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Topic : 06/05 Big Spenders and Cheapskates

Number of Replies: 236
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Thursday, October 12, 2006, 06:05:47 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 10/20/06) Do you spend money frivolously, or do you hold on to every cent? Katie says when she and her husband, Joe, were dating, he wined and dined her, but when they got married, he became so cheap that she had to buy her own wedding ring, and he refused to take her on a honeymoon. When Katie lost over 40 pounds and wanted to buy clothes that fit, she says Joe told her to just gain the weight back. Joe says he has to control all of Katie's spending, or they would end up in the poorhouse. Is Joe really the penny-pincher Katie says he is, or is Katie's spending the real problem? Next, Ericka says her friend, Carlena, has "caviar taste with a tuna fish budget," and that if she doesn't learn to control her shopaholic ways, she'll end up on the street. Carlena says she deserves everything she buys -- designer clothes, over 100 pairs of shoes, and the TV in her car -- even if she can't afford them. Carlena's spending has gotten so bad, she had to move back home with her mother, Leonetta. Leonetta joins the show via satellite with all of Carlena's possessions on her lawn. Don’t miss her shocking ultimatum to her daughter and share your thoughts here!

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October 20, 2006, 1:40 pm CDT

in response..

Quote From: nystatemom

I really get so very tired of the crying and whining of people, when they allow misfortune to be in their life--then act so suprised when life is upsetting.  No, I have not seen the show yet, but it will probably (at least in the case where the girl has moved back in with her mom) be Mom saying, BUT WHAT COULD I DO? SHE WOULD HAVE HAD TO LIVE IN THE STREET!  Oh well !!!!!!!! Obviously the girl has made grown up choices and now should have to live with them.  People----JUST STOP ENABLING EACH OTHER-WE ONLY GROW STRONGER WHEN PAIN AND SUFFERING ENTER OUR LIVES.   More to come after the show airs.  thanks for listening..
"I really get so very tired of the crying and whining of people, when they allow misfortune to be in their life--then act so suprised when life is upsetting."

I think it is important to understand the larger social factors in society that are causing this woman to spend so much money.

First of all, this is not an "individual problem" which Dr. Phil has made it out to be. "Consumer debt statistics in the United States show that sixty percent of American families actually spend more than their after-tax income." Does this mean that 60% of Americans are "stealing" (as Dr. Phil put it) from credit card companies and store employees? No. This means a large portion of Americans are struggling to hold on the standard of living that they are "supposed to enjoy" in this capitalist society which emphasizes mass consumption in every means possible, and all at the same time wages are being driven down in our economy. If you recall, Carlena spoke of how her childhood was not as prosperous as others. This was a direct result of her mother's outcome in life. Does this mean her mother didn't work hard and wanted to be unfortunate? I'm sure like any other parent, she wanted the best for her child but wasn't able to give it to her - a situation seen all too often in America.  This effected  Carlena's outlook on life and on herself. She wanted to have all the things she never did and wanted to be, for once, "in the in".

Dr. Phil's insistence that she has to work hard to make more money is also problematic. This is so because the social class one is born into determines a lot about your possible outcomes in life. An abundance of social research shows that people born into poverty, are more likely than not to remain in poverty. She mentioned she was working for a temp agency, which likely pays minimum wage. I'm sure she would rather be working elsewhere, but possibly doesn't have the social contacts. Or maybe, that she is being discriminated against (which is a big problem in the US) because she is an african-american and a woman. Gender  and racial discrimination are realities in our society. White, upper-class males are still the biggest money-earners today in America. So you see, no matter how hard she works in her life, social forces will still be acting against her. The average wage/salary for a female is only 3/4 that of her male counterpart. It is also important to note that union density is at the lowest level its been at since the 1930s (10%). People just aren't getting paid as much as they used and the gap between working class and upper class people is steadily on the rise.

Once again, this is a social problem which requires a much larger and more complex solution. As such, analyzing these problems at an individual level is somewhat pointless.

