Topic : 12/21 One Paycheck Away

Quote From: nhughh

You ever tried going out of state-  A Social Services Lawyer built a solid case  for $60,000 in back child support and interest were this amount was involved.  (from the kid's home state) The defendant's home state judge made him pay $1,900 for not paying  anything for his youngest from age 18 to 19.   Real Justice!  This guy dumped his kids when the youngest could not even rember him.  The guy spoiled a step child at the cost of his own flest and blood!  Stuff like this has taken its toll on my retirement savings, too. 

Quote From: saesq2

Where in heaven's name do you live?

 

In the State where I practice (NY) a court is not allowed to discharge arrears of child support that have accrued over time.  If you owe $10,000, the court can't grant the CP a judgment for $9,999.  If the judge did that, he would be overturned on appeal.  Plus, the court must order anyone who wilfully fails to pay child support to pay the counsel fees of the CP who had to move to enforce the child support order. 

 

What is wilfullness?  You know of the order and you fail to obey it or fail to move the court to modify the support award & win, unless extraordinary circumstances exist, such as you were hit by a bus and have been in a coma for the last 10 years. 

 

In NY, you get a judgment and file it for the amount owed, & it will earn "statutory" interest of 9%/year.  Try getting that at a bank.  Plus, I've had cases where the NCP who refused to pay was incarcerated, had his driving license suspended, his income tax refund was redirected to the CP, and one guy who lost his passport. 

 

Get a judgment against this SOB from the State that issued the original order of support.  Get the judgment entered in your county clerk's office.  Then find out who in your county handles out-of-State enforcement of child support orders.  They will go against this father in a foreign State.  Lookup support sites on line & you may find a support group in your State that can help you deal with this stuff.  It doesn't matter if your kids have grown up by now, as long as you were granted an order of child support when they were minors and their father violated that order.

 

good luck.

Quote From: annalon

 I am very upset with the previous message to this person's cry for help. It doesn't matter how much you've saved or how well you've planned, when a major illness strikes, you and your family can be financially destroyed. (Instead of blaming people who have gotten sick, we need to blame the real culprits - our fat cat government. All those congresspeople and senators have just about the greatest health care benefits and pension plans on the planet. The rest of us, even us hard workers, find our company health plans being cut, pensions diminished, etc., etc.) People who have never faced a devastating illness have NO idea of the financial AND emotional costs a family can face. My husband and I have been through this. We are no longer young and have come to the sad realization that we are never going to be able to retire. Never. I survived a serious illness, our daughter has a serious illness for which there is no cure (neither she nor we can afford her prescriptions), and my husband was downsized from his job and it took him two years to find another - at one-third the pay. All our savings, investments, everything, are gone. We live from our paychecks to our next paychecks. Our son is putting himself through college - three part-time jobs, scholarships and loans and grants. (Sometimes he can't afford to eat for a day. Don't say anything against the younger generation!)

Yes, there is help for homeless people but in no way is there enough help. At one point we were afraid we would be on the street. We found out we could not stay in a shelter together. My daughter and I, if there was room, could be in one place, my husband - if there was space - could be in another and our son, at 18, would have no where to go. He'd be out there, alone, on the street, all night. Do you think I could've slept? We decided the woods would be safer and we could be together. Thankfully, we squeaked through and it didn't happen. I never dreamed that at 60 years old, after a life of saving and planning, we'd be facing such an option! I am afraid. If I had the money, I'd help this family. I'm sure Jodee didn't ask to get sick. My daughter didn't ask for her condition. I didn't ask to get sick.

Quote From: thinkoutloud

Please don't be so quick to judge people for ending up in desperate financial situations.  It happens faster and easier than you can imagine. 

I have always been a very good money manager, putting myself through college, saving from my salary, etc.  My divorce from my ex-husband put me back many, many steps in financial terms.  I am now very happily remarried, but my husband has to pay $400/week in child support (for one child!!) to his ex-wife.  He only earns $65,000 a year!  This is not a bad salary by any means, but by the time we've paid for health insurance for ourselves and our four children (my two, his by his first wife, and our one together), his ex wife gets HALF of his take-home pay!  Don't get me wrong, I'm all for child support (and wish I could get some from my ex), but this is ridiculous. His ex-wife doesn't even need it, but saves every single penny we give her.  That's great for her, but we have a family of five that also needs to survive.  We have taken this to the courts (and spent way more than we can afford on an attorney), but there's nothing we can do to change this because my husband agreed to it in the beginning.  (He did that because he wanted to do the right thing, and he didn't want his ex to have to work and  put the kid in daycare.  But now the kid is in school all day and my husband's ex DOES work because she chooses to.) 

