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Topic : Living Together

Number of Replies: 1608
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Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 05:07:28 pm
Author : dataimport
Cohabitation is sometimes a smart (and economical!) way to learn about your compatibilities before taking the plunge. How is living together working for you?

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November 1, 2005, 3:50 pm CST

Learning to Live again

To all of you who speak about being in a relationship where the man is controlling/abusive and or on achohol or drugs. I was in a marriage that lasted 23 years to just such a man who was a bit of all three at one time or another. He would get jealous for no reason, go through my purse, my underware drawer and when I got my computer, he would go through my files constantly. He would accuse me of excess spending  of the money and yet he would spend $1000 on internet porn. Once I can remember he would take me to work and pick me up after work, he would be with me constantly when I was off work and yet he had the gall to accuse me of running around on him.  

  

I was so afraid to get out on my own because I did not think that I could make it. Especially with two small kids to take care of. One day, he got mad at me and threw a can of nuts across the room, I could hear the ringing of the can for a good 45 seconds after the can had hit the floor. It was then that I knew that he would kill me if I stayed there any longer if not physically then definately mentally. So I took the plunge, I left a HUGE mess and pretty much wiped out our bank account. We had a camper and I loaded it up and took off as soon as I could. My daughter wanted to stay as she had one year left in high school and my son wanted very badly to go with me. So we had loaded up his things as well. As the miles went by and I got far enough away so that he could not catch me, I felt as if I had been released from prision. I did not know what to do with myself, nor did I know if I could make it on my own, but I knew that I had to leave. I drove until I could drive no more and stopped in an RV park to sleep. 

  

Well it took me a month to find myself a job, and a place to park my camper where we could live there permenantly without having to move every time we turned around. But you know what? I did it, it was not easy, it was very hard, I went to bring home pay of 1/3 of what I was use to dealing with. It took me time and took lots of work mentally for both my son and myself. But we are getting by decently now and yeah I still have things to work out in my mind. But you know what? I have realized that WE are in control of where we are happy or not. WE have the choice of where to accept what is happening or getting the courage up enough to change it.  

  

I have since met a wonderful man who is now a part of my life, we are currently living together and though I still have some things to work out for myself, I am happy.

I wanted to share this with all of you who are in bad relationships so that you will know that YOU have the choice of either staying there and dealing with the same thing every day, day in and day out and taking the chance that one day that man in your life may really hurt you or your children. Or you can change it and yes so you may get lonely a bit here and there. We all can be lonely at one time or another, a person can even be lonely in a crowded room. It is a small price to pay for your life. NOTHING and I mean NOTHING is worth your life.  

  

  

 
November 2, 2005, 5:35 am CST

Feeling Trapped

I have been with my boyfriend for about 3 years and have been living together for 2 years. We've had some rough times living together, but we had good communication and worked through it. Everything seems perfect now except my feelings for him. It started when we were car shopping for me for a month, and it was pretty stressful to the point where I had a couple of emotional breakdowns. After I finally found a car, things were back to being unstressful, but my love for him has not been the same. I haven't felt that passion I used to feel for about a month now, and I don't know if it's just a faze. I've talked to him so many times about being more romantic and affectionate, and he does for a week or two and then it fades away. I'll bring it up again and the cycle repeats. It doesn't help I have an admirer at work too. I've tried keeping my distance, but we see each other everyday and I my interest in him is growing (which I have tried to repress). I've thought about moving out temporarily, but I am new to the area and don't really know anyone. I feel trapped, but I am also afraid of losing a good thing.
 
