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Topic : Living Together

Number of Replies: 1608
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 05:07:28 pm
Author : dataimport
Cohabitation is sometimes a smart (and economical!) way to learn about your compatibilities before taking the plunge. How is living together working for you?

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November 11, 2005, 10:48 pm CST

friend screwed me over

I am struggling right now with a big problem. See I was dating this guy 5 years ago and I became friends with this girl. I worked at night and she was staying at my house alot with my ex. I found out through a good friend that her and my ex messed around in my house while I was working. At the time I was very naive and believed her when she said it wasn't true. I guess I am still kind of naive because that same good friend called me the other day to tell me that my ex had admitted it to her and her boyfriend, they did mess around. Not a big problem but now this girl and I are best friends. I don't know what to do now because she has told me over and over the past 7 years now that she wouldn't do that to me. I am happily living with someone else that I know would never do anything to hurt me, but I just can't decide what I should do. My counselor and new boyfriend say to stop talking to her, but she is now experiencing some bad relationship issues and I feel like I should be there for her since she has been there for me. Is that completely stupid? Am I letting her take advantage of my trust? I don't know what I should do I think about confronting her but if she lies or tells the truth I don't think it will really matter she has lied to me for too long about something that doesn't bother me ( the act she did not that she lied about it). I don't think our friendship is really worth saving, so should I just not say anything until she asks or tell her how I feel? Please help. 

 
November 12, 2005, 12:10 am CST

Hunting Obsessed BF

HI All, 

  

Maybe this isn't the right topic, but I have a question.  Do any of you ladies have a partner/spouse who takes a hobby to the extreme?  Maybe it's just me, but my bf goes hunting 5 times a week for hours at a time.  He says "it's just until deer season is over", but before that there's moose and elk season!  It's all he talks about when he gets home (except the gory details, I made that clear I don't want to hear).  Then it's off to his shed to hang the deer and butcher it.  This is about 2 hours a night for a week.  Then the phone calls from his hunting buddies.  

  

I try to be patient and do my hobbies (needlework) while he's gone, but when he puts a plastic bag of deer meat in the fridge and the juice leaks all over, I went ballistic.  He expected me to clean it up.  It wasn't even his deer, it was his friend's.  I did help out. 

  

What is with men?  He says he wants to spend time with me, but then he asks if it's ok if he goes hunting the next few days.  Why doesn't he just tell the truth that he'd rather be hunting?  I'm sure some of you have experienced the same with golfers. 

  

How do you women deal with it?  I don't mind the time alone..to a point.  5 days a week is a lot.  Then he expects me to decide what to do when he has time.. WE live in a rural town in Canada and there's not a whole lot to do.  If he'd rather be hunting, I'd rather him be there than pretend to be with me. 

  

Sorry for the ranting and raving, 

Cindy 

 
November 12, 2005, 7:22 pm CST

Living Together

Quote From: utahinbc

HI All, 

  

Maybe this isn't the right topic, but I have a question.  Do any of you ladies have a partner/spouse who takes a hobby to the extreme?  Maybe it's just me, but my bf goes hunting 5 times a week for hours at a time.  He says "it's just until deer season is over", but before that there's moose and elk season!  It's all he talks about when he gets home (except the gory details, I made that clear I don't want to hear).  Then it's off to his shed to hang the deer and butcher it.  This is about 2 hours a night for a week.  Then the phone calls from his hunting buddies.  

  

I try to be patient and do my hobbies (needlework) while he's gone, but when he puts a plastic bag of deer meat in the fridge and the juice leaks all over, I went ballistic.  He expected me to clean it up.  It wasn't even his deer, it was his friend's.  I did help out. 

  

What is with men?  He says he wants to spend time with me, but then he asks if it's ok if he goes hunting the next few days.  Why doesn't he just tell the truth that he'd rather be hunting?  I'm sure some of you have experienced the same with golfers. 

  

How do you women deal with it?  I don't mind the time alone..to a point.  5 days a week is a lot.  Then he expects me to decide what to do when he has time.. WE live in a rural town in Canada and there's not a whole lot to do.  If he'd rather be hunting, I'd rather him be there than pretend to be with me. 

