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Topic : Living Together

Number of Replies: 1608
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Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 05:07:28 pm
Author : dataimport
Cohabitation is sometimes a smart (and economical!) way to learn about your compatibilities before taking the plunge. How is living together working for you?

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November 19, 2005, 7:35 am CST

Hes not that into you

Quote From: trinket

  

  

  What part of  " I'm not ready to get married" Don't you get ?   This is a MAN, a real one.  Someone who knows he needs more than just a live in honey to make a home.  He's from the old school, and if you want to keep him-- You better back off the "Bicycle Built for Two".  (It's a song about getting married poor )  let him  

  

 "When I asked him if living together is out of the question, he said no, definitely not. He lives alone and is struggling financially. He said all he thinks about is work and how he can try to get it together." 

  

   LISTEN TO HIM !!!!  

If this MAN is not ready to get married and YOU ARE, he is not the right man for you. If you two are so in love as you say, you would mutally agree that getting married is right for both of you.  I say this because after 9.5 years of dating the same man, being brainwashed that "he wasn't ready" and also got the excuse "for financial reasons", I finally learned that this is a SIGN and we are not destined to be together. I met a WONDERFUL man, and he and I both knew from very early on that we wanted to be married.  If you are getting excuses now, you are going to get them until the end of time. You then will be living your life, not how YOU want to, but how HE wants to.  And it is YOUR life too. 

  

And I am sorry, money is no excuse for true love. You can have the same love living in a small house than living in a big house. Money is no excuse. Sounds like you are getting alot of excuses about his past, past family, or whatever. I used to get the same. 

  

Bottom line. If he TRULY loved you, he would marry you. If that is what YOU WANT. You deserve to find someone with the same goals as you have.  Read the book "Hes not that into you" you will see. Good luck and don't compromise your goals for someone else. Make yourself #1. 

  

 
November 19, 2005, 7:43 am CST

Living Together

Quote From: utahinbc

HI All, 

  

Maybe this isn't the right topic, but I have a question.  Do any of you ladies have a partner/spouse who takes a hobby to the extreme?  Maybe it's just me, but my bf goes hunting 5 times a week for hours at a time.  He says "it's just until deer season is over", but before that there's moose and elk season!  It's all he talks about when he gets home (except the gory details, I made that clear I don't want to hear).  Then it's off to his shed to hang the deer and butcher it.  This is about 2 hours a night for a week.  Then the phone calls from his hunting buddies.  

  

I try to be patient and do my hobbies (needlework) while he's gone, but when he puts a plastic bag of deer meat in the fridge and the juice leaks all over, I went ballistic.  He expected me to clean it up.  It wasn't even his deer, it was his friend's.  I did help out. 

  

What is with men?  He says he wants to spend time with me, but then he asks if it's ok if he goes hunting the next few days.  Why doesn't he just tell the truth that he'd rather be hunting?  I'm sure some of you have experienced the same with golfers. 

  

How do you women deal with it?  I don't mind the time alone..to a point.  5 days a week is a lot.  Then he expects me to decide what to do when he has time.. WE live in a rural town in Canada and there's not a whole lot to do.  If he'd rather be hunting, I'd rather him be there than pretend to be with me. 

  

Sorry for the ranting and raving, 

Cindy 

I think all wives/girlfriends of hunters are in the same boat and sound exactly the same when we talk about our significant others and their hunting. I do get frustrated and completely understand when you say its all he talks about. My husband just left yesterday for a 6 day weekend/bear hunting trip with 20 other men. They live and breathe hunting. I decided to sell Pampered Chef......... 

  

As much as it drives us crazy, I tell my friend, IT COULD BE WORSE............ 

  

We could have men who sit at the bar all night, go to nude bars, do drugs. Instead, we have caring men to just love to hunt. Who love to sit in a tree in camo and think about life. So, I think I would keep the hunting over the other stuff.  Good luck and maybe the women of the hunting men should start a world wide club ha ha.  

 
November 19, 2005, 7:54 am CST

Hes just not that into you

I have read alot of these messages under this topic. I am not expert, but what I want to say is that I don't understand why women compromise their goals in life for men who do not respect them.  And I am saying this out of experience after dating a brainwasher, excuse maker for 9.5 years. Who gave me every excuse in the book from I am not ready, I will be ready in 6 months, I am not financially ready, I want to buy you a big diamond, I want to provide you with a home, my past has led me to believe in just co-habitating, and ON AND ON. Until finally (thank God) something clicked in my head that I was just really trying to change someone that was never going to change. No one will change. That is a fact.  

  

Then I saw that episode of Oprah "Hes just not that into you" and it was PLAIN AS DAY. I advise anyone who is having relationship problems to get that book. Seriously. Women need to stand up for themselves and if your relationship isn't what you intended it to be, ITS NOT THE ONE........ 

