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Topic : Living Together

Number of Replies: 1608
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 05:07:28 pm
Author : dataimport
Cohabitation is sometimes a smart (and economical!) way to learn about your compatibilities before taking the plunge. How is living together working for you?

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July 23, 2009, 2:48 pm CDT

I can't stand my boyfriends son!!

I need some serious help!  I cannot STAND my boyfriend's son.  The kid is almost 10 yrs old (in Dec.) and he still craps his pants!!  It literally irritates the S**T out of me even tho I don't clean up after him.  I find his dirty underwear hidden at the bottom of the laundry basket.  What's even more frustrating is going to the laundry mat and pulling the clothes out and FINDING HIS SH!TTY drawers!!  I don't like being around him.  I don't like looking at him.  I don't like going places with him.  I don't like ANYTHING about him.  The ONLY time I like him is when he goes home!!!  Is that not the saddest thing you've EVER heard?  On the other hand, I LOVE MY BOYFRIEND, and he loves me AND my kid.  I guess cuz he has so much patience for ALL kids, whereas I do not!!  Just my own!!  Is that pathetic? He and I live together along with MY child.  How can I tell him, "dude, I love you so very much, but I can't stand being around your boy", without chasing him off?  He is a TERRIFIC man.  I have NEVER met (or loved) ANYONE like him!!   What do I do?????  Anybody?  Please help me!!!!!
 
July 29, 2009, 10:54 pm CDT

How do i get him to move out?

Am in a relationship. My boyfriend lost his job last year and moved inwith me. He started a business this year is taking long to pick up. Ihave a job and dont mind paying the bills. But, 7 months down the line,he rarely offeres to assist me in paying any bills. I pay the rent,electricity, shopping. Am also pursuing my masters and also support myparents and siblings. It has gotten to a point am fed up with him. Ileave for work so early, i go to school after work, by the time i gethome am totally tired. He sleeps in till late in the morning. Its notthat he cannot afford to rent out his own place. Am begginingto think the reason he stays with me is because he doesnt have to paybills and also for the romance. He rarely assists me with any house chores at-all. I do the cooking...cleaning....ironing...and only when i complain will he raise a finger.

Of late, i suspect hes being dishonest with me and other women friends. If hes is in the house, he will go with the phone everywhere even to shower! Once,i found a text from him to a female friend of ours, it seems he is in constant touch with her. He had initially denied that he never talks to her except when we all meet. Another time, he got a call from this woman, he was being very evasive with her and my heart told me it was because i was next to him. if i was not, he would have easily communicated with her easily. Asking him, he says she was a long time friend and there was nothing much there just that she was nagging him and thats why he was being curt with her! It didnt make sense to me.

I have started switching off him both physically and emotionally. Of late, he only becomes sweet to me when he wants to get intimate. I also started switching off when his comments on my body became too much for me to bear. Am a slim lady.. I got sick and lost some more weight and hes always talking of my booty before i got sick. My boyfriend is always admiring the women with the big booties on TV...in the streets...and this has affected my self-esteem. Am a beautiful woman but this once-off comments affect me alot. All these f actors just make me not want to see him in my house.

How do i get him to move out without looking like am kicking him out?
 
July 29, 2009, 11:07 pm CDT

What to do?

Am in a relationship. My boyfriend lost his job last year and moved inwith me. He started a business this year is taking long to pick up. Ihave a job and dont mind paying the bills. But, 7 months down the line,he rarely offeres to assist me in paying any bills. I pay the rent,electricity, shopping. Am also pursuing my masters and also support myparents and siblings. It has gotten to a point am fed up with him. Ileave for work so early, i go to school after work, by the time i gethome am totally tired. He sleeps in till late in the morning. Its notthat he cannot afford to rent out his own place. Am begginingto think the reason he stays with me is because he doesnt have to paybills and also for the romance. He rarely assists me with any house chores at-all. I do the cooking...cleaning....ironing...and only when i complain will he raise a finger.

Of late, i suspect hes being dishonest with me and other women friends. If hes is in the house, he will go with the phone everywhere even to shower! Once,i found a text from him to a female friend of ours, it seems he is in constant touch with her. He had initially denied that he never talks to her except when we all meet. Another time, he got a call from this woman, he was being very evasive with her and my heart told me it was because i was next to him. if i was not, he would have easily communicated with her easily. Asking him, he says she was a long time friend and there was nothing much there just that she was nagging him and thats why he was being curt with her! It didnt make sense to me.