  

Sorry for the ranting and raving, 

Cindy 

 Cindy-  I have a good friend of mine that was in the same situation as you.  Her b/fwould leave early in the morning before the sun came up and go hunting and return that next afternoon.  She dreaded hunting season every time it came around. 
 I have another friend who's b/f was obsessed with hunting also.  She actually forced herself to become a hunter and so they would go hunting together. She would skin the deer when they got home and cook big ole meals for him with his meat.   Personally, I would never be able to go that far, but I did admire her dedication to him.  Both of these women have since split up with their hunters.     Me personally, I had a b/f that was obsessed with sports. I could not win for losing. Football season, basketball season, baseball season, golf, tennis..... you name it he watched it and if there was no games on, he would watch ESPN SportsCenter!!!  BTW, we split up as well.
So you are up against a tough challenge hun, but I would love to hear a story turn the other way and it be successful!    I guess the positive thing is, your b/f could be obsessed with drinking, or partying, or drugs... but instead he loves to hunt.  Could be worse??? 

Good luck!!
 
November 12, 2005, 11:22 pm CST

Living Together

Quote From: kjb1972

 Cindy-  I have a good friend of mine that was in the same situation as you.  Her b/fwould leave early in the morning before the sun came up and go hunting and return that next afternoon.  She dreaded hunting season every time it came around. 
 I have another friend who's b/f was obsessed with hunting also.  She actually forced herself to become a hunter and so they would go hunting together. She would skin the deer when they got home and cook big ole meals for him with his meat.   Personally, I would never be able to go that far, but I did admire her dedication to him.  Both of these women have since split up with their hunters.     Me personally, I had a b/f that was obsessed with sports. I could not win for losing. Football season, basketball season, baseball season, golf, tennis..... you name it he watched it and if there was no games on, he would watch ESPN SportsCenter!!!  BTW, we split up as well.
So you are up against a tough challenge hun, but I would love to hear a story turn the other way and it be successful!    I guess the positive thing is, your b/f could be obsessed with drinking, or partying, or drugs... but instead he loves to hunt.  Could be worse??? 

Good luck!!

HI, 

  

Thanks for the response.  You're right, it could be worse.  I don't mind cooking with the meat, but I will not butcher it.  I  guess it's only for a few weeks, but what hurts the most is that he'd rather be there than with me.  And when he walks in the door, it's all about what happened during hunting, doesn't ask me how my day was, etc. 

  

Otherwise, he's a good guy and can be very attentive.  I don't know why I let it bother me.  I think the sports thing would be worse.  I've seen some obsessive people.  Or it could be porn, like my ex husband. 

  

Anyway, thanks for reading.  It made me feel better. 

  

Cindy 

 
November 18, 2005, 2:01 pm CST

fiance problems

 Hello! i wanted to post my problem to get other peoples input or advice. My fiance and I have been living together for almost 5 years and it just seems like its always something and I feel like maybe its time to give up.when we first started dating all he talked about was his ex girlfriend and he smoked pot alot. He would pick me up late for dates and I overheard one of his conversations where he told his ex he still loved her.Well that was a sucky first year and I admit I shouldn't have stayed he treated me horribly. Then I got pregnant and instead of the ex problem he would stay out after work no phone call or anything.I felt he was embarrased of me because I was pregnant. We argued all the time about him smoking pot I hated it he would wake up -smoke after breakfast smoke-after dinner -smoke before he goes to bed -smoke he drove me bananas not to mention all his druggy friend coming in the house. Well now its he leaves for work by 6 am comes home maybe by 6 30 at night eats dinner showers and goes to bed. The thing that bothers me is when I complain about him not staying up to like watch a movie or something with me he says hes tired BUT he always stays at his brothers house drinking beer for like an hour at least if not more before he comes home and i feel like he would rather spend his time drinking with his brother than be with me.He gets ugly with me when we argue about it and says I just dont understand because im not close to my family which isnt true.Im really close to my aunt but he looked at her when he got drunk one day and said he didnt like her being around me. When she would call if he was there i would lie and say hold on a sec and put my mom on the phone and lie to him and say she wanted to talk to my mom so she quit calling..On the weekends all he does is watch sports we dont do anything together.I think he has gotten comfortable with me i dont think he stays because of love. I try all the time like once i wrote on his money so when he pulled it out he would see the i love you i wrote. igot foam letters and stuck them to his dash board to say i love you and there is like no reaction what so ever. Because his mom spent the night with us one weekend he watched 2 movies with me ( and her) and asked if i needed help with dishes or dinner. it made me so mad that he doesnt normally do that and was showing off or whatever for his mom.Ive gotten to the point where i keep thinking about killing myself and wondering if he would care that much but i cant do that to my kids.
 
