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Topic : 04/02 In-Law Threats

Number of Replies: 233
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Created on : Thursday, October 12, 2006, 06:01:07 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 10/18/06) We've all heard of in-laws who don't get along, but these guests say their problems have reached a life-threatening level. Keri and her mother-in-law, Patti, have been fighting for nine years. Patti admits that she's never liked Keri and calls her names, but she says Keri pushes her to the breaking point. Brian, Keri's husband and Patti's son, says he has been caught in the middle but is ready to take a side. Will Patti see how she contributes to the chaos and learn to change her ways, or is Keri really to blame for what's been going on? Then, Chris says his mother-in-law, Cathy, tried to run him down with her SUV. Cathy says she lost control of her car. Chris has filed charges against Cathy. Was this the right thing to do? And, what's happened to Cathy since Dr. Phil producers spoke to her? Could something more serious be causing her allegedly erratic behavior? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

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October 18, 2006, 1:41 pm CDT

Oy yoy yoy (and I'm not even Yiddish!!!!)

Patti, You really swallowed the foot and then the leg,then the rest! It's hard to integrate families sometimes, but I kinda think patti needs to rethink things. If necessary, remember this-the son you love, loves this woman and you are hurting him by  being so spiteful. Its not a contest! You could never replace a mother OR a wife and each one has their own "bank account' to draw from (so sayeth the omniscient Doc). Its  downright self-destrucive to alienate a husbands wife. And in all reality, Patti should be proud of the job she did raising a son who will not tolerate anyone abusing his wife. That's the actions of a MAN! 
 
October 18, 2006, 2:07 pm CDT

Been there done that..

After almost 12 yrs married to my husband, my mil has finally calmed down. It could be because we live 300 miles away for the 3 yrs. My dh's family has a pack mentality, one is mad at someone, they are all mad. I have put up boundries and stuck to them, my dh has learned to defend me. I read a book calld Toxic In-Laws, it was THE best book to learn from. I gained alot of my power back from it.I am the gate keeper of my home. I no longer "go along to get along", if that upsets any of my in-laws, oh well, they will get over it.I treat everyone with respect, and I try to be polite, sometimes thats all one can do. I love these in- law shows, they always seem so close to home.I have found the way! Get that book!
 
October 18, 2006, 2:11 pm CDT

whose responsible?

I have a question. My mother-in-law shows signing of unstableness. She can be nasty one minute and great the next. She has a bad achohol problem. Which my husband tried to help with but finallly gave up.  She seems to be getting worse. My husband is convinced in is her drinking but I am not so sure. I used to work in a ahlehimerz unit. In which my mother-in-laws mother was in. I see some similarities. I am worried the is alot more here than just her drinking.

 

Our Background is that: She has never really liked me. She always believed I took her baby boy from her. He was 32 when we married.  But this isn't her usual rudeness. my husband told his parents if the weren't sober they were not to stop by our home. This was a problem because we live right down the street from them and he had caught them doing things with and around our kids when they were playing in the yard that where bad for everyone involved. At that point his parents stated this is how they are so they will just stay away. It has been bad for our kids they really love them, but the situation was physically dangerous for the kids, (example driving into yard drunk, trying to take the kids places drunk, lifting kids into air drunk, ect....)

 

Anyway. I have always believed that his parents truelly cared for our kids, especially his mother. I have always typically sided with her on different issues. I am truelly worried she is getting the bad end of the deal because I wonder if alot of her problem is health related, and without someone to help her she will only get worse. My husband is so upset with them though he has gotten to the point where he just wants away from them and their problems. He has stated numeourly that they don't want anyones help. If she really does have a health problem is he still responsible? Or does the responsibilty end with her husband? I know Dr. Phil states that the child of the in-law bears the responsibilty of dealing with their parents. So if my husband chooses to leave this how it is Is there something I can do without stepping on his toes while helping the situation.

 

BTW my MIL has tried to physically go after me when drinking. So my husband has stated he doesn't want me visiting her when he is not around but that was years ago and she was really really drunk.  Yet I haven't visited her without him since then either.

 
October 18, 2006, 2:12 pm CDT

Dr. Phil is right on!

We found out the hard way........about the terrible effects of Alzheimers.  The mother-in-law who tried to run her son-in-law down probably has something wrong neurologically.  My mom started acting very strange, but when she tried to kill my family as they were driving on the Highway at 75 miles per hour by grabbing the wheel because she thought she was being kidnapped.....that was it.  She tried it twice that day.......picked up the dog & opened the door of the car to jump out. 

We had to call the police to take her to the Hospital......where she was diagnosed with Alzheimers.  The Dr. told us that many patients can hide it for a pretty long time until one big episode that floors everyone.  Good Luck to this poor family.  I have been there!