I have started switching off him both physically and emotionally. Of late, he only becomes sweet to me when he wants to get intimate. I also started switching off when his comments on my body became too much for me to bear. Am a slim lady.. I got sick and lost some more weight and hes always talking of my booty before i got sick. My boyfriend is always admiring the women with the big booties on TV...in the streets...and this has affected my self-esteem. Am a beautiful woman but this once-off comments affect me alot. All these f actors just make me not want to see him in my house.

How do i get him to move out without looking like am kicking him out?
 
August 5, 2009, 1:03 pm CDT

Wish I knew - In Similar Position

Quote From: kylewk

Am in a relationship. My boyfriend lost his job last year and moved inwith me. He started a business this year is taking long to pick up. Ihave a job and dont mind paying the bills. But, 7 months down the line,he rarely offeres to assist me in paying any bills. I pay the rent,electricity, shopping. Am also pursuing my masters and also support myparents and siblings. It has gotten to a point am fed up with him. Ileave for work so early, i go to school after work, by the time i gethome am totally tired. He sleeps in till late in the morning. Its notthat he cannot afford to rent out his own place. Am begginingto think the reason he stays with me is because he doesnt have to paybills and also for the romance. He rarely assists me with any house chores at-all. I do the cooking...cleaning....ironing...and only when i complain will he raise a finger.

Of late, i suspect hes being dishonest with me and other women friends. If hes is in the house, he will go with the phone everywhere even to shower! Once,i found a text from him to a female friend of ours, it seems he is in constant touch with her. He had initially denied that he never talks to her except when we all meet. Another time, he got a call from this woman, he was being very evasive with her and my heart told me it was because i was next to him. if i was not, he would have easily communicated with her easily. Asking him, he says she was a long time friend and there was nothing much there just that she was nagging him and thats why he was being curt with her! It didnt make sense to me.

I have started switching off him both physically and emotionally. Of late, he only becomes sweet to me when he wants to get intimate. I also started switching off when his comments on my body became too much for me to bear. Am a slim lady.. I got sick and lost some more weight and hes always talking of my booty before i got sick. My boyfriend is always admiring the women with the big booties on TV...in the streets...and this has affected my self-esteem. Am a beautiful woman but this once-off comments affect me alot. All these f actors just make me not want to see him in my house.

How do i get him to move out without looking like am kicking him out?

About a year and half ago, my husband and I decided to separate (eventually divorce). During that time I met a man who was sympathetic to my plight with difficult husband, etc. I eventually moved in with him. First couple months good. Soon though he fell, probably back into, pattern of staying in bar all day, sleeping when I got home from work til dinner, then falling back to sleep.  He rarely initiates sensual/sexual relations. It is usually a month or more between any sensual or sexual contact. When I address the issue, he wants to know why I can't just let it happen when it happens. If I try to initiate it, he deflects it in numerous ways.

He was married for a number of years and in the military for 12 years.  He was shot during that time and required extensive intestinal/stomach surgery which may or may not affect his erectile functioning.  He says that is the case, and makes some sense. (but . . . when we first met, he was quite a bit more attentive and functional). Furthermore, he was working prior to meeting me and lost his job due to the economy.  He is a construction worker and we all know that the area of the economy has taken a huge hit.  As I said, he does take odd jobs when they come along.

He hasn't held a job since I've known him. He does odd jobs here and there, but I pay entire living expenses for us both. He claims to be looking for work, but so far he only works when his father comes up with side jobs for them. His father is retired, lives very well, but likes to keep busy.

He attributes odd sleeping habit to not being able to sleep through the night most of his life and various aches and pains, etc. Not having a job for so long, would/could be causing him to be depressed and thus not interested in sex as well and interrupting sleep, etc.

