Topic : 12/21 One Paycheck Away

I think the previous writer read between the lines.  You are judging!!!!!!!!!   If you are spaeking from first hand experience,  you should be more empathetic!!!!!!!!! 

    For the past 20 years my wife has been ill and gotten worse over the last 15.  I had been a retail store manager and my wife worked as a Training Coordinator for a major fast food chain.  Her illness left her unable to work and she had to start collecting Social Security Disability which, because she only worked a few years in our married life, of some $299.00/Month.  She also gets SSI of $482.00/month.  That coupled with my income allowed us to still be OK in the financial arena.

    Then a couple of years ago, my wife started to take a turn for the worse.  It turns out that she has Muscular Dystrophy.  She can sometimes get around still in a walker, but is mostly confined to home and to an electric wheelchair which MediCal paid for.  She also has COPD (Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease) and requires oxygen 24/7.  Then 2 years ago my wife went into full repiratory arrest while sleeping and had to have CPR done on her by me and be rushed to the hospital where she was intibated (sp?) to get her breathing.  This happened two more times.  She was then placed on a BIPAP-ST machine which will sound an alarm if her breathing stops and will act as a sort of respirator forcing air into her lungs.

    I had to quit my job in order to take care of her.  I am also a disabled vet with kidney problems and diabetes.  I get a small disability check from the VA each month($377.00/month) and I get paid a sum of $581/month by the state for taking care of Julie.  Our total income is a little over $1700/month.  Out of that we have to pay rent ($600), Utilities ($200/mo), car insurance ($50/month), gas for trips to doctors, pharmacies, church, etc. ($250/month), medical co-pay ($50), Feed ($150) and about $400 for food.  In order to be able to make it we each have to take out a payday loan totalling between us of $510 every month due to a major problem with our 15 year old car.  That loan costs us $90 interest each month to pay back so the loan payback is $600/month. 

I know most people would tell me to go back to work.  See if the state can get another health car worker for my wife so I can go back.  There are several problems with that.  The main problem is that if I were to return to work, my wife would lose $1 for every $2 I earn from her SSI.  And if her SSI drops to where she isn't able to get any, then she loses her MediCal insurance also which pays for her prescriptions ($2000+ out of pocket), doctors appointments, her wheel chair and BIPAP-ST machine (over $1500/month rental), etc.  It would end up costing me over $5000/month just to cover her medical expenses which means I would need a job earning over $100,000/year.  Plus to help defray the expenses of medical care I would need to work for a company that has medical insurance coverage with no Pre-Existing Clause in it and one that started from day one when I went to work.  I don't know of a company that has one of those plans.

Secondly, I am over 60 and have, as I said before, kidney disease and diabetes and not too many companies want to hire someone my age especially if that someone has medical problems.  I am having a hard time finding a part-time job also.  We live in a very small mountain community and there aren't too many jobs.  The closest large town to work in is some 45 miles away which would require going up and down the mountain during times of snow and ice storms.

There are the homeless.  We've nearly been there.  We don't know how to get out of the debt we are in.  We don't have any credit cards or owe any loans except for the payday ones, but we are around $1500 in debt that we can't catch up on.  We had my son and his daughters living with us this spring and summer because he lost his job elsewhere and had to move in with us.  We had to pay for everything.  He now has a job, his own place but can't afford right now to pay us anything back.

So, we are open to about anything.  We are praying to God for a $1500 miracle which would get us back on our feet, and I am willing to do whatever it takes, legally, to help it along.

So I know what it is like to be at the bottom, because we are nearly there ourselves right now.  I know that there are people out there far worse off than we are because we've seen them, we've helped them, we've taken them into our homes when they've had nowhere else to go.  

The stress is killing me.  I don't know where to turn but I am open to suggestions that's for sure. 

