Topic : 04/02 In-Law Threats

 Dr. Phil
 I live the life of these people, and God knows I feel for them.I have a mother in law who has made my life hell. She comes to my house after my wife and daughter leave so no one else knows she is there and then makes wild allegations about me. Then states if I say anything she won't trust me!!! She has even go so far as to accuse me of sexually abusing my nephew knowing full well its a lie. She loves to hurt me and then says its my fault and I am just over reacting.  My wife is caught in the middle but I am at the point I am ready to tell everyone in the family just what she has done to me. Last time she  came to my house and made threats I tried to call the police and she said my wife would never beieve me, and at times I almost believe her. She sets it all up, comes when no one is around  and then leaves before they come home.
 I am at a loss as to how to deal with this women and just wonder how far she is willing to go to try and ruin my life.

in to response to the in-laws ist really hard i learned not to deal with it after my marriage for 3yrs. i gave him a choice he dicide to a divorce instead he he wouldnt give up his mother and she wasnt moving out and refuse giving up his animals or helping me out with bills etc. and doesnt want to taking on the responabile of any finance in his name. so now we are in a divorce now  i really cant believe a man would choose his mother over his wife. i reaaly thought he was the one.  i have had other marriages but nothing like this one. i wish i had help to save my marriage but he refuse. so ladies dont let your mom or his mom get in the way dont do it.

I had only met the in laws to be at my husband's mothers funeral and it seemed we were all in accord with each other .  When they all came out to the wedding I had no indication the night before that there was a problem but the day of the wedding was nip and tuck.  I was fully aware when the gals didn't speak to me but chalked it up to my being busy.  My brother in law asked for my husbands wedding ring then not 6 feet from me joined a cluster of in laws to make ring/ program pictures.  I was devistated that they would exclude me.  I could not say anything because it would upset my daughter and my son.  We had a close tie because I raised them virtually alone.  I knew my children would rip and tear if they though I was being hurt.  It has been 4 years and I have been told I don't dare caLL  the one isister-in law's house she dislikes me so muuch.When I ask what I did, all I get is 'ask her.'  I am not an in your face type person. 

 

I was told that staying away from my father in laws funeral so his daughter would go and grieve her father with her brothers that I 'had made a nice start just keep it up.'  I wasn't thanked for making sure the service was as Pop would have wanted, a extra large picture of

Pop.  I had it framed for the service and made all other arrangements  My husband was just lost and we had just buried my father 2 years before so had some kind of idea. My husband did confirn each arrangement with his brothers.  His sister wouldn't pick up to talk.  We left messages.

 

I know I am a hard person to take sometimes and I have a propensity to say things that are misconstrued but I am not (I don;t think) a hateful person.  The discord in this family is sad.  The brothers don't even talk.  My husband has made some mistakes but honestly if the females could get along the mistakes could be ironed out.  I don't think anything will ever be worked out unless the females are united as a foundation of positive chatter between families.  I feel so bad because I am the basis of this families problems.  I can't take back what ever I did.  I can only apologize but for what????  I know my husband misses chatting with his brothers.  He has no male friends and I feel guilty for taking his brothers from him.  What can I do?

Karen B

Bar Nunn, WY

When you marry, you get the whole family.  Keri should have worked this out years ago instead of letting 9 years go by. If you don't get along with your mother-in-law stay away from her or move if you have too. Brian should step up and talk to his mother instead of being in the middle.  He needs to be the mediator and try to work something out between his wife and his mother. Too many marriages have been broken because of in-laws.  I personally have a great mother-in-law and would not trade her for anything. She never butts in to our marriage and has always supported us when we needed her.

         My wife passed away in May of this year, very unexpectedly.  This was her second marriage as  her first husband was killed in an industrial accident 20 yrs earlier.  When we got married in 1998 my wife never changed her will. The deed to the house is in her name and her will leaves all her assets to her children.  In 2000 she and I remodeled the home and took out a very large 2nd mortgage for over $100k.  My name is on the mortagage loan, but not on the deed to the home and not in the will.  Ever since my wife passed, her parents have done nothing but cause havoc in my life. They want me out of the home because they say it belongs to her children, both of whom are grown and gone and neither of whom has any interest in the home. My wife's daughter, whom I spent 7 yrs loving and supporting and now lives in FL with her grandparents has joined in the fight and is making my life unbearable as well.  The county coroner determined my wife's death to be an accidental overdose of prescribed medications she was taking and heer family holds me responsible for that as well.  Ever since she passed on, my life has been and continues to be a living hell.  If it were not for my familiy and a few close friends, I"m certain I would either be in a rubber room or in the same place my wife is at.

