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Topic : 12/27 Runaway Dramas

Number of Replies: 176
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Created on : Thursday, October 12, 2006, 05:58:12 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 10/16/06) Imagine your pregnant teen daughter running away to be with her baby's father -- an older man whom she met online. For Heidi, this became reality when her 15-year-old daughter, Brittney, went missing for five weeks. Dr. Phil put private investigator and former FBI agent Harold Copus on the case to find the missing teen. See the confrontation when Harold finally locates her and her 34-year-old boyfriend. Then, find out why Brittney becomes even more upset when she learns what is in store for her. Two months have passed. Has Brittney's relationship with her mother improved? Next Kim, 15, has run away six times in the last year, most recently making it halfway across the country to be with her married boyfriend. Why didn't her parents look for her, and why does she say she'll do anything to get away from them? Can this family learn to get their relationship back on track? Share your thoughts here.

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October 16, 2006, 8:27 am CDT

I was a 15 yr old victim of statutory rape

Yep, thought I had it all figured out. Was looking for love in all the wrong places. He was 25. As an adult (I'm 37) I can see what a freak that guy was.

I also want to say that the girl that was shipped of to the home at the end of the show needs to be there. I see in her the same traits as my 15 yo son. He screams for me like that but it's not really desperation from the kid or a feeling of not being loved. It's 'get my mom in here cause I know she loves me and if I put it to her the right way I can get out of what I don't want to do'. They do need a period of separation. Her mom mostly so she can regroup and hopefully get her feet back under her as a mom(or at least be taught what good parenting is...not all fun)

Her mom has snapped just like I did. She has NO clue what to do. Hope they all accept the help that was offered.

 

that's all!

 

 
October 16, 2006, 8:42 am CDT

10/16 Runaway Dramas

Quote From: bear_ta

Shhh... now don't be sayin' people need to be takin' responsibility for their own behaviour. Do you know how much you'll get slammed for that? Try to remember everyone is a victim.

 

 

Main Entry: statutory rape

 

This definition is from the Merriam-Webster dictionary


Function: noun
: sexual intercourse with a person who is below the statutory age of consent

 

This law is in place for a reason.

 

These men talked about on the show today were adults...what the heck did they see in or want with a 15 year old girl? One thing.  They preyed on the girls' vulnerablilities and should be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.

 
October 16, 2006, 8:45 am CDT

Brittany

WHy would you want to settle for a sex offender? He is worthless and not fit to raise a child. Believe me, I was in a systemt hat put me inwith a  child molester and guess what hapeeend to me, an innocent child?

If you decide to be with this guy that is YOUR choice, NOT your child's choice, do your child a favor and put him/her up for adoption, at least give the child a chance to live a good childhood.

And your mom is right to press chatges against this guy, look at his history, what a dream? Is this your dream guy? Is this what you always thought your life would be like? Get over him, he is only manipulating and using you and look at the tension he has caused between you and your family? Yea, wqhat a dream guy!

Brintany, don't get messed up with some one like this,  Don't throw away your whole future to settle fora guy with a histiry, who's going to jail, a child molesterm ina  little ole trailer with people who are going to drag you donw, get a life, this guy is a loser.

Hope you continue to get the help that you need and remember, it isn't all about you , you have an innocent child to think about and that child deserves a good home life, you owe it to him/her.

Where do you see your self in 10, 15 years? with this guy? well, chances are you will end up in jsil right along with hima nd your child will be taken away, believe me, I grew uop in the system! ANd you DON"T want that. I thank God very oftenf or giving me the btain that he gave mea nd that I used it, I didn't end up like all those perverted people, I am a happy wife of almost 14 years with two beautiful, happy little girls, life is good. and it can be good for you but it's your choice, just remember you have a child to think about.
 
October 16, 2006, 11:23 am CDT

fight for your child

At 15 I was married.At 16 first baby.At 17 divorced full time job.The man I married was22.I went from a sexually abused child to a very battered young lady.The control and abuse was so bad with this man,I wanted to go back to the sexual abuse.I loved him and still to this day wouldn't want anything bad to happen to him.He just knew alot about life that I didn't know.He thought it would be wonderful to have a virgin.The thing was though that I knew nothing about pleasing him and raising a child,but my innocents was gone.I'm now 41 and just figured out what real love is all about.Lots and lots of self destructive living.

        Fight for your child if you love her stay involved.If you don't have the man put in jail then stay close .Always give her more than one way out.LOVE HER ALWAYS.

 
October 16, 2006, 1:10 pm CDT

You and your hubby are dead wrong!

Quote From: lksantee

It seems to me that the girls had a part in this. (unless they were raped). People need to take responsibility for their own behavior.  Having sex with someone is in most cases, a choice. They could have said "No", they could have used a condom, or other forms of birth control. There are many options ro prevent a pregnancy. I know a girl who got pregnant at a young age, and it was not because some guy forced himself on her. She knew exactly what she was doing. My hubby and I have talked about this a lot. As they say...it takes two to tango!! 

