regarding the latest with the birth father. (see previous "update with baby and me" posts). He called to ask if my due date had changed? Which I thought was a strange question but I replied no, the baby will come when it comes. I rec'd an email from him the following morning stating that I would have to corraborate that he indeed is the birth father via a paternity test at my expense! Also he is going to stall with any sort of negotiating with me until this is concluded. Then he said, he'd see me in court! Well I was appauled and it's absurd. HE and he knows that he is the only one I had sex with and he IS indeed the birth father. Just another one of his immature attempts to not take any responsibility.

So we had heated exchange of emails and I felt so awful for sinking to his level and arguing with him.

Unfortunately it gets worse (for me). He had stated in the first email that he "does not wish to upset me" but well he did. I now have been diagnosed with Shingles and am under good doctor's care and anti-viral drugs but if my water breaks before the lesions heal, I will have a c-section. My due date is Nov. 4th.

I am concerned for the baby very much but have been assured that the baby is ok, it will just be the labour/delivery part that will be monitored carefully.

Well I was hoping to be posting the arrival of my baby next here but I felt I needed to release this news. I have wonderful support in real life and everythiing will be ok. I do really HATE the birth father and believe in karma and hope he "gets his". I know that is not a healthy way to think but his actions are so very, very selfish. Thanks for reading......next post will be my wonderful surprise's entrance to our world :)

 Hello I consider myself a mal-adjusted but successful male. I have a great job, great family, but I'm still single and lonely. Since being single one can easily go nuts, I decided to take some photography classes at a local community college just to keep me busy. It was there that I met this guy which until now I considered a a friend of mine. Since I dont have too many friends, I put up with allot of his faults and I guess he put up with mine.

 

One of those "faults"  was his insistance of talking and talking a whole lot. This guy would talk to you to death no matter how many hints you gave him to stop. Anyway, my P/T job was looking for photographers, so I recomended this guy for the job. He went to the interview and  they hired him. 

 

As our "Relationship/Friendship" grew, I did notice some things that raised eyebrows, but nothing that would end our friendship. Now don't get me wrong this guy is married, as a career in the military he is also manager of a Computer System  for a branch of the military, has a a succesful wife and a very talented 9 year old kid. Sounds good  ? Yeah, this guy would make a great role-model right ? Think again.  

 

For some reason in the past few months  this guy has been calling me  on the job on a daily basis just to talk ? I'm a very busy person and refrain from talking nonsence on the phone at work if I dont have to. However this guy would call me every single day just to talk. Sometimes these conversations would last hours. Yes HOURS with an 's' at the end. One day I politely told him not to call me at work unless it was very important. So then he starts calling me at home. Every single day at 6:00PM I would get a phone call from this guy.

 

I got tired and stopped answering his calls. I dont even talk to my brother that frequently.  This is when things started getting scary. This guy began calling me 2 or 3 times a day even though I never picked up the phone. It could be he might have been concerned but , a guy being concerned about another guy like that, I just don't know ?

 

Finally I confronted him and told him to stop calling me period ! I threw in a couple of curse words in there while I was at it. because I was so mad Now I feel a little guilty that I should have handled the matter in a different fashion. Is there something wrong here ? If there is please tell me

If your baby has arrived, I hope that all is well and that you are doing fine and enjoying this precious time! If the baby hasn't arrived; again, enjoy this precious time!
as for the paternity test: he's wrong that YOU have to pay for it. No, no no... not where I come from, anyway! If a birth father refuses to pay child support, the state will order a DNA test. If you are recieving any state assistance, he will be ordered to pay half or none; if you are not recieving assistance, he will have to pay the full amount. He's such a jerk. You really can't allow him this power over you; you can't afford to give him an ounce of control over your emotions! Live and learn; I wish you the very best!

First of all, I'm sorry for the possible/likely spelling mistakes. I'm from the Netherlands and English is not my native tongue.

 

I have a serious problem, and I talked to a lot of people about it, but nobody seems to know what to do.

The situation is like this: I have a boyfriend for 3 years now, and we get along great. About two years ago we met this person, another girl. Usually no problem, but for me it turned out to be a nightmare.

