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Topic : 06/05 Big Spenders and Cheapskates

Number of Replies: 236
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Created on : Thursday, October 12, 2006, 06:05:47 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 10/20/06) Do you spend money frivolously, or do you hold on to every cent? Katie says when she and her husband, Joe, were dating, he wined and dined her, but when they got married, he became so cheap that she had to buy her own wedding ring, and he refused to take her on a honeymoon. When Katie lost over 40 pounds and wanted to buy clothes that fit, she says Joe told her to just gain the weight back. Joe says he has to control all of Katie's spending, or they would end up in the poorhouse. Is Joe really the penny-pincher Katie says he is, or is Katie's spending the real problem? Next, Ericka says her friend, Carlena, has "caviar taste with a tuna fish budget," and that if she doesn't learn to control her shopaholic ways, she'll end up on the street. Carlena says she deserves everything she buys -- designer clothes, over 100 pairs of shoes, and the TV in her car -- even if she can't afford them. Carlena's spending has gotten so bad, she had to move back home with her mother, Leonetta. Leonetta joins the show via satellite with all of Carlena's possessions on her lawn. Don’t miss her shocking ultimatum to her daughter and share your thoughts here!

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October 20, 2006, 1:04 pm CDT

Carlena

She may sell her belongings and pay her mother, but she will probably not change her habits even if she does move and find her own place.  I don't believe after listening to the show she takes anything seriously at all.  To her it is all a big joke

 

 
October 20, 2006, 1:15 pm CDT

not aloud

     Did anyone tell Carlena that she can not bid on the items on e-bay? Her mom should have put a stop to this a long time ago or at least tried abit harder. Her job is to guide her daughter to do the right thing. I feel that her mom may have enabled her in a lot of ways. 
 
October 20, 2006, 1:18 pm CDT

Firstly, Carlena

Philip was correct in calling you a thief.  It is thieves like you that make it possible for the rest of us to pay a higher price for the things we need.  I'm so glad your mother stopped enabling you.  You need to get off your butt and work for your necessities.  Loads of people do it.  You also need to learn to purchase what you can afford without putting a strain on the rest of us.

Secondly, Joe:
Who died and made you king?  Just because you have cherished issues from your past, does not give you the right to make the life of your wife pure misery.  You should have made sure of her trustworthiness BEFORE you married her.  Or stayed single.  If you want to keep her, get over yourself.

Thirdly, Katie:
You said you have nowhere to go.  That is not true.  You obviously held a job before, which means to have experience in something you can use to support yourself.  There are all kinds of helps out there for women like you.  Please also think about your children and do you want them to learn to be like their father.  If you can wrangle some counseling for you and him, by all means.  If he can change, and anyone can, then give him the opportunity.  If he can't and keeps on treating you like chattel, set his butt out to the curb with the big can.  It is YOUR LIFE, TOO.

 
October 20, 2006, 1:20 pm CDT

Glad someone in this

I totally side with the cheapskate husband. Why does anyone need to buy name-brand peanut butter? They all are made of the same stuff! Especially if they are trying to save some money. I think saving for a rainy day (like when their car needed some repairs) is the mature and responsible thing to do and she should really be happy that her husband is looking out for their long-term goals instead of squandering away their money on frivolous things like most Americans do.. and then wind up in debt. If the wife wants more money to buy herself things then she can go get a job and use a portion of her earnings towards buying herself whatever luxuries she feels she needs. I don't know why she was so snobby about buying at Good Will, but I found it really obnoxious that she is "above" Good Will. Good Will has some great stuff. Oh, but he should probably get rid of that motorcycle and instead buy something they can both enjoy together. And in all fairness, as much as I praise him for being responsible, he needs to realize when he is being a scrooge (like not buying presents for the kids or a wedding ring for his wife).

 

Now... where Carlena is concerned... wow, I don't even know what to say. What a SPOILED BRAT! She needs to experience some form of struggle, or just simplicity, to realize what matters in life, she needs to see what is really beautiful and special about herself and about others and realize that it is definitely not the material things. What she is looking for, money cannot buy, and the sooner she realizes that, the sooner she will get herself out of debt... or at least stop going further into debt. Maybe a trip into the woods for a while, or a few weeks at some boot camp would break her down and make her appreciate the good things around her which would fill that void in her life that she tries to fill with all of that stuff!

 
October 20, 2006, 1:20 pm CDT

frugal and responsible

two messages;  one is for carlena;  what your mom should do is take all your stuff and send down to gulfport/biloxi MS and let some one who worked hard and lost everything during the hurricane have your stuff.  carlena you have not worked hard at all and you deserve nothing.  and you got yourself into this mess you get out of it. 

second is for nathan and katie;  there is a fine line between being cheap and frugal.  my husband and i are very frugal, and when buy anything we pay cash.  if we don't have the cash we dont buy it.  yes we have a boat, quad, dirt bike all those were bought used. its ok to tease your wife about spending too much money.  but when she comes out of it feeling low and like crap the words has to stop.  katie get a backbone and stand up for yourself.  if he goes out and buys a $4,000 quad then you tell him that you are going to spend something for yourself too.  a relationship is a two way street and you talk often about how you feel and stick to your guns.  i know.

