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Topic : 10/19 Teacher Caught in the Act

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Created on : Thursday, October 12, 2006, 06:04:35 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Remember when you were in school and had a harmless crush on your favorite teacher? Today, there are frequent headlines of teachers who are turning these schoolboy fantasies into sexual realities. When 24-year-old Janelle lost her virginity to a 15-year-old student, she says she "wasn't thinking about the law," and she was "in love." Now, she's a convicted sex offender who faces up to 30 years in prison. Janelle's attorney says she was treated unfairly. What does Dr. Phil think? Then meet Owen, the ex-husband of teacher Debra Lafave. Debra made international headlines when she was caught having sex with a 14-year-old student and her attorney suggested she was "too pretty to go to jail." Owen has since divorced Debra, remarried and written a book about being in the center of a media blitz. And, 15-year-old Jason says he had a love affair with his 26-year-old gym teacher, although she denies it, and he says he still has feelings for her. Jason's mom says that he was preyed upon, and she fears he will never recover from it. Talk about the show here.

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December 7, 2006, 11:57 pm CST

10/19 Teacher Caught in the Act

Quote From: mom_in_iowa

I am goin thru the same thing only its not a teacher that was or still is doin some of the same things  to my daughter...............She just turned 18 and a 52 year old (so called) preacher  slept with my daughter at 17 years of age  our laws here suck  they say there is nothing i can do ...............well now there isnt but they should protect our kids  ive tried everything  now she has moved in with him ( mind u not she hasnt graduated high school yet ) and  he just got released  from jail for harrassing me  hes a registered  batterer he is tellin her to stay away from her family  WHAT AM I TO DO ?????????  anyone got any comments they are more thean welcome as is advice   than you

She's an adult now. There is nothing you CAN do. But please, don't close the door to her. When he is done with her and he has hurt her and he has shown her what kind of guy he is, please, be there for her. This is going to be a harsh lesson your daughter is learning and at the crux of her childhood/adulthood....

There is nothing you can do now...but you can be open to her when she comes back to you for help.
 
February 21, 2007, 10:13 pm CST

what I have done so far...

Quote From: julie1418

While I certainly hope, for your sake and your child's, that your marriage does last, don't you think two years is a bit early to do a victory lap?

 

I have done more in these few years than what most "adults" would do in a lifetime

 

I have to ask...what exactly have you done in the last few years that greatly surpasses what I have in 38 years? Or what "most adults" would ever do?

y what I said, I meant no arrogance. By the way, thank you for wishing us well in our marriage. I do agree that yes, 2 yrs is early to be doing a victory lap, but now it is pushing 3.  When I said most adults, I did not mean every adult. I don't know you or your accomplishments,and was not judging that I was better than you. All I was trying to say was that some "adults" could never do what I have done.  Before I got married to Greg, I went through hell with my family. My father molested me, my mother abused me, and didn't really give a crap about me.  None of this changed when Greg came into my life. What did change was that my parents gave me a swift kick in the butt on the street when I was 16, and after that, I married Greg, left the school that was dictated by the church that was so against us being together, got my GED, had my daughter at 18 yrs of age, went to college, which is currently going great for me, and I have just started a bakery type of bussiness. It's actually in the family. All I meant by what I said was that I have done alot for a woman of my age and circumstance. It does not make me better than you or anyone else for that matter. I am happy with my life for the first time ever, and that is something a good majority of adults never experience.  I am just thankful for my  loving husband for treating me with the dignity and respect that I have never recieved, and also for being there for me when nobody else was. That is what a good husband, regardless of age difference should do for their wives.  Thanks for giving me the opportunity to clarify my words.
 
February 21, 2007, 10:31 pm CST

my 10 mo. old, now 14 mo old daughter

Quote From: purplepenny

Good for you...but I think your marriage started in a disgusting way. You are only 19. I am only 28, but let me tell you a little something, in the last 10 years of my life I have changed in ways I couldn't even have imagined.

Get back to me in 10 years and let me know how you feel about your wonderful decision, cause from where I stand, you didn't make any decision, you were a CHILD who was taken advantage of.

