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Topic : 12/28 What Would Robin Do?

Number of Replies: 216
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Created on : Thursday, October 12, 2006, 05:59:44 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 10/17/06) Dr. Phil’s better half weighs in on all your burning questions! Kasey says her husband, Nathan, controls all their money, even though she earns 40 percent of their income, and his controlling behavior is wreaking havoc on their marriage. She has to live on $20 a day, show him receipts for every cent spent, and she's not allowed to have access to their bank accounts. Nathan says his wife is lethal with cash and spends too frivolously. Robin shares what happened when Dr. Phil tried putting her on a budget! Then, Paul promised his wife, Linda, that a certain family tradition wouldn't take place at their wedding. Paul broke his promise and played the prank anyway. Eighteen years later, Linda says she still holds a grudge and feels like she can't trust him. Can Paul get her to forgive and forget? Next, Robin goes undercover and puts "the world's biggest doormat" to the test. Will this “people pleaser” learn to stand up for herself? And, Robin honors an inspirational woman. Join the discussion.

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October 16, 2006, 11:20 am CDT

YOu tell him

Put your foot down and tell him like it is and do not waste another moment.  You have to earn the respect for each other.  You have to work as a team.  MY wife can do what she pleases, go where she wants, spend what she wants. She has her money, I have mine and we have ours.

We have been married twelve years and have never had an argument. Sure, we have different points of view and there are issues she is better qualified to resolve and the same applies to me. I think some of these so called men out there better take a look at themselves and to coin

a phrase from Dr. Phil, "how's that working for you?"  In many relationships one or the other

wants to be the dominant one, but sooner or later the relationship generally comes to an end.

If you want that to happen, keep doing what your doing.  Your right on Robin.

 

 
October 16, 2006, 11:52 am CDT

Goodness I had no idea

I live in the UK and slavery was abolished in the 18th Century. What has happened in the USA that women are allowing themselves to be so badly treated?
I've copied this very relevant story from another site that is perhaps something you downtrodden wives could try.

A man came home from work and found his three Children outside, still in their pyjamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard. The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog. Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door. He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened. He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls. As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pyjamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked, "What happened here today?" She again smiled and answered, "You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world I do all day?" "Yes," was his incredulous reply.

She answered, "Well, today I didn't do it."  

 
October 16, 2006, 12:33 pm CDT

Do I need to complain?

I've been married 5 years on the 20th this month,My husband and i we never ever fight about Money,Because i never complain abou it,I have small busines my own,I make 45k a year  my husband and I had agreement about spending money,I will give it to him all my  check every week,and he deposit to our account,but the problem is i dont have any access for it,and i'm ok with it part of  the agreement is he give me allowance$600 dollars a month But,,,,i need to pay my own car and insurnace,he give a charge card but i only use it for grocery and for the house not my things,He is watching everyday my charge card if i buy something for myself, even 10 dollars i need to pay him back,so my $300 dollars thats for my personal thing,IS THIS RIGHT??dO I NEED TO COMPLAIN ABOUT IT???Is he controling me??
 
October 16, 2006, 2:00 pm CDT

10/17 What Would Robin Do?

Quote From: ladyinseattle

I've been married 5 years on the 20th this month,My husband and i we never ever fight about Money,Because i never complain abou it,I have small busines my own,I make 45k a year  my husband and I had agreement about spending money,I will give it to him all my  check every week,and he deposit to our account,but the problem is i dont have any access for it,and i'm ok with it part of  the agreement is he give me allowance$600 dollars a month But,,,,i need to pay my own car and insurnace,he give a charge card but i only use it for grocery and for the house not my things,He is watching everyday my charge card if i buy something for myself, even 10 dollars i need to pay him back,so my $300 dollars thats for my personal thing,IS THIS RIGHT??dO I NEED TO COMPLAIN ABOUT IT???Is he controling me??
 YES, he is controlling you. Any husband (or wife) who feels the need to check up on his spouse and tell her to pay him (her) back, then he isn't in this marriage for love and respct unless of course you have given him reason not to trust you. Myhusband never checks receiptsa nd stuff like that, why? because we are int his marriage together and we trust each other when I come home with a new outfit or something for the girls, he is like, "cool, thats really nice."  of course it isn't like I am out every day spending money or anything like that, a marriage is built n love and trust and if that foundation isn't there, then it isn't gonna last. You have absolutely every right to have access to the money, it is your paycheck, your home and another thing, do you get to hold him accountable as well? Does he get an allowance and do you get paid back if he over spends? If not, then yes, you do need to talk to him and make things clear. Now, I am all for budgeting and even the allowance thing, but it has to be fair and there shouldn't be no such thing as you   need to pay me back, not in a good healthy marriage relationship, at least that is my opinion, always has been, always will and thankfullt I have a good and loving husband who knows he can trust me and we communicate about everything.

 
October 16, 2006, 2:06 pm CDT

10/17 What Would Robin Do?

Quote From: mmcturk

I live in the UK and slavery was abolished in the 18th Century. What has happened in the USA that women are allowing themselves to be so badly treated?
I've copied this very relevant story from another site that is perhaps something you downtrodden wives could try.

A man came home from work and found his three Children outside, still in their pyjamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard. The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog. Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door. He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened. He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls. As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pyjamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked, "What happened here today?" She again smiled and answered, "You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world I do all day?" "Yes," was his incredulous reply.

She answered, "Well, today I didn't do it."  

