Message Boards

Topic : 12/27 Runaway Dramas

Number of Replies: 176
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Thursday, October 12, 2006, 05:58:12 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 10/16/06) Imagine your pregnant teen daughter running away to be with her baby's father -- an older man whom she met online. For Heidi, this became reality when her 15-year-old daughter, Brittney, went missing for five weeks. Dr. Phil put private investigator and former FBI agent Harold Copus on the case to find the missing teen. See the confrontation when Harold finally locates her and her 34-year-old boyfriend. Then, find out why Brittney becomes even more upset when she learns what is in store for her. Two months have passed. Has Brittney's relationship with her mother improved? Next Kim, 15, has run away six times in the last year, most recently making it halfway across the country to be with her married boyfriend. Why didn't her parents look for her, and why does she say she'll do anything to get away from them? Can this family learn to get their relationship back on track? Share your thoughts here.

Find out what happened on the show.

More December 2006 Show Boards.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

October 16, 2006, 1:31 pm CDT

I have been there

We can all say where are the parents,but speaking from experience the girl should really sit back and think of her unborn child.The consequences of having that father in the child's life.I was 16 and he was 31 He lied at the time and told me he was 20. My parents took me to a lawyer and it was explained to me what rights he would have if i placed him on the birth certificate.Well needless to say I went against it(my parents) b/c I loved him so much.Six years later I regret every moment of it 2 days after my daughter was born we split up(it was to much for him).He comes and goes has he pleases and I have to allow her to go with him courts orders. He has her around grown men and drugs.Ask YOURSELF THIS CHILD I AM CARRYING,WOULD I ALLOW HER OR HIM TO DATE A PERSON THIS MUCH OLDER.ANSWER HELL NO IT'S WRONG AND THEY NEED TO PRESS ANY CHARGES AGAINST HIM THEY CAN
 
October 16, 2006, 1:45 pm CDT

I agree

Quote From: bear_ta

Shhh... now don't be sayin' people need to be takin' responsibility for their own behaviour. Do you know how much you'll get slammed for that? Try to remember everyone is a victim.

 

 

I very much agree with you.  The parents on this particular show chose the parenting style they were going to use when these children were babies and if the parents had been on top of things when the children were young, chances are the circunstances would be different.  The children need to face up to their poor decisions and the parents need to own up to their parenting flaws.
 
October 16, 2006, 2:00 pm CDT

poor kid...

I feel so bad for Kim I agree with Dr. Phil that she needs a safe 'out'. She's being preyed upon by grown-ups who are off- kilter themselves It's sad that she can't think straight for herself and nobody else has given her any sound advice. I think that military people are little better put together than average people. They have discipline,and some good basic moral values. But I have 'two dogs in the fight" (like good old DR. Phil would say.) because I have two sons who are military.Unfortunately, the 20yr old involved with KIm may not be a good example.She is still just a kid even though she has some grown-up feelings that are at play. I was horrified that she went on birth control at twelve for more than just the obvious reasons. I don't think that it could be medically good for her. I really hope that she gets a reprieve from the influences around her. Kids should be allowed to be kids and make mistakes (that's a part of their journey to adulthood) I don't think KIm's parents are necessarily 'bad'. I think they are lost, too..I hope there's help for them too.
 
October 16, 2006, 2:10 pm CDT

I AGREE!!

Quote From: laurie

I am a disabled parent of a child who was coerced to runaway at age fifteen, drop out of school, etc. by a perverted child molester who was more than twice my childs' age. My child aborted one pregnancy created by this pervert, and again ran away from home. Child Protective Services elects not to investigate. I had filed a runaway report with the police, and they said , as must be standard response, that my runaway will return home. A second pregnancy was caused by this coercive sexually addicted pervert, and it was aborted. Ten years later, my child has stolen my identity, caused more than $50,000.00 of fraud, including of my monies for a vehicle. Still, NOTHING has been done by the legal system that shows to be enabling of crimes (s) by not arresting this perverted child molester when I filed the initial complaint in 1995, along with his identity. Child Protective Services would not investigate. I have yet to obtain a response from the FBI. I recently filed a complaint with my local police department less than three weeks ago, regarding being awakened of a sound sleep by a phone call made by this pervert, inquiring if I would have sex with him. The police department responded that it is not a crime for one to be awoken out of a sleep, nor is it a crime for one to be asked of a sexual act. I told them that the sexually addicted pevert is a child molester, and I will greatly disfigure his anatomy if he appears at my residence. He has said that he would break a window to obtain entry for his intent. My oversleeping after a phone call that rudely awoke me out of sound sleep, resulted in a $10,000.00 warrant for my arrest of a failure to appear the day of the phone call (that is a crime). It was suspended as I did appear ten days ago. My child was detailed by the judge of the fraud expenses that she will have to repay, told she is facing a three year prison sentence followed by four years parole. When I found a chance to state what I had intended to say for nearly three years of time I did. There were six court room employees witness to my commentary, the judge, bailiff, stenogapher, & three attorneys. I did say to my child that she is nothing other than a piece of white trash. It will be a long, possibly very long time IF I re-connect with my child, as she has caused rental evictions (3), excessive debts, lied to the police twice, lied under oath to the non-investigative courts claiming I abandoned her at seventeen years of age, and the judge then (1998) would not view proof that indicates otherwise. My child has caused endless heartburn/heartache not excluding the grey hairs I now have. My adult age child may have had removal of her seven year child as I did not see my grandchild or her molesting father in court ten days ago. Sadly, it will be my innocent grandchild who will be long-term victim of her parents' choices of crimes. Child molesters/ rapists should be detained in non-protective custody.