We have to draw hard lines SOMEWHERE and just because you have had a "successful" marriage to an older man while still a child yourself doesn't mean it's right for EVERYONE.

When your 10 months old little girl is 16...think about all this again...LOL
about the comment you made about my mothering... you may have not intentionally offended me, but honestly, you did. I feel like many young women are being held back by this way of thinking. If a young woman wants to grow up and start a family instead of a bunch of dating and drinking and partying, who is against that?  If my daughter meets an older man, like I did, I would  be fine with it, with the exception that she graduates first before marriage. Even I planned on marrying at 18, not 16.  If I could do it over again, I would have waited, if it was even possible.  It wasn't like he took advantage of me...we didn't even have sex until after marriage, and for the record, he is the only man I have ever been with or want to be with. I am not saying that to be snobby, I am just saying that it wasnt like I chose someone with a bigger dick and pretended to love him, and he didn't look at me as " wow a hot little girl...man I would love to ####that girl" It was not like that. I am not trying to be hypocritical by saying that I want my daughter to wait until she is 18, unlike I did to get married, I am saying it because she is not going to be abused, molested,or pulled out of high school everytime her parents get a wild hair to move. She will have a normal childhood with lots of happiness,love, and peace unlike what I had. My life with my family was horrible, and since maggies life wont' be like that, why should she rush? Greg was my only lifeline. He was, I guess you could say, the light at the end of the tunnel. He helped me grow up, keep me out of trouble. He was the reason I got my GED and am in college. He made me feel good about myself for the first time, and helped me get back to God as well. Because of him, I am not angry or bitter anymore about the past. Please don't judge someone or a situation you don't know anything about. If you want to find out more, you can do a search for my name on myspace or my husbands. I am not here to argue, but rather to show that for some, it is the only way out  and the best thing that could have happened. Also, my husband didn't take advantage of me, my father did. He was the one that took advantage of a child all of her life. I know that the years of age i am in is an incredible change over period, like you said, and I can definitely agree. But isn't that why I need someone to help me keep my head on straight?
 
February 21, 2007, 10:37 pm CST

hurting through childhood

Quote From: purplepenny

She's an adult now. There is nothing you CAN do. But please, don't close the door to her. When he is done with her and he has hurt her and he has shown her what kind of guy he is, please, be there for her. This is going to be a harsh lesson your daughter is learning and at the crux of her childhood/adulthood....

There is nothing you can do now...but you can be open to her when she comes back to you for help.
at least she has someone to go back to when that happens.  People should be forever thankful for good mothers that are willing to protect their children. Some parents kick their kids while they are down, and some are the reason they are down to begin with...if my parents had been remotely caring, I would have gotten a chance to walk the line with my classmates, marry Greg with a nice wedding normally, instead of how I done it. Thank god for the women who can step up and be more than just a nine month  incubator.
 
May 20, 2007, 7:35 am CDT

WHAT????

Quote From: jettav

I agree, kids today don't have respect for their own bodies, let alone respect for others. There is just way too much garbage out there and a lot of parents do not monitor what their children watch, observe ont he internet and some of them don't even know their kids friends, contacts, we are living in this latch key society where kids are pawned off on others or left home alone to defend for themselves. Now, I am not putting down any 'good" programs or the working parents, ia m putting down the criteria that pparents and society has set up for the kids now days.  It is not working, kids need to be home having family time, learning to do good things in life, learning skills and all, not spending all their time in front of the tv, at a friends house playing video/computer  games, whatever!