  

When you are in "the box" of a relationship, its SOOOOO hard to see the other side. Trust me, once you step outside the box, you will wonder to yourself what in the hell you were even doing there. You deserve more. Make men respect you. Make yourself #1. Good luck and I hope I have helped even one person.  

 
November 19, 2005, 8:02 am CST

A statistic regarding living together

First of all, I will be upfront and admit I don't believe in living together. Either you are both committted and responsible enough to get married or you are not. LIving together dilutes whatever committment there is. I am not without experience. I lived with a quy once when I was in my early twenties. It seemed logical and like a really good idea. We did get married about a year later. We separated and divorced less than two years later.. I married my current husband 22 years ago. We did not live together. People who live together have a much greater chance, should they marry, of getting divorced ( I have read that the odds are as high as 50% greater) I know some of you will think I am trying to inflict my moral beliefs on others. But, I really am not. So many these posts sound so miserable. It sure doesn't make living together sound so great. If you love someone enough to live with them, make that committment real. Get married. If you can't do that, you may be wasting years of your life with someone you were not meant to be with. Please value yourself more and believe that you are a person worth marrying. khelgi
 
November 19, 2005, 7:50 pm CST

Living Together

 I've read a lot  (not all) of the posts here, and they sound really sad.  If you have your heart set on getting married, then don't stay with a man who doesn't.  It's really sad to hear all these women talking about how their man is stringing them along without the promises ever being realised.  If he lies to you, just leave!!

Personally, I've been married, and will NEVER do it again!  I have been living with my current partner for about 10 years and our first child is 8 months old.  I am totally happy, and I like to think that he is, too.  The only real problem in our relationship (and it's not even our problem) is that my mom thinks that you have to be married to legitimize a relationship.  I keep trying to tell her that a ceremony does not ensure upright, honorable behaviour (look at the divorce stats if you don't believe me) but she keeps bitching and moaning and I'm getting really tired of her guilt trips.  Shouldn't she be happy that I'm happy, rather than try to make things look good for the neighbors?

ARRGH!! Sorry, all!  I didn't mean to start complaining about her, but rather, to post saying you can be perfectly happy cohabitating rather than letting society tell you how to structure your relationships.  If, however, you have your heart set on that walk down the isle, then DON'T stay with a man who won't or can't give it to you.

Any functional relationship has to be built on trust and respect, and if you can't give each other that, no ceremony will give it to you!

 
November 19, 2005, 9:14 pm CST

agree

Quote From: sumgrrl

 I've read a lot  (not all) of the posts here, and they sound really sad.  If you have your heart set on getting married, then don't stay with a man who doesn't.  It's really sad to hear all these women talking about how their man is stringing them along without the promises ever being realised.  If he lies to you, just leave!!

Personally, I've been married, and will NEVER do it again!  I have been living with my current partner for about 10 years and our first child is 8 months old.  I am totally happy, and I like to think that he is, too.  The only real problem in our relationship (and it's not even our problem) is that my mom thinks that you have to be married to legitimize a relationship.  I keep trying to tell her that a ceremony does not ensure upright, honorable behaviour (look at the divorce stats if you don't believe me) but she keeps bitching and moaning and I'm getting really tired of her guilt trips.  Shouldn't she be happy that I'm happy, rather than try to make things look good for the neighbors?

ARRGH!! Sorry, all!  I didn't mean to start complaining about her, but rather, to post saying you can be perfectly happy cohabitating rather than letting society tell you how to structure your relationships.  If, however, you have your heart set on that walk down the isle, then DON'T stay with a man who won't or can't give it to you.

Any functional relationship has to be built on trust and respect, and if you can't give each other that, no ceremony will give it to you!

I agree you can cohabitate with out getting married. Not all people are bound to get married. I agree, that if two peole can agree on cohabitating with out getting married, that is their choice, and they should be happy in that. If one person is wanting to be married and one not, that is a true sign that it will never work. 

  

My belief is that a committment should be bound under God. Everyone is different. If you can have an honest and respectful union without marriage that both people respect, that is between the two in the relationship. It just seems in these message boards that the woman is wanting to be married and the man never is. The woman is always sacrificing her beliefs for the man.  

  

The women need to find what their heart's desire. Its sick how many women try to change men, or compromise their beliefs for men. Be true to yourself and you will never go wrong. 

  

 
November 20, 2005, 8:58 am CST

Living Together

Quote From: crystal528

I agree you can cohabitate with out getting married. Not all people are bound to get married. I agree, that if two peole can agree on cohabitating with out getting married, that is their choice, and they should be happy in that. If one person is wanting to be married and one not, that is a true sign that it will never work. 

  

My belief is that a committment should be bound under God. Everyone is different. If you can have an honest and respectful union without marriage that both people respect, that is between the two in the relationship. It just seems in these message boards that the woman is wanting to be married and the man never is. The woman is always sacrificing her beliefs for the man.  