This guy Michael needs to be PROSECUTED and convicted to the fullest extent of the law for his involvment in this child's life.  He took her from her mother, forget that she "agreed" to go with him, she is a CHILD.  This guy has to be a COLOSSAL PERVERT!!!!  No child of 12,13, 14, 15 or 16 years of age is capable of knowing the impact of a choice like that.  Anyone who really thinks so is WRONG.  And, I believe I can talk about this.  Because I KNOW.  I lived it.

 

I am a forty three year old woman who lived with her "boyfriend" who was seven years older than I when I was fourteen.  I was in the ninth grade, when he moved in with my Mother and I, and within the first six months I got pregnant.  We got married when I was fifteen years old.  We had to go to court to get married, and to show proof that I was pregnant to the judge.  My mother had to sign papers allowing it.

 

Now, the child we had together is grown up, and we also have a fourteen year old daughter.  I can tell you all right now, and please forgive the seeming hypocrisy,  I just couldn't allow my own daughter to live in the way that I did. I loved my husband dearly, who I was married to for seventeen years,  but he completely agrees with me that our own daughter must be held to a higher standard of behavior than I did personally. At fourteen, I wasn't raped, and we were married, but I will be the first to tell you that I HAD NO BUSINESS BEING INVOLVED IN A SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP AT FOURTEEN YEARS OLD!!!  I was too young to be where I was, PERIOD. 

 

In today's world, we can't afford to take chances with all the dangers and threats that exist to perpetuate children and young adults.  The times were simpler thirty years ago.  I can't justify what WE did, it was irresponsible and wrong, without question.  At least I can say that we made the best of our life together.  Today, I honestly think my daughter's father would shoot any man who tried to instigate himself in our daughter's life, the way he got involved in mine.  There is no way on earth that we could tolerate it.  We care too much about her, her whole life, and her future.  We both want her to go to college,  and to have a chance to grow up before she gets involved in something that is too complicated for most adults, let alone a child. 

 

Your story is incredible, and it really bothers me that protective services didn't intervene more.  I sure hope that everything works out for you.  It also scares me a little bit.  I can't bear the thought of my daughter ending up like that, or, even like I did.  She accuses me of being paranoid sometimes.  I'd rather have her think I am than be too lax and possibly lose her.  Though, I must say, even when you are on top of things with kids, sometimes they still stray.  All we can do is be strong, consistent, and let them know we love them.  I will pray for you.  I hope you are able to reconcile with your child, and to see your grandchild.  That swine that she hooked up with needs to be locked up.  Good luck to you. 

 

Predators, BEWARE.  There are a lot of parents out here who are learning from the unfortunate experiences of these stories:  and the law is against those of you who think you can justify what you do.  I don't care if that fourteen or sixteen year old girl (or BOY) wants to get involved.  I don't care if you believe that they know what they want.  THEY CANNOT, AND DO NOT KNOW!!  At that age, it is impossible to completely understand. Don't tell me that these children aren't victims. They are, and anyone who violates a child needs to be in prison.  PERIOD!!!!!!

 

 
October 16, 2006, 2:11 pm CDT

AMEN!!

Quote From: flthomcat

You are making excuses for probably 50% of the people, but I agree with much of what you said.

 

Here's where we disagree; most people are not working because they have to. Many are, but still many are not. I am upper middle class and just returned to work part-time (our son is in 1st grade and our daughter is in 6th). We CHOSE to go w/o vacations and new cars and shopping trips so our kids could be rasied by US (and not some daycare). However, many of our friends (who make $100,000 yearly or more) CHOOSE to work full-time because they want all the "stuff." They would rather have STUFF than to spend time with the children they brought into this world. I know there are other high school teachers as good as I am, but my children cannot have another mother. I am the one that God entrusted them too and it's my RESPONSIBILITY (and my husband's) to raise them the best way we're able.

 

Nowadays, the kids getting in trouble are not just the poorer, unsupervised kids from broken homes...they're the wealthier kids who have very little time with their career parents (who seem to value work over family). Many of these parents feel guilty so they buy their children everything. Sadly, love, affection, guidance, discipline and all that other QUALITY stuff cannot be bought!

 

Our children are paying the price for our adult selfishness and greed. Sadly, society will pay the price, too.