In my house hold, my girls only watch their playhouse disney shows, morning time (if we are not doing other things), they play on educational websites, they stay in ther own yard, viewing distant for me, (they are 3 and 5) They were out playing several days ago and wondered off five doors down and I made them come home, yes, they were upset because the kids they were playing with were there, the youngest mind you, just turned 4, lives next door to me and no one out watching him, no way amd I gonna let my girls foolw that pattern. My oldest goes to school wants to go to latch key but not happening. There are are other things I could mention and yes, I have been accused (mostly by a bunch of strangers on these boards,LOL) of over protecting my kids, of not allowing them to explore, I say WHATEVER! GET OVER IT) My kids are happy, nourished fun loving and very socialable and they would much rather go out side to play, go ot he park, the library, to a family gathering then to sit and watch tv all day, they would much rather play then to sit and play a video game all day, my oldest loves school and interacting with friends and even though she wants to go to latchkey, she is excited to see her little sister and can't wait to get home to play and when daddy gets home, both my girls drop everything to spend time with him, that's the way I believe thins should be, family first, priorities straight and kids respectred and loved, when adults start steeping up to the platee and taking responsibility for kids wellbeing and teaching and guiding them ina positive way, then kids will grow up doing the samt hing and any one who crosses the line in abusing a child, deserve to pay the consequences, get the help they need or whatever, but the consequences need to be paid.

The pretty lady, she really isn't all that pretty, her attitude and actions prove that. it doesn't matter what a person looks like from the outside, it is what's in the inside that counts and that is what we are teaching my kids. Just yesterday, we had a talk with my 5 year old about looks and attitudes and even SHE is getting it. maybe that lawyer needs to take some lessons from kindergarteners. it's not looks that keep you out of jail, it is your actions..................................
Why is a 15 yr old persuing an older person, what kind of question is that? Dr. Phil said teenagers brains are NOT fully developed yet. The teacher is the adult and should know better than to persue any relationship with a minor child. I had several crushes on my teachers but nothing ever happened. I was a latch key kid and i turned out just fine!!
 
May 21, 2007, 12:14 pm CDT

My school district

I live in Union County, NC and we currently have FOUR teachers, all from different schools, with charges pending for having sex with students.

I think that this is a huge story. What has contributed to the culture? What steps have been taken to prevent this from happening to other students? As the mother of students in this district, I am looking for answers. The last teacher arrested was in April, and his misconduct was apparently well known by other adults last year. What should be the consequence for other teachers or adminstrators who did not share this information? It seems as though we should have heard of it sooner. Coverups are rampant.

It is a felony to have sex with a student.

Thoughts? I am horrified as a mom.

 
October 22, 2007, 8:28 am CDT

Some of it is just mountains out of molehills

This show just aired in the UK - and I have to say that at least in some cases, I agree with the sentiments expressed by the gril who was convicted (Janelle).   I think these cases needed to be looked at on an individual basis to truly see if 'harm' has been inflicted to someone.  In this girl's case, I have no doubt that these two kids (because despite her age, that is certainly what she came across as) felt that they were love and then acted upon that feeling.  I have serious doubts that this would have inflicted any harm upon that boy - in fact, I probably suspect that the subsequent lega hoopla and publicity over it was more damaging than the sex that he had with someone he believed himself to be in love with. 

 

America likes to stick it's head in the sand over all issues of sexuality.  A 15 year old is a sexually functioning, sexual mature adult.  Yet US society seems very intent on pretending that this isn't true and then being shocked when they go ahead and engage in physical activity that matches their physical maturity.  And yes, the emotional maturity is certainly less so at these ages, but perhaps if so many parents weren't intent on pretending that their teenagers aren't sexual beings they would be able to have the communication and dialouge going so that these situations wouldn't end up occuring. 

 

And I thought Mr LaFave and his new wife were a joke.  Frankly, their concerns over whether or not their lives and the life of their child would be somehow tainted by people remembering the name and associated them with the ex-wife's crime were hard to take seriously when 1) they were on your show talking about it when they could have achieved anonymity better had they not been and 2) Mr LaFave had a book to promote in which he again, publicizes the story.  Give me a break. 

 

The issue is not black and white as so many would hope to portray.  Some cases are clear misuses of authority where a child ends up feeling used and abused.  Others are perhaps less clear. 

 
November 11, 2007, 12:57 pm CST

Sorry I just found the reply

Quote From: jojobeaner

How am I trying to do God's job? The passage you are referring to states " 1 Cor 5:11-13 But now I have written to you to not keep company with anyone named a brother, who is sexually immoral, covetous, or an idolater, or a reviler, or a drunkard, or an extortioner--not even to eat with such a person. For what have I to do with judging those also who are outside?  Do you not judge those who are inside? But those who are outside God judges.  Therefore, "put away from yourselves the evil person. 