Dr. Phil:

I'm sorry but I have no mercy for these homeless people in the streets who live off of all the working peoples' money.  Take a look at them, they have two good eyes, two good arms, legs and a mind.  There are so many jobs as cleaning bathrooms in public places, washing dishes in restaurants, sweeping park grounds, working in cemetaries, etc. There is no excuse for their decisions, they are just plain lazy and they know if they stand on a corner, people will give them money.  We as taxpayers are paying for this nonsense; we have to go out a bust our butts working to earn a small paycheck. I can't see and I never will give these people any money.  When they come up to my car, I tell them to "GO GET A JOB" and stop living off our money.  People don't realize it, but, a lot of these homeless people choose this life and if you were to investigate some of them, they have more money than the average worker, they own homes, cars, etc., but it is easier to collect off of us  TAX FREE!!  I don't feel any remorse for them!!!

Arlene from Florida

To whom it may concern.

It seems to be an epidemic in our society that the parent who has the children are left trying to support them alone.  There are to many deadbeats owing  over hundreds of thousands of dollars.  Yes I am alone supporting my children...I am lucky that I have the help of family and friends, but it is really there fathers responsibility to help support them.  I have worked hard to get this far, but its been 4 years and he still has not paid his court ordered support.  The Canadian government agency call the Family Responsiblity Office is one of the biggest dust collectors out there.  Yes they serve a purpose........yet my childrens father continues to work under the table move around he even has crossed the U.S. boarder.  He uses alias and is backed by his family.( He works for his brother and is hidden by other family members).  This is not just me Check out the web site wantedposters.com , there are hundreds of cases posted in both countries as well as international. Go figure .  

For those of you that seem to think that this is a hand out and that one should take steps for a rainy day.  You try being a single parent.  For those that say that single parents should have tried to save there marrige or relationship.  You should try being abused for years and watching your children suffer.   I took the steps to better my childrens lives, the lest he could do is help support them. 

We all have to deal with this problem one way or another, we are all touched by this problem,  I believe that we all just turn a blind eye and hope it will go away.

I am a stepmother that has a wonderful 11 year old stepdaughter. My husband pays to support our daughter every month without fail. It is very upsetting for her to come to our home in clothes that do not  fit and her hair smelling bad and in need of a haircut. I am very upset that Dr. Phil had the nerve to say that a non-custodial parent has no right to know where that money goes. Our court system is so very messed up when it come to custody, and support payments. Any parent has the right to know their children are taken care of in every way , especially when they are handing over their hard earned money to an ex spouse and seeing no clear evidence that the child is seeing any of that money.

If the posters who state that homeless and the poor are looking for handouts, instead spent a little time doing research on poverty statistics, they would find the numbers of those abusing the systems to less than 4%.

I wonder how many judgemental people actually know what the poverty line is, or the minium and\or average wage from state to state, or the cost of living from state to state, even county to county.

Since the beginning of time, when dealing with the poor, it has been embedded into society's collective mind that it is their fault - whether mental illness, physical illness, substance abuse, environmental factors contribute or not - people don't want to care. 

Among the homeless people I worked with last year, most were developmentally disabled and from poor families.   Classism plays a huge role in who gets what in this nation.  Many of these people were addicted to drugs or alcohol by grammar school, two were full-blown alcoholics in kindergarten, and many had fetal alcohol syndrome.  

The current relief systems have caps set so low that many do not qualify, and indeed, if they make a dollar over their low monthly income levels, they lose benefits.  Even if they wanted to work, and most that are not mentally or physically handicapped do, they cannot afford to when their paychecks are less than their benefits.  That is a reality in affluent Bergen County, NJ.  

Having been a grassroots homeless advocate, I observed a very uncaring attitude on the part of the social workers and county workers and not only that, watched many times as they helped themselves to perks, donations, services, gift cards, county gas, etc.  Talk about being on the dole.

Yes there are laws. They either pay half their paycheck or go to jail. Did you know only 7% of fathers in this country do not pay child support? Did you know that the friend of the court system is one of the biggest government entities in the country? And yes men are willing participants but so are the women. The women have a choice after they get pregnant the men don't.  And many women tell the men they are on the pill or just plain can't get pregnant. Question is when will the women quit blaming the men for their mistakes? When will they quit having kids with diferent father's? When will they quit living off child support and the welfare system? And by the way I am a woman and used to think the same way you are, but the facts are the system is messed up and the men have no rights. I have been fighting with friend of the court for 2 years now and I can assure you they do not have the best interest of the child in mind!