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Topic : Living Together

Number of Replies: 1608
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 05:07:28 pm
Author : dataimport
Cohabitation is sometimes a smart (and economical!) way to learn about your compatibilities before taking the plunge. How is living together working for you?

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November 20, 2005, 7:25 pm CST

How do you know

I've been with my bf for a year and half.I'm 22 and he is 25. We have been living together the whole time. I have a promise ring from him. I want to marry him and he talks about it and having a family all the time, but I'm not sure if  how he handles things is something I can live with. He is very irresponsible with his finances. I know most guys are, but I think he stretches it. We split most of the bills like rent and phone, and then we have our separate bills. I am on time with all my bills and my half of the ones we split.He on the other hand is always late. Our phone, electricity, will get turned off cuz he doesn't pay on time or not make payments at all. He works in the audio business and it is very unstable. He has been out of a job about 4 or 5 times since I have been with him, for one reason or another, never been fired, but still out of a job. He doesn't want to take a job that he doesn't like to be responsible and pays the bills to get caught up. He just waits till he finds a job that he likes. Which puts a strain on me and utimately us. I feel that I can't really rely on him when he can't support me or himself for that matter. I go to school part time and I still work full time and I manage to pay my bills. It frustrates me to see him not contributing. He has medical bills that he hasn't paid off and creditors on him and that will reflect on me when we get married. He is in the same rut that he was in last Christmas. It is different circumstances, but yet the same rut, and I just want to know if he will change his behavior with time or if he will always be this irresponsible? He does make changes for me and he does keep up with them so I know that he can change this, and he wants to, but I don't know how to help him. Trying to budget,talk with him, leave him alone with it, nothing works. I love him and I want to give everything I can into the relationship, before I call it quits, which I don't want to do. He is a wonderful man. He has good qualities and ideas that I want for a husband and for a father,and since this in the only problem he has is it big enough to break up with him over?
 
November 20, 2005, 8:53 pm CST

no man will change

Quote From: rachiev

I've been with my bf for a year and half.I'm 22 and he is 25. We have been living together the whole time. I have a promise ring from him. I want to marry him and he talks about it and having a family all the time, but I'm not sure if  how he handles things is something I can live with. He is very irresponsible with his finances. I know most guys are, but I think he stretches it. We split most of the bills like rent and phone, and then we have our separate bills. I am on time with all my bills and my half of the ones we split.He on the other hand is always late. Our phone, electricity, will get turned off cuz he doesn't pay on time or not make payments at all. He works in the audio business and it is very unstable. He has been out of a job about 4 or 5 times since I have been with him, for one reason or another, never been fired, but still out of a job. He doesn't want to take a job that he doesn't like to be responsible and pays the bills to get caught up. He just waits till he finds a job that he likes. Which puts a strain on me and utimately us. I feel that I can't really rely on him when he can't support me or himself for that matter. I go to school part time and I still work full time and I manage to pay my bills. It frustrates me to see him not contributing. He has medical bills that he hasn't paid off and creditors on him and that will reflect on me when we get married. He is in the same rut that he was in last Christmas. It is different circumstances, but yet the same rut, and I just want to know if he will change his behavior with time or if he will always be this irresponsible? He does make changes for me and he does keep up with them so I know that he can change this, and he wants to, but I don't know how to help him. Trying to budget,talk with him, leave him alone with it, nothing works. I love him and I want to give everything I can into the relationship, before I call it quits, which I don't want to do. He is a wonderful man. He has good qualities and ideas that I want for a husband and for a father,and since this in the only problem he has is it big enough to break up with him over?

Some things I recognized from your entry is that you love him, you will give everything you can into the relationship.....he gives you no electricity, no financial support, and say you get married--he will give you bad credit. He is not giving his all. Why should he? You do it all. You take care of him. He can pick and choose his jobs........ones HE likes. Say you have a family in the future, a baby, one that needs HEAT....oh...too bad....daddy didn't pay the electricity on time....... 

  

What my point is that it is hard to see clear when you love someone. God knows I didn't see clear in a past relationship for quite a long time. I am sure he has wonderful qualities. You are young. You will find someone who meets your criteria.  Men do not change. As much as women try and try to change men, they do not change. Stand up for yourself. Have enough respect to say to yourself that you deserve better. Yes, it is enough to break up over. It will trickle down through your whole life the fact that he is so irresponsible and lead to bigger issues.  

  

You will find someone who is truly wonderful, that wants to be your PARTNER, share responsibility with you. Two people that come together should be a team. Good luck with your situation. 

 
November 21, 2005, 11:14 am CST

Don't know what to do!