Frankly, I just hope you and your husband are not raising children. FIRST, there are laws on the books to prevent older men and women from taking advantage of younger people. Sorry, but it may take two to have sex, but it takes just one older, brighter, more manipulative person to talk many youngsters into things they are not emotionally and physically ready for. That makes many of these "tangos" a CRIME.

 

In many states, sex with anyone under the age of 15 (when the other person is 18 or older) is what used to be known as "statutory rape." Now it has many different legal names, but it's still the same. Adults (age 18 and older) can't use the excuse of NOT knowing the law to justify their actions with underage KIDS. I don't care how many times a pre-teen or young teen says YES to sex with an adult. It's up to the ADULT to say NO and leave that youngster alone! That's what decent adults do!!!

 

Perhaps if you had children, you would understand VERY CLEARLY that girls and boys pre-teen to young teenage years are EASILY sweet talked into things they should  not do. Is it their faults? Of course not...they are immature kids, just the way God intended them to be. It's up to the ADULTS to control themselves and not take advantage of younger people. Those who do are SCUM and they should be prosecuted under the law.

 

Sorry, but you and hubby need an attitude adjustment. You both should want children/teens PROTECTED...morally and legally!

 
October 16, 2006, 1:13 pm CDT

Lock them up and throw away the key!

If given the chance, young adults can and will do STUPID, DANGEROUS things. That's why it's up to adults (age 18 and up) to stay clear of romantic, sexual relationships with KIDS. Kids are vunerable and sometimes just plain stupid when it comes to being taken advantage of. The laws are on the books to prevent the young and adults who don't follow the laws (for whatever reason or EXCUSE they give) should be prosecuted. NEVER NEVER NEVER is there an excuse for an adult to engage in sex with an underage kid! Even if that kid is begging for a sexual relationship (sadly, to many they equate sex with love), it's the RESPONSIBLITY of the adult to walk away (run away fast, actually!).


Why do so many in our society CONDONE sex between adults and young teens???? We are going down a very slippery slope fast and it's pathetic!

 
October 16, 2006, 1:20 pm CDT

"STuFF" valued over family much of the time!

Quote From: shelly_80

I completely agree with you.  It truly is pitiful the way todays society has turned out.  It really depresses me to think how things are now compared to what they were when I was little.  Keep in mind I will be 26 in a couple monthes but my mother was a 'stay at home mom'  and my dad made our living.   I guess you could say we were the exception.  My two sisters and I had both parents in the home so we didn't have the issues of growing up in a broken home.  But in most cases today the parents are split up and the mother gets to raise the kids.  Or both parents are still together but work 24/7.  In both cases the kids are forced to raise theirself. It is pathetic how both parents are basically forced to work just to make ends meat.  The cost of living has sky -rocketed even in the last 10 years.  I believe that if parents were given the opportunity to spend more time at home raising their children then we would not have as many kids feel the need to run away or get hooked on drugs and alcohol.  But then again that is easy for me to say because I'm young, single and don't have any kids of my own.  But I know what I see and  I see a society spinning so far out of control and the kids are the ones reaping the consequences.  How on earth did it come to this?  I agree, something needs to be done.  Society needs to slow down and spend a little more family time. 

You are making excuses for probably 50% of the people, but I agree with much of what you said.

 

Here's where we disagree; most people are not working because they have to. Many are, but still many are not. I am upper middle class and just returned to work part-time (our son is in 1st grade and our daughter is in 6th). We CHOSE to go w/o vacations and new cars and shopping trips so our kids could be rasied by US (and not some daycare). However, many of our friends (who make $100,000 yearly or more) CHOOSE to work full-time because they want all the "stuff." They would rather have STUFF than to spend time with the children they brought into this world. I know there are other high school teachers as good as I am, but my children cannot have another mother. I am the one that God entrusted them too and it's my RESPONSIBILITY (and my husband's) to raise them the best way we're able.

 

Nowadays, the kids getting in trouble are not just the poorer, unsupervised kids from broken homes...they're the wealthier kids who have very little time with their career parents (who seem to value work over family). Many of these parents feel guilty so they buy their children everything. Sadly, love, affection, guidance, discipline and all that other QUALITY stuff cannot be bought!

 

Our children are paying the price for our adult selfishness and greed. Sadly, society will pay the price, too.