November 18, 2005, 2:01 pm CST

fiance problems

 Hello! i wanted to post my problem to get other peoples input or advice. My fiance and I have been living together for almost 5 years and it just seems like its always something and I feel like maybe its time to give up.when we first started dating all he talked about was his ex girlfriend and he smoked pot alot. He would pick me up late for dates and I overheard one of his conversations where he told his ex he still loved her.Well that was a sucky first year and I admit I shouldn't have stayed he treated me horribly. Then I got pregnant and instead of the ex problem he would stay out after work no phone call or anything.I felt he was embarrased of me because I was pregnant. We argued all the time about him smoking pot I hated it he would wake up -smoke after breakfast smoke-after dinner -smoke before he goes to bed -smoke he drove me bananas not to mention all his druggy friend coming in the house. Well now its he leaves for work by 6 am comes home maybe by 6 30 at night eats dinner showers and goes to bed. The thing that bothers me is when I complain about him not staying up to like watch a movie or something with me he says hes tired BUT he always stays at his brothers house drinking beer for like an hour at least if not more before he comes home and i feel like he would rather spend his time drinking with his brother than be with me.He gets ugly with me when we argue about it and says I just dont understand because im not close to my family which isnt true.Im really close to my aunt but he looked at her when he got drunk one day and said he didnt like her being around me. When she would call if he was there i would lie and say hold on a sec and put my mom on the phone and lie to him and say she wanted to talk to my mom so she quit calling..On the weekends all he does is watch sports we dont do anything together.I think he has gotten comfortable with me i dont think he stays because of love. I try all the time like once i wrote on his money so when he pulled it out he would see the i love you i wrote. igot foam letters and stuck them to his dash board to say i love you and there is like no reaction what so ever. Because his mom spent the night with us one weekend he watched 2 movies with me ( and her) and asked if i needed help with dishes or dinner. it made me so mad that he doesnt normally do that and was showing off or whatever for his mom.Ive gotten to the point where i keep thinking about killing myself and wondering if he would care that much but i cant do that to my kids. going t
 
November 18, 2005, 2:01 pm CST

fiance problems

 Hello! i wanted to post my problem to get other peoples input or advice. My fiance and I have been living together for almost 5 years and it just seems like its always something and I feel like maybe its time to give up.when we first started dating all he talked about was his ex girlfriend and he smoked pot alot. He would pick me up late for dates and I overheard one of his conversations where he told his ex he still loved her.Well that was a sucky first year and I admit I shouldn't have stayed he treated me horribly. Then I got pregnant and instead of the ex problem he would stay out after work no phone call or anything.I felt he was embarrased of me because I was pregnant. We argued all the time about him smoking pot I hated it he would wake up -smoke after breakfast smoke-after dinner -smoke before he goes to bed -smoke he drove me bananas not to mention all his druggy friend coming in the house. Well now its he leaves for work by 6 am comes home maybe by 6 30 at night eats dinner showers and goes to bed. The thing that bothers me is when I complain about him not staying up to like watch a movie or something with me he says hes tired BUT he always stays at his brothers house drinking beer for like an hour at least if not more before he comes home and i feel like he would rather spend his time drinking with his brother than be with me.He gets ugly with me when we argue about it and says I just dont understand because im not close to my family which isnt true.Im really close to my aunt but he looked at her when he got drunk one day and said he didnt like her being around me. When she would call if he was there i would lie and say hold on a sec and put my mom on the phone and lie to him and say she wanted to talk to my mom so she quit calling..On the weekends all he does is watch sports we dont do anything together.I think he has gotten comfortable with me i dont think he stays because of love. I try all the time like once i wrote on his money so when he pulled it out he would see the i love you i wrote. igot foam letters and stuck them to his dash board to say i love you and there is like no reaction what so ever. Because his mom spent the night with us one weekend he watched 2 movies with me ( and her) and asked if i needed help with dishes or dinner. it made me so mad that he doesnt normally do that and was showing off or whatever for his mom.Ive gotten to the point where i keep thinking about killing myself and wondering if he would care that much but i cant do that to my kids. going tstart
 