I’ve been dating this guy. The relationship didn’t start off so well he had a girlfriend I somewhat new about. They were on in off. They cheated in each other often. I was the other girl.  When she found out I guess they finally decided to call it quiets. He cheated on me I caught him. I forgave him for that so we decide to move in together. After about 4 mths we just stop get along. It got to the point were he was going out and leaving me there. I moved out. When I called the cops to get my stuff. It seems when we fight one of us cannot walk away so it escalates to yelling and physical contact on one another. We can’t let go so we try to work it out. We get our family involved. We said things we don’t mean. His mom hates me. She uses to love me. I don’t think he is ready for this serious of a relationship.
 
November 21, 2005, 7:52 pm CST

please tell me what would you do ?????????

   I BEEN DATING THIS GUY FOR TWO YEARS ...AND IT BEEN REALLY HARD BEING WITH HIM BUT I LOVE HIM AND I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO ...WE BEEN LIVING TOGETHER FOR 2YR AND SOMETIME HE ACT  LIIKE HE DONT WHAT TO BE TOGETHER ...I TELL HIM I LOVE HIM AND HE DONT TELL ME I HAVE BEEN THERE FOR HIM SO MUCH AND HE ACT LIKE A ASS TO ME AT TIME I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO ....I TELL HIM SOME DAY I WANT TO GET MARRIED BUT HE BEEN MARRIED AND HE WILL NEVER GET MARRIED AGAIN .. I DONT KNOW IF I SHOULD STAY WITH HIM OR MOVE ON .. DONT GET ME WRONG I DO LOVE HIM....PLEASE TELL ME WHAT WOULD YOU DO ??????????????? 

 
November 22, 2005, 3:48 pm CST

What do you think of this scenario?

Hi  

  

I am hearing from your guys that most of women complain about what a man doesn't do this or that. Or even a guy has a money problem. I am a woman, and I would like to know more about this type of scenario.  

  

I have a guy friend who is currently living with his GF, (Don't know why he started to live with her though). He has a huge house and she has been living there with him and his brother for 2 years or more. He never made a promise of getting maried (figures?). Now, he really likes to go in separate ways, but she doesn't understand why and she will not move out. He apparently told her that their relationship will not workout, mainly because of a lack of communication and no interest in each other. Everytime he brings up, she just cries and no discussion would be made. Now a question to all....as a woman what do you think? Why she doesn't move out and show her self-respect? Oh, by the way, she even found out that my friend was seeing another woman in a past. Yeah, what he did was wrong, but if I were in the same situation, I would do the same.  Breaking up is easy when two people have a mutual understanding, but if one's goal is extremely different from the other, there is no point cross to make a legitimate breakups.  

  

One more thing, we as a woman tends to put a very importance in "living together," it is like a ticket to "getting married." However, a man may not think as we think. To them, this is just a testing water stage, and they are ready to get out without feeling sorry.  

 
November 23, 2005, 11:06 pm CST

Help!!!!!

 Ok.  Here is my situation.  My Boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year and a half.  We have a 6 month old child together.  We have lived together pretty much since day one of our relationship and until almost a year ago we lived with my mom.  Our baby was born in May and my heart was exploding with happiness and at one point I wanted to marry him.  I dont feel that way anymore.  Over the last couple of months he has made me feel like I dont exist most of the time and wont talk to me about anything.  When I try and talk to him I feel like Im talking to a brick wall.  We both have jobs but he makes way more than I do and I only work part time while he works full time.  Asking him for money for gas or diapers or anything is like pulling teeth.  He never offers to help pay the expenses for his own child unless she is out of something.  This is getting very old.  I want to leave him.  I stayed because I wanted to make it work but nothing has changed and Im frustrated.  He wants nothing to do with me physically.  Until a couple of days ago we hadnt even had sex in over a month and when we did the the other day it was like his heart wasnt in it.  Ive tried talking to him with no response.  Anyone have advice on what I should do.  Im so miserable right now I dont even like coming home at night.  any advice would be appreciated
 
November 26, 2005, 3:36 pm CST

I dont know how I should feel

My boyfriend and I moved in together about two months ago.  Everything was good before the move in . once I moved into his home things started to change. He treats me differently around his kids, it's like he talks to me disrespectfully in front of them.  This puzzles me because he is very respectful to them.  I think their mom has alot to do with it, because I think he doesn't want it to get back to her that were happy.  Maybe he still loves her, besides everything tht she left in the house is where she left it.   When the kids are there  he rarely  even talks to me it bothers me because i would never try to take their mom's place I just want to feel as if I could be a smart of their family.  It's just so strange because when they are holding a conversation his words are so polite , gentle and kind, and I could ask a question 30 seconds later he bites my head off.  Whats up with that ?  When they (the kids) leave love is in the air again. He say' s  he love me, but I'm not so sure.   Could it be that the persons he wants there is not me? 
 
