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Topic : Love Being Single

Number of Replies: 393
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Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 05:07:56 pm
Author : dataimport
Are you single and loving it? Share your story with other happy singles!

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February 23, 2006, 12:05 pm CST

Hello

Quote From: coni_marie

I can honestly say that I'm happy being single.  But let me explain why . . .  I live in a small town in Pennsylvania and there is a serious "male drought" in this town.  I'm happy being single because the men around here aren't worth my time.   I am not asking for much but around here things like jobs and cars and goals are rare and scarce.  I get hit on often but when I get to know the guy, I find out that he's a loser.  Does anyone else have these same problems? 

Hey, I just joined today and I was reading your quotes and I thought I would give you some feed back. from where I have been. To be honest I think you guys need to deal with your past hurt or your going to keep picking at men you date. I so know what you mean I've been there. I have dated so much I think I am an expert but you really need to look at each date as a friendship. That way it keeps your mind clear and when something clicks you will know. I am sure you have heard that before but it's so true. If your working to hard to find mr. right you won't find him. Get involved into things that you enjoy doing and you will run into him there. For instance a concert or playing sports, do some volunteering anything. I have dated off the internet like crazy you get caught up in it. I can honestly say I haven't had one bad date and I've dated around 150 guys off line In BC and Ontario. I met a lot of great guys and I was really picky his ears stuck out or he was to heavey for me...little things like that would bother me....To be honest I found out now that the reason I was so picky was because I had been so hurt by my two ex's that I hadn't gotten over the pain and in some way I would compair them to my ex's not knowing I was doing it (my wall was huge). I always looked at every man as his own. What I mean is that he will make someone happier and they won't see that character you didn't like in him that another girl will. Let someone that will enjoy make him happy. There will never be mr.perfect. I wish I was perfect but I'm not either. I thought I would never love someone again but that takes time to love someone. Most of all you have to knock your wall down and I had such a big one up. That's why I got so picky with men.  If finding the right one takes a lot of work it will be so worth it when you meet mr.right for you that is.  Why am I single? Well here is a brief story what happened to me. As I wrote above I started concentrating on me and not look so hard for a guy. I was at a concert and this gental man who was attractive came up behind me after the band was done playing and said I looked beautiful(not hot or damn). We chatted for a bit and I asked him to exchange #. We dated and things really clicked he always opened the door bought me roses we had so much in common and we had our differences but they were good differences. He was going through a lot of hard times still dealing with his ex-girlfriend and court things. So I helped him through a lot of it, being the nice person I am plus I had been through a lot of it already. It took me about 6 months to start putting my wall down. Plus me being single for two years it was hard to adjust to being with someone all the time again. I always say to myself, if I am not happy with whom I am with then I rather be happier on my own. I am so happy on my own but I would like that other so that I have that person to say how way your day to cook meals for and so forth. Well because of my ex dealing with his ex he started taking his stress out on me arguing with me and so forth the entire time he still opened thd door for me and bought me roses. He relized it to and I realized that I have to work on myself still and deal with what my ex did to me. So we are both going to counceling on our own and if something happens from there then it does. You can love more then one person I still love my ex only because we shared that time together but just because you love him doesn't mean he was right for you. Take time to find who you are again and we change all the time just like they do. I know I have grown through all this and I will someday look back and say wow. I have kept a journal for 4 years now on all my dating and relationships. I have met some really cool guys and some real weird ones but like I say there is someone for everyone. Sorry for such a long quote:)   
 
February 24, 2006, 5:23 am CST

Single since 1978

Quote From: hope2faith

Too funny! I thought I was the only ex magnet. It's nice to see someone else who is content to be living in "No Man's Land" rather than boo-hooing about not having a man. I mean, isn't the topic of this board "Love Being Single"?
Well gals, what is this "No Man's Land'?  I am fit, good looking, love to dance and even have a couple of dollars in the bank.  By the way those are Canadian dollars, I as well do not have a car, but I have several vintage/classic vehicles that are a lot of fun.   Like myself, my vehicles are well built, very reliable and low maintenance.
 
