Topic : Living Together

To all of you who speak about being in a relationship where the man is controlling/abusive and or on achohol or drugs. I was in a marriage that lasted 23 years to just such a man who was a bit of all three at one time or another. He would get jealous for no reason, go through my purse, my underware drawer and when I got my computer, he would go through my files constantly. He would accuse me of excess spending  of the money and yet he would spend $1000 on internet porn. Once I can remember he would take me to work and pick me up after work, he would be with me constantly when I was off work and yet he had the gall to accuse me of running around on him.  

I was so afraid to get out on my own because I did not think that I could make it. Especially with two small kids to take care of. One day, he got mad at me and threw a can of nuts across the room, I could hear the ringing of the can for a good 45 seconds after the can had hit the floor. It was then that I knew that he would kill me if I stayed there any longer if not physically then definately mentally. So I took the plunge, I left a HUGE mess and pretty much wiped out our bank account. We had a camper and I loaded it up and took off as soon as I could. My daughter wanted to stay as she had one year left in high school and my son wanted very badly to go with me. So we had loaded up his things as well. As the miles went by and I got far enough away so that he could not catch me, I felt as if I had been released from prision. I did not know what to do with myself, nor did I know if I could make it on my own, but I knew that I had to leave. I drove until I could drive no more and stopped in an RV park to sleep. 

Well it took me a month to find myself a job, and a place to park my camper where we could live there permenantly without having to move every time we turned around. But you know what? I did it, it was not easy, it was very hard, I went to bring home pay of 1/3 of what I was use to dealing with. It took me time and took lots of work mentally for both my son and myself. But we are getting by decently now and yeah I still have things to work out in my mind. But you know what? I have realized that WE are in control of where we are happy or not. WE have the choice of where to accept what is happening or getting the courage up enough to change it.  

I have since met a wonderful man who is now a part of my life, we are currently living together and though I still have some things to work out for myself, I am happy.

I wanted to share this with all of you who are in bad relationships so that you will know that YOU have the choice of either staying there and dealing with the same thing every day, day in and day out and taking the chance that one day that man in your life may really hurt you or your children. Or you can change it and yes so you may get lonely a bit here and there. We all can be lonely at one time or another, a person can even be lonely in a crowded room. It is a small price to pay for your life. NOTHING and I mean NOTHING is worth your life.  

I am a 44 year old Mom of 3.  Two are grown and one is left at home.  My boyfriend and I have been living together now just over 2 years in a house that I bought.  At frst everything was wonderful. He was kind and considerate and very loving.  Obviously I assumed that our relationship would progress to the next level.  My parents have met my boyfriend and my father especially absolutely adors him.  My Dad loves him so much that he wants to be the one to marry us.  However, he is now dying of cancer.  We are not engaged and I see no hopes of that happening anytime soon although my boyfriend has promised "not to long in the distant future" several times.  I'm not sure what that means exactly.   When my Dad got sick without asking my boyfriend said we would go to North Carolina for Christmas to be with my family.  Then he started back stepping from that prmoise. Reluctantly he agreed to go for a very quick vist Thanksgiving but only after a big fight.  Then last night he tells me that when my Father dies he won't be able to go with me because he can't leave work.  That is total bunk!!  I love him but I see a certain selfishness in him and I don't know if I can count on anything from him.   He wants to play married, toss his shirt at me every morning to iron, have me cook all the meals and then lay down with a smile at the end of the day.  I pay all the bills in the house including the mortgage (that's a different story).   I should see the writing on the wall but I do love him and keep thinking there is hope at some point.  Am I just kidding myself??  How can I change him?  What is he afraid of? 

Confused In Oklahoma 

 I dated this guy from 99-01 and I decided that i would try to work my marriage out and me and my ex- tried to work things out but in 04 we found it virtually impossible and we went our seperate ways.  When I caught him cheating on me and he was lying about it !!!!!  Well me and the guy that I dated from 99-01 got back together in 04;  but his neighbor that use to be his old girlfriend so he says won't leave us alone.  She is constanlty doing things to come between us.  She is so obsessed with him that she has installed cameras one mile away from her house so that she can spy on us. She is constantly taking warrants for him.  She has tole me that things would be better if I would just pack my stuff and leave.  He says that he don't want her.  What do I do?????????????  Do I follow my heart or my instinct.  My tells me to stay but my heart was wrong for 15 years with my ex.  Or do I go by my instinct that he is just using me to get back at her???????????  That is how I feel some times and I am not a damn rag doll to be tossed to and fro.  Don't get me wrong I do love him I do trust him but he has a weird messed up  past all his old flames were these weird people.  We don't  fight or argue,  He is always home at a reasonable time and every where he goes we usally go with him.  Do I open my heart on up or do I run?????????????????????????????? 

I am currently dating and engaged to a man who at the age of 39 is still living at home with is momma. He has every excuse in the book why he still remains there, from I'm the only child, they need me right now, they've gotten up in age and are sick, to he just doesn't have enough money to save up and move out. These are all excuses and I simply believe he soes not want to move in with me. He has lived with a woman before he was dating and their relationship ended up very rocky,and I feel the impact of that relationship to this day.  

I have a daughter with him and feel it would be best for us to live together before getting married. We fight all the time about living apart, or should I say I fight all the time about this because he just seem to matter kiving apart. I also think he is not ready to give up his old ways with a lot of women calling and coming and going as he pleases. I just want the truth and honesty from him, I can appreciate him just telling me he's not ready for this and go his separate way. After all why buy me an expensive engagement ring and make me think he's serious and we still have to fight over when he cut the strings and leave his mother's house. 

By the way his mother is not innocent in this ordeal, she finds every reason to keep him there and why he should be there. She always tthrowas the needle in the haystack. I feel she does not like me, even though we used to be able to talk about anything. Once she discovered that he wa actually moving out she simply stopped walking, that's right stopped walking and pretended to be sick and helpless and has not walked since. The doctors has told her there is no reason she cannot walk again, but she feels she has lost total mobility. Try this for luck. 

I am need of some advice and need to know what to do about this situation at hand. I do not feel like or want to come between him and his mother even though what she's doing is wrong. After all she is not alone she has beem married for over thirty years and her husband is still living.