 
October 16, 2006, 1:22 pm CDT

10/16 Runaway Dramas

I'm still a teenager and I know how hard it is to live with non-understanding parents and how hard it is to be pregnant at a young age.  I have a 3 month old son and I barely talk to my family.  They never thought my husband and I could make it because we were too young.  They constantly put me down, telling my my son's father was "good for nothing" and didn't want to support me or his baby, they told me I wasn't a good mother.  I was tired of being put down so my boyfriend, now husband, and I went to Maryland where I didn't need parental consent to get marred.  We got married at the end of July, this year.  My family told me I was crazy and that it wouldn't last.  They said I couldn't put my child through what I was.  I'm just trying to give my child a better life than what I had and I think I'm doing the right thing.

 

On the other hand, being with someone who is over twice your age, is more than a little messed up.  I don't know what kind of situation she had at home with her mom, put she never should have put herself out there like that.  She should want the best for her baby, and if the father wants to support the child, pay child support.  If he's 35 and still lives at home with two other kids, there's no way he'll be able to take care of her and another baby.

 
October 16, 2006, 1:25 pm CDT

You have wisdom

Quote From: kristinmusser

At 15 I was married.At 16 first baby.At 17 divorced full time job.The man I married was22.I went from a sexually abused child to a very battered young lady.The control and abuse was so bad with this man,I wanted to go back to the sexual abuse.I loved him and still to this day wouldn't want anything bad to happen to him.He just knew alot about life that I didn't know.He thought it would be wonderful to have a virgin.The thing was though that I knew nothing about pleasing him and raising a child,but my innocents was gone.I'm now 41 and just figured out what real love is all about.Lots and lots of self destructive living.

        Fight for your child if you love her stay involved.If you don't have the man put in jail then stay close .Always give her more than one way out.LOVE HER ALWAYS.

You've obviously come a long way and your wisdom shows. Congrats for surviving such a tough life (and life lessons).

 

And bless you for knowing that children come first and we, as adults, owe it to them to stay involved, even when things get rough.

 

God bless you. I hope you find the happiness you so apparently deserve. I'm keeping you in my prayers. -Nancy (Florida)

 

P.S. I've been married 17 years to a wonderful man (and father). I KNOW that he is not alone out there. Once you committ to a great guy, there is no better feeling then going thru the good AND the bad by eachother's side. I hope one day you will be able to post that you and your husband have been together (and happy) for decades.

 
October 16, 2006, 1:27 pm CDT

Shocked at your reply

Quote From: jaimie1974

Responsibility. I see this from a different perspective.

When an older man seduces a young woman, especially a young woman who has lacked a positive male presence in her life, he is taking advantage of her vulnerability. There is an imbalance of power- the older male has some life experience, has probably done this to other young women and knows exactly what to say and do. The young woman has longed to hear a man say she is beautiful, that she is worthy; she is loveable, that she deserves kindness. She wants to hear these things so badly, that it doesnt take the predator very long to convince her he is the one who deserves her virginity. In the beginning, his control over her seems like love to her. The way he isolates her from friends and family might, at first, feel very good for her low self esteem; she thinks, wow, he loves me so much, he wants to be with me every hour and he doesnt want to share me. Of course this is classic behavior of an abuser, to tell a vulnerable young woman what she desperately needs to hear; then isolate her from friends and family; then begin to play mind games with her so that she feels that she is less than him, that he is the one in control of her life.

Responsibility.

In theory, she could have said no. But in reality, when you have been love starved for so long, it is to difficult to say no, because she feels that she has found the one person in the whole world who will love her and if she says no, then she will lose that love. That thought is too terrible to bear. She thinks, who else would ever love me? This is because while he professes his love for her, he also is reminding her that no one else would love her because she comes from a poor family, or because her nose is too big, or because she now has had a baby. So, she comes to believe that this is as good as it gets.

You said that you know a girl who got pregnant at a young age and it was not because some guy forced himself on her, she knew exactly what she was doing How do you know this? You cant know what he has said or done to her (and her self esteem) you dont know the circumstances that happened throughout her life that led up to her situation. You simply cant know. You think you know- because from the outside, the situation looks typical. But its far from typical.

The young woman who has a baby with an older man will be taking responsibility for the rest of her life. I urge you to set your judgment aside. It is so easy to judge people using your own value system and your own perspectives, but try to put yourself in their position. Its not as simple as it appears. It is so easy to judge, it is much more difficult to truly think about what has led to our society to this point and why more isnt being done to prevent these situations from happening.

I am shocked that think a 16 year old can decide that sex is OK with old farts.  My son was 12 years old when he was arrested for sexual assault on the spot because of kids messing around.  These are kids that are within their own "arc" as Dr. Phil put it, and they can be arrested on the spot - guilty before a trial, encarcerated without bail until a trial, and their brains aren't even old enough to wrap their brains around politically correct sexual behavior and some 35 year old gets to wait for a DNA test before he can be arrested!  I am livid.  Word of mouth was enough for a 12 year old - but some adult pedophile requires proof of DNA even tho the underage girl admits to it?  Our justice system is twisted!
 
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