You know, sometimes you just don't like people, and I had the same with this girl. I find her immature and cannot communicate very well with her. My boyfriend however gets along with her so well that he spents days a time with her. I KNOW he's NOT cheating, they are just friends. But because I cannot relate to her, I stay at home and feel left out. It even got to the point that I feel physically sick, days before he goes again.

At first I did not talk to him about it, figured it was my problem. But it became worse and worse and finally we talked about it, but did not come up with a definite solution.

Meanwhile my boyfriends brother got ill and was admitted into a psycological institution. I had no idea it was this hard for my boyfriend until he confessed that he sees this other girl like his sister. It felt like a slap in my face, because I felt like I could not fulfill in any of his emotional needs anymore, otherwise he would've gone to me, right?! This only magnified the problem.

I don't want to tell him that he cannot see her anymore, altough it puts me under a lot of stress, because I don't want to be that person. But meanwhile I suffer from their relationship. I talked to this girl about this, but we agreed that we are not going to be friends anytime soon.

I don't know what to do now, and I desperately want this problem solved...

Hello all, I was wondering if you would help me with a small problem of mine. There is a long, arduous history behind the current situation, but let it suffice for me to say that I was in a relationship with a very abusive, selfish person who I then left. They are now back in contact with me, and are insisting upon speaking with me and carrying on as though we are still in a relationship. They have claimed to have changed from their angry and abusive ways. Over the past few days, I've already noticed old tendencies surfacing. For example, they are doing things they know hurt me, while I am telling them that they are causing me pain. They've paid no mind to my objections to their destructive behavior. When I finally attempted to communicate that I did not want to speak with them because they clearly have not changed, they laughed and said, "It amuses me how you try to psychoanalyze me and come up completely wrong". Basically, they refuse to believe anything I say, even though all I am trying to do is tell them how I am perceiving their behavior.

I am not aggressive, nor am I cruel in my word choice. I make sure to speak in a very objective tone, and state that these things are the way I feel about their actions and words. It's just as it was before -- they do not listen and believe that they are far wiser than I. Which, I find strange, seeing as how they're the one who dropped out of school, stole someone's identity and money, lies constantly and blatantly, has been in trouble with the law multiple times, and has begun beating their current partner.

I understand that I cannot make someone listen to what I have to say, but is there any way I can communicate these things without being made to feel inferior?

You obviously have a problem with this girl being in your lives.  He knows it upsets you and is being disrespectful to you and your feelings.  This girl is not his sister, it is a girl he met 2 years ago!  You should be his soft spot to fall when he is feeling down, not her. 

 

There is only 1 solution to this problem.  He needs to let go of her for the sake of your relationship.  I realize you don't want to tell him what to do but you are ill about their relationship, you admit to not wanting to be friends with her and ultimately their friendship will be the demise of your relationship.  If he cares and loves you, this sacrafice is not alot to ask. 

 

P.S.  It really is not normal for your BF to be spending that much time with another woman regardless of his fidelity.  It simply is not fair to you and he is not considering your feelings.  He can't have it both ways, who is more important to him? 

Dr. Phil, and those on these boards,

There are tools such as Nonviolent communication by Mashall Rosenberg and The work of Byron Katie

"Out beyond ideas of right doing and wrong doing, there is a field, i will meet you there." Rumi 
That field is non-judgment!!! 
That field is love: seeking to understand from the heart my own feelings and unmet needs/desires and seeking out those persons freely open and willing to meet my needs/desires, without force, without demands.  That field is caring and genuinely empathizing (reflecting) others feelings and unmet needs from the heart, not the head, through real love...the love we each truly are...the light and divinity we truly are diretly linked to our source, what most call God and I call REAL LOVE!

Fritz Perls said, "Lose your mind and come to your senses"...for me this means teach others with your actions how you want to be treated by being kind and assertive vs. aggressive or passive....aggression and passivity come out of being afraid and dishonest about ones shadow self; assertive comes from knowing thyself and being truly loving to oneself and not enabling dysfunctional unhealthy behavior.

Steve S. 

Hey is talking about your feeling with you love one a good thing?
i mean i know it  is but im scared to be judged so i never what to talk about what im feeling.
do you all thing that girls are over emotion or  guys have no feeling   at all?
I cry when im mad and sad or plan when something borthering me does that make me a cry baby?