Topic : 12/28 What Would Robin Do?

Staying home isn’t the ‘free ride’ that some people seem to think it is! You have a household to run, it doesn’t just run itself. I’m saying this to you because someone was very callous in their comments to you regarding not having a job, and you DO work; you just don’t make a paycheck.

You said you are doing some charity work, that is great! In my experience, doing for others makes me feel good about myself. I hope this is the case for you. If you were to get a job, do it for yourself; not because he is bullying you into it. You know that once you get a job and you are out of the home, he will then be complaining that things are done around the house- so you can’t win! Do what is best for you, what feels right- because chances are that he will never be happy.

 darlin, I don't know how much your husband earns but if you bring in 45K annually and allow him to control your finances, you are not attending to business! 

This is abuse. It is control. It is isolating you by taking all your resources away from you. This is living as the last responder said, in the dark ages.

I don't know if you have children; but this is not a marriage. This is a man who does not love  you. He may like owning you but love does not do these things to another person.

If you are afraid to confront him, ask someone to help you, but change this situation right away. Do not wait. Do not let it continue. Take back your money. Keep your own charge account. Negoatiate which bills you will pay and which he will pay. The rest is yours and his --separately.

You will be sorry if one day he leaves you penniless, with no credit of your own, scared of life, or worse. As a former abused women's counselor, I can tell you --as anyone can -- that wife abuse accelerates.

If he won't agree, tell him to miss the door hitting him you no where on the way out. I did and I have a MUCH MUCH better life now. Yes, it did take some stress to get here, but noone gives me $2.50 for lunch any more and then questions how I spent it .  Nor does anyone have the power to make me stand like a child in my nightgown, trying to remember why my checking account is wrong by FIVE CENTS. Controlling men are all cut from the same cookie cutter. They aren't even original. Take control of your life. 

How silly you are. Because you have less, you judge that another woman has more of nothing than you so she should be grateful her life is a tiny bit less miserable than yours.

You need to stand up or shut up.

1. For medical care: apply for Medicaid for your son.

2. All hospitals who get any kind of federal funding MUST have a fund on hand to pay for indigent patients. Ask the financial office for the Hill-Burton Fund. Senators Hill and Burton were the authors of the bill that was passed some years ago so don't let them snow you. If they get any federal funding, even for a bit of equipment, they legally have to have a Hill-Burton fund. Ask them to use it to pay for your son's medical care.

2. Visit your local  SSI office regularly and push for your case to be expedited. Agressively request to speak to a supervisor. Remember, regular workers have no authority and usually can only say things are "pending".

2. Go to your local Human Sesvices and get food stamps for your family.

3. Call the Housing Authority in your county and ask for rent assistance or a HUD Section 8 voucher. This is not immedfiate although they should also have an emergencyy housing plan in your region.

3. Go to the Salvation Army for help with utilities and perhaps food from their food pantry.

Every agency has had its budget cut this year but your family certainly sounds like it qualifies.

4. Check with your churches for the local food pantries and use them. There are lots of good hardworking folks in trouble these days so no shame is necessary. Folks with six figure houses are losing them, and men with four children who have been outsourced, laid off, or downsized cry when they use food pantries but as one man said, "I have children. I can't let them starve." First the job goes, then the savings, then the insurance, then finally the car. When the car goes, there is no where to live but the tents in the woods. Start helping yourself NOW.  

4. Dial 211. It's a new national number that offers resources in every state for every family in need.

I hope this helps you.  My prayers are with you.

If you are low income and do NOT have any type of prescription drug coverage

get in touch with your physician and ask them to help you get your medications

through the pharmaceutical companies..  I have my own patient advocacy business

and I do this for people & their physicians everyday.  Depending on the pharmaceutical

company you MAY have a predetermined co-pay (usually $30 for 90 days of meds)

But please be careful some advocates charge the patients for this service.  Personally

I don't do that - if people can't afford their meds they probably can't afford to pay considerable

service fees, so I charge the physicians. 

If you have questions let me know and I will do my best to help you find the assistance you need

Brenda

I was diagnosed with breast cancer at the age of 39 in 2001.  It is the one thing that forced me to finally make the decision to get out of an abusive relationship.  I was married 18 long years to a man that mentally, verbally, sexually and physically abused me.  i learned to hide it well.  but it was eating me alive.  I got cancer.  I lost my hair, had a lumpectomy that distorted my breast, but I gained a totally positive attitude, and changed my life around. 

I am now a full time 44 year old woman, going to school full time to fulfill my dream of being an elementary school teacher.  Graduation date May 2008.  I have gotten one child thru high school and she graduates in May '07 from college.  I have two children at home that are both in high school and doing very well.  We are a good strong team. 

Yes i have hit the five year mark, and yes i am finally in remission.  my hair is back, i'm having reconstructive surgery in a year, and my life is moving forward. 

Cancer doesn't have to be devastating, it can be lifesaving.  The person i am now, is a better person than i was before cancer.  Thank God for that. 

I can't believe that anyone would be upset about a little cake on your face.  You said he shoved it up your nose but from the video it was barely on the tip.  At our wedding I made my husband promise not to smash the cake in my face all the while I was planning on getting some on his face.  When the big momment came I smashed and he smushed.  He got it so far up my nose that I was blowing frosting out for the next hour, but did I get mad????  NO, I knew he loved to joke and play when I met him.  We have been married 12 years and yes I do bring it up now and then but to laugh about it not punish him.  To this day every wedding we go to we wait to see if the cake gets smashed, if it does we feel that the couple knows how to play and have fun together.  I think it says a lot about  the health of a relationship if you can have fun and not be so uptight.  Stop being such a control freak and learn to have some fun.

I have read many posts of yours and I want to tell you how much I admire your courage and your strength.  You give excellent advice and I would like to invite you to share that advice on another board.

The Abuse board under the Marriage and Relationships section on the Dr. Phil website has a crying need for women who have been there and done that.  Please consider visiting and contributing if you have the time and inclination.

Thank you

Lyn