Message Boards

Topic : Online Dating

Number of Replies: 1529
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 05:08:34 pm
Author : dataimport
Looking to meet someone online? Or have you met the love of your life on the net already? Share the good, the bad and the ugly of online dating.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

July 6, 2008, 4:46 am CDT

Confused

Hello

 

I live in Australia and have been on a dating site here for quite a while and believe that the men here are just the same as the ones over there in the USA.  They are shallow, and egotistical.  I am 50 and am told I look 30 but no man of my age is interested in me.  I am not fat and take care of my appearance but the age is a major factor in whether they contact you or not.  They are only interested in 25 year old girls, blonde and athletic.  All the mens profiles say they are athletic, when their photos clearly show they are not remotely athletic. I guess my definition of athletic is very different to theirs. I must say I am getting quite fed up with the site and am seriously thinking of taking myself off and giving up on the online dating thing and give it a big miss.

 

Regards and good luck to all.

 
July 12, 2008, 1:36 pm CDT

NARCISSISM

I am 6 months pregnant to a seemingly kind and loving man I met on the internet..... I have since found out that he has continued to use the internet to meet and communicate with women since we met just over 7 months ago (I know I know  getting pregnant was a ridiculous thing to do). I was shocked when I first discovered that he was still on there, forgave him, moved on, only to discover he's STILL on there. His only words of apology are about my reaction to the discovery. "I'm sorry you've reacted this way" etc. He seems to need the adoration of others nonstop and is not content with the person standing in front of him. He is now frustrated at me that I don't want to be friends with him, and for the sake of our unborn baby we need to be friends, but when I see him he seduces me, tells me he loves me, misses me etc and I find all the mixed messages very confusing and emotionally traumatic.
What do I do?
 
July 13, 2008, 5:40 pm CDT

Sharing Experiences with Online Dating

Hey Everyone,

I just thought I would come on and give the benefit of the experience of the last few months of online dating for those of you considering trying it out.

I started out by looking at the big name sites that i always saw on tv like Match and EHarmony, and the sign up process was easy enough and the matching system looked promising. I didn't really like the $30+ per month price tag, but I figured hey, if I want to have some help it has to cost something right? Well, I started getting some matches (eharmony seemed to provide the best) but was not getting a lot of responses. I looked on the eharmony boards and saw that i wasn't alone. It turns out, a lot of the 'matches' on eharmony are not even paying members! What this means is that the system matched me, but I couldn't communicate them - they would have to sign up first. I had no indication of when they had last logged in, or if they were a paying member or not, so after sinking a couple hundred dollars in the paid sites I got tired of the whole thing and canceled all my accounts.

I took a couple months going back to the real life dating scene, but it's so hard to meet guys out there who are nice and click with me that I began to think about the ease of browsing profiles online again. This time i tried searching for free sites, figuring there might be a couple. Boy were there a lot! I didn't know what was good, so I signed up to as many as possible and just made a standard profile in each. Now I can check them all quickly in different browser tabs and see my matches, communicate etc. no more money and no more hassle!

It's still hard to tell which the best are. I liked okcupid a lot, but I also found a newer site http://www.whereheartsgo.com - Where hearts Go - Free Online Dating & Advice to be intuitive and have some fun features not found on others. So many free sites were just the same and spammy! But I didn't see too much on those two sites.

I still haven't found the person I want to be with, but at least my search is coming along - in one month on the free sites i have communicated with 10 times more men who meet my criteria as I ever did on the paid sites in 6! good luck!
 
July 14, 2008, 3:15 pm CDT

He's married but swore he was single

I begged him to tell me the truth because things didn't add up.  Finally, after requesting divorce documents  and he couldn't produce, I broke it off.  He was "too good too be true", and my friends and family kept pointing this out.  So, we did a background search and found he was on a second marriage, new mortgage, wife in Florida, etc.... 

 

 

 
July 15, 2008, 4:53 pm CDT

MEN!!!!!!

Quote From: susieinatl

I begged him to tell me the truth because things didn't add up.  Finally, after requesting divorce documents  and he couldn't produce, I broke it off.  He was "too good too be true", and my friends and family kept pointing this out.  So, we did a background search and found he was on a second marriage, new mortgage, wife in Florida, etc.... 

 

 

I know what you been through, I been through them also. They think we are so dumb don't they? Anyways, be glad you found out before he moved in with you and you had even more strong feelings for him. Yes it is hard to trust anyone, but that is everywhere not just people from the net.

 

I have dated one guy that was living with supposingly a sister. He moved in with me, and me and this chick became talken more online cause I had his password. Told her to add me to her list so we could talk. Come to find out he was still seeing her while living with me. We pretty much set it up, cause she did tell me a few times that hes been over to see her. So one day she said here is how you get to my place and my phone number, next time he comes over I'll let you know and you show up. HEHE! Me and her still talk to this day, we are good friends now.