 
October 20, 2006, 1:23 pm CDT

10/20 Cheapskates and Big Spenders

Quote From: wendydarlingtx

 I appreciate Dr. Phil's honest, no-nonsense approach to advising his guests, however much that makes them uncomfortable, yet I wish he had made one very important point to Carlena. That point being, Why does she think "the best" in life is just expensive possessions? Why does she make objects her top priority, which is evident in her spending habits.

I feel like I see this sort of mentality everywhere I look. Of course, iI enjoy dressing well, living  in nice, comfortable surroundings, occasionally eating sumptuous meals every now and then. But this consumerism has to be tempered with moderation, and the belief that the pursuit of objects ultimately does not make life meaningful and satisfying.

Let me put it to you this way: Would you rather have the trendiest clothes and most up-to-date electronic equipment, yet be lonely and have no friends or family? If your house went up in flames, would yourather the objects perish, or your family's lives?
Something is empty in Carlena that she needs to fill with goodies.  Again and again and again.  Her self-worth is zero. 
 
October 20, 2006, 1:27 pm CDT

10/20 Cheapskates and Big Spenders

Quote From: saesq2

Her spending & justifications are so over the top that I'm wondering if she has a compulsive disorder.  shouldn't she be evaluated by a psychiatrist (MD) just to rule out anything besides supreme selfishness, arrogance & lack of judgment?
 I agree to the possibility that there is something empty and missing in her psyche that she needs to fill with the best of things -- regardless -- to make herself feel better.  That can be helped by a professional.
 
October 20, 2006, 1:27 pm CDT

I don't know where it comes from either?

Quote From: wendydarlingtx

 I appreciate Dr. Phil's honest, no-nonsense approach to advising his guests, however much that makes them uncomfortable, yet I wish he had made one very important point to Carlena. That point being, Why does she think "the best" in life is just expensive possessions? Why does she make objects her top priority, which is evident in her spending habits.

I feel like I see this sort of mentality everywhere I look. Of course, iI enjoy dressing well, living  in nice, comfortable surroundings, occasionally eating sumptuous meals every now and then. But this consumerism has to be tempered with moderation, and the belief that the pursuit of objects ultimately does not make life meaningful and satisfying.

Let me put it to you this way: Would you rather have the trendiest clothes and most up-to-date electronic equipment, yet be lonely and have no friends or family? If your house went up in flames, would yourather the objects perish, or your family's lives?

There must really be a lot of lonely and miserable people out there trying to fill themselves up with all of this stuff. Where did they learn this behavior? Didn't we all grow up watching Sesame Street and Disney Movies and so forth which teaches us to be kind and to share and all of those good warm and fuzzy American values? I didn't, but don't a lot of people grow up going to religious services and so forth which teach them to be giving to others, to be humble, and to value goodness above all material things? Weren't some of these kids boy scouts or girl scouts and had to rough it in the woods and learn to find their inner strengths rather than show off the latest trends?

 

When did everyone's values shift so dramatically? Why can't people find happiness in simple things anymore? Where did this come from?

 

 
October 20, 2006, 1:30 pm CDT

The husband needs an education

He seems a bit clueless.  She needs to take him shopping to see what things really cost.  My poor husband thought the only way to save was to buy generic.  He was shocked the first time I sent him to the store with coupons and a specific list of items and brands.  He came home with generic items.  I went over the receipt and showed him the sales circular and coupons; he was surprised how much we could have saved by purchasing items on special combined with double coupons.

 

I have found that clearance racks at Kohl’s, Target, Wal-Mart (and even a few major department stores) have better deals than Goodwill.  My husband had no idea what clothes or kids’ shoes cost until I took him shopping.  Now he appreciates a good deal when I find one.

 

They seem like nice folks, I hope they work it out.

 
October 20, 2006, 1:40 pm CDT

10/20 Cheapskates and Big Spenders

Quote From: andyfromro

Katie should consider herself lucky.  I am living the opposite experience.  When I first met my husband he treated me well and did give gifts but he was a very conservative spender.  Liked to save and buy savings bonds.  As soon as we got married he turned on a dime but not spending on me but on himself.  I am the primary income for our household and he spends money like a Rockefeller.   Since the economy took a downturn I started losing hours at work and my paycheck is shrinking.  Several layoffs have forced me into a situation where I pay bills paycheck to paycheck and yet, his spending has not changed.   I would rather have someone who saved and gave the family the security than watched someone spend for their own pleasure today. 

Does he have access to your paycheck?  Cancel him out of his spending habits by canceling yourself out of joint C-cards, etc., and why on earth are you with this man? 
 
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