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Topic : 12/29 Drunken Mistakes

Number of Replies: 340
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Created on : Thursday, October 05, 2006, 04:41:03 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 10/10/06) Dottie is concerned for her 22-year-old daughter, Carly, because her drinking is out of control. Carly has already been arrested for driving under the influence, but she still drinks and drives! Dottie fears Carly will end up killing herself or someone else. Carly says she knows she has a problem, but drinking is the only way she can have a good time. Then, Heather and Sierra's brother was killed by a drunk driver, Michael, who also happened to be his friend. Michael received a sentence of five to 11 years, but wants his time reduced. He joins the show via satellite from prison and has a proposal for Dr. Phil. See what Dr. Phil has to say to this offender and talk about the show here.

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October 8, 2006, 8:49 pm CDT

10/10 Drunken Mistakes

Dottie and Carly,

 

I am worried for Carly, my sister started drinking and just having fun. Well this fun lead her in to drinking and driving. One night she was drunk and she was driving she had her daughter in the car and she rolled the car over. Thank God that he was there for my niece. She served one year for that. When she got out a year later she was drinking and driving again and a cop tried to pull her over and she drove away from the cop. The cop began to chase her and she hit a car of five people. Everyone lived thank God again, but she is getting sued. Carly my heart goes out to you because I never want to see anyone go through what I have seen that drinking does to you. Yeah it might be fun now but who is going to be sitting in that jail cell with you.

 

 

 
October 8, 2006, 10:58 pm CDT

what is one to do...?

i grew up in a home w/ alcohol and abuse. my mom stopped drinking before i turned 4, thankfully, but my dad and his drunken relatives were still in the picture. watching my dad and aunts and uncles growing up, i vowed i'd NEVER go down either path... the path of an alcoholic, or the path of an abusive parent. what capped the decision for me was learning the statistical possibility of becoming an alcoholic thru even moderately casual use of alcohol when you are the child of one or both parents that struggled w/ addiction. my mom finally left my dad when i was 12, and all 5 of us kids were in counceling for awhile. ---i thought we ALL had vowed not to end up like dad, but then theres my younger brother, John. i couldnt be more worried. He is 26 and has already been an alcoholic for about 10 years now. since it began as a teen, john laughs about the tremors he gets when he doesnt get his booze. i thought my dad was the worst and meanest drunk, yet he cannot hold a candle in comparison to what john has turned himself into. john  has a history of drug abuse also, and ive been recently told cocaine is a regular substance for him these days. i have never seen someone drink like john does. ---morning, noon and nite, literally, barely taking time to sleep or nourish his body. he neglects himself so badly, that his contact lenses are white w/ calcium deposits, from never taking them out and never cleaning them... i dont even know how he can see! frequently, it is not even enough       for him to drink from sun-up to sun-down,  and he goes on binges that literally last for 2-3 days w/ no sleep.            john has had plenty of friction w/ family, fines, citations, arrests, jail time, embarrassment, and loss of friends, as well as loss of vehicles from wrecks. (he has NEVER been a licensed driver.) none of this has been "rock-bottom" for him, not even when he almost died a few months ago. his blood alcohol level was over 4x the legal limit, and his car left the highway and rolled. he was not wearing his seatbelt, and is lucky he wasnt thrown from the car and crushed, just as a friend of ours had been in almost the exact same spot a few years ago. NOT EVEN THIS SERIOUS BRUSH WITH DEATH HAS PHASED HIM!!!! he was drinking later that same night and has driven drunk since. he cant even admit he crashed because he was drunk... according to him, he mustve fallen asleep. to top it all off, he has 2 very young children that are full-time witnesses to this nightmare... 2 kids he has, will, and does drive drunk w/, and blatently recklessly at times.  ---to the person out here preaching tough love, it is easier said than done. ...all the tough love in the world doesnt change anything, if you dont have support behind you. "take the keys away... call the police", you say. my brother is 6'6", and i am 5'8". dont get me wrong, im a tough chick, but YOU try taking the keys from him! his girlfriend tried once, and he tried to run her over---she was pregnant at the time. as for calling the police, whatta joke that has been. i have called him in countless times-both when he had a child in the car and not. i gave vehicle descriptions and everything, and the cops acted like i was nuts, or on a personal vendetta. it never accomplished anything. i do not enable his behavior in any way... i will not purchase/ take him to purchase alcohol, and i will not take his calls and listen to a drunk, no matter how sad. i have asked dr. phil and robin both for help on this, and got no reply. i  honestly dont know where else to turn or what to do. part of the failure is due to lack of consistancy and support from other family members. my mom leads the pack w/ her "cant help someone that doesnt want to help themselves" philosophy. i agree w/ that mentality in some situations, but ive tried to get her to see that there are times when people are unable to help themselves, and we must love them and help them when they cant do it for themselves. my opinion is that john's actions and behaviors speak louder than words and he is SCREAMING for help! if he didnt want people to know , we wouldnt, period. how do i help him???? he is in his last days, it seems, w/ all the abuses and reckless abandonment he shows toward his life and the lives of others. ive even tried to help john to connect to the emotional issues behind why he abuses himself this way, but he doesnt buy into the thinking that the drinking, etc. is a symptom of something else happening emotionally. to all those out there reading this that had substance abuse problems yourselves for years; was it this extreme? did you abuse yourselves this thoroughly for as long? what helped you deal w/ the emotions behind your behavior? is the only rock bottom my brother will be phased by going to be death? to any medical professionals, how long DOES a person have to live that puts their bodies thru this day in and day out? please share your insites, ideas, and wisdom. thank you.
 
