Topic : Love Being Single

 Being single rocks!  I finally met a cool guy I can live with but I lived single up until age 43!! I loved it but now that I'm older I'm ready to live with someone. I'm glad I had all those years to myself, though. Enjoy it as long as you can!!

 After spending time with a really neat women, and sharing time together she ended our relationship.  She said she could not live like we had been, and that I was not doing things right. I guess  my not letting her mold me into the man she wanted had made her give up. So this has made me think that remaining single is better then being hurt again. She says one thing, and then ask me to do another, and she is really confusing to me. I have never been in a relationship that I had done everything wrong. Sure I have not done things right always, but I have not done things all wrong either. I understand that I am a man, and we men have our ways. Not all are great, but we are who we are. I respect a women for who she is, and not to try to mold her to be the perfect one. I take things as if I have feelings for her, and she is making my heart warm inside then I have to except her as she is. SHe like men will do or say things to make me upset just like we men do, but the thing is we have to except each other as we are not who they want us to be.. When we talk she seems to not hear things I say, and continues to say things like yes but your still doing this or what were you thinking when you did that. I know she does not take into account my feelings as much by the way she say these things. I have come to the conclusion that its her feelings that matter, and not mine. She tells me this all the time. SHe will say what do you think about this, and after I answer she says no you can't do it that way your supposed to do it like this. Then when I disagree she tells me I am not listening to her. Anyways yes I feel it's better being single. This way I do not feel shaky at times when we talk thinking I did something wrong again, and get my butt chewed out. Ah the single life. No more dating for me maybe not even friends for a while. Any ones help or to talk is welcome.     Robert

 I was married 13 years and my husband past away in 2003 with heart attack. I was left to raise my son, at the time age 11 alone. He is now 16 and lives with his fathers parents since April 2007. I have found myself to be alone since April and for the first time I am enjoying being single. Don't get me wrong, I have gone out on a couple of dates here and there but I am not looking to settle down. This is the first time I have had time to myself. I can sleep late, not cook, do less laundry, go any where I want to after work and not have to come straight home and most of all I am learning who I am. After  my husband past away I had so much on my mind to have to get done right then and then taking care of my son and others around me. I was alway putting others first. Now it is my turn. I get lto learn things about myself that I never really thought about.  Like for example what kind of guy do I want? What will I put up with and what will I not put up with? Do I want a Godly man? You can not love someone until you learn to love yourself and I am learning to LOVE ME.

I have been on the side lines for a long time because anxiety and what ever else had me worry alot. Well i'm ready to begin but i'm afraid about people disrespecting the girls i am with because they disrespect me. I deal with alot of harrasement because of being a virgin and the only reason that is an obstacle is because of peoples hurtful words.My counselor says i need to give myself more credit and not worry about what people think. How can i stop caring what people think? and i want to meet nice girls who respect me but should i tell them i am a virgin or does that matter?

 The thing is it's your life, and should be happy where your at. If I was you I would just enjoy the relationship, and not worry about being a virgin. In todays world thats a big thing I feel you need to be proud about, and just not worry about what people say. When they say things about it or you it is there feelings, and thats where it should be. Your doing what you feel is your life, and live it how your wanting to. I have never let others opinions get mixed up with mine. It's my life, and I can incorparate in mine or not. Just me yourself, and wait tell the time is right to say those things. There is nothing wrong with you for being a virgin ok. Hope this helps out.       Robert

YES, I HAVE FOUND THAT BEING SINGLE IS GOOD.  AS I GET OLDER I AM LESS AND LESS WILLING TO "SHARE" OR FEEL LIKE I HAVE TO FULFILL THE MOTHER/HOUSEWIFE ROLE. 

IT WAS HIGHER EDUCATION THAT FINALLY CONVINCED ME TO DIVORCE MY HUSBAND.  I LEARNED THINGS THAT LEAD ME TO REALIZE THAT MY MARRIAGE WAS OVER--I DID NOT LOVE HIM ANYMORE.  I HAD BEEN "FAKING IT" FOR YEARS.  HE DID NOT RESPECT ME, NOR I HIM, WHICH I BELIEVE IS AN AXIOM OF A UNION. 

I HAVE NOT MET ANYONE ELSE THAT I WOULD EVEN CONSIDER DATING, LET ALONE SHARING MY LIFE WITH.  I KNOW THAT I AM MISSING SOME OF THOSE LOVELY MOMENTS THAT CAN HAPPEN BETWEEN A COUPLE BUT THAT RIGHT PERSON IS ESSENTIAL.  AS THE DOCTOR SAYS, "I'D RATHER BE HEALTHY ON MY OWN THAN SICK WITH SOMEONE ELSE."

THANKS FOR LISTENING

 I ahve found it good to be single also, but I to miss the closness of another. Just the talking or the walks. I am sure some day I will have that again. right now I am having to leran about myself, and just try to get out so I don't go crazy. I have found that we as people in my opinion just give up on things to soon. I also feel that some times we feel changing people to what we want from then rather then enjoying who they are. I feel that to see the persons ways, and there individual things they are made up. I have tried to learn them, and except them for who they are. I have had some tough relationships that seemed they tried to change me to there liking rather then to except me as me, and to love me as me only. Well maybe there is a special person out there that will need me like I am, and not think os ways to change me. I think this is the biggest problem with todays relationships. I also feel it's lack of respect for the other to. I feel it's a shame that it's this way. I long for a life long relationship with her someday. thanks for listening.

When I was in college I used to read so much. now I feel like I spend my whole mind trying to be productive, but miss that stimulation that I would get. anyone have any tips for how to incorporate more intellectual activity into your life?

I really love taking a walk to the Chapters/Indigo/ or big retail bookstore near my place and just curling up on one of those really comfy chairs and grabbing a random book and sipping a hot chocolate with whipped cream :P

 

Not that I'm a total introvert, but this sort of time really lets you relax your mind, and press pause on your regular stress/drama

 

If you're not used to reading books, start off with fiction first, it might get you in the mood. If you want something intellectually stimulating, first find out what topics you'd be actually interested in knowing more about, or something that you identify with.

 

If you're somebody who likes to theorize about your life, choosing a modernized easy to read short book on psychology would be great; if you're someboyd who's religious but doesn't know enough about your own religion, choose a small easy to read book preferably with pictures and colours or large print about history, or theories, (it depends on what you like)

 

The key is, always start off with something simple or you'll be scared away and not read anything, and progress slowly. And I don't go inside a bookstore or a library unless I know that it has comfy chairs  or a sofa, and maybe a coffee shop ;)

 

A good suggestion would be asking your friends or asking somebody who works at the bookstore what would be a good book to start off with for somebody newly interested in _____(insert topic here)_____ and that you don't want to be scared off by something too academic.

 

Making friends with people who are a lot of fun, and a good laugh but  like to talk about intellectual things as well can also be motivating, because you're learning but you also want to contribute to the conversation, so you want to learn more.

one more thing, if you have kids and you're too busy to do this, don't read the book ini the store or the library -- go to the librarian or somebody who works at the store directly, and ask them about easy to read books on something you're interested in.... they're really helpful

 

the friends thing still works if you have kids -- you can also read the newspaper for a few minutes each day, once  you've started to skim headlines, you can have more patience in reading for longer periods of time.