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Topic : Living Together

Number of Replies: 1608
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Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 05:07:28 pm
Author : dataimport
Cohabitation is sometimes a smart (and economical!) way to learn about your compatibilities before taking the plunge. How is living together working for you?

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November 8, 2005, 3:24 pm CST

INSTINCT!

Quote From: single67

 I dated this guy from 99-01 and I decided that i would try to work my marriage out and me and my ex- tried to work things out but in 04 we found it virtually impossible and we went our seperate ways.  When I caught him cheating on me and he was lying about it !!!!!  Well me and the guy that I dated from 99-01 got back together in 04;  but his neighbor that use to be his old girlfriend so he says won't leave us alone.  She is constanlty doing things to come between us.  She is so obsessed with him that she has installed cameras one mile away from her house so that she can spy on us. She is constantly taking warrants for him.  She has tole me that things would be better if I would just pack my stuff and leave.  He says that he don't want her.  What do I do?????????????  Do I follow my heart or my instinct.  My tells me to stay but my heart was wrong for 15 years with my ex.  Or do I go by my instinct that he is just using me to get back at her???????????  That is how I feel some times and I am not a damn rag doll to be tossed to and fro.  Don't get me wrong I do love him I do trust him but he has a weird messed up  past all his old flames were these weird people.  We don't  fight or argue,  He is always home at a reasonable time and every where he goes we usally go with him.  Do I open my heart on up or do I run?????????????????????????????? 

Follows those instincts! They're there for a reason! Maybe bring up moving!
 
November 8, 2005, 3:34 pm CST

Is he the ONE?

 

Im in a realtionship that has been going now for almost 9 months. We get along great. We fight rarely. I feel like I can communicate with him better than I can with any other man I'v ever been with. The problem: He can be kinda moody when he is very tired. He does work two jobs, one at night, one druring the day. As you can see that leads to little sleep. I am ok with giving him his space. I am just wondering if I am trying to make excuses for him.  

 

My mom and one of my oldest friends dont care for him. Neither of them know him that well as we live over and hour apart. They dont spend time with him. I'm just trying to make sure that I'm not making the same mistakes that I have in the past. I have had bad judgment and dated men that were totally wrong for me. I have never felt this way abut another man, but I just want to make sure im not going to screw my self in the end!  

 

Should I listen to the nosey mom and jelous friend? 

 
November 8, 2005, 5:15 pm CST

Nosey Mom & Jealous friend...

Quote From: celesty926

 

Im in a realtionship that has been going now for almost 9 months. We get along great. We fight rarely. I feel like I can communicate with him better than I can with any other man I'v ever been with. The problem: He can be kinda moody when he is very tired. He does work two jobs, one at night, one druring the day. As you can see that leads to little sleep. I am ok with giving him his space. I am just wondering if I am trying to make excuses for him.  

 

My mom and one of my oldest friends dont care for him. Neither of them know him that well as we live over and hour apart. They dont spend time with him. I'm just trying to make sure that I'm not making the same mistakes that I have in the past. I have had bad judgment and dated men that were totally wrong for me. I have never felt this way abut another man, but I just want to make sure im not going to screw my self in the end!  

 

Should I listen to the nosey mom and jelous friend? 

 NO!!  you should not listen to anyone other than your heart!  Life is too short to make everyone else happy and unless we all married Brad Pitt... no one will ever be good enough for a mothers daughter.   Worry about you and you alone. 

Can your man give up some hours? Or maybe even one of the jobs? Have you ever worked two jobs?  Once I had three jobs... a nine to five office job, a part time gig at a western store and a beer tub girl at a bar two nights a week.  I was emotionally and physically exhausted!!  I was too tired for my relationship, too tired for sex.. etc...  The relationship I was in at that time failed.

 If your man is working this much for financial obligations.. then stand by your man and support  him.   At least he is not afraid to work!!   BUT... If he is simply a "work-aholic" and works all these hours for the sport of it, then maybe you can convince him to give up some work hours to build precious memories with you!!

Good luck!
 
November 8, 2005, 11:45 pm CST

Living Together

Quote From: kjb1972

 NO!!  you should not listen to anyone other than your heart!  Life is too short to make everyone else happy and unless we all married Brad Pitt... no one will ever be good enough for a mothers daughter.   Worry about you and you alone. 

Can your man give up some hours? Or maybe even one of the jobs? Have you ever worked two jobs?  Once I had three jobs... a nine to five office job, a part time gig at a western store and a beer tub girl at a bar two nights a week.  I was emotionally and physically exhausted!!  I was too tired for my relationship, too tired for sex.. etc...  The relationship I was in at that time failed.

 If your man is working this much for financial obligations.. then stand by your man and support  him.   At least he is not afraid to work!!   BUT... If he is simply a "work-aholic" and works all these hours for the sport of it, then maybe you can convince him to give up some work hours to build precious memories with you!!

Good luck!
Yes Mam I AM working two jobs also! He works his two for financial reasons also. Thats why I was wondering if it may be a good idea for us to maybe move in together. We both struggle for money. I work full-time and a half, AND go to school. Thanx SO much for the support. I think you may have hit the nail on the head! I try to please everyone! I am a peoplepleasaholic!!!! Dr phil should add that to his vocabulary i think! Im comming to the conclusion Its one of my worst down falls. I still feel guilty tho. Why?
 