October 9, 2006, 2:07 am CDT

question for Dr Phil

I would like to know why Dr. Phil never encourages family memebers to attend Al Anon and Alateen when he has a problem drinker on TV?  Yes, the alcoholic need all the help he or she can get from a rehab canter and follow up with AA meetings but the FAMILY is always left out and they need help too.  I would like to see him talk about  where the FAMILY can go to get teh help they desperatly need.  The alcoholics share the disease and there needs to be more sharing the recovery for the entire FAMILY. There are also Chapter nine meetings which are for the FAMILIES  "After Sobriety"  Its made up of AA's and Al Anon's that share on how they are working on getting the relationship back on course.  I am all for bringing the FAMILIES back together and by the FAMILIES learning about where they can go for the help they need. PLease pass this on to him.    Thanks
 
October 9, 2006, 6:40 am CDT

Wake up while there still time

Quote From: devoes_db

Dottie and Carly,

 

I am worried for Carly, my sister started drinking and just having fun. Well this fun lead her in to drinking and driving. One night she was drunk and she was driving she had her daughter in the car and she rolled the car over. Thank God that he was there for my niece. She served one year for that. When she got out a year later she was drinking and driving again and a cop tried to pull her over and she drove away from the cop. The cop began to chase her and she hit a car of five people. Everyone lived thank God again, but she is getting sued. Carly my heart goes out to you because I never want to see anyone go through what I have seen that drinking does to you. Yeah it might be fun now but who is going to be sitting in that jail cell with you.

 

 

hey that is a heavy thing to deal with it yourself, i am talking from experience.But you did a very good job by going to dr Phil for help.She(Carly) need to wake up and and face the world,solve her past problems so that she can move on.Putting everyone in danger because of your problems is evil girlfriend you must get yourself togerther before you even loose more.The more time you waste the more teeth your problems grow and it will not be easy solving a biting problem.
 
October 9, 2006, 3:35 pm CDT

So Sad

Quote From: devoes_db

Dottie and Carly,

 

I am worried for Carly, my sister started drinking and just having fun. Well this fun lead her in to drinking and driving. One night she was drunk and she was driving she had her daughter in the car and she rolled the car over. Thank God that he was there for my niece. She served one year for that. When she got out a year later she was drinking and driving again and a cop tried to pull her over and she drove away from the cop. The cop began to chase her and she hit a car of five people. Everyone lived thank God again, but she is getting sued. Carly my heart goes out to you because I never want to see anyone go through what I have seen that drinking does to you. Yeah it might be fun now but who is going to be sitting in that jail cell with you.