 

I also have meet guys from bars, hard to belive a damn drunk! I finally got my friends to see that the net is the same as meeting a damn drunk in a bar pretty much!

 

So you still looking on the net, or is your friends and family telling you not to do it again!?

 

I pretty much gave up. I do like the single life a little. But would like to have that one person in life someday!

 

P.S. I know some woman can be the same way, but it's kind of funny you don't really hear that many women doing it. Wanted to put that in just in case a man has an oppion on what I mostly wrote.

 
July 21, 2008, 1:19 am CDT

the story of my life

Around this time last year, i met my cyber love in person. He flew over to see me and he appeared so very nice, kind and sweet. Deep down in my heart i always thought that this one must be the one for me, because we match in every single way. We are being ourselves with each other so everything went on really well. Our love story became a fairy tale in my girl friends' thought. He was just like a prince charming . He's 7 years older than me. He's 27 and i'm 20. He's the most romantic man i've ever seen! And We fell deeply in love with each other, be on the phone 24/7 even in bed time (he bought us the phones with the network that's for free for one number)...he flew to see me every single week and stay with me for 5-7 days.my parents love him, my aunts and uncles love him, my "everyone" love him...and he also really loves my "everyone"...I'm proud of him and he's proud of me.We are so proud to have each other. he sweeps me off my feet and everything around us was sooo wonderful....
Then....
10 days ago...i logged into his email box and got this email he wrote for his...wife??I never knew about thi...then i found out that he...had a wife and a son who's only almost 2 years old! He's an almost-divorced man...his divorce docs just havent gone through yet. I found that out and i cried all my tears...this is such a shock for me...and this is just too much to handle for a young lady like me...but i was still nice to him...i didnt make the tantrum...i just asked him much enough stuff in a sad voice through the phone to let him confess himself everything...and then he confessed...i asked him why didnt he tell me at the beginning....and he was like he was afraid that i would leave him and go forever...you know I'm asian and living in Vietnam...this is the place which still sticks too much with feudal thought like...you are so young and you are beautiful and smart, why the hell you have to stick with that divorced man?? Like you know....they see it as something not so good to be the second wife of someone...and me too...
I can accept the fact that he's a divorced man but i dont like it when he has a son at all.  last night he tried to tell me what's left he has to do to his son now is just the money.  He has to support the ex wife money to take care of the son. he told me like how much of money he has to transfer to her  for a month...he said the money is nothing he can still take good care of me if i accept to come up and marry him.i dont know why...after i heard all that...i started to feel like "Ok...i suffer enough...too many damn lies for the whole year...please leave me alone and go back to your complicated life dude...that's the son of you and her...then why would you get me involved in this stupid thing? I dont wanna waste too much time thinking about this anymore!" . I'm moving to live in the US permanently in months later and he asked me to stay back so that he could marry me and take care of me for the whole life...but i dont need that...i can be rich myself...i just need a happy family with nothing like "his OWN son" or something...Yes...i hate the damn complicated things! I still love him so much but I decided to break up when he still tries to hang on!  I need your advice...maybe your advice may help relaxing me. Thanks!
 