November 18, 2005, 2:02 pm CST

fiance problems

 Hello! i wanted to post my problem to get other peoples input or advice. My fiance and I have been living together for almost 5 years and it just seems like its always something and I feel like maybe its time to give up.when we first started dating all he talked about was his ex girlfriend and he smoked pot alot. He would pick me up late for dates and I overheard one of his conversations where he told his ex he still loved her.Well that was a sucky first year and I admit I shouldn't have stayed he treated me horribly. Then I got pregnant and instead of the ex problem he would stay out after work no phone call or anything.I felt he was embarrased of me because I was pregnant. We argued all the time about him smoking pot I hated it he would wake up -smoke after breakfast smoke-after dinner -smoke before he goes to bed -smoke he drove me bananas not to mention all his druggy friend coming in the house. Well now its he leaves for work by 6 am comes home maybe by 6 30 at night eats dinner showers and goes to bed. The thing that bothers me is when I complain about him not staying up to like watch a movie or something with me he says hes tired BUT he always stays at his brothers house drinking beer for like an hour at least if not more before he comes home and i feel like he would rather spend his time drinking with his brother than be with me.He gets ugly with me when we argue about it and says I just dont understand because im not close to my family which isnt true.Im really close to my aunt but he looked at her when he got drunk one day and said he didnt like her being around me. When she would call if he was there i would lie and say hold on a sec and put my mom on the phone and lie to him and say she wanted to talk to my mom so she quit calling..On the weekends all he does is watch sports we dont do anything together.I think he has gotten comfortable with me i dont think he stays because of love. I try all the time like once i wrote on his money so when he pulled it out he would see the i love you i wrote. igot foam letters and stuck them to his dash board to say i love you and there is like no reaction what so ever. Because his mom spent the night with us one weekend he watched 2 movies with me ( and her) and asked if i needed help with dishes or dinner. it made me so mad that he doesnt normally do that and was showing off or whatever for his mom.Ive gotten to the point where i keep thinking about killing myself and wondering if he would care that much but i cant do that to my kids. going tstart to
 
November 18, 2005, 2:03 pm CST

sorry

sorry dont know how it posted that many times
 
November 18, 2005, 9:17 pm CST

future for your baby

Quote From: wells3669

 Hello! i wanted to post my problem to get other peoples input or advice. My fiance and I have been living together for almost 5 years and it just seems like its always something and I feel like maybe its time to give up.when we first started dating all he talked about was his ex girlfriend and he smoked pot alot. He would pick me up late for dates and I overheard one of his conversations where he told his ex he still loved her.Well that was a sucky first year and I admit I shouldn't have stayed he treated me horribly. Then I got pregnant and instead of the ex problem he would stay out after work no phone call or anything.I felt he was embarrased of me because I was pregnant. We argued all the time about him smoking pot I hated it he would wake up -smoke after breakfast smoke-after dinner -smoke before he goes to bed -smoke he drove me bananas not to mention all his druggy friend coming in the house. Well now its he leaves for work by 6 am comes home maybe by 6 30 at night eats dinner showers and goes to bed. The thing that bothers me is when I complain about him not staying up to like watch a movie or something with me he says hes tired BUT he always stays at his brothers house drinking beer for like an hour at least if not more before he comes home and i feel like he would rather spend his time drinking with his brother than be with me.He gets ugly with me when we argue about it and says I just dont understand because im not close to my family which isnt true.Im really close to my aunt but he looked at her when he got drunk one day and said he didnt like her being around me. When she would call if he was there i would lie and say hold on a sec and put my mom on the phone and lie to him and say she wanted to talk to my mom so she quit calling..On the weekends all he does is watch sports we dont do anything together.I think he has gotten comfortable with me i dont think he stays because of love. I try all the time like once i wrote on his money so when he pulled it out he would see the i love you i wrote. igot foam letters and stuck them to his dash board to say i love you and there is like no reaction what so ever. Because his mom spent the night with us one weekend he watched 2 movies with me ( and her) and asked if i needed help with dishes or dinner. it made me so mad that he doesnt normally do that and was showing off or whatever for his mom.Ive gotten to the point where i keep thinking about killing myself and wondering if he would care that much but i cant do that to my kids. going tstart to
I just read your message and I hope I can help you or at least talk to you. First of all no man in this world is worth killing yourself for. When you think like that, think of all the people you would be affecting. Your baby really needs you. Just look at how his/her father is, what would he/she do without you. Your life is more than what he is making it seem like. Were you this depressed before him? If so you have more problems than him, if not LEAVE!!! He is bringing you down. You can only do so much for someone. I was in a relationship like yours and I hate myself for wasting so much of my life. We were also together for 5 years, he spent all his time with his friends, he controlled what I did (without even meaning to) I bent over backwards for him and got nothing in return. Is that how you feel? If so please think about leaving. It (he) is not going to change. Please understand that no matter what you do he will NOT change. There are so many men out there that will treat you with respect, and give your child what he/she deserves. God is always listening to you if you take the time to talk to him. Trust me I prayed every night for that five years for someone to love me as much as I love them and to treat me the way I want to be treated. Two weeks after I left my ex I met my new boyfriend and have been happy ever since. Take care and think about what I said. I'll be more than happy to listen if you need me to.
 
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