 

Yes, He will deal with the unbeliever I realize that.  What I wanted to convey to anyone that read my message was that the "world" wants to call sin something else than sin.  For example, people will call a person who drinks excessively an alcoholic and refer to their condition as a disease.  The disease that we all have is called sin and people try to rationalize their sin and give their sin other names.  The point I wanted to make is---let's call sin what it is-- sin, let's not package it any other form.  Debra LaFave sinned against that boy, most likely to have committed such a sin as that and to have the comments that she had about the sin makes me think that she is an unbeliever.  I am not judging her I am pointing out what she did and calling it what it is---sin.  If I was judging her I would be saying things like, she is a rotten so and so and should be locked away forever, but I am not saying that I am saying she sinned and wanting people to know how God views our sin.  That is why I prayed for her and her salvation.  Now if she is a believer than you know that she is in a worse condition than if she was an unbeliever and still I would pray for her.  I don't know the condition of her heart, only God does. 

 

I am not wasting my breath, in God's eyes nothing is wasted, He uses everything to bring others to Him.  I know... I used to be one of those who was against Him, as you might have been also.  And yes, God does answer prayers of those who don't know Him.  When I was not a Christian, a believer, God did answer my prayers.  The only problem was that I didn't know I was praying to Jesus nor did I acknowledge that He was the one answering my prayers.  It wasn't until I came to know Jesus that He showed me that He had indeed been the one answering my prayers. 

 

Are you saying that I have to a believer before God will answer my prayer or are you saying that the person I am praying for has to be a believer?  If you are saying this then why would we ever pray for anyone that is not a believer? 

 

Please elaborate on your point beginning with "Be very careful on this point....are pure but so was Job's?  The last thing Job did was pray for his sons because they might have sinned has nothing to do with Job being judgmental, He is simply covering his sons in prayer like any good parent does.  God didn't take everything away from Job, He allowed Satan to take it away.  There is a difference.  If God had taken everything from Job it would have been because Job was not right with God, but God allowed Satan to sift him like wheat and take everything from Job to show Satan that Job did love God, not for what God provided but just because he loved Him.  In the process of all that happened to Job, he was judged by his closest friends, even his own wife told him to curse God and die, but Job never did do that. Yes Job questioned God and wanted to know why God was doing this to him and Job learned much about God's character through this trial, but at no time was God punishing Job for  "possibly" judging his son's who might have been unbelievers.

 

I know it is not my place to judge her, I am calling attention to what she did and calling it what God calls it and that is sin, that is simply what my point is.  To an unbeliever anything you say about sin is considered judging, why you don't even have to mention sin, all you have to mention is the name of Jesus in your conversation and they think you are judgmental. 

 

Are you asking me if I am an unbeliever? or are you talking to audience in general who may read your quote?  I myself am a believer.   

 

I enjoyed reading your quote and thank you for taking the time to respond with your views.  May we sharpen each other as iron sharpens iron. 

Yes I put the believer thing in there in case there were non believers reading the post, I too have been taught that the lesson of Job was that he never gave up on God, no matter how bad his life became.  I just think there is more in the lesson of Job. I have been studying how to pray as instructed in the Bible for some time, so please walk through this with me so you will know how I came to this conclusion in my life.  Most people think that if they ask for something in the name of God, as long as God is mentioned in the Prayer then their prayer should be answered.  They forget or don't know that in the name of God means that the prayer must glorify God and his mission of Love.  Prayer also speaks to healing in the Bible, but the first requirement is the person themselves asking the church to pray for them so they could be healed.  So to me a prayer has to glorify God and if healing is involved it must have the personal involvement of the person for the answers to be revealed to them. 

 

 All I was saying is if someone doesn't even believe in God in the first place, it is going to be a pretty long shot for them to believe what the definition of sin is coming from someone they disagree with to begin with anyway.  I guess it is a question of order, I just like to make sure I'm dealing with a believer in Christ before  I start debating what is and is not sin.  It just seems to work better for me, that's all, pray for them to know the glory of Christ and go from there.  I enjoyed your post as well.  Peace   

 
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