Topic : Living Together

It seems so hard to just leave. I feel so bad for the kids. They have no one. There mother abanded them. Abused them.All they have is there dad. Then I feel like if I leave and he lose his job then I rueined ther lives. A lot of weight on my shoulder. I do not like that. I guess I got my self in a mess. I will find a way somehow. Thank you for your insite. I apprieciate it. Thank you

It seems so hard to just leave. I feel so bad for the kids. They have no one. There mother abanded them. Abused them.All they have is there dad. Then I feel like if I leave and he lose his job then I rueined ther lives. A lot of weight on my shoulder. I do not like that. I guess I got my self in a mess. I will find a way somehow. Thank you for your insite. I apprieciate it. Thank you

i hope you will read the book "out of the shadows" by patrick carnes.  i was in a similar relationship and found out that the things i was seeing in him were only the tip of the ice-berg.  he was involved in much more.  as women we want to be the center of their world.  it doesn't matter 'if' he would physically cheat on you, he's cheating on you.  the book i suggested will help you see your self as well as him for what he is.  i honestly believe that if we are 'emotionally healthy' we will not tolerate those behaviors.  i believe he has a sexual addiction.  you need to work on yourself though, that's the only true way to change things.  know how to tell when a sex addict is lying?  his lips are moving.  please read the book!  i put myself through 2 years of hell because my ex-boyfriend was a sex addict.  my relationship started the same way, websites, disks w/porn.  i hired a private detective and wow...what an eyopener.  please read the book......

my bf and i have been living together for 7 months.  he has two kids and an ex-wife that drives me up a tree.  my second date with my bf was his daughters (b) 6th bday.  he told me that him and his ex did alot of things together.  i guess the first time i heard that it didn't mean much becuase i didn't understand it to it's fullest extent.  on our second date we met his ex at a pizza place and celebrated b's birthday.  we then met her later at a place to watch fireworks.  they have been divorced for 6 years.  it's one of the strangest relationships i've ever had.  apparently even thought they're divorced for the past 6 years they have spent thanksgiving, christmas, parades, shcool events, the kids b-days, their b-days and on and on together.  after 6 months of living together he informed me, on x-mas eve morning that his ex would be coming over in the morning to celebrate x-mas.  she not only came, with her dad, at 6 am x-mas morning, she came over on the eve w her gifts and proceeded to re-arrange all the gifts under the tree and set everything up the way SHE wanted, in MY house.  i told my bf that this arrangement doesn't work for me.  it was the worst x-mas i've ever had.  they stayed for 3 hours.  she does everything to control him.  he told me if he's not nice to her she treats his children poorly.  i told him if she's that immature she doesn't even need to be around children.  i told him that i would never have any validation in the relationship should he continue on this course.  i do not want to spend the childrens b-days or x-mas with HER.  i told him that we should have our only family time.  the kids would get 2 b-days and 2 x-mas's, i can't imagine that being too hard on them.  i also told my bf that i am not an addition to him and his exes relationship.  i told him that if i was getting the impression that they would be reconciled i was sure his children felt the same way.  we talked about going on vacation and his oldest (8) said yea, i think mom can come.  i just want a chance for us to build a 'blended family' me, him and the kids, not me, him the kids and his ex-wife.  i told him that the reason him and her have not had any succesful relationships in a 6 year period is that no one, male of female, would want to put up with this.  he has taken steps to set some boundaries with her.  please tell me what you think.

Hey There, 

  

If it is your house, you need to set some ground rules.  Tell you boyfriend, he needs to be rid of his ex to a certain point.  If he spent this much time with her when they were married, why did they get divorced? 

  

You need to tell him go back to her and start living his life with his other family, and tell him when he has decided leave her you might be waiting for him, but not to hold his breath 

  

You need him to yourself.   

  

Cindy in FL 

thank you, i did tell him i didn't understand why he wasn't still married.  i actually told him that he is still married to her.  him and his ex are the only ones who think this behavior is normal.  everyone i've asked for feedback says the same thing.  thanks for your input.

I am a 21 year old female who has lived with her boyfriend for 2 1/2 years. Recently, he has attended a self acceptance course  called Choices and I am now having a hard time dealing with the "new him" as he calls himself. Parts of this course (from what I have heard) I don't really agree with. He has come home after a week of being gone, and we have support groups calling our house at all hours of the night and what I feel might be young (needy) people. I am finding it really hard to deal with him right now. In a way I feel he might be concentrating too hard on these support people that he I forgetting about me. I feel that right now we need to concentrate on our relationship and not everyone elses. He is saying that he doesn't know who HE is anymore and that he has to find that out before he can concentrate on US. I can maybe understand in some ways where he is coming from but, I still fell as long as we have a current relationship he should still be concentrating on the both HIM and US. I need some input on how to handle this? I want him to love himself, but on the other hand I want to loved at the same time?

Hi again, 

  

Keep in touch and let us all know what you are going.  We are all behind you. 

  

Keep your chin up things will get better. 

  

Talk to you later 

  

Cindy in FL 

 my boyfriend and I have been together for almost five years and living together for four. we bought a house together a year ago and got a puppy a couple of months later . he is now  tired of my dog because he iis active like many puppys and does things that he is not supose to do. He is hitting him pretty hard and I am scared because is this how he is going to be with our kids someday. he has lost all of his patience with him and says I should get rid of him but I not sure if I really want to do that because our relationship isn't that great  anyway . my boyfriend is vary selfish and does not help me around the house and all I hear from him is that the house needs cleaned. He spend most of his time playing the xbox or complaining.. should I get rid of my dog or my boyfriend?/ help

Your boyfriend does sound selfish and immature, and I'm glad for you that you are realizing these traits in him now before anymore time passes.  

Have you tried bringing your dog to training classes or reading books about training and implementing the tips? I highly recommend doing both of those things, for yourself and for your dog. It is alot like having a child- just like a child, a dog does want rules and limits to abide by. The dog also needs those rules to know it is cared for. The dog does not deserve to be physicaly abused for any reason, even if its not trained properly. Also buy a sturdy child-proof gate (or two..) to limit the rooms that the dog can go into, this will also limit the damage the dog does.  

It sounds like the puppy issue is the "straw that broke the camel's back" for you. Is it possible to have a mature conversation about your feelings with your boyfriend, or have you already tried that and things are still the same? You deserve to have help around the home, and you deserve to be treated with respect, and most of all, you deserve to be happy. I urge you to do things that make you happy and when your boyfriend complains about the house being messy, tell him if he doesn't like it then he can pick up! He will probably rebel like a teen against his mother, because from what you describe, he sounds very immature. Then, when things fall apart, he will blame you for not having kept the home clean- however, don't believe it, and don't allow him to make you feel guilty! He is an adult like you and he could be taking steps to have a better, closer relationship. In fact, when people love one another, they help each other out in all aspects of life, including cleaning! He is working against you instead of with you, the classic sign of an unhealthy relationship. I say choose the dog!!