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Topic : 10/09 The Dr. Phil House: A Family's Last Chance, Part 4

Number of Replies: 224
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Created on : Thursday, October 05, 2006, 04:39:48 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
It’s their final day in The Dr. Phil House, and Todd and Jessica don’t waste any time getting into a heated argument. Then, they have their last meeting with Dr. Phil, who tells them what they both need to do when they get home in order to repair their marriage. Are both Todd and Jessica committed to saving their relationship? Plus, a stern warning from Dr. Phil about parenting their children. Did they take Dr. Phil’s advice? Find out as he follows up with this family two months later. One of them is conspicuously absent in the follow-up and the other reports some sad news. Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

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October 7, 2006, 12:18 pm CDT

Custody Battles Gone Bad

Quote From: davewriter

Hi Cindy.

 

I have to say that I agree with you in most of your message.  If by, "The parents are more immature than these wonderful boys", you're talking about both Todd and Jessica, then I'd have to disagree.  I've been watching this serial for every part except the first one (Shaw Cable was out all day that day, no TV, no internet) and it seems that Todd is a lot more mature than Jessica ever would be.  Come on, if she was going to have an affair, you'd think she'd at least wait until she was in the process of the divorce.  She could be compared to Sharon Newman on The Young and the Restless, and that's a FICTIONAL character of a show that entirely FICTION.  Todd may be a louse in his own right, but as far as I'm concerned, Jessica is getting exactly what was coming to her (especially with the MIL giving her hell last week.)

 

In my very humble opinion, I think Todd should receive custody of the boys, and, instead of being both Mom and Dad to them, he should concentrate on just being a Dad to them - playing sports with them, volunteering at the local Boys and Girls Club, and taking all three boys with them, helping them with homework (depending on his own expertise and attitude in certain subjects.)  Not to put down all mothers of sons, but I do not believe that all boys need to have a mother, contrary to popular belief.  Dr. Phil said it best: "The most important relationship a child will ever have is that of a same-sex parent."  Perhaps the only exception I'd make is if he meets a single woman with a son (13 or younger) whose own father is not in his life.

 

PS: Cindy, you say you're a Court Appointed Special Advocate, a voice for children in the courts.  I see you how posted messages in this and the "Angry Mom" board.  Please go to the show Archives, click on this month, and select the topic "Custody Battles Gone Bad" (dated 10/04, just this Wednesday.)  We need your expertise on THAT message board, too.

 David-this show made me ill! Speaking as a human being, not even as an advocate, what was the judge thinking? I couldn't stand to listen to one word that came out of the father's mouth. I didn't even trust the attorney! This is a perfect time to have used a CASA in the courtroom. At least in Texas, the judges value their opinions and really do listen to our findings. We have access to records, visitations, Dr.'s records and can go to medical appointments, visit schools, talk with teaches, etc... This little boy was too young to be in school, but I do fear for him. I'm not sure running and hiding is the answer, although, Lord knows what I'd do if faced with that situation.
I do think this man is evil and could hurt the grandmother to get to the child.
Again, what was the judge thinking? He has been away from his "son" for so long, how does he know he can parent. If this man works, who will take care of the boy during the day-daycare or a sitter? Right now he lives in a loving environment with Grandma who only has his interest at heart.
SAD,SAD,SAD! This man didn't even receive adequate punishment for KILLING his beloved son's MOMMY!
That's my opinion.(For what it's worth!)
 
October 7, 2006, 1:25 pm CDT

The first concern must be for these two boys

 Already the boys are needing a LOT of counseling ... clearly both parents do, too.  Mom won't stop lying to anyone, including herself, and Dad is teaching his boys to be doormats to Mom's destructive ways.  It really does seem like getting her away from her own children will be in their best interests, as she has no respect for her husband and will end up having less and less respect for these guys as they become full-fleged MEN.  Then she can go on sleeping around with whoever she wants and neither her sons nor their father will be paying for it anymore.

Too, this nonsense on her part is rooted in some very serious childhood issues that will likely take time to work through.  I am watching a friend's marriage teeter on the brink because of this friends's husband *not* choosing to properly work through his emerging anger at the abuses he endured growing up.  Instead, he's taking his anger out on my friend, just like Jessica won't take responsiblity to properly work through her anger and instead lashes out at the men in her family in some very subtle, destructive ways.  If Jessica loved her sons, really loved, them, she'd either get her bum into counseling, serious counseling, and apologize for every wrong thing she's done to them over the years.  If she refuses to do that, the next most loving thing she could do is  withdraw from their lives until she got her act together, telling them in no uncertain terms that her leaving and problems are *hers* and hers alone* ... and not her precious boys' at all!.  She'd do the same for her husband, too. 

Given the cryptic "one of them is conspicuously absent from the follow-up and the other reports some sad news" ... I'd still say what I did because of how things turned out in my own family of origin..... 

My parents were both totally abusive and refused to ever apologize for a moment of it for the longest time.  Then, somehow, my father got a clue and totally apologized for what he'd done to us.  But life is cruel at times ... his change of heart was greeted w/ my mother wanting to leave him and take us kids with her!  Then he got sick and died a few months later, so they ended up staying together.   But the trauma of all that they'd done for so long is still tearing my family apart even now ... because my father wasn't able to actually work to heal the damage he'd caused, and my mother was so scared at us remembering how bad she became that she never ever apologized for anything, ever, saying instead everything was "fine" and we were "hateful" to imply otherwise.   Then she died a few years ago, taking every little secret she possibly could to the grave. 

I don't want this kind of legacy for anyone, let alone for these sweet boys.  I hope every member of this little family can get every bit of counseling and support that they need!   The boys especially deserve it!
 
October 7, 2006, 1:37 pm CDT

Just get A divorce and get on with life...

Quote From: cindyeb

 David-this show made me ill! Speaking as a human being, not even as an advocate, what was the judge thinking? I couldn't stand to listen to one word that came out of the father's mouth. I didn't even trust the attorney! This is a perfect time to have used a CASA in the courtroom. At least in Texas, the judges value their opinions and really do listen to our findings. We have access to records, visitations, Dr.'s records and can go to medical appointments, visit schools, talk with teaches, etc... This little boy was too young to be in school, but I do fear for him. I'm not sure running and hiding is the answer, although, Lord knows what I'd do if faced with that situation.
I do think this man is evil and could hurt the grandmother to get to the child.
Again, what was the judge thinking? He has been away from his "son" for so long, how does he know he can parent. If this man works, who will take care of the boy during the day-daycare or a sitter? Right now he lives in a loving environment with Grandma who only has his interest at heart.
SAD,SAD,SAD! This man didn't even receive adequate punishment for KILLING his beloved son's MOMMY!
That's my opinion.(For what it's worth!)

 

          You know what??  These kids are suffering enough, emotional damage lasts longer than physical damage and often carries into adulthood.  Let's stop this NOW!!  The mother does not deserve them right now because her "drug of choice" apparently is herself and her boyfriends.  The father needs to put his full heart and soul into healing his wounds with his children by his side and make his single-parenthood a joyous one.  Who needs a worthless mother around, just love her from a distance and as time goes on the boys will deal with forgiving her for the hell she has put them through on their own.

 

Family first-- Right Dr. Phil????

 
October 7, 2006, 2:30 pm CDT

Appears The Inevitable Happened

It appears from just the brief message about what transpired has taken place, in essence the inevitable happened.  I felt from day one from looking at the first episode that when anyone in a

relationship or has invested time into a relationship for the wrong reasons - it will not last.  And,

it appears I was right.  I am not shocked or dismayed - because someone had to give in - whether it be for the right or wrong reasons.  Head strong or strong willed and controlling types

should stay single, instead of getting involved with anyone.  They will be very insecure and make

their partners life a living hell.  Not fair to the kids if there are any.  Hopefully not so they can part

way amicably and diplomatically [shake hands and say nice knowin' ya, etc. etc.].  If they do have

kids -- it creates rebellion [deep rooted -- deep seeded] - which will not show up until they are fully matured and then their relationships fail.  That is what happened to my relationship and

I am giving 100% [not that it is perfect - because I had the tables turn on me and now I am the

" non-custodial " parent ] and my child is trying to justify things or try to accept things the way they are while being with his dad and step-mother - plus step-siblings].  Very Difficult - yet there's

nothing too difficult for God.  I try to help my children that I carried for 9 months be theirselves and

evolve gracefully into adults by giving them their space to have time to be by themselves and with

their friends away from the chaos of having to share space with others in a totally different environment.  Time and God have truly healed me to the point of being able to stand up for myself and talk diplomatically to their father and step-mother.  Their dad likes to be " IN CONTROL ", yet that puts limits on him being there for his boys in a real way.  I am doing my best and the only way that that situation could be solved [sad to say for their son] was for someone to give in and leave or extract themselves out of the picture - for health reasons and

keeping peace.  Hopefully they can heal, stretch and grow past this and regain their identity and

keep on keepin' on or keep on going. 

 
October 7, 2006, 3:05 pm CDT

They make two other people really happy!

I think this marriage should be saved at all cost. It would be tragic to inflict these two on two other innocent people....

Just kidding, from what we've seen there is no hope for these two. Neither one is a prize they are just as bad as each other, they only use different weapons. They are both abusive, nasty, selfish, and not very bright. As for custody of the kids, neither one deserves them; they are equally bad. I'm sure once they separate and the emotion and tensions are gone they will be better able to parent. Happy people make better parents.

The kids need to be taught that they can't choose their parents, and that parents are human, and some times parents are selfish and stupid, and it's not their fault.

If these two truly love their kids they will stop abusing each other. No nit picking, no saying bad things, no making the children into spies. If you really understand the meaning of unconditional love you do what is best for the one(s) you love, and sometimes that means biting your tongue till you bleed out.

 
October 7, 2006, 4:34 pm CDT

Whats wrong with these people

These people should get a divorce. They are not fit to raise children. A relative should take these children away from them.
 
October 7, 2006, 5:17 pm CDT

the mom knows what she's doing

Dr Phil,

The entire idea of having the house for the people that you wanted to put under the microscope,  was a great Idea. I wish that you would've picked other people though. I love the fact that you're so softhearted and picked them for the kids, but, you also gave the opportunity for this TV hogging mom to just put a show on for everybody. The husband just wants to get back at her and will never stop trying to make her life  a living hell. You've said this on the show and you know this really well. I can't wait to see the end result, because up until now, not much has changed. Sometimes, I feel like I have to pray for you Dr. Phil, simply because you're such a good and kind hearted person who helps everybody in the best way that you know how, but then, you get wrapped up in lives that  you know might never change. God bless you for doing the work that you do and bringing all of the changes that you have. Thanks.

Swthands

 
October 7, 2006, 5:19 pm CDT

10/09 The Dr. Phil House: A Family's Last Chance, Part 4

Quote From: km1960

These people should get a divorce. They are not fit to raise children. A relative should take these children away from them.

 

I agree I feel this marriage is more then over. this woman need to take a break from relationships and figure out what the heck her problem is. She has low self esteem and is passing on this behavior to her children. I must also add, Daddy is a angry man and he as well and the children need therapy for a long time................  Like Dr.Phil said,"KIDS PAY", he is so right.  God Bless you All

 
October 7, 2006, 6:02 pm CDT

Those Poor Kids

Quote From: drlaura661

 

I agree I feel this marriage is more then over. this woman need to take a break from relationships and figure out what the heck her problem is. She has low self esteem and is passing on this behavior to her children. I must also add, Daddy is a angry man and he as well and the children need therapy for a long time................  Like Dr.Phil said,"KIDS PAY", he is so right.  God Bless you All

I would think that maybe social services should get these kids out of this home until these so called s get some help.  Neither one should be parents right now cause they have no idea what they are doing to themselves much less their boys.
 
October 7, 2006, 6:57 pm CDT

These people are toxic!!!

This is why we need and should have a permit to have children.

 

This family has two main agendas (1) his obsessive need to know her every thought, (2) her knowing this controls him by withholding information and thereby losing respect for him, and him for himself.

 

Watching your father be emasculated everyday is not a pretty sight for a child ESPECIALLY BOYS.

 

They need to separate and get DEEP counseling.  No trust No love.

 

She doesn't respect him and he needs to find his manhood.

 

For all their sakes!!!

 
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