November 28, 2005, 3:01 pm CST

Don't know what to think

Jay and I have been together for 1 1/2 years. Our relationship started out wonderful and not so wonderful at the same time. I was married and had had just recently seperated from my husband and i have to kids. He was in the same situation with 2 kids as well. I was so happy to finally get out of my marriage(it was a terrible one) and his was the same. When we met my husband was giving me a very hard time calling me all the time and following me. But Jason stuck with me. He was always there when I needed him and even the threats he was getting from my ex and his brother didn't bother him or scare him away. We moved in together about 7 months ago. And now he has changed. At first he was so great, telling me several times a day he loved me and telling me why he loved me. He would shower me with hugs, send me flowers at work, call me just to tell me he missed me. I had all the attention I could have ever wanted and although I didn't say it, I loved it. I will say in his defense, I have severe trust issues. Jay has had a lot of relationships. I was married to my husband for 7 years and we dated 7 years before we married. So I felt unexperienced with Jay. He didn't seem to care about that though. He told me he loved me and that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, that he wanted to grow old with me. But still I don/t trust him. This is me, not him. But we moved in together and I continued to try to open up to him and show him my feelings like he has always done with me. But now he is different. He is rarely home. He goes out almost every night. As far as I know it is just with his friends. This past weekend is what prompted me to write this today. I work 5 days a week. This includes every weekend. I took this weekend off to spend with him. It had been planned for over a month. On Sat we were going to have dinner together and then go to a movie. Just the two of us. Well he got called into work and he went. I was very upset. Then he went to work on Sunday as well. And when he got home from work on Sunday he decided to go out with his best friend(they drove his friends girlfriend back to school). I was so upset. I didn't get to spend any time with him at all and I had to fight at work to get that weekend off. FOR NOTHING!! But the hardest part is that he doesn't get it. I have told him right to his face that I want to spend time with him, that I miss him and the time we used to spend together and I want it back. I don't know how else to say it. But he doesn't seem to care. He says he loves me and doesnt want to be with anyone else and he doesnt want to break up but he still keeps going out and doing his thing while I am home alone with my kids day after day and night after night wondering what is going on. I love him so much and I just want my man back, the one I fell in love with, the one who used to sit and tell me all his feelings. Now I can't get him to sit and have a conversation with me. Please Please I need some advice!  

 
November 28, 2005, 5:14 pm CST

Living Together

Quote From: crazy4hrts

 Ok.  Here is my situation.  My Boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year and a half.  We have a 6 month old child together.  We have lived together pretty much since day one of our relationship and until almost a year ago we lived with my mom.  Our baby was born in May and my heart was exploding with happiness and at one point I wanted to marry him.  I dont feel that way anymore.  Over the last couple of months he has made me feel like I dont exist most of the time and wont talk to me about anything.  When I try and talk to him I feel like Im talking to a brick wall.  We both have jobs but he makes way more than I do and I only work part time while he works full time.  Asking him for money for gas or diapers or anything is like pulling teeth.  He never offers to help pay the expenses for his own child unless she is out of something.  This is getting very old.  I want to leave him.  I stayed because I wanted to make it work but nothing has changed and Im frustrated.  He wants nothing to do with me physically.  Until a couple of days ago we hadnt even had sex in over a month and when we did the the other day it was like his heart wasnt in it.  Ive tried talking to him with no response.  Anyone have advice on what I should do.  Im so miserable right now I dont even like coming home at night.  any advice would be appreciated
 Leave him and file for child support.  You are pretty much already a single mom anyway right?
I know you dont want to hear this but it sounds like he has already moved on in his life (meaning he is seeing other women behind your back) and he is just "going thru the motions" with you and your daughter.
As Dr Phil has said many times:  "Children would rather come from a broken home than live in one"
The baby is young enough now that she will not know anything different, its not like she is 6 years old and making a transition from a home with mom and dad to two homes and visiting weekends.  If you split now, your daughter will only know one life.  I am a single mom, we split when he was 3 years old, he is now 9 yrs old.  He does not remember living with mommy and daddy in the same home so he has nothing to compare his life with.
Good luck!
 
November 28, 2005, 7:27 pm CST

Living Together

Quote From: kjb1972

 Leave him and file for child support.  You are pretty much already a single mom anyway right?
I know you dont want to hear this but it sounds like he has already moved on in his life (meaning he is seeing other women behind your back) and he is just "going thru the motions" with you and your daughter.
As Dr Phil has said many times:  "Children would rather come from a broken home than live in one"
The baby is young enough now that she will not know anything different, its not like she is 6 years old and making a transition from a home with mom and dad to two homes and visiting weekends.  If you split now, your daughter will only know one life.  I am a single mom, we split when he was 3 years old, he is now 9 yrs old.  He does not remember living with mommy and daddy in the same home so he has nothing to compare his life with.
Good luck!
 Thanks for the advice but I dont know if I can bring myself to leave him although things have gotten a little worse since my last post.  We spent Sunday not even talking.  I mean NO conversation unless he absolutely had to.  Our form of communication right now is email.  Its ridiculous.  I dont think he is seeing other women yet but I think he might want to.   When I expressed my fear that he would leave about a month ago he assured me that he wasnt going anywhere but if he isnt here emotionally isnt he already gone?
 
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