Topic : Living Together

I've known my boyfriend for three years.  We started with a really unhealthy relationship as so called friends with benefits.  However, we finally decided to take it to the next level three months ago.  We started a very serious relationship and i decided to move in with him.  It started very well, we had so much fun. However it went downhill three weeks after I moved in.  I am a very emotional person and need attention 24/7. Yet, my boyfriend who's 10 years older then me hates women who are seeking attentions all the time. He is very controlling. It is ok for him to come home at 3am but not me. It is ok for him to flirt but not me.  And whenever we got into arguments, he'd tell me that I need to grow up and start to act like an adult. He always bring our old history during a fight to prove that i am a player-which i am not, we were just having fun back then.  He always make me feel so little. I am really sad because I changed so much for him and i've being cooking, cleaning, and treating him nothing but as a king. I can't act like a robot without emotions.  So I started drinking which makes the situation even worse. Is it really me who needs to change or should I simply just need to move on?

I am in a four year relationship.  We get along fabulously.  We are both divorced with two kids a piece.  Our daughters are the same age and our sons are the same age.  I was married for 18 years and he was married for 17 years.  So we know what it's like to be in a long-term relationship.  About two years ago he was diagnosed with ALS.  Since his diagnoses he is using crutches to walk with and can't do the normal things that it takes to get through a normal day.  Like carry a drink or dinner plate from kitchen to table or front room.  I have been doing things for him, such as mowing the yard, doing dishes,cooking,running sweeper so forth.  I do these things because I love and care about him.  I wanted to live together a long time ago and even though he would bring it up alot it would never happen.  I own my house and it is quite small, however, he lives in a one bedroom house that he rents.  He says my house is too small to live together.  I keep having to run back and forth from house to house to cook and do errands.  His oven doesn't even work.  Now things are getting worse and it is not wise for him to live on his own, going down his stairs and back up them again seem to exhaust him for the rest of the day. 

My question is I wanted to live with him before he was unable to live on his own, now that he is having more trouble he wants to move into my house and doesn't seem too concerned how small it is.  My opinion is why now?  Why not when I wanted and why now when I am going to have to do more and more as time goes on?  I don't mind but I feel like he is only moving in {maybe} because of reasons he denies instead he says I wanted to live with you long ago and you never took me serious.  That is not true in my mind at all.  What do I do?  I love him and I want to be with him and it would be easier to just take care of one household than two, but why am I always getting the short end of the stick?

It's always on everyone's time.  I want to do the right thing for everyone involved we need to think about the kids too. 

Please any thoughts that anyone has will sure help put a light on things for me.

  I'm new to the community and would like to give my view on living together. I normaly would be against such a thing but looking at my history with men, and having no comitments made to me through out my life time I am now quick to say if he loves you and not ready to commit but wants to live together and take responsibilities as a family then who am I to disagree. Sometimes we get love the best we know how and if you can find peace and love in a common law marriage then go for it. I have a strict dead line to be married by 2009 and if it hasn't happened than I have to be content with a common law marriage, it beats living alone and single

   I really applaud you for sticking to your guns and holding off marriage if he has lost your trust then he should win it back by being honest and maybe some couseling. But if it had been me I would just to perfer to live together and settle for that, you have hinted to him that you should get married and he had excuse after excuse why you should wait, well after the last time then it seems only fair to make him wait. Until then consider yourself in a common law marriage for a long time

Ok, this is a VERY long one...

I have been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years and we've been living together for one year. About a month and a half ago, his mother and 14-year-old sister moved in with us. His mother does nothing outside of the home, even though she is able to, just sits there all day and occasionally "cleans" and may cook for her, her daughter, and my boyfriend (he works 2nd shift, I work 1st). The 14-year-old is always breaking the rules she was told to follow (no friends over during the week, don't take the phone upstairs, be in by curfew, do your chores -- the most simple and easy-to-follow rules). Well, for the past couple of weeks, whenever I'm home and she breaks one of the rules, I say something. The mother does not, well, that is except when my boyfriend is home. THEN she is some what of a parent.

Well, whenever I say something, whether it's about wanting privacy, alone time with my bf, or the sister breaking the rules, it gets blown up and everyone starts yelling and arguing. And I'M the bad person for wanting some normalcy and order in this house. Last week, I was saying to my bf, in front of his mother, that the 14-year-old needs discipline. He said that he knows and that he will take care of it. And I said something along the lines of I having to discipline her (as in telling her not to have friends over, do her chores, etc.) The mother blew up. Apparently SHE disciplies her child, she tells her no (even though she lets her break the rules at the house).

Today, the girl came home with a friend. I did not say a word. And the mother did not tell the friend to leave. Once again breaking the rules. I've been told by one of my family members to just keep my mouth shut about everything. I was told by another to just be quiet and when something happens write it down. And after a week show my bf the paper so he knows what goes on when I do keep quiet.

What do I do? I told my bf that after they move out in a month or so that I don't want anyone else moving in. He says that as long as there is a family member of his in need of a place to stay then he will allow them to live with us. That is until we start a family, then he will make whoever move out. He says that he doesn't put his family first. To me it seems like he does, but then his family thinks he puts me first. Plus he is always telling me not to get in between him and his family.

I don't want to move out or break up. And I've talked to him about everything. I'm afraid of doing something that will come between him & his family. Everything that I have done so far has been reasonable. But I just don't know where that line is (well, unless I say it's me or them).

I know all of the yelling and arguing stresses him out & I don't want that. Should I keep my mouth shut? It's either I say something and everyone fights or I keep my mouth shut and the mother and daughter has the run of the house. I'm stuck.