November 3, 2005, 6:56 am CST

Living Together

Quote From: arkmom

my boy firend and i got into a big fight on October 14, 2005. ANd he hit me he was so drunk he was haullicating from it. Now hes left town. I was hoping Jim  charles grant III, born july 16, 1964. I dint mean to make him think i had a boyfriend i just wanted him to talk to me. I know i was stupid. I know we should of kept  the communication open. I have never loved or cared about anyone like him.  he is so sweet caring loving and easy tot alk to when he doesnt drink. all i want is to work this out i wasnt perfect in the relationship eith. his sister flew him from arkansas. i told her i had a boyfriend to see if jim was right about her if she couldnt be trusted he was right. he told me alot that she thinks are lies maybe she doesnt want to hear the truth 

I f anyone sees him please help me find him  

  

you need to keep moving forward. Drunk or not , NO ONE deserves for anyone to raise there hands to them. It does not get better. My first serious relationship was physically abusive. It started the same way he was drunk one night and thought I was cheating ,and hit me. the next day apoligizing with guilt and doing anything it takes to make it better so I forgave him. as time went on it got worse and worse. Finally after 5 years >2 kids later I had the courage to walk away. I knew my life was on the line. Its been 10 years since I left him . He's now a lowlife drug addict. I look back and realize it was the best thing I ever did. Stay away !!!!! Believe me no matter how you feel for him time heels all wounds and good will come your way!!!!
 
November 3, 2005, 12:55 pm CST

Commitment

I was married for  18 years to a man i loved very much after finding out again he cheate don me this time  withmy sister i gave up they both denied it but my brother saw the  video they took, and i have no reason not to believ him, any how i met  a man  online ina  music chat room he  and i clicked easily he  has many quiltys i love in a man after a year dating  back and forth 500 miles away he aske dme to sell my home an dmove to him we looked for houses togther and talked a little about marrieage besides love i also have a condition that requires insurance and he said when we get married u will be on my insurance and it wont cost any more cuz i have the  family plan  for  his  daughter i sold my house when my son turned 18 and graduated highschool and  with my equity i left him  money with  my momm to  make sure he would be fine i  moved i lived with this  man for  a year and  a half at first we looked for hosue alot togther then it  stopped we got along  pretty good he is a  decent man has  great morals i respect him very much we barley fought and  had so much incomon specialy music one day  the man who he rented his house from for the last 12 years said he had to sell his house and he  was givign him first bids he knew i didnt really want that house cuz it was his and his ex  wifes rental hosue they lived in for so long, but he  said he was  goign to buy that house  i said ok  lets just do it togther and make it ours  he then said NO  im buying it alone,,,,,,  he siad i could stay but was not somethign eh wanted to  do with me, i felt   abandoned for i sold my house to live withhim  under the impression we would get a house togther, this  was unacceptable to me, i moved 500 miles from my family my son, to  be with him and he offered  me no  form of commitment ( security )  i went back home, we  both cried and  cried   tried not to talk but always seem to end up talking to each other he says he feel  only half  that it si ahrd for him to go  do any thign for it  reminds him of  us  ive tried  to move on my  self  but  i find no one  who  fullfils just the  daily things that he  fullfilled  for me , but it has  been so  nice  being in the  same  town with  my now  adult son whom i never got  a chance to see grow this last year  out of highschool i came to visit every 3 months and he  visited me  a coupel times and i talked to them regualry but seeing him in person   once a week or so is  so  good  for my heart but now a hurt  confused heart, this man says  mayeb  after he buys his house we  could maybe get married or somthing ina  form of a commitment for my security and im excited to think  we r not  complety over we talk every day say i love you every day not like  2  people we  are  broke up i dont knwo what to do im confused he cant move her to me  he has a  job that he  has been at  for  over 12 years and still a  child in school he sees eveyr other weekend i dont know my family does nto want me to move back beside that it is  to far they dont think he is  good  for me  but  to me they  dotn knwo him  they never had a chance to know him, i just dotn knwo what to  do
 
November 5, 2005, 7:26 pm CST

I am in the same position.