February 24, 2006, 7:12 am CST

For tegan3 if you're still reading here

You sound like a very intelligent, independent and confident woman.  Your physical ailments are in response to the doubts with this guy is your mind's way of telling you "If you ain't gonna listen to me, then I'm gonna kick yer a**."   

  

I'm a 47 y/o widow, single now for six years.  Seems hard to imagine being single for 10 years, but then I realize, it will be the same for me, the way things are going in Dating World 2006. 

  

Anyway ... tegan, I hope you will kick this guy to the curb.  Everything you wrote just screams how much you don't want him permanently and how you see red flags.  You've done the single thing, found a guy ... you can do it again if you want a RL.  Just not with this guy, I hope. 

  

Good luck.  Your post was quite moving. 

  

dc 

 
February 24, 2006, 2:34 pm CST

Single and Loving It

I'm finally single. I've been in and out of relationships since I was 12. (I'm 37 now). I've been in an abusive marriage and when I finally got out of that, I immediately wound up with a drug addicted alcoholic. He tried to control every part of my life including how I raise my kids. He didn't even want my kids to be able to go in the basement. He didn't want them to walk around their room because the squeaking of the floor annoyed him. We had so many arguments about that and about me being able to see my family on the holidays. 

  

I LOVE being single. I can't imagine being in a relationship again even though sometimes I do miss being in a relationship--- but when I think of all that I've been through with my ex-husband and my ex-fiance I am so relieved to be free at last. 

  

I know that there are good men out there but I think they're already married. 

  

  

 
February 25, 2006, 5:02 pm CST

Love Being Single

Oh, man do I love it. I can relax, have my own little habits without someone picking at me about them. No one to nag me. I have my pit bull who is far more faithful than any man will ever be. And, she doesn't talk back! All the guys I ever had were momma's boys and mooches. If I'm going to support someone, why not a dog?
 
February 25, 2006, 5:07 pm CST

Love Being Single

Quote From: sylvia103

I'm finally single. I've been in and out of relationships since I was 12. (I'm 37 now). I've been in an abusive marriage and when I finally got out of that, I immediately wound up with a drug addicted alcoholic. He tried to control every part of my life including how I raise my kids. He didn't even want my kids to be able to go in the basement. He didn't want them to walk around their room because the squeaking of the floor annoyed him. We had so many arguments about that and about me being able to see my family on the holidays. 

  

I LOVE being single. I can't imagine being in a relationship again even though sometimes I do miss being in a relationship--- but when I think of all that I've been through with my ex-husband and my ex-fiance I am so relieved to be free at last. 

  

I know that there are good men out there but I think they're already married. 

  

  

Like one of my lady co-workers once said(we worked retail), "All of the men who are not married after 30 are the ones on clearance, the ones no one else wants". It seems all of the good ones are taken early. I am 36 and all I ever got were momma's boys and mooches. Now the older I am getting the momma's boys are getting older. I know one at work, 47, no kids, never married, living with mom in her 80s.
 
February 26, 2006, 1:26 am CST

Single and happy too.

Quote From: sylvia103

I'm finally single. I've been in and out of relationships since I was 12. (I'm 37 now). I've been in an abusive marriage and when I finally got out of that, I immediately wound up with a drug addicted alcoholic. He tried to control every part of my life including how I raise my kids. He didn't even want my kids to be able to go in the basement. He didn't want them to walk around their room because the squeaking of the floor annoyed him. We had so many arguments about that and about me being able to see my family on the holidays. 

  

I LOVE being single. I can't imagine being in a relationship again even though sometimes I do miss being in a relationship--- but when I think of all that I've been through with my ex-husband and my ex-fiance I am so relieved to be free at last. 

  

I know that there are good men out there but I think they're already married. 