In addition, he continues a "relationship" via text with old girlfriend. I did point out to him that I was resentful of his contact with ex-girlfriend and he “defended” the contact to say that they have been friends for 25 years.  She is going through a divorce and goes to him for support and her state of mind is delicate.  He has recently stopped answering her, until she gets annoying.  (she is the one who sends the first email each day and he says that she just keeps texting until gets a response.  I blocked her phone number but she has been using I M from computer now which can't be blocked.  He says he's told her a number of times to stop, but then I see that there has been texting back and forth within a minute of each other for two hours on the cell phone bill.) There is a further kicker to all this . . . she was married, he came here after he lost his job and got in touch with her.  She had started divorce proceedings but things were dragging on and on with it.  In the meantime, there was tension between them because of that and he got testy with her in a text message, which her husband read and insisted that she place a restraining order on him. 

He says he forgave her for that, although harbors some animosity for it, and yet wants to support her. 

All this to say, that I understand wholeheartedly what you are experiencing.  And, I’m telling you to just tell him it’s over because you have to do what’s right for you.  I hope to hell I can follow my own advice.

 
August 15, 2009, 3:33 pm CDT

38 yrs old and still living with mom

When we started dating I was busy getting my own career established while he lived at home and said he was also trying to do the same but no FT job opportunity ever worked out, he works 16-20 hrs per week which is not enough for him to live off of. I work 32-40 hrs per week and have done so since day one of our relationship. I am a divorced mother of a six yr old boy my BF and I have discussed him moving in with me as our two year relationship goal, it is now year three and he is coming up with every excuse he can not to move in.

FACT He is 38 lives with his mother and has never moved out.

FACT I have told him I need him to be with me and my son 100% of the time or not at all, to clarify that is not to say I need 100% of his time just for our living arrangement.

Right now he stays weekends and wednesday nights but refuses to stay more even when I ask. I think he does not want this to change but he keeps telling me he does it is just that for whatever excuse ______ he can't right now.

I  told him I wanted to break up because of above reasons and I am given the same recorded answer tomorrow not today. I am feeling strongly about breaking up but it is hard when he keeps calling and telling me what he thinks i want to hear such as"I love you, I'm looking for work, I want to move in but I cant afford to ... Today I had the thought that he might not want to become a parent to my son, he has had minimal involvement with him and is only in the coparental role on saturdays. Recently we all went on vacation for a week and things were great until we got back he had to go home right away and once again he said he wanted to go back to the same routine of weekends which was painful for me because our goal for him moving in was supposed to be next month which he said is not possbile because he cant afford to move out on his own but wants to continue our current reationship on weekends and wednesday nights, plus he says there is no room in his sschedule for negotiaion of extra time spent over

Feeling used.

 
August 24, 2009, 8:12 pm CDT

Help!!!!!!!

Hello,

 

My name is tiffanie and I am 25yrs old my boyfriend is 27yrs old and we have been together for 6yrs and living together for 3 of those yrs. We have 5 dogs.   Like most couples I believe a lot of our problems revolve around money and him being a male chauvinist pig.  My boyfriend is have some financial problems he has credit card debt, car payment and two mortgages one for house we live in and other is rental property but he cant seem to find renters that want to pay.  He does trade shows and I work at a department store. I ofcourse do not make much money at all I bring home about 600 a month and he basically pays for everything. Now I buy the groceries, my personal items and clothes, pay my cell phone bill, the cable bill and the water bill and pay for oil change and gas for car  I drive and whatever else I can.  He pays for rest now when we first moved in he didnt have debt or other house (he purchased other house without my knowing we were not talking and I was on a vacation with my family). I am writing because I feel like I cannot do anything right or I am not good enough to him. When we first met I worked as secretary at driving school so it was I sit on my ass all day, he is on his feet so I should do everything cooking, cleaning, housework etc.   Then I got a job at department store  so now I am on my feet all day and he sits on his ass now at his desk but nothing has changed I still do everything I mentioned above.  Most weeks he work 40hrs I work 37-40 during holiday hours increase.  He thinks because he pays for most of bills I should do anything and everything I believe that he makes messes and expects me to clean them up because he pays the bills. I do not think this is right . When he works more than 40hrs he does not even want to take out the trash and for months after he works over his 40hrs I hear I just work 60hrs when he did that 2 months ago. I feel so bad that he has to pick up slack but at same time he would have everything he has if i were not in picture he bought the house we live in now as investment property told me he did not want to live in it then changed his mind I did not want to live in this house to many people he knows is neighborhood, he had his car before we met, he had credit cards before we met. He thinks he keeps a roof over my  head and I owe him.  I got hurt (shoulder injury)and doctor put me on 5hrs a day so I was only working 25hrs a week well I really heard it then here i am hurt and only working 25hs a week and all he sees his more time for me to do everything plus everything.  He had no concern for me being hurt it didnt matter it was here tiffanie move this couch,  that really changed way I saw him everythime he was hurt I was there for him 100%. I have not been lucky in job market I have applied for so many other jobs I want to make more money to be equal partner but I have not found anything I am in process of going to school for medical coding so hopefully I will have better job soon but I really dont see a change even if I make same money as him I think it will always be something thing there, it will be I worked 45hrs u only worked 40, I payed everything so now its your turn, I am on my feet you are not,etc:  I pay for dinners out when I can, I dont want to go anywhere or do anything because most times he pays although when we started dating he did that anyway he didnt want me to pay.  He is constantly saying I do nothing for him when I wash his clothes, fix dinner almost every night, feed dogs in morning and at night, do grocery shopping, clean the house, go here and there fo r him.  I cannot pay more bills so I do things to make up for it, I'll get stuff he likes from store, fix his favorite dinner, clean car, iron his shirts in morning, etc just little sweet things to knwo I appreciate him but I still do nothing for him. Another thing is letting dogs out a night, if I am off the next day he will not get up to let them out, but when he is off and I have to get up early for work he still does not get up to let them out,  When we both have to leave house early for work he gets showers and rolls out and so I am left to get my self together, feed the dogs, let them out, and put them away and when I come home I have to fix dinner, and even though I took care of dogs that morning he doesnt do anything at night I fix dinner, clean up dinner, and feed dogs. Its all about money! I feel bad enough I dont need him treating me this way and i am about done with his b.s.  How do I go about  fixing this problem or is it even worth fixing?  I really need advice. Please Help

