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Topic : Living Together

Number of Replies: 1608
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 05:07:28 pm
Author : dataimport
Cohabitation is sometimes a smart (and economical!) way to learn about your compatibilities before taking the plunge. How is living together working for you?

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October 21, 2008, 8:48 am CDT

Lying

OK, I'm 42 and my boyfriend of 7 months is 41.  He tends to drink too much.  It doesn't seem to be a problem most days.  He lied right to my face Friday night when I asked him if he drank anything that day.  I looked at a text in his phone the next day and caught him in a lie.  He met a friend at his son's football game and drank in the parking lot.  Came home and that's when I asked him if he drank and he told me he drank nothing.  When confronted told me he didn't tell me cuz he didn't want me to make a mountain out of a mole hill.  He had only three beers.  He promised me he would never lie to me again.  Then there's yesterday.  He texted me at 8:45 am telling me that his job was cancelled for the day and he was staying home.  I asked questions because I was a little suspicious about them calling him so late when he was supposed to be there early.  He was still in bed when I left for work.  He told me that I don't understand his company and he's not going to explain every little detail in how they operate.  Well, I said I don't understand how a business would be run that way, blah, blah, blah and he assured me that he wasn't lying that work was cancelled  and he would show me the text.  This morning while he was in the shower I checked his phone again and there was not a text in there saying work was cancelled but there was a text to his boss saying "Johnny Mac will be a no show today see you Tuesday am."  I said I didn't want to make a big deal right now but I know that he lied.  He of course denied it and said way to start the day off good, like it was my fault he lied.  Now I feel like I can't trust him.  I don't know what's going to happen this evening when we see each other.  I'm afraid this could make us or break us.  I don't know how to approach it.  Do I let it go and always have the non-trust issue between us or do we fight it out?  I don't think the second option will be pretty.  He is pretty much on the defensive.  I love him to death but don't know where to go with it.

 

In love with a liar.

 
October 25, 2008, 5:36 pm CDT

worried about xwife

hi to all,here again i post my new message here i wish i can get more advice here bec. i am worried too much about my bf and his xwife my bf is not yet divorce to his xwife but he have plan to divorce her and they talk about each other now his xwife said that its not okey to get divorce bec. they have to seperate there acount in business is that true? that a business can affect for a divorce my bf is an australian and they are both ausrtalian i been already to australia and my bf and i already spent time each other he knows me very well now that we talk about this things but his xwife can make me worried so much they still seeing each other and talk each other his wife said that i am not the right for him and i am not smart enough for him that maybe james will not be happy for me i know i am not smart enough like his xwife bec. she have more experience in life and about business me i dont have more experience what i have to do ? that his xwife will not say anything from me to him...my bf and i will going to get a fiancee visa so i can go back to australia...is my bf can get a divorce even they share there business together bec. thats the reason of her xwife why can't get divorce yet bec. of there business together and they have to wait 12 months to get that divroce is that true? if ur australian is that easy for you to get a divorce in australia even u and ur xwife have business together and need split with that business? who can get a divorce and to process is only the wife can get that or the husband..i am really confused about this things and really hurt so much...please need advice here and what i have to tell to my bf about this.?...cheer lelit
 
October 31, 2008, 10:37 am CDT

should I marry him?

Hello there!! i met that italian guy 2 months ago. we go out everyday when he's in Morroco, when he went back to italy he keep calling everyday and all day long, we talked about everything and nothing, he said he's serious and he wants to marry me, i'd love to but i don't know what to do

the last time he came to Morroco, he bring to me a lot of presents, we had sex, a really good one, you can feel that we're in love, we hang out... The problem is that he's not muslim, my family won't accept him, but he said he's really to be a muslim, so that's nice of him, he's ready to do anything for me.

he wanted to talk to my family now but my mother said no, we don't have to rush things, i've met him just two months ago so it's not enough to marry him, he's upset and he wants to be with me forever

actually, i still continue my studies and i work in a good company so i will have to let my job, my family and everything here to go with him

but he's really nice, he never done something bad to me, he let me do whatever i want

what should i do?

 
October 31, 2008, 12:44 pm CDT

Am i wrong?