  

  

"I know that there are good men out there but I think they're already married. Like one of my lady co-workers once said(we worked retail), "All of the men who are not married after 30 are the ones on clearance, the ones no one else wants". It seems all of the good ones are taken early. I am 36 and all I ever got were momma's boys and mooches. Now the older I am getting the momma's boys are getting older. I know one at work, 47, no kids, never married, living with mom in her 80s." Well this must say a lot or maybe very little about me and about your sense of judgement. : ) I'm 47, straight, selfsupporting and without dependents and any emotional baggage AND I'M SINGLE!! : ) Happiness, to me is a state of mind. It doesn't matter whether one is single or whether one is in a relationship, happiness can be experienced and maintained in both scenario's. Happiness is a CHOICE..it's simply what we choose as a state of mind and feeling. It does not depend on another, yet it can be SHARED. I'm single and happy...actually divorced and happy. Been divorced for twenty one years. I have been in other relationships. Some short term, some long term. The longest was 11 years which ended in 2000, when my partner left me for a business partner. Since then I've had a long distance Intercontinental relationship ( between her America and my South Africa! ) It's really too far apart and too costly to continue this relationship sucessfully, so I'm Single again. All that I can say about my own thoughts, feelings and understandings according to my own experiences, is that each relationship has taught me more about MYSELF. Each partner was chosen by MYSELF and if their was abuse and disappointments, I MYSELF allowed it to be inflicted upon myself. And the abuse was really more about my partners own pains of her / their childhood or previous relationship abuses. At first, I really couldn't understand why I was mixing with women whom would "hurt and disappoint me". The truth was that I really attracted those kind of women wishing that they would make me and my life complete and more loving and secure...and they couldn't do that for me...they couldn't even do it for themselves...and neither could I. They all somehow showed me this over and over again til i finally "Got It!" : ) The last relationship really hurt me badly. Through the breakup and the depression that followed, I lost my business and my home and all the contents. At the same time my mother was dying of Emphasema and my younger brother of Cancer. Both died that year along with 2 of my cats. I kind of viewed the world and life and women as hostile and insensitive. All women as something evil and cold. Much like I guess many women view all men. But the real issue was not the breakup of this relationship..it REALLY had more to do with the breakup 15 years earlier when I lost my son aged 5 months to SIDS and my wife to the aftermath post traumatic stress. Well I kind of lost everything there too at the age of 25. Marriage and family and home and all the contents through the same depression! And it was this that affected all my other relationships ahead until now. It was because I held that guilt, shame,hurt and anger of the "Abandonment" and carried this emotional burden with me to each and every other relationship! After the final breakup, I became depressed and eventually went for Reiki Healing and some councelling. I slowly started to see the bigger picture in my own life, and my world started changing dramatically as I slowly started empowering myself and taking conscious responsibility for my own choices and actions. So I've come out of it... at first very afraid and scared, emotionally and psycholigically scarred and wobbly, but really ok and fine. : ) Time heals hurts and wounds. At 47 and single I'm now much more experienced and the wiser and emotionally and financially secure. No woman can disappoint me ....simply because I no longer hold any expectations of them to secure or to love me. : ) I love women...love to admire their beauty, charm, elegance, grace, sex appeal. I love the femininity that complements my Aries nature and masculinity. I Love to be around and with women and in their energy. They in turn seem to love being around me and my energy too. : ) I'm no moocher, and no woman player either. I'm not single because I'm some kind of a freak that noone wants. I'm single because I love LIFE and LOVE and the freedom it offers me. To Me, LiFE is the masculine living energy and LoVE is the feminine Loving energy and one can see how nice they fit together..the "i" and the "o" were made as a perfect match fit for experiencing Life and Love : ) If one day I meet 'my match' and she's "the one", I will without a doubt share my life, heart and soul with her. And she will be emotionally secure in herself. She will be loving herself. She will be taking good care of herself. She will be empowered in herself to know that I am 'the one for her' too. And in the meantime, I will be my happy single self. I will be enjoying my life and natural environment that surrounds me wherever I am. And I have a great relationship with a cute cuddly kitty to cuddle, snuggle and dote on too.. : ) In closing my sermon ( lol ), I just want to say that whether one is in a physical relationship or not...love to oneself first is the key to real and secure happiness. A relationship is just that, it's a relationship. It can be shared with family, or friends or strangers....even animals and insects and plants! It's really more about how we conduct and present OURSELVES to the world with all it's elements and inhabitants at large. And within that universally large arena there's also place for a happy symbiotic and synergistic relationship with another of likemind! And when two come together in synergy, a 3rd force is created that exponentiates the two individuals at their prime and peak. And I believe that it's really there for all of us that choose Happiness and Love, before we choose a wishful partnership in the hope that it's going to be a happy and loving relationship. If we know what we want and why we want it, then we'll get what we want, because we'll take the steps to create and manifest it. The first step to a happy and secure relationship is a happy and secure relationship with oneself and with ones environment. That is my understanding, and that is the way I choose to lead my life and to conduct myself and my choices and decisions. There's different strokes for different folks...and as the good ole doctor says " Choose what works best!" : )
 