Quote From: l0st132

I have been with my boyfriend for about 3 years and have been living together for 2 years. We've had some rough times living together, but we had good communication and worked through it. Everything seems perfect now except my feelings for him. It started when we were car shopping for me for a month, and it was pretty stressful to the point where I had a couple of emotional breakdowns. After I finally found a car, things were back to being unstressful, but my love for him has not been the same. I haven't felt that passion I used to feel for about a month now, and I don't know if it's just a faze. I've talked to him so many times about being more romantic and affectionate, and he does for a week or two and then it fades away. I'll bring it up again and the cycle repeats. It doesn't help I have an admirer at work too. I've tried keeping my distance, but we see each other everyday and I my interest in him is growing (which I have tried to repress). I've thought about moving out temporarily, but I am new to the area and don't really know anyone. I feel trapped, but I am also afraid of losing a good thing.
Hi my name is Kim and i am 19 with a child who is one. I have been with my boyfriend for 2yrs, and i feel like we dont communicate like we did before we had our son. we always go our seperate ways. we never go anywhere together as a family or as a couple. So i was tired of sitting at home doing nothing while he always worked and slept. So i went and got a part-time job as a cashier. And a guy that i went to school with was working there also. and i started liking him very much. I was so confused on what i wanted to do. I wanted to leave my boyfriend because this employee gave me attention and made me laugh but i didnt want to break up my family. I really love my boyfriend but i want that chemistry back and the romance and the laughing and talking all the time and thats what that guy was and i quit talking to this guy so i could work things out with my boyfriend but everytime i tell him whats on in my mind, he says I know I know, things will get better and they never do. So I dont know what to do, and he never asks if its ok if his brother stays there for a couple weeks while he looks for a job and i hate when his brother is here because he doesnt do anything. He is 28yrs old ,no girlfriend or job. Im stressed all the way. i dont know what to do.
 
November 5, 2005, 9:13 pm CST

dont know

Hi my name is tonya i am 30, the mother of 3, and one on the way. i have be with a 28 year old now for a year and some odd months. i am ready to settle down and be at home. i expect him to do the same thing. but he doesn't. he likes to get drunk and do his thing. but all i wont is for him to be here with me. he will tell me he is going to the store and be gone for hours at a time. all i need to know is me wanting him with me and not wanting him to go any where is wrong. he says that he is grown and doesn't have to answer to anyone. if that is so should he be living with me? even that he doesn't have to tell me where he has been.
 
November 7, 2005, 5:19 am CST

Excuses and Broken Promises

I am a 44 year old Mom of 3.  Two are grown and one is left at home.  My boyfriend and I have been living together now just over 2 years in a house that I bought.  At frst everything was wonderful. He was kind and considerate and very loving.  Obviously I assumed that our relationship would progress to the next level.  My parents have met my boyfriend and my father especially absolutely adors him.  My Dad loves him so much that he wants to be the one to marry us.  However, he is now dying of cancer.  We are not engaged and I see no hopes of that happening anytime soon although my boyfriend has promised "not to long in the distant future" several times.  I'm not sure what that means exactly.   When my Dad got sick without asking my boyfriend said we would go to North Carolina for Christmas to be with my family.  Then he started back stepping from that prmoise. Reluctantly he agreed to go for a very quick vist Thanksgiving but only after a big fight.  Then last night he tells me that when my Father dies he won't be able to go with me because he can't leave work.  That is total bunk!!  I love him but I see a certain selfishness in him and I don't know if I can count on anything from him.   He wants to play married, toss his shirt at me every morning to iron, have me cook all the meals and then lay down with a smile at the end of the day.  I pay all the bills in the house including the mortgage (that's a different story).   I should see the writing on the wall but I do love him and keep thinking there is hope at some point.  Am I just kidding myself??  How can I change him?  What is he afraid of? 

  

Confused In Oklahoma 

 
November 7, 2005, 1:45 pm CST

what do you in a situation like this

 I dated this guy from 99-01 and I decided that i would try to work my marriage out and me and my ex- tried to work things out but in 04 we found it virtually impossible and we went our seperate ways.  When I caught him cheating on me and he was lying about it !!!!!  Well me and the guy that I dated from 99-01 got back together in 04;  but his neighbor that use to be his old girlfriend so he says won't leave us alone.  She is constanlty doing things to come between us.  She is so obsessed with him that she has installed cameras one mile away from her house so that she can spy on us. She is constantly taking warrants for him.  She has tole me that things would be better if I would just pack my stuff and leave.  He says that he don't want her.  What do I do?????????????  Do I follow my heart or my instinct.  My tells me to stay but my heart was wrong for 15 years with my ex.  Or do I go by my instinct that he is just using me to get back at her???????????  That is how I feel some times and I am not a damn rag doll to be tossed to and fro.  Don't get me wrong I do love him I do trust him but he has a weird messed up  past all his old flames were these weird people.  We don't  fight or argue,  He is always home at a reasonable time and every where he goes we usally go with him.  Do I open my heart on up or do I run?????????????????????????????? 

