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Topic : Love Being Single

Number of Replies: 393
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 05:07:56 pm
Author : dataimport
Are you single and loving it? Share your story with other happy singles!

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July 24, 2005, 3:07 am CDT

SINGLE LIFE IS EMPOWERING

My life without my ex, who bothered & battered me for 16 years, is so wonderful I just can't think of ever having another relationship. I love living on my own. It's not easy with 2 older kids & a baby (violent one is not the father, but it's because of ex I didn't pursue relationship with baby's Dad, not that he thinks he actually is the father as he was told when he was young he couldn't have children), but I'm managing & it's easier than it was having the cling-on around with the older 2. He constantly told me I was the rejects' reject & that if he didn't want me no-one would. I finally managed to get him to move out in 1999, but he only moved 5 minutes walk away & was around constantly hassling me & looking in the windows, sitting in the garden all night & just walking into the house whenever he wanted. Then, when he found out I was seeing someone new he started ringing welfare about me, pretending he was different people & just lying about what I was up to. Then he met a woman on the internet & moved thousands of miles away. Just after that my house burnt down & a week later welfare came & took the children. Then I had a baby. 5 months later we finally found a house of our own & it looks as though the older kids are coming home. But, the ex is still hounding me - now he wants my insurance money, despite the fact I paid 100% for the house & his name wasn't on the insurance policy & I paid 100% for that too. He doesn't have a chance - just as long as he can hassle me he's happy. I would have thought with his ugly, fat interned girlfriend he would have forgotten about me, but he's obviously not as happy as he makes out. As for me, despite (or maybe to spite) him I'm so very, very happy. I've known too many people who live their lives around the opposite sex & drag themselves & their families through hell, jumping from one relationship to the next, never giving themselves time to heal. I've been on my own for 6 years & the wounds are only just beginning to heal. It always seems that as soon as I do start he opens the wound. But now NO MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I will never allow him to hurt me again. I love my life the way it is. Of course, I would at some time in the distant future like to meet someone, but for now I am happy on my own & have found an inner strength I haven't known since before I met him.
 
July 26, 2005, 4:59 pm CDT

Dont give up....

Like the old saying goes..."Better off alone than being miserable."

 

I think it sounds like youre still bitter though. I experienced the same thing after moving out of my abusive father's house when I was 20. I had never dated, thought all men were like him- and it took me 5 years to finally start dating! Although Im now happy with my fiancee of 2 years, I had to have faith in myself back then to realize there IS someone for everyone, and when you're least looking for it- true love will come into your life. Just be confident with who you are for now.

 

Dont give up entirely. That's when you sell yourself short....everybody deserves the man of their dreams! I had to wait a quarter of a century to even find him!! Theres hope for everyone and I know thatt now.

 

God bless...

Bonnie

 
July 26, 2005, 6:55 pm CDT

BITTER AND TWISTED.

Well, you're right about me being bitter. I will never regain the youth he took from me or all those years he took to wear me down to a place where I couldn't even look in a mirror or go out the door to face the world. 7 years later it's still hard for me to leave the house, but I know I'll move on as I have already moved forward so very, very much. I just don't recognize the person I've become at his hand. & as for finding the right guy - I have a very pretty daughter who just turned 10 & after the experience a friend has had with her last 2 husbands sexually abusing both her boys & girls I'm really wary of letting any man in to our lives. I let one man in which is how I happened to have a baby, but he doesn't think the baby's his, & I've now moved hours away & he's found someone more his age (14 year age difference - he's younger than me) so, obviously I haven't excluded men from my life entirely. Still hoping that one who got away in my youth will come flying in on his white horse & release me from my torment - gotta hold onto something, even if it is far-fetched. One thing that did survive my house fire was his photo so, maybe there's an omen in that.
 
October 11, 2005, 5:35 am CDT

The pressure, the pressure...

Why is it women aren't supposed to love being single? I'm a 33-year old professional, who has recently bought her very own apartment, and I feel great. Sure, I sometimes miss having a companion (and a lover), but I still find it OK to be alone. If only my friends would see it that way!

  

 

In less than one year, one friend met and moved in with her boyfriend, another friend met her girlfriend, and yet another met a guy and got married. So I am now the odd (wo)man out. My newly-converted married friend feels obligated to whisk me out of my miserable state, so it seems; she insisted on fixing me up with various guys, but alas: a. I wasn't really up to it at the time, and, more importantly, b. Not one of those theoretically great fix-ups ever came to be (she always somehow decided that, after all, the guy wasn’t really for me). So I admit that I was, and still am, confused. On one hand, it seems that this concerned friend has only the best intentions in mind, but I can't shake off the nagging feeling that she didn't really want for me to meet someone - she only wanted to feel like a good friend.