February 26, 2006, 9:16 am CST

single is the life to have

I HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOUR TIMES TO MANY. THOUGHT I WOULD HAVE LEARNED AFTER THE FIRST TIME. HUH. AFTER ALL THE ABUSE REGARDLESS IF IT WAS VERBAL, EMOTIONAL, PHYSCIAL OR SPIRITUAL.  MEN SEEM TO BE THE ONE, UNTIL THEY SIGN ON THAT DOTTED LINE. THEN THEY THINK THEY OWN YOU, HAVE TO DO WHAT THEY SAY, OR ELSE.  THEY START ACCUSING YOU OF THING, BUT IT THEM WHO IS DOING THE WRONG THING. THEY JUST CAN'T HANDLE THEIR OWN GUILT. THEY ALL HAVE JOBS WHEN YOU FIRST GET TOGETHER WITH THEM, BUT AFTER AWHILE THEY DECIEDE THEY DON'T WANT TO WORK, THEY WANT YOU TO DO IT ALL BUT YET THEY DON'T HELP AROUND THE HOUSE EITHER.  I ENJOY BEING SINGLE AGAIN, HAVE BEEN SINCE JANUARY OF "97". DON'T GET ME WRONG I MISS THE CUDDLING. I BELIEVE THERE ARE GOOD MEN OUT THERE BUT THEY ARE ALL MARRIED. I ADMIRE THE COUPLES THAT CAN MAKE A MARRIAGE LAST CAN YOU EMAGINE THE HISTORY THEY COULD TELL YOU OF THEIR LIVES. NOW THAT I'M 50 NOW, I'M ENJOING LIFE NOW. DON'T HAVE TO ANSWER TO ANYONE BUT MYSELF AND THE MAN UPSTAIRS. VERY CONTENT 

 
February 26, 2006, 1:38 pm CST

"Retired" from dating

Last summer I declared my retirement from dating, and it was a liberating experience!  To prove my point, I donated my old bed (which I had shared with more than one loser-guy) to the homeless shelter and replaced it with a new twin-size bed.  The cat doesn't like it so well, but it suits me fine and I have so much more floor space in the bedroom now! <g> 

  

Part of my decision to retire springs from my mid-life review.  My 50th birthday is coming up soon, and I'm sorting through many things in my life, deciding what to take forward with me into the next decade and what to leave behind.  One of the first things to go was this business of trying to be something I am not in order to please someone else, just so I could have a man in my life. 

  

I keep odd hours (third shift) and I'm not one to stay home doing traditional "female" things.  I fill my evenings with a variety of activities which are enjoyable to me and that I'm not willing to give up in order to make myself more available for dating.  I guess I'm getting set in my ways... 

  

I had a very dysfunctional relationship with my father when I was growing up, and as a result, I chose a string of wimps and mamma's-boys who I knew would never abuse or reject me.  I married two of them, one in my 20's and one in my 30's, and neither marriage lasted long.  By the time I had enough insight into this to change my ways, the "good ones" were all taken...and even if they weren't, a good man would have reservations about taking up with a double-divorcee who comes from a history of abuse.  Yeah, my life was pretty screwed up, but I'm finished with the craziness.  I can't change the past, but I can accept it and try to learn from it and to avoid making the same mistakes in the future.  This is the hand I was dealt, and now I'm trying to play it the best I can...even if it turns out to be a game of solitaire. 

 
February 26, 2006, 4:05 pm CST

single and love it as well

I am also a single female of 43 and I have no plans whatsoever to change that status. I come and go when I want to and answer to no one. I have one male who lives with me; he has 4 legs, not 2. He accepts me as I am and does not try to get me to change to suit his agenda. Sometimes I think I want  a man,but that thought does not last very long!     

 
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