 
October 18, 2006, 2:19 pm CDT

I am the daughter in law on the show

Quote From: momma_2

WELL, I REALLY DON'T AGREE WITH YOU.....YES THE MIL GAVE BIRTH TO THEIR CHILD, BUT IN THE BIBLE IT SAYS TO PUT YOUR SPOUSE FIRST.....MY MIL IS A COMPLETE BITCH AND I AM A YOUNG MOTHER AND SHE HAS A PROBLEM WITH ME JUST BECAUSE MY SIL HAS A PROBLEM IN LAW WITH ME. MY SIL USED TO LOVE ME TO DEATH AS LONG AS I SPENT ALL MY TIME GOING SHOPPING AND HELPING HER WITH HER KIDS, WELL AS MY HUSBANDS AND MINE RELATIONSHIP CHANGED, AND WE GREW CLOSER, SHE HATED IT AND CONSTANTLY CAUSE PROBLEMS, THEN SHE BROUGHT MY MIL IN IT AND MY MIL STARTED, SO I DEFENED MYSELF LIKE I WAS TAUGHT AND LIKE MY HUSBAND TOLD ME TOO.
I have to say that you all don't know me from anyone else but Patti, my mother has made my life hell for 9 years and it is only recently that I will not allow her to do that anymore. She is a hateful person and has a problem with seeing her son with another woman...if you ask me that is just sick. I have tried just letting it go, but it has gone too far. Thanks for your input anyways :)
 
October 18, 2006, 2:23 pm CDT

I can relate to Cathys daughter!!!

I can relate to Cathys daughter. My mother was diagnosed with a brain tumor and acted in the way Cathys mom did. Not long after her almost dealthly surgery my brother died in a car accident and burned completely. She was not like herself at first with just knowing she had the brain tumor, then to put such a stressful death on top of it.....she acts very eradictly...she doesn't understand that she hurts people around her. She would never hurt me or my family intentionally but since has not been herself at all!! So I feel for your family and hope you get her help. And just please know this is probably not her at all and some other reason behind it...

 

 

 
October 18, 2006, 2:34 pm CDT

Thank you for that!

Quote From: saemae

I had you as a mother-in-law five years ago.  Thank the good Lord above I got rid of the likes of you.  My ex mother-in-law made fun of me from the first day she met me.  I wasn't good enough for her precious son, and she even went as far as to question the paternity of one of my daughters.  Stupid me, I actually stayed in this marriage with this pathetic woman and her even more pathetic son for five years before I got out.  At least I learned, but it took this woman trying to kick me in the stomach and kill the "illegitimate" child I was carrying (in case you needed to know, the child was NOT illegitimate.  Just another delusion in this sick woman's mind.)  Her son did nothing to protect me or his child.  That was enough for me to decide.

 

YOU are the problem.  You need psychological help; a professional can snap you out of your obsession with your son.  Your son is also the problem.  He should have cut off ALL contact with you ages ago.  He is so very mamby-pamby about this whole thing it sickens me.  In short, you really need to grow up and let your children make their own decisions....and their own mistakes.  I don't blame his wife for one moment for lashing out at you.  You're lucky; down here in the South, a lot of meddling mother-in-laws get their fannies kicked for doing what you do.  Try acting your age for once, will ya?

 

And by the way, for the poor belittled wife, you might want to consider looking for better options.  I met the man of my dreams right after the divorce, and his mother treats me so good sometimes I have to pinch myself I can't believe my good fortune!  As for the ex mil?  Her son got remarried and.......wait for it......she can't stand the new wife.  Go figure!

Hello, I am the daughter in law that was on the show today and I just want to thank you for your comments.

Keri

 
October 18, 2006, 2:41 pm CDT

in-law hurt

at the beginning i thought my in-laws liked me. i married a guy 14ys younger, a real total charmer.  i meet his family and they treated me real great cause i know they knew i would straighten him up. now don't get me wrong he was not real young. the problem was he was a drinker and grewing up he lived in a life with a drinking father. well to get to the story. he was also a drinker also but not to the point that he was mean untill he got me under his wings. it got to the point that i told him to quit or i wouldn't marry him. he quit, but after marriage and buying a house he started again. at first when i talked to his mom and sister they were on my side and would say that he was like his dad. but i stood beside him and tried to help him. it got to the point that he lied to his parents saying that my son and friends were coming to fight him and move me out and they came over and his own mother told me to leave my home. i told her i had no to go, she said just go. my husband told me that they care and love me, but i said if they did why didn't they say come and stay at our home till he sobbered up the next day. plus i had a son from my first marriage and i felt bad for him cause i felt they didn't except him cause my mother-in-law said it was diffenent cause he was not blood. my husband put me and my son last, and his family was first in his life. if i would try to tell him how i felt about this he would get very mad at me to the point he would drink badly and say i was picking on his family. i really liked his family alot cause i felt like i was inportant to them and i felt like i belonged. they got what they wanted for thier son, he has a house and his credit is good now cause of me.
 
October 18, 2006, 2:52 pm CDT

What can I do

My mother in law isn't mean and doesn't threaten me but she is always in our business how can I tell her in a nice way to stop doing things without us asking her to help.She takes it upon herself to try to fix our problems and my husband gets irritated by it but won't tell her anything he just ignores her but I get tired of the questions, suggestions, and sometimes her actions and just wish she would mind her own business.
 
October 18, 2006, 2:57 pm CDT

Is Cathy's Mother Mean or Sick??

I think it's a great thing to get Cathy's mother diagnosed to see if she has neuro problems, but there are some ladies, especially at that age that just get pretty mean and would do things in a fit of rage and then deny it.  Harmones might play a part in this, but if every woman in her harmonal stage of life 45-55 plus tried to run people down with their cars or kill them in other ways, and we excuse them just because it was "harmonal," we could have millions of women getting off with MURDER!!  They have to be held responsible for their actions, regardless if they are HARMONAL or not!  LOL, that's all we need, a new stating IF YOU'RE HARMONAL, GO AHEAD AND LOOSE IT!! IT WILL NOT BE HELD AGAINST YOU!!  Come on let's get real.  By the way, I'm a woman, and I'm harmonal too.  I control myself- at least to the level of not breaking the law-!!! 
 
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