  

The women need to find what their heart's desire. Its sick how many women try to change men, or compromise their beliefs for men. Be true to yourself and you will never go wrong. 

  

 You've totally nailed it!  You can NEVER go into a relationship expecting to change the other person, or force them to give you something that they just haven't got.  I find myself wondering why it's the women who always want to get married.  Is it because little girls have the idea of the perfect wedding day drilled into their heads from day 1, or is it because not a lot of men post here?  Or maybe because little girls are often taught to put other people's wants ahead of their own needs? 

All I know is that I feel more honest not being married than I ever would getting married and then not honouring my vows.  I'm thinking here of the 'Infidelity Aftermath' show that was on recently.  I have no desire to find another man, and my partner has too much self respect to cheat.  That would never change, ceremony or not.

I don't agree with you about the 'bound under God' thing, but I do want to say THANK-YOU THANK-YOU THANK-YOU for being a live and let live believer!  "Judge not lest you be judged" or something like that.  It's amazing how many people profess a belief in the Christian God, but forget  everything Jesus said about not condemning!

I wish the best for you and yours!
 
November 20, 2005, 9:57 am CST

Thank you

Quote From: sumgrrl

 You've totally nailed it!  You can NEVER go into a relationship expecting to change the other person, or force them to give you something that they just haven't got.  I find myself wondering why it's the women who always want to get married.  Is it because little girls have the idea of the perfect wedding day drilled into their heads from day 1, or is it because not a lot of men post here?  Or maybe because little girls are often taught to put other people's wants ahead of their own needs? 

All I know is that I feel more honest not being married than I ever would getting married and then not honouring my vows.  I'm thinking here of the 'Infidelity Aftermath' show that was on recently.  I have no desire to find another man, and my partner has too much self respect to cheat.  That would never change, ceremony or not.

I don't agree with you about the 'bound under God' thing, but I do want to say THANK-YOU THANK-YOU THANK-YOU for being a live and let live believer!  "Judge not lest you be judged" or something like that.  It's amazing how many people profess a belief in the Christian God, but forget  everything Jesus said about not condemning!

I wish the best for you and yours!

I wanted to say thank you for your support on what I had to say. I try to be an open minded person, and if two people are happy in the life they have chosen for eachother, that is their lives, and no one is to judge that.  

  

What I meant by "bound under God" is that we, my husband and I, wanted my committment to be in a ceremony before God. That is OUR choice. Some people can live the exact same life without the ceremony. And that is fine, I do not look down upon that, if it is what the two people want.  To some, the ceremony is important, to others, its the committment between themselves that is important. Everyone in life has the capability to choose what is right or wrong for themselves.  

  

But what I am seeing in most of these posts is that the women are living through what the man wants and not for themselves. This is a true sign (to me) that the relationship isn't right. I just wish women could learn to speak up for themselves, live the lives they want, and be happy. I have found true happiness for myself and with my husband. I wish all people could have such happiness.   

  

I wish the best for you and yours also. 

 
November 20, 2005, 2:45 pm CST

When things go awry-Too easy to say Good Bye

My BF and I have been living together for 3 years, even sold my old house and we bought one together.  I knew there was some stress, but I had no idea until I walked in our house about 2 weeks ago to find an email on my PC and half his clothes gone.  Not another woman I am positive about that.  He is staying with his sister, and we are still spending some time together.  He still has most of his things here, and says he needs to sort things out, hoping he is wrong in his thinking.  He seems to have perceived me as to dependent on him, which for the life of me and all that know me, cannot see where that come from.  But in my honest opinion, if we had married instead of living together, I am not sure he would have walked out so easily, quickly.  Seems to me when you take that step to marry, you really are making a more sincere commitment.  Seems like when you are living together, it is "As long as things don't get too tough".  I would love to have him back in our home, but I think I would be hesitant without a more solid commitment.
 
November 20, 2005, 4:31 pm CST

living together

Quote From: squishyluv

Ok so heres the deal me and my boyfriend have been together for a while now and i love him and everything hes boughten me a promise ring for i accepted it in love and were living together with my mom right now because shes haveing medical problems right now and she needs people around but heres my problem he sleeps ALL the time ....we can be sitting at the computer together or watching a movie or cuddleing and talking and he will fall asleep i dont know how to talk to him about it because whenever he asks me why im mad im like baby you keep falling asleep and he always replys with a no im not like even this morning i decided to get up with him and spend time with him before he went to work ...of course not i ended up playing playstation 2 while he slept on the couch waiting for his brother to pick him up other then the sleeping problem i couldnt ask for a better man he makes my life so complete and ive already been pregnant by him but unfourtantly i ended up loseing the baby but ..im so afraid that if i get pregnant again that when i do have the baby he wont hear the baby in the middle of the night and stuff like that i have no idea on what to do someone help me
it sounds like your boyfriend may have a sleeping problem. I'd talk to your family doctor about it. Hope that helps
 
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