  

 

My younger sister, who got married last year, also tried to fix me up. I appreciate the effort - I really do. But it still feels like all my friends and relatives regard my single status as a disease I must overcome or a terrible predicament I must get out of.

  

 

When I tell my friends that I don't really want to meet someone right now, they shrug. My best friend, who has known me since childhood, claims I'm scared. Maybe I am. I admit that my last blind dated have left me hurt and angry. Still, it's not only fear. Deep inside, I feel the desperate need for breathing room. I want to enjoy my new apartment, and continue looking for a new job (which I have been doing ever since I got my current job - it's just not for me).

  

 

Anyway, I hope I'll feel the urge to date one of these days. Until then, I will continue to meet my friends, do the things I love, and just embrace life.

  

 

 

  

 

  

 
November 2, 2005, 10:58 am CST

Single life?

Hi Everyone! 

  

I'm 20 (almost the big 21) and recently single.  I guess I didn't scroll down enough to see this section.  I've never been single since i was 13..i've bounced from one serious relationship of 5 years to another one of 3 years.  Anyways, I've tried dating a little but I love being single so much.  I like not having to answer to anyone, doing what I want, my phone not ringing and being asked where I am...all that.  However, I feel like I'm leading guys on if I just want to go out and have a few beers and when they call me again I just tell them I'm not into having a relationship right now.  Is this normal?  Dating doesn't feel right for some reason....like the timing is off or something.  Am I being a "player" by going out on the weekends but not wanting a relationship?  I'm not wanting sex or anything like that.  I'm independent and putting myself through school (almost done!).  Is it a bad thing to want to focus no getting my degree and not having a serious relationship?  I'm always upfront with these guys and tell them that I don't want one....but there's this one guy that keeps persisiting.....I guess I'm not sure what to do.  Am I just being to cautious about getting hurt again and should I just jump into the relationship?  Or should I go be a "college student" have a few beers and leave them behind?? Please help........ 

 
November 8, 2005, 9:30 am CST

Love Being Single

Quote From: i_c_all

Why is it women aren't supposed to love being single? I'm a 33-year old professional, who has recently bought her very own apartment, and I feel great. Sure, I sometimes miss having a companion (and a lover), but I still find it OK to be alone. If only my friends would see it that way!

  

 

In less than one year, one friend met and moved in with her boyfriend, another friend met her girlfriend, and yet another met a guy and got married. So I am now the odd (wo)man out. My newly-converted married friend feels obligated to whisk me out of my miserable state, so it seems; she insisted on fixing me up with various guys, but alas: a. I wasn't really up to it at the time, and, more importantly, b. Not one of those theoretically great fix-ups ever came to be (she always somehow decided that, after all, the guy wasn’t really for me). So I admit that I was, and still am, confused. On one hand, it seems that this concerned friend has only the best intentions in mind, but I can't shake off the nagging feeling that she didn't really want for me to meet someone - she only wanted to feel like a good friend.

  

 

My younger sister, who got married last year, also tried to fix me up. I appreciate the effort - I really do. But it still feels like all my friends and relatives regard my single status as a disease I must overcome or a terrible predicament I must get out of.

  

 

When I tell my friends that I don't really want to meet someone right now, they shrug. My best friend, who has known me since childhood, claims I'm scared. Maybe I am. I admit that my last blind dated have left me hurt and angry. Still, it's not only fear. Deep inside, I feel the desperate need for breathing room. I want to enjoy my new apartment, and continue looking for a new job (which I have been doing ever since I got my current job - it's just not for me).

  

 

Anyway, I hope I'll feel the urge to date one of these days. Until then, I will continue to meet my friends, do the things I love, and just embrace life.

  

 

 

  

 

  

I know exactly what you mean. I'm a college student and have only been on maybe 3 dates in my life. I know you're probably thinking what in the world does this college student know. How can she undersand how I feel. But I promise you I know what you're going through. 

  

I have the same thoughts about being single as you do. For one thing, right now I have devoted my focus to completing college and earning my degree. I'm mean sure, it might be nice to have a significant other but it's not my main focus right now. I've been single for my whole life...it doesn't bother me to be alone. The way I look at it, that's just one less person that I have to explain myself too. I can go out and do what I want, when I want, and how I want. Sure, if a guy came along and I felt we had chemistry yeah I'd probably date him but I don't feel the need to pursue a relationship. 