 

 

It is so sad that nearly killing her own daughter did not change your sister nor spending a year in prison.  She had to go out and be a drunk again nearly killing people.  I just hope your sister gets the help she needs because I am afraid the third time she won't be so lucky and not kill anybody.    She deserves to get sued. 
 
October 9, 2006, 3:42 pm CDT

Why are the drunks rarely injured

When you hear about horrible traffic accidents where people are killed it's always the drunk who walks away uninjured.?
 
October 9, 2006, 4:05 pm CDT

I have asked the same thing

Quote From: kaykwilts

When you hear about horrible traffic accidents where people are killed it's always the drunk who walks away uninjured.?

I have asked the same thing in conversations before.  I was told that it's usually because they are so relaxed from the alcohol that they go with the flow as they are jolted around where the others are not oblivious to what's about to happen so they brace themselves and that's usually works against them.  Not sure if this is completely true but it was the answer I got from an EMT friend.

 
October 9, 2006, 7:22 pm CDT

10/10 Drunken Mistakes

 

   I have a significant other that I have been living with since May who drinks, and drinks and drinks. Maybe not that much but so it seems.  When we first met I worked nights and he worked days. By the time I got home he was already in bed and he was up and gone before I got up in the morning. Everything seemed great...I was offered a different job and we moved to another town, where now I work days..the same as him.  We moved into together and things were going fine..so I thought. Then I started noticing little things...bringing home some beers, buying liquor by the gallon! His favorite is captain morgan...I had no idea you can buy that stuff by the gallon! I am not a drinker..well a glass of wine at dinner occasionaly is about it. Over the last few months he has been drinking more and more. Getting drunk two to three times a week. He goes thru an average of 2 gallons of captain morgan a week, and that is just what he drinks at the house not after work or at his friends house. I tried talking to him about his drinking and obviously he gets upset. Says, he just wants to relax and have a few drinks, or, noone is going to tell me that I cant have a drink in my own house. He does drive also after drinking and I discuss that with him also. He says he has all of his motor skills and is just fine.(yea right)  He is not physical with me when he's drinking, thank GOD but the next day he sometimes wont go to work(he works for himself) and stays home and sleeps all day. He will sleep on the couch for hours at a time and just wants to be left alone leavfing me to do whatever. He then apologizes for his actions but it's getting to the point that I can no longer live with him this way. I want to help him get help on one hand but just want to jump ship on the other. I have had enough relationships in my life that I am not for sure if I am willing to see this thru with him. I havent given him the ultimadem yet that if he doesnt get help I'm leaving( at the moment I'm out of town on business) but it is coming when I get back home. I've already decided that.  The night before I had to leave on business, he got drunk..again...didnt get up til noon and I had to leave for my flight by 2. I was sure hoping that since I was going to be gone for two weeks he would of wanted to spend some time with me, not the captain!  On one note..he is home when he's drinking or at a buddy's house..never at the bars, even though thats not an excuse. But every time he walks to the cupboard to pour a drink,  it puts such an awful chill down my spine? I want to help him, I think. But also I have my life together, I have a good job and dont know if I'm willing to stick it thru with him..what if he doesnt want the help? He has told me on several occasions he's not going to quit drinking. Also, another problem is he does not like confrontation. He avoids it like the plague.  I can use all the advice I can get on this one!  Should I stay and help him if he wants help or just pack up and go on my maerry way and let the next person that comes along deal with it??