Hi all.  I have a coupla problems. My common law husband an i jus got back together a few months ago. We have one 4 year old child together, I have 3 older 17, 13,10. He loves them like they r his own. my prob is here, during our time apart both he an I were talking with other people. After we decided to work it out, we stopped talkin with others online.  I am a full time student in Business accounting and i sometimes work during my 2 days off, which is an hour commute.  lately it has been really bugging me that he has no real job (4mnths) . He does drive fr medical, which is about 600 a month.  but i feel real stresed out about the bills, we're behind a bit.  I am trying not to b a nag, but i feel he should be making an effort to look for work. We are a small town with a warmart, Canadian tire, an fast food restuarants.  But he does not want to work @ those places. Its also starting to bother me that all day we are @ school and daycare, hes at home doing whatever online. Being online wouldn't bother me so much if he actually cleaned the house more, instead of complaining about wat a mess we leave in the morning rush of leaving.  anywho, am i wrong to try push him to work? or even that it bothers me that hes spending time online during the day, he says i'm paranoid, and a nag.  He says that theres "no jobs" in our small town. an with him being online it shouldn't bother me because he's not doing anything wrong.  Quite honestly i'm not sure i fully trust him with being online all day.  recently a girl he was chatting with left a msg on facebook for our friend to tell him that "she still loves him, misses him, and will wait for him however long it takes" AND he was mad that it bothered me. i really don't know wat to do. or how i should feel about these things. but i don't want to feel this way anymore, its really affecting my school work being stressed out.
 
November 4, 2008, 1:59 pm CST

Know How You Feel

Quote From: gabby_baron

hi to all,here again i post my new message here i wish i can get more advice here bec. i am worried too much about my bf and his xwife my bf is not yet divorce to his xwife but he have plan to divorce her and they talk about each other now his xwife said that its not okey to get divorce bec. they have to seperate there acount in business is that true? that a business can affect for a divorce my bf is an australian and they are both ausrtalian i been already to australia and my bf and i already spent time each other he knows me very well now that we talk about this things but his xwife can make me worried so much they still seeing each other and talk each other his wife said that i am not the right for him and i am not smart enough for him that maybe james will not be happy for me i know i am not smart enough like his xwife bec. she have more experience in life and about business me i dont have more experience what i have to do ? that his xwife will not say anything from me to him...my bf and i will going to get a fiancee visa so i can go back to australia...is my bf can get a divorce even they share there business together bec. thats the reason of her xwife why can't get divorce yet bec. of there business together and they have to wait 12 months to get that divroce is that true? if ur australian is that easy for you to get a divorce in australia even u and ur xwife have business together and need split with that business? who can get a divorce and to process is only the wife can get that or the husband..i am really confused about this things and really hurt so much...please need advice here and what i have to tell to my bf about this.?...cheer lelit

I was living with a man for awhile and he had been divorced from his wife and told me he was done with her.

She was a foreigner and lived overseas and lost her green card and visa when they divorced and he

had told me so many horrible things about her and what she was. He even told his friends he couldnt stand her.

Fast forward a few years later and one day when I wasnt doing exactly as he told me and lived

up to his expectations I went on a trip to visit some family and friends. While I was away he

invited his exwife over for two weeks to have some fun while she was visiting the States.

I found out through the grapevine that she had been with him and in our apt. for two weeks while

I was away. They  were intimate and he was planning on getting back with her if I didnt go back and

do whatever he said. So I broke up with him even though he wanted me back. He wanted me back

to use me and he will use her. Many will say good riddance and I agree but I struggle with the

fact that they will probably marry again and its killing me. It is going to take time for me to heal

and accept this and they now they will both use each other. I dont understand why he would want to

marry a person he cant stand. I struggle with this every day.

We have no communication anymore and I wont lower myself for any man but this is someone

who seemed so kind and loving and then turned out to be some sort of two faced con  man.

So please be careful. if your boyfriend wont or cant get divorced there is a good chance he

will return to the wife. The statistics prove it over and over. Unless the person is divorced for awhile

and totally has no communication with the wife unless its just with their children I would tell him

to go on his way and be finally done with her. Trust me the pain will not be worth it.

