Quote From: kylewkAm in a relationship. My boyfriend lost his job last year and moved
inwith me. He started a business this year is taking long to pick up.
Ihave a job and dont mind paying the bills. But, 7 months down the
line,he rarely offeres to assist me in paying any bills. I pay the
rent,electricity, shopping. Am also pursuing my masters and also
support myparents and siblings. It has gotten to a point am fed up with
him. Ileave for work so early, i go to school after work, by the time i
gethome am totally tired. He sleeps in till late in the morning. Its
notthat he cannot afford to rent out his own place. Am begginingto
think the reason he stays with me is because he doesnt have to paybills
and also for the romance. He rarely assists me with any house chores
at-all. I do the cooking...cleaning....ironing...and only when i
complain will he raise a finger.
Of late, i suspect hes being
dishonest with me and other women friends. If hes is in the house, he
will go with the phone everywhere even to shower! Once,i found a text
from him to a female friend of ours, it seems he is in constant touch
with her. He had initially denied that he never talks to her except
when we all meet. Another time, he got a call from this woman, he was
being very evasive with her and my heart told me it was because i was
next to him. if i was not, he would have easily communicated with her
easily. Asking him, he says she was a long time friend and there was
nothing much there just that she was nagging him and thats why he was
being curt with her! It didnt make sense to me.
I have started
switching off him both physically and emotionally. Of late, he only
becomes sweet to me when he wants to get intimate. I also started
switching off when his comments on my body became too much for me to
bear. Am a slim lady.. I got sick and lost some more weight and hes
always talking of my booty before i got sick. My boyfriend is always
admiring the women with the big booties on TV...in the streets...and
this has affected my self-esteem. Am a beautiful woman but this
once-off comments affect me alot. All these f actors just make me not
want to see him in my house.
How do i get him to move out without looking like am kicking him out?
About a year and half ago, my husband and I decided to separate (eventually divorce). During that time I met a man who was sympathetic to my plight with difficult husband, etc. I eventually moved in with him. First couple months good. Soon though he fell, probably back into, pattern of staying in bar all day, sleeping when I got home from work til dinner, then falling back to sleep. He rarely initiates sensual/sexual relations. It is usually a month or more between any sensual or sexual contact. When I address the issue, he wants to know why I can't just let it happen when it happens. If I try to initiate it, he deflects it in numerous ways.
He was married for a number of years and in the military for 12 years. He was shot during that time and required extensive intestinal/stomach surgery which may or may not affect his erectile functioning. He says that is the case, and makes some sense. (but . . . when we first met, he was quite a bit more attentive and functional). Furthermore, he was working prior to meeting me and lost his job due to the economy. He is a construction worker and we all know that the area of the economy has taken a huge hit. As I said, he does take odd jobs when they come along.
He hasn't held a job since I've known him. He does odd jobs here and there, but I pay entire living expenses for us both. He claims to be looking for work, but so far he only works when his father comes up with side jobs for them. His father is retired, lives very well, but likes to keep busy.
He attributes odd sleeping habit to not being able to sleep through the night most of his life and various aches and pains, etc. Not having a job for so long, would/could be causing him to be depressed and thus not interested in sex as well and interrupting sleep, etc.
In addition, he continues a "relationship" via text with old girlfriend. I did point out to him that I was resentful of his contact with ex-girlfriend and he “defended” the contact to say that they have been friends for 25 years. She is going through a divorce and goes to him for support and her state of mind is delicate. He has recently stopped answering her, until she gets annoying. (she is the one who sends the first email each day and he says that she just keeps texting until gets a response. I blocked her phone number but she has been using I M from computer now which can't be blocked. He says he's told her a number of times to stop, but then I see that there has been texting back and forth within a minute of each other for two hours on the cell phone bill.) There is a further kicker to all this . . . she was married, he came here after he lost his job and got in touch with her. She had started divorce proceedings but things were dragging on and on with it. In the meantime, there was tension between them because of that and he got testy with her in a text message, which her husband read and insisted that she place a restraining order on him.
He says he forgave her for that, although harbors some animosity for it, and yet wants to support her.
All this to say, that I understand wholeheartedly what you are experiencing. And, I’m telling you to just tell him it’s over because you have to do what’s right for you. I hope to hell I can follow my own advice.