 
November 7, 2005, 4:45 pm CST

momma boys and immaturity

I am currently dating and engaged to a man who at the age of 39 is still living at home with is momma. He has every excuse in the book why he still remains there, from I'm the only child, they need me right now, they've gotten up in age and are sick, to he just doesn't have enough money to save up and move out. These are all excuses and I simply believe he soes not want to move in with me. He has lived with a woman before he was dating and their relationship ended up very rocky,and I feel the impact of that relationship to this day.  

  

I have a daughter with him and feel it would be best for us to live together before getting married. We fight all the time about living apart, or should I say I fight all the time about this because he just seem to matter kiving apart. I also think he is not ready to give up his old ways with a lot of women calling and coming and going as he pleases. I just want the truth and honesty from him, I can appreciate him just telling me he's not ready for this and go his separate way. After all why buy me an expensive engagement ring and make me think he's serious and we still have to fight over when he cut the strings and leave his mother's house. 

By the way his mother is not innocent in this ordeal, she finds every reason to keep him there and why he should be there. She always tthrowas the needle in the haystack. I feel she does not like me, even though we used to be able to talk about anything. Once she discovered that he wa actually moving out she simply stopped walking, that's right stopped walking and pretended to be sick and helpless and has not walked since. The doctors has told her there is no reason she cannot walk again, but she feels she has lost total mobility. Try this for luck. 

  

I am need of some advice and need to know what to do about this situation at hand. I do not feel like or want to come between him and his mother even though what she's doing is wrong. After all she is not alone she has beem married for over thirty years and her husband is still living. 

 
November 8, 2005, 3:20 pm CST

WOW

Quote From: rarebeauty

I am currently dating and engaged to a man who at the age of 39 is still living at home with is momma. He has every excuse in the book why he still remains there, from I'm the only child, they need me right now, they've gotten up in age and are sick, to he just doesn't have enough money to save up and move out. These are all excuses and I simply believe he soes not want to move in with me. He has lived with a woman before he was dating and their relationship ended up very rocky,and I feel the impact of that relationship to this day.  

  

I have a daughter with him and feel it would be best for us to live together before getting married. We fight all the time about living apart, or should I say I fight all the time about this because he just seem to matter kiving apart. I also think he is not ready to give up his old ways with a lot of women calling and coming and going as he pleases. I just want the truth and honesty from him, I can appreciate him just telling me he's not ready for this and go his separate way. After all why buy me an expensive engagement ring and make me think he's serious and we still have to fight over when he cut the strings and leave his mother's house. 

By the way his mother is not innocent in this ordeal, she finds every reason to keep him there and why he should be there. She always tthrowas the needle in the haystack. I feel she does not like me, even though we used to be able to talk about anything. Once she discovered that he wa actually moving out she simply stopped walking, that's right stopped walking and pretended to be sick and helpless and has not walked since. The doctors has told her there is no reason she cannot walk again, but she feels she has lost total mobility. Try this for luck. 

  

I am need of some advice and need to know what to do about this situation at hand. I do not feel like or want to come between him and his mother even though what she's doing is wrong. After all she is not alone she has beem married for over thirty years and her husband is still living. 

I have to give you patience propps! You have a CHILD with this man and he is still living with his MOTHER! My dear, I thinks its time to move on!!!!! You watch Oprah? Did you see the episode on "He's just not that into you" ? Go to amazon.com and buy the book! I think its the closest thing to the femal dating bible! You deserve SOOOOO much better! Your a grown up!
 
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