AND BRAVO!!!! You said exacltly the same thing I have seen.There's an awful lot of people out there who think its everyone else's 'job' to raise their kids. Ive heard over&over again that it's their 'right' and 'choice' Funny, the kids don't get one.Dr. phil says get rid of the stuff to spend more time with your kids. Its hard to believe that there's lots of people who even 'pause for thought' when presented with this solution. We live in a very sad world, today
 
October 16, 2006, 2:12 pm CDT

10/16 Runaway Dramas

Dr. Phil - My husband and I watched the show today and fell in love with the beautiful red head girl who was six months pregnent.  We would really be interested in talking to her about her choice of adoption.  We have been wanting to adopt for five years or so now but this girl reminded me of myself at her age and would be willing to help her.  We are a very mature couple and have been together for 20 years.  We would even be willing to have an open adoption so the baby could know the birth mother and grandmother.  Please pass my story on.  Thnak you very much, Theresa
 
October 16, 2006, 2:12 pm CDT

10/16 Runaway Dramas

Quote From: jaimie1974

Responsibility. I see this from a different perspective.

When an older man seduces a young woman, especially a young woman who has lacked a positive male presence in her life, he is taking advantage of her vulnerability. There is an imbalance of power- the older male has some life experience, has probably done this to other young women and knows exactly what to say and do. The young woman has longed to hear a man say she is beautiful, that she is worthy; she is loveable, that she deserves kindness. She wants to hear these things so badly, that it doesnt take the predator very long to convince her he is the one who deserves her virginity. In the beginning, his control over her seems like love to her. The way he isolates her from friends and family might, at first, feel very good for her low self esteem; she thinks, wow, he loves me so much, he wants to be with me every hour and he doesnt want to share me. Of course this is classic behavior of an abuser, to tell a vulnerable young woman what she desperately needs to hear; then isolate her from friends and family; then begin to play mind games with her so that she feels that she is less than him, that he is the one in control of her life.

Responsibility.

In theory, she could have said no. But in reality, when you have been love starved for so long, it is to difficult to say no, because she feels that she has found the one person in the whole world who will love her and if she says no, then she will lose that love. That thought is too terrible to bear. She thinks, who else would ever love me? This is because while he professes his love for her, he also is reminding her that no one else would love her because she comes from a poor family, or because her nose is too big, or because she now has had a baby. So, she comes to believe that this is as good as it gets.

You said that you know a girl who got pregnant at a young age and it was not because some guy forced himself on her, she knew exactly what she was doing How do you know this? You cant know what he has said or done to her (and her self esteem) you dont know the circumstances that happened throughout her life that led up to her situation. You simply cant know. You think you know- because from the outside, the situation looks typical. But its far from typical.

The young woman who has a baby with an older man will be taking responsibility for the rest of her life. I urge you to set your judgment aside. It is so easy to judge people using your own value system and your own perspectives, but try to put yourself in their position. Its not as simple as it appears. It is so easy to judge, it is much more difficult to truly think about what has led to our society to this point and why more isnt being done to prevent these situations from happening.

it may take two to tango but it  is suppose to be between two adults, this woman took her role and used it to manipulate and to get what she wanted, I still say she needs to be in jail.
 
October 16, 2006, 2:16 pm CDT

oops! my last post was for the other show, sorry.

But basically the same thing, any adult having sex with a minor deserves jail time, it is just wrong and they need to be adult enough to say NO!
 
October 16, 2006, 2:47 pm CDT

IT'SNOT ALWAYS WRONG

Quote From: jettav

it may take two to tango but it  is suppose to be between two adults, this woman took her role and used it to manipulate and to get what she wanted, I still say she needs to be in jail.

I WILL BE WITH BY HUSBAND 30 YEARS IN JUNE WE HAVE RAISE 9 PRODUCTIVE, HEALTHY HAPPY  CHILDREN TO ADULTHOOD.

WE NOT ONLY LOVE EACH OTHER BUT WE STILL LIKE EACH OTHER

WHOOPEE RIGHT , MY HUSBAND IS 72 YEARS AND I AM 46  YOU DO THE MATH. I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN OLDER THAN MY YEARS AND HE IS YOUNGER THAN HIS .      

THIS RELATIONSHIP WORKS AND WORKS WELL SO THE AGE DIFFERENCE IS NOT ALWAYS A  BLACK AND WHITE THING. .   I WAS 16 YEARS OLD AND HE WAS 42 WHEN WE MET .  IS THIS WRONG I DON'T THINK SO BECAUSE IT HAS WORKED FOR 30 YEARS AND IS CASE YOU WONDERED I AM A STRONG WILLED AND AN INDEPENDENT THINKER .  I AM NOT RULE BY MY SPOUSE. I THINK RELATIONSHIPS SHOULD BE JUDGED BY THE PEOPLE INVOLVED ON A CASE BY CASE BASIS

 
October 16, 2006, 2:58 pm CDT

Teenagers need help

I think it is great that both teenagers are getting help. I think both sets of parents need to push their children to get and stay with the help at the place Dr. Phil has offtered.

 
First | Prev | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | Next | Last