  

My friends like your's don't understand how I can feel this way. Most all of them are either, dating, in a long-term relationship, or married. Most have never been without a significant other for a long time. They're constantly trying to set me up with guys they know but I just don't feel i's necessary. They don't understand how I can be so happy and content being single. 

  

True, there are ups and downs of being single but that's the same for relationships too. I just feel great having the freedom of being single. I'm also the type of person that cannot stand to be smothered. I love and need my own time and space to be by myself. 

  

Anyhow, I hope everything goes well for you. When you least expect it you'll start dating a great guy! Good luck with everything! 

 
November 8, 2005, 12:42 pm CST

Giving Up!

I give up!  I've run the dating gamut and I quit.  I've dated friends of friends and men I've met in chat rooms and on line dating services.  I've dated co-workers and strangers I've met in the check out line.  I've even gone as far as considering plunking down $3000 for a professional matchmaker.  But no more. 

  

I have been cheated on, lid to and robbed--emotionally, financially, and physically.  I've been dumped in kind and gentlemanly like manners and left sitting by the phone wondering what went wrong.  I was left at the altar and left for the altar. (He decided to become a priest.)  I was even "Grace" to my own "Will" before it became popular. 

  

And what for?  To still end up alone on the couch eating chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream and watching "Law and Order" marathons on TNT. 

  

I have donated 20 years to the dating game and I think I'm finished.  So if my Prince Charming is out there, he's going to have to throw himself on the hood of my car.  I'm through looking for him. 

  

  

 
November 14, 2005, 6:53 am CST

love being single

I am so glad I found this message board because it is something that I have been dealing with.  I am single and have never been married, nor do I have any kids.  I have been in relationships but always come out wishing I had never gotten into them.  I guess I am too independent.  I just don't feel that I am a "needy" person.  My 2 best friends can't be alone and are always frustrated because they can't find or keep a man around.  They are constantly stressed out or fighting with their boyfrriends.  I always sacasticlaly tell them "Gee you're having such a good time, maybe I need a boyfriend too".  They are so desperate sometimes its very sad to watch them.   While they are so busy trying to find somebody I feel that they are missing out on so many other things in life.  But I suppose they think I am missing out on something too.  I just don't want to spend all my time going from bar to bar  looking for somebody.  I don't think you're going to find what you want there either.  And I don't want to go on-line either.  That scares me.  One of my friends has met some guys on there.  She says they're nice, but I don't have a good feeling about doing anything like that.   

  

I guess I just want someone to tell me if I am the one whose missing out or what? 

 
November 14, 2005, 3:14 pm CST

Take Time......

  

          I see nothing wrong with being single, I'am a single mother I have been for most of my adult life,,,,, I tried marriage in the end it didn't work out. Instead of jumping feet first into another releationship, I decided too stay on my own. Yes I dated here and there but nothing serious. I just found that I need too take the time too adjust too being on my own again, standing up on my own two feet, get my head and heart together. I wasn't willing too just give myself away too just anyone, I've watched so many people I know, go into relationship after relationship, only too end in disaster!   I rather liked being an outsider looking in on them, and thinking "I'am so glad that's not me"I did that for 3 yrs. Until I found somenone, that was there all along I didn't even know it!  it didn't happen over night between us,  it took 2 yrs for me too realize this was the man for me!  now I am in a happy loving, lasting releationship.  

 
November 22, 2005, 12:01 pm CST

Being single in a couple oriented world

Being single for the most part is okay..yes, lonely at times..but here the state I live in it is VERY family oriented and couple oriented ( youngest age percentage at marriage  in the nation), so when you go to a movie alone or dinner alone...they have so much disbelief that a woman can or will go by herself...sometimes they have to shout it ...ONLY ONE or JUST ONE!!!!  I try to make jokes like yes, unless you can find me a date...or if I am really annoyed by the hostess I will say...it is allowed here, isn't it.?..I think they don't even realize how it sounds like I have a disease and it will rub off on others....I am more amazed at woman in their 70's and 80's that cannot believe I do not have a man at my side. And I cannot believe how many are amazed that I will go on vacation by myself.  I would like a wonderful man in my life again but I am not going to wait to do activities and places to visit, it may never happen and then I will have missed out on so many opportunities I wonder if any other woman at my age (53) or women at any age have this same thing happen to them wherever they live, or is it just my location? 

 
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