I am not you but I can tell you from experience if the ex is still in the picture somehow your boyfriend

will never totally commit to you.

 
November 6, 2008, 11:16 pm CST

thank you for your sharing your experience too..

Quote From: lifeisajourney

I was living with a man for awhile and he had been divorced from his wife and told me he was done with her.

She was a foreigner and lived overseas and lost her green card and visa when they divorced and he

had told me so many horrible things about her and what she was. He even told his friends he couldnt stand her.

Fast forward a few years later and one day when I wasnt doing exactly as he told me and lived

up to his expectations I went on a trip to visit some family and friends. While I was away he

invited his exwife over for two weeks to have some fun while she was visiting the States.

I found out through the grapevine that she had been with him and in our apt. for two weeks while

I was away. They  were intimate and he was planning on getting back with her if I didnt go back and

do whatever he said. So I broke up with him even though he wanted me back. He wanted me back

to use me and he will use her. Many will say good riddance and I agree but I struggle with the

fact that they will probably marry again and its killing me. It is going to take time for me to heal

and accept this and they now they will both use each other. I dont understand why he would want to

marry a person he cant stand. I struggle with this every day.

We have no communication anymore and I wont lower myself for any man but this is someone

who seemed so kind and loving and then turned out to be some sort of two faced con  man.

So please be careful. if your boyfriend wont or cant get divorced there is a good chance he

will return to the wife. The statistics prove it over and over. Unless the person is divorced for awhile

and totally has no communication with the wife unless its just with their children I would tell him

to go on his way and be finally done with her. Trust me the pain will not be worth it.

I am not you but I can tell you from experience if the ex is still in the picture somehow your boyfriend

will never totally commit to you.

hi thank you for your short story too about your x, my boyfriend is planning now to get a divorce to his xwife and beside they talked about it already i know i am worried about all this things especially now that i am not always beside him bec. i go home here in philippines, my bf support me that i can continue to study in college and this is a big oppotunity for me and i am now getting a requirements for my fiancee visa so after my second semester here i can go back to australia if i can get all this requirements then he have to send me also his requirements so i can lodge it while i doing some study here, he told me that its possible that his xwife and him can get back together sometimes i feel insecured especially when i know that they still have communicate each other and talk each other but i trust my bf he is faithful to me and honest he dont have secret that he hide from me ..but only things that i worried too much is his xwife bec. i know she dont like me and she hate me when she see me...can u give me some advice of what i have to do i dont know if i can survive this situation its really hurt for me especially that we are a part now bec. he is in australia and his xwife are there too and i am in philippines we are really far...what i have to do and what i have to tell my bf about his planning to divorce his xwife...please advice me thanks and cheer lelit
 
November 7, 2008, 2:07 am CST

That was very cute.

Quote From: theglobe

How large is the bed? do you often turn or make noises? do you have 2 blankets? These are the practical things you need to tend to first (bigger bed, earplugs for him, etc). Then you have to let him just get used to the fact that he's not alone. spend more than a week together, at some point you have to sleep. I had the problem too, I was to excited to sleep. Now I can only sleep when he's near me.

I think we all fall into patterns and other people are going to interfere at some points in our lives making our time, their time, and their time, ours. Thats why people get into relationships. Thats why not all people should be in them; they are not able or willing to share, be flexible, a little or a lot uncomfortable with each other. Yet, if given the right set of circumstances, what once seemed like a thorn, becomes a rose.

 

 

 
November 7, 2008, 6:18 pm CST

Living Together

  

 

      Hi all,

         I have one question to ask. Is the age difference of 18 yrs too big of a gap in a relationship?

 
November 8, 2008, 2:34 am CST

It depends on the maturity.

Quote From: veryhappynow08

  

 

      Hi all,

         I have one question to ask. Is the age difference of 18 yrs too big of a gap in a relationship?

I have met 70 year olds that are childlike and 14 year old that are wise beyond their years. It depends on the maturity levels of both. If a person is with a 25 year old and they are 45 it could be fine.
 
November 12, 2008, 9:28 am CST

how long is too long to stay in a relationship without a committment

 
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