July 22, 2008, 8:30 am CDT

not sure how much help

Quote From: veronica001

Around this time last year, i met my cyber love in person. He flew over to see me and he appeared so very nice, kind and sweet. Deep down in my heart i always thought that this one must be the one for me, because we match in every single way. We are being ourselves with each other so everything went on really well. Our love story became a fairy tale in my girl friends' thought. He was just like a prince charming . He's 7 years older than me. He's 27 and i'm 20. He's the most romantic man i've ever seen! And We fell deeply in love with each other, be on the phone 24/7 even in bed time (he bought us the phones with the network that's for free for one number)...he flew to see me every single week and stay with me for 5-7 days.my parents love him, my aunts and uncles love him, my "everyone" love him...and he also really loves my "everyone"...I'm proud of him and he's proud of me.We are so proud to have each other. he sweeps me off my feet and everything around us was sooo wonderful....
Then....
10 days ago...i logged into his email box and got this email he wrote for his...wife??I never knew about thi...then i found out that he...had a wife and a son who's only almost 2 years old! He's an almost-divorced man...his divorce docs just havent gone through yet. I found that out and i cried all my tears...this is such a shock for me...and this is just too much to handle for a young lady like me...but i was still nice to him...i didnt make the tantrum...i just asked him much enough stuff in a sad voice through the phone to let him confess himself everything...and then he confessed...i asked him why didnt he tell me at the beginning....and he was like he was afraid that i would leave him and go forever...you know I'm asian and living in Vietnam...this is the place which still sticks too much with feudal thought like...you are so young and you are beautiful and smart, why the hell you have to stick with that divorced man?? Like you know....they see it as something not so good to be the second wife of someone...and me too...
I can accept the fact that he's a divorced man but i dont like it when he has a son at all.  last night he tried to tell me what's left he has to do to his son now is just the money.  He has to support the ex wife money to take care of the son. he told me like how much of money he has to transfer to her  for a month...he said the money is nothing he can still take good care of me if i accept to come up and marry him.i dont know why...after i heard all that...i started to feel like "Ok...i suffer enough...too many damn lies for the whole year...please leave me alone and go back to your complicated life dude...that's the son of you and her...then why would you get me involved in this stupid thing? I dont wanna waste too much time thinking about this anymore!" . I'm moving to live in the US permanently in months later and he asked me to stay back so that he could marry me and take care of me for the whole life...but i dont need that...i can be rich myself...i just need a happy family with nothing like "his OWN son" or something...Yes...i hate the damn complicated things! I still love him so much but I decided to break up when he still tries to hang on!  I need your advice...maybe your advice may help relaxing me. Thanks!
You are still young. And with you believing in your religion you did do the right thing. If your family found out and disowned you, that would really stink. Family is more important. If, He knew about your religion, that's mainly why he tried to hide it. Which was kind of dumb on his part. Most people anymore from the US come with package (child), especially the older we get. Some people don't say they have child cause they really didn't want the child and pretty much disown it, and let the other parent raise it. Your heart is very sore right now cause of the pain he just put you through. You lost someone you really loved. It will mend up and you will be fine. I was married for almost 4yrs. When he left it took me about a year to finally be my normal self again. Some people take more time, some take less. Keep your chin up, he probably will try to talk to you still and try to work things out. He isn't worth it if he couldn't be honest from the start. That is one big thing to, to know if they are telling you the truth from day one. If not the truth eventually comes out. Just be glad you did find out before you two did get married. Then think how much harder it would of been on you and your family that even loved him as much as you say.
 
July 24, 2008, 1:41 pm CDT

One experience with online dating

And I just married him in April! Met him on Lemontonic 3 years ago and we've been together ever since. He's an amazing stepdad to my kids, they adore him. Treats me like a queen...his koukla (Greek for doll).

 

We spent a week emailing and I.m.ing back and forth before we finally just had to meet. The moment I saw him I thought "there he is, he's the one I've been dreaming about all these years". After an abusive marriage I never thought I'd ever have anyone close to me again, but he's shown me what it is to truly love and be loved.

 

Yes, there are a lot of frogs to kiss out there before one turns into Prince Charming. Sometimes though it's worth kissing them.

 
July 31, 2008, 2:18 am CDT

Online Dating

Quote From: loring

     I met my husband through Match/Kiss.com.  Next month is our 5th wedding anniversary and we are as happy and loving today as the day we married. I was looking for a Christian man and my husband is in seminary now.

 

     If you are meeting the wrong kind of guys from my experience it is because your ad needs to be fixed. Maybe you should rethink what you wrote. I met about six men before meeting my husband and yes some lied in their ad (says 6' actually 5'5') but nobody promises that the first person you meet would be "the one".  One piece of advise: I always got there first and left last. When meeting for the fist time I had friends sitting at the next table for my safety and asked their opinion of the guy after he left. 

 

Wow, I never knew. Before I met my husband online (love@aol.com in 1999), I met a few people and had some friends, but never truly took anything very seriously. I met my husband and we started chatting and things just connected. It was also months before I would meet him in person. I was very lucky because I was stupid in that I met him at his house. BUT, I thought it would be safe because his kids were there, which it all worked out fine. We were married in 2000 and are still going strong. We work in law enforcement and have 5 kids (1 together, 3 from his prior marriage and 1 from my prior marriage).

 

I agree with what you do when you meet people. Especially now, you have to be smart. Like I said, I was very fortunate that I met a good man that wasn't a psycho. I also had known that he was a cop and talked to him at work,  so that helped a little. Whoever is trying to meet people online... good luck. Be safe.. Don't be as naieve as I was. I got lucky.. I was safe and it worked out... not many can say that.

 

God Bless

 
August 3, 2008, 8:12 am CDT

Where are the women?????

I was never into the bar/club scene.  I tried friends, and I always got "I value our friendship too much".  Ummm, HELLO, don't you want a good friend??.  Anyways, I have been trying online dating now for over a year.  it takes girls several days to respond(to say they are not interested), and they NEVER come looking for you.  I have tried writing about interests and hobbies, and that didn't get me anywhere, so I rewrote it and tried to say the same thing but use different words.  Now my profile is "truth in advertising" and says that I am an honest, handsome, and nice guy.  Well educated too.  Granted with all the psychos out there, it can be hard to believe, but doesnt the confidence in oneself warrant a response?
 
First | Prev | 144 | 145 | 146 | 147 | 148 | 149 | 150 | 151 | 152 | Next | Last