 
October 10, 2006, 6:30 am CDT

He's told you he's not going to quit

Quote From: cs3517

 

   I have a significant other that I have been living with since May who drinks, and drinks and drinks. Maybe not that much but so it seems.  When we first met I worked nights and he worked days. By the time I got home he was already in bed and he was up and gone before I got up in the morning. Everything seemed great...I was offered a different job and we moved to another town, where now I work days..the same as him.  We moved into together and things were going fine..so I thought. Then I started noticing little things...bringing home some beers, buying liquor by the gallon! His favorite is captain morgan...I had no idea you can buy that stuff by the gallon! I am not a drinker..well a glass of wine at dinner occasionaly is about it. Over the last few months he has been drinking more and more. Getting drunk two to three times a week. He goes thru an average of 2 gallons of captain morgan a week, and that is just what he drinks at the house not after work or at his friends house. I tried talking to him about his drinking and obviously he gets upset. Says, he just wants to relax and have a few drinks, or, noone is going to tell me that I cant have a drink in my own house. He does drive also after drinking and I discuss that with him also. He says he has all of his motor skills and is just fine.(yea right)  He is not physical with me when he's drinking, thank GOD but the next day he sometimes wont go to work(he works for himself) and stays home and sleeps all day. He will sleep on the couch for hours at a time and just wants to be left alone leavfing me to do whatever. He then apologizes for his actions but it's getting to the point that I can no longer live with him this way. I want to help him get help on one hand but just want to jump ship on the other. I have had enough relationships in my life that I am not for sure if I am willing to see this thru with him. I havent given him the ultimadem yet that if he doesnt get help I'm leaving( at the moment I'm out of town on business) but it is coming when I get back home. I've already decided that.  The night before I had to leave on business, he got drunk..again...didnt get up til noon and I had to leave for my flight by 2. I was sure hoping that since I was going to be gone for two weeks he would of wanted to spend some time with me, not the captain!  On one note..he is home when he's drinking or at a buddy's house..never at the bars, even though thats not an excuse. But every time he walks to the cupboard to pour a drink,  it puts such an awful chill down my spine? I want to help him, I think. But also I have my life together, I have a good job and dont know if I'm willing to stick it thru with him..what if he doesnt want the help? He has told me on several occasions he's not going to quit drinking. Also, another problem is he does not like confrontation. He avoids it like the plague.  I can use all the advice I can get on this one!  Should I stay and help him if he wants help or just pack up and go on my maerry way and let the next person that comes along deal with it??

How old are you?  Are you young?  You could be wasting the best years of your life on a man that has said he's never going to quit drinking.  Do you want this man to be the father of your babies?  I have a cousin who drank himself to death.  He was only 40 and he left two teenage girls devastated.  Do you want that kind of life?  Get out while you can and move on with your life.  You deserve better.  By your post you have your life together. You seem to have a good job. What makes women think that they are nothing without a man in thier life. 
 
October 10, 2006, 7:08 am CDT

10/10 Drunken Mistakes

In 1999, a week before school start, one of my friends lost her big brother because he was hit by a drunk driver while he was riding his bike on the side of the road. The guy left the scene. He was later found, and he only received 2 years probation I think. The guy he killed was going into his senior year. It left his family devastated, the guy killed their son, left the scene, and didn't even go to prison.

 

A couple of years later, I was old enough to drink, go to bars, etc. I didn't have a car so I used to go to clubs with my friends. I made a deal with them: I'd drive. Unless they could assure me 100% they wouldn't drink, I'd be the one driving, no drinking except water. It works pretty well, and my friends are grateful to know someone is there to drive and they don't have to worry about drinking and driving. There are some people in our community that aren't really...loved. But still, if I saw them at the club, and knew they'd be drinking, I'd take their keys and drive the car. Some people don't understand that...but.. I'd feel terrible knowing I'd let someone drive drunk, when I could had prevented it. Lots of people I know died because of drunk drivers over the years, so I'm doing what I can to stop that.

 

You have to teach your kids to not drink and drive. My parents let me drink when I was younger... but they would come pick me up so I wouldn't get in a car with someone that had drank. It tought me that there is always a way to prevent drunk driving: PLANNING IN ADVANCE! You have to talk to your kids about this, not just tell them: I don't want you to drink and drive.

 

 
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