 Hi everyone,
I am writing this the Sunday before the show airs. I just ran across a letter that I believe I mention to Dr. Phil that my mother in law wrote me on my Birthday. I thought it would be appropriate to share here. Because I think it shows the Cathy I know and the relationship that we have had up until the current situation. My Birthday is at the end of May and the issues with Cathy started a few weeks after that.

The Letter was written as follows:

                Happy Birthday Chris

Today may trying.

Kids are tired.

The dishes need washing.

Everyone needs something

But we cannot wait one mare day to say Happy Birthday.

I know your life has changed but so has all of ours.

You are and have been a positive addition to our lives.

You have done many things that were unbelievably selfless.

You did not think twice about getting Buford help.

You treat my grandchildren with the dignity and respect every child deserves, just ask Brianna. The other night Brandon told me he has good adults in his life. I asked who the good adults were and he said Momma, Chris, Pappa and Nanner.

We may not always see eye to eye but I think we really do, we both are used to being in charge.

I am glad you were born and I want to celebrate your birth.

Happy Birthday

Love Cathy

END OF LETTER

Just to clarify a few things in the letter. Cathy is called Nanner by the kids. My wife Rebecca and I have been together for 3 years and our 3 oldest children are from her previous marriage.  And as it mentions in the letter that Cathy and I dont always see eye to eye, She and I have agreed to disagree on several issues in the past but in no way did any previous disagreement get to any point that would cause anyone concern (Like what happened to get us in the show).

So anyway, hopfully this letter with help everyone understand the relationship Cathy and I have had in the past and let you have a little more insite when wathing the show.

Chris

Patti is the kind of person who gets her jollies by the reactions of those she is picking on.  I've had experience with this kind of person.  Just don't react, at all.  Don't say anything and don't let your facial expressions show what you are really feeling.  If she doesn't get a reaction she will stop.  Good luck!

My daughter went through the same thing after her father passed away.  Her stepmother still lived in the house that her father bought before their marriage.  My daughter, her half sister,(who is a minor) and the wicked stepmother are in his will to share the ownership of the house.  The stepmother has since moved out, renting the house, and is engaged to be married to someone she met online.  She is recieving all the rent money which should be split three ways.  My daughter has found an attorney and he is going to get a court order to sell the house, set up a trust for the minor child, and get back rent money from the stepmother.  The attorney is charging $17,000.00 for his services, and will collect when the house sells.

I can't wait to see this show!  I have a daughter in law from hell! I contacted the show and told my story and decided because of the grandkids, I had better pull back. I have bent over backwards to try to welcome her into this family. I have showered her with love and she continues to be a smart ass. She is jealous of the relationship I have with my grandkids. My son and I were once very close and she trys to destroy that relationship too. I bite my tongue constantly with her. Her own family ignores her and she has no friends. Think she'd figure it out. She has cost me to miss one of my grandchilds birthday for the last 3 years. She ruins every holiday. Just when I think she is starting to change, she pulls something. I promise, I am a good mother in law and have tried and tried with this girl, but I am not going to take the disrespect any longer. I feel bad because I know my son is in the middle and is torn. Any suggestions?

Dear Dr. Phil,

I have the worst in laws ever! They have called me a slut, they said the baby i was carrying wasn't my husband's, they never came to our wedding, they never bought us a wedding gift, they stormed out of the hospital and never seen their first born grandchild for 8 months cause we didn't want to cercumize him, they withheld xmas gifts that they bought for my son, they withheld our money that came in the mail, they asked me to apologize for marrying their son, my brother's moving cart that they borrowed was in ther van when it caught on fire and they refused to replace it so my brother was forced to take them to court, they wanted me and my husband to pay for it, they asked me to have an abortion or give my baby up for adoption, they have called me a vendictive bitch 12 hours after my father died out of nowhere, they said i wasn't their family and they didnt' know my parents so when they died they didn't have to come to their funeral and they didn't come, a couple of years ago we sent our kids in on xmas morning with gifts and my mother in law and sister in law sent them back to the car and told the kids they would not accept the gifts. Since then we have talked for 3 years except to talk to tell them that the son they gave up for adoption at birth had contacted us and out of respect i called to tell them because i thought it was their right to know he was alive. But within 3 days the argueing started again. Can i ever please these people?? I have been married for 14 years now and i have 2 children with my husband but his parents constantly guilt me into feeling that i am the reason they don't have a relationship with their son even though he moved out of their house at 17 because his father was an alcoholic and smoked pot everyday and was always threatening to fist fight with him.  Should i keep trying to fix this broken relationship? Any advice would be appreciated, thanks. Safire