 
October 20, 2006, 1:48 pm CDT

10/20 Cheapskates and Big Spenders

Quote From: stratisf

There must really be a lot of lonely and miserable people out there trying to fill themselves up with all of this stuff. Where did they learn this behavior? Didn't we all grow up watching Sesame Street and Disney Movies and so forth which teaches us to be kind and to share and all of those good warm and fuzzy American values? I didn't, but don't a lot of people grow up going to religious services and so forth which teach them to be giving to others, to be humble, and to value goodness above all material things? Weren't some of these kids boy scouts or girl scouts and had to rough it in the woods and learn to find their inner strengths rather than show off the latest trends?

 

When did everyone's values shift so dramatically? Why can't people find happiness in simple things anymore? Where did this come from?

 

" When did everyone's values shift so dramatically? Why can't people find happiness in simple things anymore? Where did this come from?"

The answer in one word:  capitalism.

That's when, why, and where it happened.

 
October 20, 2006, 1:49 pm CDT

Carlena's problem

Carlena has to take responsibility for her debts and not leave it for other people to handle.  The biggest problem is going to be what happens after she gets out of debt.  She has to pay her mother back and not start buying again.  She has to go out and get a job and take some responsibility.
 
October 20, 2006, 2:06 pm CDT

Big Spender

Quote From: stratisf

There must really be a lot of lonely and miserable people out there trying to fill themselves up with all of this stuff. Where did they learn this behavior? Didn't we all grow up watching Sesame Street and Disney Movies and so forth which teaches us to be kind and to share and all of those good warm and fuzzy American values? I didn't, but don't a lot of people grow up going to religious services and so forth which teach them to be giving to others, to be humble, and to value goodness above all material things? Weren't some of these kids boy scouts or girl scouts and had to rough it in the woods and learn to find their inner strengths rather than show off the latest trends?

 

When did everyone's values shift so dramatically? Why can't people find happiness in simple things anymore? Where did this come from?

 

All I kept hearing her say that everyone talked about her anyway so she started buying stuff she couldn't have in highschool.  I guess her self estem was low b/c apparently her mom didn't have the money to buy her all the things all the kids had then.  Wow, doesn't she realiize she is a grown up now, not a teenager.  Did her mom use a credit card, and run it up, to buy her all the electrinics.  No she didn't.  Looks like she paid her bills and put food on the table.  All by herself.  Now this girl is just buying the stuff she couldn't have when she was younger. 

I am proud of the mom doing what she is doing.  If I was this girl, and I was in debit like she was I would selling some stuff too, pay off those credit cards and tear the credit cards UP!!!!!!!

 
October 20, 2006, 2:06 pm CDT

10/20 Cheapskates and Big Spenders

Am I nuts? Or is there nothing wrong with buying clothes from a thrift store? (I'm not saying this woman should be forced to buy clothes she doesn't want at a thrift store while her husband buys $5000 toys...this is just a side comment)

I love buying clothes at thrift stores. I buy my daughters clothes there all the time. She's two, there is tons of cheap cute and gently used  stuff out there. Thrift stores are good for the environment too..so that's a bonus!
 
October 20, 2006, 2:07 pm CDT

Unbelievable

I don't understand how Dr. Phil can support Carlena's spending habits. I wouldn't pay a dime towards her getting back on her feet, and paying off her debt. She wasn't remorseful about her actions and then she is given a headstart with her online auction. There were plenty of other guests that felt bad about their debt and actually wanted to change. Carlena doesn't deserve anything good until she is out of debt and changes her attitude and self entitled behavior. I also wouldn't wear her clothes if someone paid me, they are too tacky and cheap. 
 
October 20, 2006, 2:08 pm CDT

10/20 Cheapskates and Big Spenders

Quote From: likeike

He seems a bit clueless.  She needs to take him shopping to see what things really cost.  My poor husband thought the only way to save was to buy generic.  He was shocked the first time I sent him to the store with coupons and a specific list of items and brands.  He came home with generic items.  I went over the receipt and showed him the sales circular and coupons; he was surprised how much we could have saved by purchasing items on special combined with double coupons.

 

I have found that clearance racks at Kohls, Target, Wal-Mart (and even a few major department stores) have better deals than Goodwill.  My husband had no idea what clothes or kids shoes cost until I took him shopping.  Now he appreciates a good deal when I find one.

 

They seem like nice folks, I hope they work it out.

I know what you're talking about.  We decided to check out Goodwill to get Hubby some work pants (slacks) and I couldn't believe the prices!  For 4 or 5 more dollars he could get a brand new pair of Levi slacks from Walmart.  So that's what we did.