I agree. if men can't respect  and honor their wives and can't  treat themw ith dignity and with pride then she needs to start calling the shots. One thing that my husabnd does not do, is ask me "what have you done all day"? not that I think that is all wrong but just the fact that he would rather come in and give me a kiss and a hug and tell me that he loves me and he would much rather spend some time with the girls. One thing that I have noticed is that when I am respected and valued by my husband, it makes me want to do even better for him and I noticed this with him as well. Ladies, you are not doormats, you are wives and you can expect to be treated with love and dignity and with respect, if it isn't happening, then you need to make that change and make sure you are treating your spouse the samwe way, don't expect respect if you don't give it, it goes both ways. No one should be ina disrespectful marriage.
 
October 16, 2006, 2:27 pm CDT

build your independance

Quote From: ladyinseattle

I've been married 5 years on the 20th this month,My husband and i we never ever fight about Money,Because i never complain abou it,I have small busines my own,I make 45k a year  my husband and I had agreement about spending money,I will give it to him all my  check every week,and he deposit to our account,but the problem is i dont have any access for it,and i'm ok with it part of  the agreement is he give me allowance$600 dollars a month But,,,,i need to pay my own car and insurnace,he give a charge card but i only use it for grocery and for the house not my things,He is watching everyday my charge card if i buy something for myself, even 10 dollars i need to pay him back,so my $300 dollars thats for my personal thing,IS THIS RIGHT??dO I NEED TO COMPLAIN ABOUT IT???Is he controling me??

Open up your own checking account today and gradually put your money in and eventually you should have enough.  If he gives you money to buy something, buy, bring it home, then return it

and get the money and deposit it your account.  When you have enough, stand on your own two feet and tell him what you expect and that you are not going to tolerate it anymore.  You do not have to be greedy just practical and if you can demonstrate to him that  your practrical, he no doubt will loosen up, if not, pack up all you can and move out while he is at work. " If you want me back", it's on my terms and if that does not work, you do not need him anyway.  There are still plenty of good men out there.

 
October 16, 2006, 2:51 pm CDT

Splitting it down the Middle

Quote From: mgoff1

I have to say that i am married to a man that we do not pool our money together but we do split the bills down the middle.  I am a working mother with certain bill of my own such as

car insurance, medical bills for which I feel I am responsible for.  we both work hard for our

money and it seems to work out great.

Splitting it down the middle is fair ONLY, and ONLY if you BOTH earn the exact same money...benefits and all.   What if your hubby makes 4 times more money than you?  it's not fair to split it down the middle then.  

 

When my DH and I married, I was making 1/3 of the joint income, so we sat down and totalled up the necessities of life:  Rent, Transportation, Food, Clothing, Retirement, Savings.   We both contributed to our joint expenses based on our compensation  2/3 from him, 1/3 from me.  Every year, with every raise and changes...we'd review and adjust.   Everything left over after we paid the joint expenses was ours to play with.  I resented sometimes that he had MUCH MORE discretionary income than me.  However, anytime I asked for something over and beyond my fun money...I got it., so there was no trouble there. 

 

Now I'm a stay at home mom so Hubby is paying 100 percent of everything.  Again, we re-ivaluated and reviewed the budget and budgeted fun money for both of us.    Hubby recognizes that though I may not be bringing home the dollars, I AM contributing IN KIND with taking care of our home and our child.    My hubby knows how much it costs to hire a professional maid, cook, child care provider, and petsitter...so he doesn't complain one bit.   

 

CC

 

 
October 16, 2006, 3:27 pm CDT

Hi All, This is Kasey from the show! (17th)

I have read the posts and must say I am  quite shocked at some of the responses!  I knew that Nathan and I had problems but didn't think they were so out of control! Looking from the outside in, I can see the issue of control. Nathan doesn't see it as a problem, he says he doesn't want to control the money or budget but that I force him to. We don't make the same amount of money, so it wouldn't be fair to split bills down the middle. I work full time, take care of my 6 year old, and clean the house! Maybe I should get a bill together for all the housework I do and present it to Nathan. We have yet to sit down and go over a budget together! I told him that we have to get back into counseling before our marriage is over. Thanks for all of your support.
 
October 16, 2006, 3:45 pm CDT

Oh yeah and....

Quote From: sunnyandcher

I have read the posts and must say I am  quite shocked at some of the responses!  I knew that Nathan and I had problems but didn't think they were so out of control! Looking from the outside in, I can see the issue of control. Nathan doesn't see it as a problem, he says he doesn't want to control the money or budget but that I force him to. We don't make the same amount of money, so it wouldn't be fair to split bills down the middle. I work full time, take care of my 6 year old, and clean the house! Maybe I should get a bill together for all the housework I do and present it to Nathan. We have yet to sit down and go over a budget together! I told him that we have to get back into counseling before our marriage is over. Thanks for all of your support.
The $20/day was a guestimation on how much I am allowed for ANY spending.... That money is not frivelous spending money, it goes towards necessities!
 
October 16, 2006, 5:13 pm CDT

10/17 What Would Robin Do?

Quote From: sunnyandcher

I have read the posts and must say I am  quite shocked at some of the responses!  I knew that Nathan and I had problems but didn't think they were so out of control! Looking from the outside in, I can see the issue of control. Nathan doesn't see it as a problem, he says he doesn't want to control the money or budget but that I force him to. We don't make the same amount of money, so it wouldn't be fair to split bills down the middle. I work full time, take care of my 6 year old, and clean the house! Maybe I should get a bill together for all the housework I do and present it to Nathan. We have yet to sit down and go over a budget together! I told him that we have to get back into counseling before our marriage is over. Thanks for all of your support.
If you are married, it shouldn't matter who makes more money.  What my husband and I do is each take so much money per month as our "mad money". We can spend, save, or even burn that money however we see fit, the other person has no say. You SHOULD go to counseling and you should definitely work out a budget together that includes discretionary spending for each of you.
 
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