Topic : Living Together

I agree with you 100%!!!! Marriage DOES change people...and sometimes, not for the better. I exited an over 20 year marriage..and swore I'd never do it again. I've been with my SO for almost 4 years now..living together for 2. The "m" word has come up...but he understands where I'm at, and says he'll take me however he can get me..marriage or no. It's the commitment that is the main concern, and we've got that in spades. We're more committed than most married people *I* know. This has been the healthiest relationship of my life. My daughter lived with her b/f for almost 4 years..then they got married. Not even one year later, they're on the verge of divorce and she's hunting a marriage counselor. I'm sure it doesn't do ALL people that way...but I haven't seen any exceptions yet. I actually knew a couple who'd lived together for 17 years, and got married. They divorced 2 years later. What is it? They need to do some studies on that, see what's up. I'm kinda curious myself.

If the commitment and dedication is there...don't sweat the rest.

That's a major breach of trust.    And not only did he lie by omission, he let you linger in a world of doubt about your future with him, failing to answer your questions about marriage or even being so cruel as to tell you he wasn't sure you were "The One".  

That's as bad, if not worse than not telling you he was married. 

He threw your feelings under the bus to protect himself, so I really do wonder why you're still with him.    You don't have to throw him under the bus, but I think you should definately throw him to the curb.    You're obviously a caring woman, willing to sacrifice to help those you love.  You should be with a man who is cut from the same cloth.

the women on those sites are fantasies and they're easily accessed.   That is a great temptation.

You might be watching the beginnings of an addiction.  He says he'll stop, but he doesn't.   You have to decide what you're okay with and let him know how you feel, then see what he does.  If he doesn't stop, then the ball's in your court.

I've read the notes you've left for people here and I think you give great advice, so when I saw you were from Oklahoma I was anxious to say hello.   you're daughter is going to my school!   Of course, I graduated LONG ago.  LOL

I don't know if you're getting as much rain as we are, but if you are, try to stay dry and I'll keep looking for your words of wisdom on here.

Life's a fun ride, isn't it?

I don't know so much about the great advice, but thanks for the compliment anyway.

We've had 16 straight days of rain...then saturday, ONE day off. And now it's back to the rain again. I was just discussing it with my SO...our whole plans for the 4th have had to change, and now I'm thinking there won't be one at all, lol! We usually go out to Lake Eufaula...even though that's a bit of a drive for us. I've been doing that for YEARS..back when I lived 13 miles from there. It's a great day of fun, with the swimming, cooking out, etc. They have kiosks set up for stuff for the kids. And they have one of the *best* fireworks displays I've ever seen! But...everything's underwater out there right now. The beach area, the grassy area getting to the beach...all of it. It's BAD around here. I know you're having it rough as well....my daughter visited this weekend, and we compared "water" stories, lol!

Hope you stay safe...y'all seem to have had the worse weather. The tornadoes and such. We get kinda lucky over here...we don't see as many of them as the middle and western sections of the state do.

Thanks for posting...and yes, I guess life CAN be a fun ride...if you let it. *wink*  Becky

I have been living with my boyfriend for a 1 1/2 years now.  He doesn't have any children and I have 3 (10,7,4). When we first got together he kept talking about marriage, another child, etc... That kind of talk has stopped.  I do understand that living with 3 children is a lot for anyone that has never had children and now that my youngest is ready to head off to school I don't really want to add another.  But what is really bothering me is that he doesn't seem to appreciate the life we have right now.  When we first moved in he came home from work and talked about how nice is was to come home to someone in the house instead of empty rooms.  He was so positive about having us in his life.  And now it seems like a burden for him.  Tonight I told him all the positive things he brings to my life and he virtually said nothing.  I asked him if I brought positive things to his life and all he could come up with is that I gave him the perspective of being a parent.  And when asked if there was anything else he said every relationship has their good days and bad days.  I was hurt.  But I don't know if I am being hypersensitive about that or not.  I am very emotional and insecure.  I think he also can be insecure but he is definitly not emotional in the least.  I used to feel so loved by this man, I used to feel so appreciated and now I'm not sure where I stand.  I have been reading books on being insecure because I know that is a huge problem on my part.  But I am terrified that he is unhappy and wants us to leave.  I have made changes in my life that really put me in a bad position if he wants us to move out.  I only work part-time because we both agreed that would be ok and I could spend more time with the kids.  I have made him an important part of my children's lives and if we do leave I don't want them to be damaged because of this relationship.  I am most worried about them than anything else.  My 4 year-old is totally attached to him; actually they all really love him.  I just know what traumatic things can happen to a child when they are taken away from adults they have grown to count on to be there for them (hence my insecurity today). 

The one thing that is really hard for me to deal with in our relationship is the fact that he is so totally blunt about everything.  Like when I ask him if there are positives I bring to his life.  Instead of going, "of course there are," he has to be TOTALLY honest and come up with an answer that makes me feel like crap.  I don't know if he emotional distance is a good thing for my insecurity.  I feel like I am going to have to swallow more hurt feelings than not.