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Topic : 12/25 Divorcing the Family

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Created on : Thursday, October 05, 2006, 04:44:59 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 10/12/06) When you lose control of your kids and household, is it ever possible to get it back? Peggy was so fed up with her 17-year-old twin boys' behavior –- their yelling, tantrums, cursing, disrespect, fighting -- and the resulting strain on her marriage that she arrived at a radical solution: Divorce one of her sons from the family. However, when Peggy filed the paperwork to emancipate her son, the courts turned her down, leaving him in her care until age 18. Can Dr. Phil convince Peggy and her husband to accept responsibility for their deteriorating home situation? Can he inspire the teens to help calm the chaos? Or, is divorcing a family member a viable last-ditch option? Tell us what you think!

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December 23, 2006, 2:56 pm CST

repeats?

aren`t all these shows repeats next week!
 
December 23, 2006, 3:55 pm CST

For Shame

Shame on Peggy for thinking that divorcing one of her seventeen-year-old sons was the solution to her problem!  All that says to the kid is "I hate you, you're not welcome in my home."  How is that supposed to teach her son anything.  Good for the courts for denying the emancipation request.  It's time for parents to step up to the plate and be a parent.  Your children are NOT disposable merchandise and should NEVER be treated as such.
 
December 23, 2006, 4:05 pm CST

Hope this helps

Quote From: jojobeaner

Hi this is jojobeaner and I wanted to know how your family is doing, have there been any changes with any thing? 

I have ADD myself.  I'm 29 and in college now after battling with mood swings and learning disabilities.  One of the things that has always helped me deal with my issues is finding some type of enjoyable activity.  Mine activities are playing the piano, knitting, and scrapbooking.  When I was a child I would find comfort and calmness locking myself in my room and playing my keyboard.  It gave me some "me time" and gave my parents a break from my bad mood.

 

A few years after I graduated high school I drove a school bus for handicapped children.  I had kids on my bus that were anywhere from mentally and/or physically disabled to emotionally disturbed.  Every single child had one thing in common--they all had a passion for some kind of activity.  Try finding something your child likes to do (besides playing with fire) and try to remember positive reinforcement.  I know that positive reinforcement is very difficult to remember, but it does work.  It worked for all my students.  I hope this helps you and your son.

 
December 23, 2006, 4:35 pm CST

very Sad

Wow  Being a mother is a gift.  There are days when I cant wait for them to go to bed but when they do go to sleep  they look like little angels.  and tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes yet.  I hate to hear people talk about not wanting their kids around.  Why did they have them then.   There is so much negative stuff  about kids and thier bad behavior right now.  They are kids after all and it is our job to bring them up right.  That mom NEEDS TO BE A MOM   and never give up there is something positive in every situation and every kid is different.  I have three and they each have different personalities and what works for one will not work for the other two but I could never give my children any other message  then "I LOVE YOU" no matter what.... sad happy mad disapointed I still love them.  They need to be molded not sent away.  DO YOUR JOB
 
December 23, 2006, 5:49 pm CST

12/25 Divorcing the Family

This is a sticky topic, and one that I am at a loss to understand fully let me explain,

In the Mother's defense, I'm not sure that I could put up with that type of behavior myself, but (they're not perfect by any means) if my kids suddenly started acting like this young man, to me that would signal a MAJOR PROBLEM, I wonder how much actual time their Father spent with them just hanging out, and teaching them how to be MEN ?  Seems to me not a whole lot, it seemed to mje that MOM was left to raise these boys with minimal help from the primary male figure in their lives ( Sorry, but boys NEED some type of male role model, preferably DAD, but if not possible, than a coach or grandfather or someone POSITIVE to look up to ), that Dad has only seemed to teach those boys anger, and all the WRONG ways to express it, in his defense though, that was likely the way he was raised, how many of us remember the phrase " Wait until your Father gets home " ?

Playing favorites with kids, come on, I think we've all done that, one day one child is easier to be around than the other, but that BLATANT favoritism is WRONG on so many levels, they are Brothers, and one should not be resentful of the other one should not feel like he dosen't belong.  I think we always LOVE our children equally, we just don't like them some days or we like one more than another for ONE DAY !!!

