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Topic : Online Dating

Number of Replies: 1529
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Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 05:08:34 pm
Author : dataimport
Looking to meet someone online? Or have you met the love of your life on the net already? Share the good, the bad and the ugly of online dating.

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October 12, 2008, 11:33 am CDT

Online Dating

Quote From: mallorini

 I am still dating the same man, has been almost 18 months now. I am learning as I go along in this relationship. he has taken me to several places that  i would never have been able to visit on my own. i like that about him. and he's also very helpful when we're in public. i hold his hand, not only b/c i want to (It does feel good), but also b/c it helps me with some balance issues i  have due to arthritis. we are intimate, but i would love to see some small romantic gestures from time to time. I'm very much a 'card, flowers, and small gifts'  type of girl. just surprise me once in a while. he has never said "i love you" to me, although we have pet nicknames for each other. i think it's difficult for him to express himself. i need to hear the words.

i find myself wondering now if i would like to start dating other men. i think that thought alone gives me my answer. we have such differing views of things that i have found really is beginning to bother me. such as religion. i am catholic, and he says that he is agnostic. difficult for me to hear, my faith has sustained me throughout my life, but when it is attacked or questioned extensively, i find myself unable to answer. i'm torn as to what to do right now. so i'm placing this in God's hands.

        Well, after almost 3 years of dating, it's over between me and David. We had "the talk" at the end of Sept. I went online today, to a SilverSenior dating site, and found that he had updated his profile there in June of this year, while we were still supposedly dating exclusively. I can't say that I was surprised. I could see it coming. But I admit I got too comfortable being in a long-term relationship. it's hard to get back out there,  and start looking again.
 
October 12, 2008, 2:20 pm CDT

Takes awhile

Quote From: mallorini

        Well, after almost 3 years of dating, it's over between me and David. We had "the talk" at the end of Sept. I went online today, to a SilverSenior dating site, and found that he had updated his profile there in June of this year, while we were still supposedly dating exclusively. I can't say that I was surprised. I could see it coming. But I admit I got too comfortable being in a long-term relationship. it's hard to get back out there,  and start looking again.
Since you guys been together for 3 yrs it will take awhile to be ready to get back out there. Took me a year after my divorce, to want to start dating again. We where married just over 4 years. Hang in there it will be alright!
 
October 30, 2008, 8:42 am CDT

I need advice please

This is my first post here so bear with me please.

I am 42 and my husband left me in Aug 2004. I had a hard time letting go of him, but eventually began to look for a partner online. I signed up for several sites and met several men. I finally met a wonderful man in Feb 2006 and we have been together every since. He is now 50 and he has never been married. He does, however have a 14 year-old son that he just adores from a past relationship. His son shares living between Mom and Dad. I have a 16 year old son living with me.

"Mike" and I became engaged in Feb 2008. We also just recently bought a house together in August and moved in together.

My main problem with Mike right now is his relationship with his son's mother. They have been good "friends" since their break-up. She has always controlled her son's and Mikes life since Mike was single. Enter me into the picture. She says she is happy for us, yet does things to put a wedge between Mike and I. She and I had a disagreement last Spring and I saw the person she really is and decided not to accociate with her. She is very selfish and immature for being 40 years old. She also told me her son will have what he wants when he wants is and there's nothing I can do about it. I told her that is no way to raise a child and she said that's what I had and that's what he'll have. Mind you she doesn't work so she has Mike pay for each and every new electronics "gadget" that comes out as her son wants them!

Before we moved, I was at Mike's house one day and SHE came over to pick up their son. She had her 8 year old from her marriage with her. She kept making snide remarks trying to prevoke me into saying something to her. I refuse to say anything in front of children. SHE also made it a habit to come and go as she pleased in Mike's house. Afterall, they bought that house together. When we moved into our house together, I told Mike she is not welcome in our home. She can pick up and drop off their son, but nothing more. She is not permitted to be in our home. He agreed and said he would tell her. She came into our home 3 times in the first 2 weeks. She'd walk right in and hang out with their son. Each time, Mike "supposedly" told her my wishes. We had a blackout for a few days in Sept and she came over and spent the day while I was at work! SHe did laundry, took a shower and fixed lunch for herself and her kids! Our power was back on and theirs wasn't. Her mother that lives close had power! I blew a gasket with Mike and he said yet again he'd tell her. Two days later, she came into our home again. I told Mike that was the last straw. He then called her in my presence and told her she is not welcome. She said don't be surprised if your son doesn't want to visit after this. Well, his son stayed away for three weeks. I told Mike his son's Mom needs to get out of his head. He's 14 not 4! Mike told me I would have to become friends with HER or our relationship was over! I said I will not be friends with someone I do not like or trust just to save a relationship! I also asked him why he is always putting her on top of the pedestal and me a few rungs down and he said "she IS my son's mother". Emotionally, I have become distant since that comment. Mike is a terrible communicator so we cannot "talk" about this. I began to pack the day he made that comment. He begged me not to leave and his son came over for a few days to visit. Everything is fine between his son and me. Mike tells me he loves me several times a day now (he never said it before) but I feel these are just words.

I am becoming depressed to the point where I feel I need meds/counseling! I love Mike with all my heart, but I feel I cannot be number 2 in ANY relationship!

Any advice or words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated!

 
October 30, 2008, 11:44 am CDT

Remember the expression....

Quote From: sgawell

This is my first post here so bear with me please.

I am 42 and my husband left me in Aug 2004. I had a hard time letting go of him, but eventually began to look for a partner online. I signed up for several sites and met several men. I finally met a wonderful man in Feb 2006 and we have been together every since. He is now 50 and he has never been married. He does, however have a 14 year-old son that he just adores from a past relationship. His son shares living between Mom and Dad. I have a 16 year old son living with me.

"Mike" and I became engaged in Feb 2008. We also just recently bought a house together in August and moved in together.

My main problem with Mike right now is his relationship with his son's mother. They have been good "friends" since their break-up. She has always controlled her son's and Mikes life since Mike was single. