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October 8, 2006, 10:58 pm PDT
what is one to do...?
i grew up in a home w/ alcohol and abuse. my mom stopped drinking before i turned 4, thankfully, but my dad and his drunken relatives were still in the picture. watching my dad and aunts and uncles growing up, i vowed i'd NEVER go down either path... the path of an alcoholic, or the path of an abusive parent. what capped the decision for me was learning the statistical possibility of becoming an alcoholic thru even moderately casual use of alcohol when you are the child of one or both parents that struggled w/ addiction. my mom finally left my dad when i was 12, and all 5 of us kids were in counceling for awhile. ---i thought we ALL had vowed not to end up like dad, but then theres my younger brother, John. i couldnt be more worried. He is 26 and has already been an alcoholic for about 10 years now. since it began as a teen, john laughs about the tremors he gets when he doesnt get his booze. i thought my dad was the worst and meanest drunk, yet he cannot hold a candle in comparison to what john has turned himself into. john has a history of drug abuse also, and ive been recently told cocaine is a regular substance for him these days. i have never seen someone drink like john does. ---morning, noon and nite, literally, barely taking time to sleep or nourish his body. he neglects himself so badly, that his contact lenses are white w/ calcium deposits, from never taking them out and never cleaning them... i dont even know how he can see! frequently, it is not even enough for him to drink from sun-up to sun-down, and he goes on binges that literally last for 2-3 days w/ no sleep. john has had plenty of friction w/ family, fines, citations, arrests, jail time, embarrassment, and loss of friends, as well as loss of vehicles from wrecks. (he has NEVER been a licensed driver.) none of this has been "rock-bottom" for him, not even when he almost died a few months ago. his blood alcohol level was over 4x the legal limit, and his car left the highway and rolled. he was not wearing his seatbelt, and is lucky he wasnt thrown from the car and crushed, just as a friend of ours had been in almost the exact same spot a few years ago. NOT EVEN THIS SERIOUS BRUSH WITH DEATH HAS PHASED HIM!!!! he was drinking later that same night and has driven drunk since. he cant even admit he crashed because he was drunk... according to him, he mustve fallen asleep. to top it all off, he has 2 very young children that are full-time witnesses to this nightmare... 2 kids he has, will, and does drive drunk w/, and blatently recklessly at times. ---to the person out here preaching tough love, it is easier said than done. ...all the tough love in the world doesnt change anything, if you dont have support behind you. "take the keys away... call the police", you say. my brother is 6'6", and i am 5'8". dont get me wrong, im a tough chick, but YOU try taking the keys from him! his girlfriend tried once, and he tried to run her over---she was pregnant at the time. as for calling the police, whatta joke that has been. i have called him in countless times-both when he had a child in the car and not. i gave vehicle descriptions and everything, and the cops acted like i was nuts, or on a personal vendetta. it never accomplished anything. i do not enable his behavior in any way... i will not purchase/ take him to purchase alcohol, and i will not take his calls and listen to a drunk, no matter how sad. i have asked dr. phil and robin both for help on this, and got no reply. i honestly dont know where else to turn or what to do. part of the failure is due to lack of consistancy and support from other family members. my mom leads the pack w/ her "cant help someone that doesnt want to help themselves" philosophy. i agree w/ that mentality in some situations, but ive tried to get her to see that there are times when people are unable to help themselves, and we must love them and help them when they cant do it for themselves. my opinion is that john's actions and behaviors speak louder than words and he is SCREAMING for help! if he didnt want people to know , we wouldnt, period. how do i help him???? he is in his last days, it seems, w/ all the abuses and reckless abandonment he shows toward his life and the lives of others. ive even tried to help john to connect to the emotional issues behind why he abuses himself this way, but he doesnt buy into the thinking that the drinking, etc. is a symptom of something else happening emotionally. to all those out there reading this that had substance abuse problems yourselves for years; was it this extreme? did you abuse yourselves this thoroughly for as long? what helped you deal w/ the emotions behind your behavior? is the only rock bottom my brother will be phased by going to be death? to any medical professionals, how long DOES a person have to live that puts their bodies thru this day in and day out? please share your insites, ideas, and wisdom. thank you.
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(Original Air Date: 10/10/06) Dottie is concerned for her 22-year-old daughter, Carly, because her drinking is out of control. Carly has already been arrested for driving under the influence, but she still drinks and drives! Dottie fears Carly will end up killing herself or someone else. Carly says she knows she has a problem, but drinking is the only way she can have a good time. Then, Heather and Sierra's brother was killed by a drunk driver, Michael, who also happened to be his friend. Michael received a sentence of five to 11 years, but wants his time reduced. He joins the show via satellite from prison and has a proposal for Dr. Phil. See what Dr. Phil has to say to this offender and talk about the show here.