Even the first time seeing this episode, the whole Emancipation thing seems extreme to me, but if kids can do it ( remembering that their brains aren't done growing and they are still children) why can't parents ?  But we are supposed to be the adults right ?  But really how many times can a kid tell you to F*** Off before you're finally able to say " I've had enough ?"

Just my thoughts.

 
December 23, 2006, 6:04 pm CST

12/25 Divorcing the Family

Quote From: geneva457

I am the mother of a 16yr old runaway teen. In short he went away in the begining of the summer to babysit for his cousin and never returned. The events that have occured have been relentless. She has manipulated and branwashed the child to the point that we are no longer on speaking terms. She has stolen corospondence from my grandmother regarding his biological father. To this point he only knew one man to be his dad. I'd hate myself too if I found out this way. She has taken me to court for custody ( a money grab ) The pair of them have accused me of being a drug addict, on the border line of being bankrupt, neglectful, abusive and the list goes on. They aren't discriminating on who they tell this false information to. The child has called me filthy names that I wouldn't even call my worst enemy. This woman he choses to live with resides in a three bedroom trailor with six other people including my son. She does not do housework and her home should litterally be condemned. There is animal feces on the floor, dirty mouldy dishes scattered around the home. Her eldest son is currently taking mood altering drugs to treat adhd however we have never seen the symptoms in him. He acts like a normal 12yr old boy when he is off his meds. Her middle child is absolutely not allowed to play with the girls in the neighbourhood as he makes lude sexual references to them. Her four year old daughter started wetting her pants a year ago after this woman refused visitation to the biological father. This woman has alienated all of her children from their fathers with the same rediculous claims she made against myself. At one point one of the children's fathers gave up parental rights due to the fact that her claims were getting out of control. This woman and now father #4 of her new baby often talk about their sexual exploits in front of their children. This woman laughed when her then three year old turned on the tv to watch a movie and instead was watchingher mother's pornographic video's. The older children have been caught several times playing with their mothers sex toys. I would love to report this woman to the CAS however I do not ever wish for my name to be used. And Im not too sure if informant information is ever used. The latest ploy, she coached my 16yr old son to telephone the police and tell them that I was in posession of stolen property. Thank god the police proved them both wrong. Id like to know what rights I have and what I can do. So far there is no help available in this situation. I strongly believe she is neglectful, and fails to provide a nuturing loving home to her children. This woman has a history of alienating children from their parents and as a matter of fact she provided the paperwork to have her sisters children removed from the home. She often as a legal secratary fills out the necessary paper work in child custody cases. And I have been told by several people that she demanded they lie in their affidavits to sway the court system. Its hard to fight this woman legally as she knows family law.

You poor woman, but here in Canada, our laws are really screwed up in some cases, and if the new law is passed here in NS, not knowing your location, you'd be in trouble, it makes US parents responsible until they are eighteen, and not changing our wonderful Young Offenders act accordingly.

You know what the sad thing is, at sixteen he has the RIGHT to quit school, and move out if he chooses to, oh and did you know my FOURTEEN year old could stay out ALL NIGHT and there's NO ONE who can force him to come home, not the RCMP or myself if he chooses NOT to, if his father or I forced him, we could be charged for Abuse, I've never understood, are they children or NOT, would anyone let a six year old child stay out until they CHOSE to come home, I think NOT.

Unfortunatly, people like this woman usually know Family Law better than the lawyers, but those people that knowingly LIED can be held in contempt or charged with Lible (sp?) if it can be PROVEN.  As a legal Secretary, again if it can be PROVEN, she can be charged for the altering of legal documents.

To our American Friends, our Children's Aid Society, and Social Services Departments, are like yours in serious need of an overhaul.

My only advice is speak to a LAWYER, yeah I know they're pricey or better yet, have you spoken to your MLA ( Member of the Legislative Assembly, again for the Americans who may not know the Acronyms), if her home needs to be condemned at the VERY LEAST, maybe he/she can get the ball rolling, that would be my advice anyway, sorry I couldn't be more helpful.