 

It's true, you have to look for deals.  That has saved us a lot.

 
October 20, 2006, 2:10 pm CDT

I'm entitled

Quote From: likeike

He seems a bit clueless.  She needs to take him shopping to see what things really cost.  My poor husband thought the only way to save was to buy generic.  He was shocked the first time I sent him to the store with coupons and a specific list of items and brands.  He came home with generic items.  I went over the receipt and showed him the sales circular and coupons; he was surprised how much we could have saved by purchasing items on special combined with double coupons.

 

I have found that clearance racks at Kohls, Target, Wal-Mart (and even a few major department stores) have better deals than Goodwill.  My husband had no idea what clothes or kids shoes cost until I took him shopping.  Now he appreciates a good deal when I find one.

 

They seem like nice folks, I hope they work it out.

Carlena's attitude causes me to remember some years ago when a 30-ish-year-old woman in Washington, D.C. was killed by an 18-year-old who wanted her Mercedes. 

When asked why he killed her and stole her car, his answer was that he had graduated from high school now and "I deserved it."  He gave no thought to the fact that the woman had invested her time and money to purchase the vehicle.

 

He ended up with what he "deserved"  -  a sentence to life in prison without the possibility of parole.  

 
October 20, 2006, 2:10 pm CDT

re: just tell me why

Quote From: nystatemom

I really get so very tired of the crying and whining of people, when they allow misfortune to be in their life--then act so suprised when life is upsetting.  No, I have not seen the show yet, but it will probably (at least in the case where the girl has moved back in with her mom) be Mom saying, BUT WHAT COULD I DO? SHE WOULD HAVE HAD TO LIVE IN THE STREET!  Oh well !!!!!!!! Obviously the girl has made grown up choices and now should have to live with them.  People----JUST STOP ENABLING EACH OTHER-WE ONLY GROW STRONGER WHEN PAIN AND SUFFERING ENTER OUR LIVES.   More to come after the show airs.  thanks for listening..

I don't know if you have seen this show yet now.  But that was not the situation.  At the end of the show her mom was on satalite in her front yard, with this girls stuff in it, being ready to got get put in a storage unit, and giving her 30 days to get a job and move out.  The mom did admitt that she didn't help any by giving her money, but she told Dr Phil she was done with it. 

I was proud of the mom, and this girl needs to realize she is a grown up now and not a teenager anymore, thisn't High School, this REAL LIFE!!

 
October 20, 2006, 2:17 pm CDT

Goodwill

Quote From: stratisf

I totally side with the cheapskate husband. Why does anyone need to buy name-brand peanut butter? They all are made of the same stuff! Especially if they are trying to save some money. I think saving for a rainy day (like when their car needed some repairs) is the mature and responsible thing to do and she should really be happy that her husband is looking out for their long-term goals instead of squandering away their money on frivolous things like most Americans do.. and then wind up in debt. If the wife wants more money to buy herself things then she can go get a job and use a portion of her earnings towards buying herself whatever luxuries she feels she needs. I don't know why she was so snobby about buying at Good Will, but I found it really obnoxious that she is "above" Good Will. Good Will has some great stuff. Oh, but he should probably get rid of that motorcycle and instead buy something they can both enjoy together. And in all fairness, as much as I praise him for being responsible, he needs to realize when he is being a scrooge (like not buying presents for the kids or a wedding ring for his wife).

 

Now... where Carlena is concerned... wow, I don't even know what to say. What a SPOILED BRAT! She needs to experience some form of struggle, or just simplicity, to realize what matters in life, she needs to see what is really beautiful and special about herself and about others and realize that it is definitely not the material things. What she is looking for, money cannot buy, and the sooner she realizes that, the sooner she will get herself out of debt... or at least stop going further into debt. Maybe a trip into the woods for a while, or a few weeks at some boot camp would break her down and make her appreciate the good things around her which would fill that void in her life that she tries to fill with all of that stuff!

I belive it was her own oppinion that she didn't want to shop at the Good Will, or wear someone's other cloths.

 

I don't shop at good will either, its just something I would myself wouldn't want to wear someone's elses clothes.  But they are a great organization and helps alot of people!

 
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