Because of this, we are sinking further and further into debt.  We are both doing everything we can to bring in extra money, but it's never enough.  We are desperate and there doesn't seem to be anything we can do about it.  If we don't pay the child support, my husband will be thrown in jail.  If we DO pay the child support, we can't afford the basics for the rest of us. 

Put yourself in a situation like this first.  Then see if you're so quick to judge.

Quote From: saesq2

First, Pete is not right not to pay because that means he's violating an order of the court.  That's a crime and you can't really be in favor of criminal conduct.

 

Secondly,  you did not grasp all of my post.  If your BF's kids are truly not receiving winter clothing, medical care & school supplies, then they are being neglected.  That's a sound basis for a change in custody, not to mention a complaint to CPS.  If your BF doesn't want custody, however, and he succeeds in convincing a court that she's been neglectful, he'd better be prepared for the only other alternative: foster care. 

 

Your BF is frustrated because nobody will listen to him? To whom has he spoken?  While it is "it is the responsibilty of the courts to correct this," what has your BF done to bring it to the attention of the court?   The courts are following people around to see how they're doing after they make an order of support.  You have to tell them & ask them to do something about it (relief).  The only language a court understands is a motion (petition, application, call it whatever  you like) that requests a specific relief (like,  change custody to me) for a sound reason (the current CP is neglicting the children and their welfare is being undermined as a result).  You don't need a lawyer to do this in most Family Courts, although obviously it's easier with a lawyer.

 

I said that courts don't want to hear your everyday complaints & certainly not somebody's anger towards an ex.  They will always hear serious allegations of neglect.

 

Just be real sure that your allegations are not hyped.  If you say she hasn't bought them winter coats and it's winter, they darn well better not have winter coats.  The teacher had better back you up by testifying that they lack proper school supplies.  Their medical records must show that they weren't treated when they were sick, weren't brought in for timely well-child visits, aren't up-to-date on their innoculations.  They better not have seen a dentist on a regular basis.  If she just doesn't bring them in when they have a cold, which doctors can't cure or treat very well in any case, that's not medical neglect.  If they don't have the most popular backback, that's not educational neglect.  If last year's winter coats still fit, that's not neglect. 

 

If you go to court crying wolf, the judge is going to take a very dim view of you.  If there's really neglect, they'll either assign a case worker to see if the mother can be taught to do better or they'll modify custody.  If your BF doesn't want the burden of being the custodial parent, he won't get to call the shots from the outside while somebody else gets assigned the work.

 

PS: if she doesn't work, I know she can't get by on just child support.  That means she's getting some means of support from some other source - boyfriend, parents, welfare, etc.  Maybe that's how she pays for her hair, movies, etc.  She's allowed to do this.

Quote From: nhughh

I took on the responsibilities of a family that was made up of 6 kids from 2 fathers.  3 were no longer minors.  Their father had run away with with his office gal who devorced her childish husband leaving her with a new born.  This guy spoiled his step child and did nothing for his own kids, even turnng away a 15 year old that traveled some distance to ask him "Why Daddy"  The child payments fell behind and he chose to work for lower wages (likely easley done being self employed)   The state we lived in sent a social services lawyer to Oklahoma , home of this Oil-man with a case that showed he was $60,000 in the rears with compounded interest.  The Oklahoma Judge made him pay only $1,900 that the judge figured he had not paid for the last child's 19th year.  (18 and 19 years varry from state to state) My girl friend re-married and had 3 more kids with the second now ex.  This guy was a yeller that in affect distroyed 6 kids lives.  What state requires $400 dollars for one month for one child?   The yeller, a medical professional ,paid around $550 for three.  He often did not re-emburce me for his half share of their uninsured medical bills.  In ten + years He often went to lawyers to get support reductuons and modifications.  I supplied nearly 2.5 times as much money to support the lives of those he left behind.  He even sent Rx medicine into my home for human consumption.  He is practicing Vet! (animal Doctor)  I have delt with the after math of these 2 guys child like parenting and lack of planning for years.  I have no legal rights!  I feel my girl friend has mental problems from her past.  And these kids, particularly one - have left impressions with our adult friends that they Hate me. Some of this was generated by the Vet Dr. This basic family is now branched out to include mates from other broken  familys where the fathers skipped out on child support in the days before laws could catch-up with them. Its is more like 90% rather than the national broken home rate of 50% here.  As of today on paper I am a senior and basically broke.  My girl friend of 13 years has always had a problem with spending.  She buys things with no money in the joint bank accounts.  Since about a year ago it has caused around $60,000 in credit card debt, too  She rational  is that the kids got such a raw deal in the begining of life we should bail them out with gifts and loans their Bio-Dads never provided.  These guys never planned for their higher educations.  (I had to eat a defult on a co-signed Kid loan as well)  Today both these guys make twice as much or more than I do.   Their kids are all now over 21.  So Dr. Phil  is there any way to turn this around?   You have often said that it is not MONEY that caused the problems. It sure helps keeping a family going!  I have grown to Hate Christmas!   It has been totally distroyed by un-controled over the house-hold income spending -  I rarely get thanked for anything while I see the younger 3 kids writing thank you notes to their father who has done financially little what so ever but 'bash' my good acts to preserve what is left a disfunctional house-hold he caused.   It has come to a point that I may be thrown out left with all the debt since I am no longer able to fund the spending.  I can no longer afford a lawyer,  I was done in by a Tell-a-Marketing scam based in California, too.  The final straw came about the end of November when a shop went through the rear window of my 200,000 mile pick-up while I was driving on a US highway.  More lack of Law&Order!   We are now living in one of the poorer states in the union -  to keep the family together -  It offers little in Senior Support.    Have a good one!    Dr Phil, you had something about dellemus the other day .  My limited knowlege of this computer lost a previous attempt to post to that board.