 
December 23, 2006, 10:54 pm CST

Get Real

Quote From: tonynattyjason

Wow  Being a mother is a gift.  There are days when I cant wait for them to go to bed but when they do go to sleep  they look like little angels.  and tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes yet.  I hate to hear people talk about not wanting their kids around.  Why did they have them then.   There is so much negative stuff  about kids and thier bad behavior right now.  They are kids after all and it is our job to bring them up right.  That mom NEEDS TO BE A MOM   and never give up there is something positive in every situation and every kid is different.  I have three and they each have different personalities and what works for one will not work for the other two but I could never give my children any other message  then "I LOVE YOU" no matter what.... sad happy mad disapointed I still love them.  They need to be molded not sent away.  DO YOUR JOB

Obviously this person who made such helpful comments concerning this very upsetting show, has never had to deal with teens.

 

While I agree that you should never give up on your children, I have had first hand experience in the feeling that it can be too hard.

 

I am not talking "can't be bothered" I am talking, crying when you wake up because you just dont want to deal with a new day and what it will bring.

 

The first thought is always, must be the parents and I dont always agree, but I do think that the familys interaction patterns need to be looked at.  I had a read of Dr Phils "what sort of role model are you"  and I read with shame that my family scores very badly in many respects, so it is no wonder that in my own situation things turned very sour.

 

But on the other hand, even though I identified what the problems are, how do you reverse the damage and get things back on the right track.

 

Life with those boys on the show I can believe would be sheer hell, I hope that Dr Phil can help them, but it does not help any thing to look down on the mother. I also get a little tired of comments concerning mothering, It is not fair to say she has not done her job, you do not mould children, you guide as best you can and then at the end of the day, teenage children make the decision to be who they want to be.

 

I have 4 children who have all grown up in the same environment and I have only had trouble with one of my children, it is not to say that I have done a good job or a bad job, I have just done the very best that I can.

 

I applaud the mother for caring enough to ask for help, the courts would have turned down the application because they would have seen hope for this family, they need intervention not critisism.

 

 

 

 

 
December 24, 2006, 7:26 am CST

discipline

My wife and I raised two grandaughters for 2 1/2 years, returned them to their mother who just "yelled" at them instead of a reasonable mother's actions.  The result was that both girls, when grown up, had troubles in relationships for a number of years.  The youngest one was totally wild and had several "live-in's" and had two girls (different fathers) but didn't want to take care of them because her extra-cirricular activities took presidence so we took both girls in and raised them as our own for the next 5+ years.  One was 6 wks old and the other was 11 days old when I started caring for them almost full time.  My wife was still working a regular job and I was retired.  Near the end of the time we cared for them, our grandaughter moved in with us and I used my influence to recreate her self-esteem.  She met a man who adored the "new her".  They are living together with his two girls (part of the time) and have set the wedding date for next Spring.  A wonderful beginning for a girl who went astray and was returned to the fold.

 

Paul W. Meyn

cwo3navywarrant@aol.com

 
December 24, 2006, 7:39 am CST

You have got to be kidding me!!

I have never heard such a ridiculous thing to say or do about your children!! She needs to grow up and be a MOM!! They didn't ask to be born into this world, so she needs to raise her head up and take responcibility!  Has she even thought that MAYBE the problem is her?! She needs to go to couciling by herself and as a family.  You can't just push aside her children, expecially when they need you the most.
 
December 24, 2006, 2:37 pm CST

A crazy person will drive u crazy

Hi everyone, when I was 15 years old I made a very, very difficult decision to divorce myself from my parent who was schizophrenic with homicidal tendencies directed specifically toward me.  After a life of not only physical and sexual abuse, but the worst being the terribly confusing mental abuse and mixed messages, a true messing with my reality, I decided I had to leave.  Thank goodness as a musician I made my way to a concert career than take a more sinister past.  It was very difficult in t hat I had to face that my parent was either going to end up homeless and lost forever, or perhaps do something so outrageous that she would end up hospitalized and gettin the treatment she needed.  Thankfully, the latter occurred.  Having grown up with an exagerated sense of guilt, I can only be thankful things worked out as they had and by the time I reached age 15 these sorts of issues were coming to light more commonly along with medications, etc.  I knew if I stayed the potential for me to be driven beyond my sane thresholds was all too real, so I had to divorce myself, although not legally.  Thanks for putting up with the loooooong posting.  Have a peaceful day.  Marina2u signing off....
 
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