 
August 29, 2009, 2:10 pm CDT

Living Together

Quote From: jaimie1974

Your boyfriends relationship with his child is very important; unfortunately, his ex is part of his baggage and you have to deal with her.

If his ex wife doesnt bring the daughter to visit him in AZ, then how will he see his child for this year that he is gone? Is there any other option at all?

If you and your boyfriend are truly compatible, and if you have a loving, strong and stable relationship- then you should be able to walk away for an evening or two while he spends quality time with his child. Before his ex goes to AZ, your boyfriend should be 100% clear with his ex that he will spend quality time with his daughter, but he will do it alone, just him and her, one on one. The ex insists on staying at his home, then fine- let her stay- (I hope that he has an extra lumpy couch just for her!) but again, his daughter deserves to engage in a fun activity where she can have her father to herself.

I totally see your point, you feel the exs demand is pushing you around, but you can get through this and come out smelling like a rose by handling it the right way.

she is the ex she should be the one staying at a hotel. there is no need for her to stay at the same place as your boyfriend
 
August 30, 2009, 9:04 am CDT

frustrated

So ive ben seeing and living with this woman for ove 2yrs now.We've had LOTS of up and downs.I have 2 girls,she has no children.this is difficult cuz she still doesnt know what to do with them sometimes.but i give her LOTS of credit for doingher best,thosometimes she couldtry harder.About six  monts after we strted together,we were moved in and  the down ward spiral bagan.we might have sex 1 to 2 times a month since then.She ignores me or just totallyshuts me out.Thiis so frustrating to me.Weve made plans togther,like we want to get married.she wants to watc my girls grow ,she wants them tocall her "pops/dad".so all this is a problem tome cuz weve had so many ups n downs. now im faced with more,see,my ex-wifes family totally erased us out the pic when we split.This devastated my oldest.my youngest was to young to now.Now my gfs family is doing the same.When we first came into the pic,i thoughtthis is great.everyone loves my girls.Then i noticed everthing changing.they dont even ask me how work is going when we see eachother.ifact they really dont talk to me.I kept having this feeling that my gf was talking to them boutme,she swore up n down she nevr had.last night i found out that  she has indeed alked bout me to them on different occassions.They quit coming to our cookouts n most have never come to my girls' bday parties.Its ben over 2yrs n herm didnt want me tobe in a family pic,now i no why!Im so hurt thatshe lyed to me bout this.I feel as tho shes fueled a fire now n my girls are going to get hurt again.Thi is not the first time shes ben caught in a lie.Im stuck.I dont want to talk to her.but shes al about us being together.
 
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