Quote From: kkats7

I was a single mom for years and I know what the child support should go to.  And yes, it goes for groceries, rent, power, clothes, etc., however, when they complain they don't get enough to eat at their moms and eat non stop at our home, there is a problem.  When your children are wearing clothes and shoes that too small or too large, torn and stained it makes you wonder where your support is going.  When you are paying a high amount of child support and your kids are signed up for free meals at school, you wonder why.  When your kids say there is nothing in the frige but beer and wine, there is a problem.  When they say that all they get for breakfast every day is one bowl of corn flakes and that is all the milk they can have, that is a problem.  When your kids watch their mom cook an entire meal for her significant other for breakfast and they are left with corn flakes, I believe that is a problem.  When the kids say they aren't supposed to talk about anything that goes on at their moms or they get in trouble, that is a problem.  When your ex wife is claiming not to work, but buys a new vehicle, house, and furniture, you wonder where your support is going.  When your ex lies about working so that she can get more child support that is abusing the system.  The courts don't bother to check on the custodial parent, only the non-custodial parent's wages are checked.  If the mom tells the court she is not working, they don't bother to check.  When your ex tries to keep dad from having a continuing relationship with his kids because she knows that the less time he has them the more money she gets, that is a problem.  My complaint as a step mom and watching my husband go thru this is that women do abuse the system and the courts do not care.  Going back to court only adds lawyer fees to an already stretched budget, plus you are ordered to pay for her attorney as well, since "she isn't working."  My husband has been ordered to pay more than half of his take home wages to support his sons.  While we struggle to make ends meet, she is living a much better lifestyle and goes on vacations a year.  There is something wrong with this picture.  Changes need to be made so that the fathers are not viewed as a non participating, non loving, non supportative dads who don't care about his kids.  Fathers are parents too and should have rights to maintain a relationship with their kids while paying a fair child support amount that is actually spent on his children.

Quote From: harbour909

I totally agree with the father.  My son was in same situation.  Paid child support until child was 18 BUT HAS NOT SEEN HER SINCE SHE WAS 5 AND SHE IS NOW 22 AND A MOTHER.  Mother moved out of state and son was unable to find her.  Also, MOTHER WAS AND IS ON DRUGS AND ALCOHOL.  I had information through mother of her new boyfriend, but this lady would not give addresses and/or phone number to me (because she was fearful that mother would take her g/son away from her - yet she did not care that I had lost my g/daughter.

 

IF I COULD I WOULD INTRODUCE A BILL THAT WOULD  GIVE CHILD/CHILDREN TO PARENT THAT IS A GOOD PARENT AND CAN AFFORD TO SUPPORT THEM.  My son was and is a good parent and could have supported her.  And she would have had much better care - not only from my son and new family but extended family as well. 

 

My g/daughter wanted to enroll in gymnastics, but her mother was too busy spending money on drugs and alcohol and could not afford it.  If g/daug had been with my son, I would have done that for her.  And I would have done it for her with her mother if I knew where she was.