November 9, 2005, 8:48 am CST

Moving out, but staying together

I am 26 and have been with my boyfriend, 25, for almost 2 years. I have an 8 year old daughter from another relationship and the biological father is no where in the picture. We have been living together for about a year and a half. About a month ago he mentioned how he wanted to marry me someday soon. He started going to church about a month ago and has decided that living together is a sin and he has to move. He says he wants our relationship and still plan for our future.  Our relationship hasnt been perfect lately, but has gotten better since we first started living together. We have big communication problems and we both know it. I hold my emotions in and allow my actions to show how I feel and I feel like he can be hard to talk to at times. Him deciding to move came completely out of the blue. I had no idea he was feeling this way until after he had already decided he was leaving. He says he is moving partly because he is unhappy, but mostly because he doesnt want to live in sin. He says he is still very confused, but insists on moving. I dont want to make him stay. I want to support him the best way I feel I can. I am worried this will cause resentment towards him, because I am hurting so much. I feel like I am loosing him. I love him so much and he says he feels the same and doesnt want to loose me either. He says he has no bad intentions by leaving. My heart says to trust him and let him do this, but my head says this will not work.
 
November 9, 2005, 9:42 pm CST

Moving

Quote From: celesty926

Follows those instincts! They're there for a reason! Maybe bring up moving!
How do you ask a guy to move from a place that he has lived for 25 years or longer we have just completed the house and it is paid for and we have plenty of land and prety good jobs  It is just this psycho neighbor won't leave us alone.  She is truly obsessed with him
 
November 11, 2005, 12:44 pm CST

need advice

I really would need some advice on this,because I don't know if I want too much,or maybe the problem is with my boyfriend.I am 24 years old and he is 25,and we live together for 2 years now.

  

 

I don't have any family members here,so he is the only one here,I came basically here because of him.And I think he kind of responsible for me.I would like for him to be more ambitious,and do something with his life.He said for a long time that He will open a business,but now he just doesn't want it anymore.He told me that why he should do it,why I don't do something?Why he is the one who has to do something financially,he is telling me.Both are working but low paid jobs,but he could do something more,I just don't know why.I am doing most of the things at home,he is kind of lasy.

  

 

So I am wondering if he loves me,because I think I don't motivate him enough,maybe he doesn't love me.

  

 

Please,I really need some advice,sometimes I feel I am just wasting my time with him.I love him,but I would like to know,what is happening.

  

 

  

 

 
November 11, 2005, 1:25 pm CST

Living Together

Quote From: bea2005

I really would need some advice on this,because I don't know if I want too much,or maybe the problem is with my boyfriend.I am 24 years old and he is 25,and we live together for 2 years now.

  

 

I don't have any family members here,so he is the only one here,I came basically here because of him.And I think he kind of responsible for me.I would like for him to be more ambitious,and do something with his life.He said for a long time that He will open a business,but now he just doesn't want it anymore.He told me that why he should do it,why I don't do something?Why he is the one who has to do something financially,he is telling me.Both are working but low paid jobs,but he could do something more,I just don't know why.I am doing most of the things at home,he is kind of lasy.

  

 

So I am wondering if he loves me,because I think I don't motivate him enough,maybe he doesn't love me.

  

 

Please,I really need some advice,sometimes I feel I am just wasting my time with him.I love him,but I would like to know,what is happening.

  

 

  

 

i feel bad for you because you don't realize that YOU CANNOT motivate him.  Basically he is showing you what the future is going to be like.  He does not want the pressure of having to bring home the money, support you, maybe kids eventually, etc.  And you even say that his is 'kind of lazy" 

  

i'm 39 years old, married and divorced twice.  The one thing i learned about men is that you can't change them.  He is what he is.  so stop wasting your time trying to light a fire under him.  you are young and NOW is the time to explore what works for you and what doesn't.  It sounds to me like you would like a man who is motivated and has future potential to be successful.  i don't blame you for wanting that and  there is nothing wrong with that!  GOOD LUCK  to you.  Remember to trust your instincts.  

 
November 11, 2005, 2:44 pm CST

thanks windy

Quote From: windy66

i feel bad for you because you don't realize that YOU CANNOT motivate him.  Basically he is showing you what the future is going to be like.  He does not want the pressure of having to bring home the money, support you, maybe kids eventually, etc.  And you even say that his is 'kind of lazy" 

  

i'm 39 years old, married and divorced twice.  The one thing i learned about men is that you can't change them.  He is what he is.  so stop wasting your time trying to light a fire under him.  you are young and NOW is the time to explore what works for you and what doesn't.  It sounds to me like you would like a man who is motivated and has future potential to be successful.  i don't blame you for wanting that and  there is nothing wrong with that!  GOOD LUCK  to you.  Remember to trust your instincts.  

What you just said I really wanted to hear for along time,but I taught maybe I am the one who wants too much,so in your opinion this is how our future gonna look like?I am not sure if i want that,I want somebody with ambition,who can support me in any ways,and who can offer me security. 

It's just hard to move on. 

 
November 11, 2005, 2:59 pm CST

Living Together

Quote From: bea2005

What you just said I really wanted to hear for along time,but I taught maybe I am the one who wants too much,so in your opinion this is how our future gonna look like?I am not sure if i want that,I want somebody with ambition,who can support me in any ways,and who can offer me security. 

It's just hard to move on. 

i understand it's hard... but think of it as avoiding a huge mistake....if you get married to someone who lacks the qualities you are looking for and won't be able to give you the life you want, you will be miserable.  If the money is tight, you may develop feelings of resentment towards him which will affect your relationship as a whole.  you are actually in a GREAT position right now.  you aren't engaged or married, and you didn't mention any kids... and you know what you want and what you don't want.   i wish i was that lucky at your age!  if you need help making the decision to move on, i would suggest finding a good therapist.  i know that helped me a lot.  that and some really good friends who were there to give me alot of emotional support.    wendy. 

 
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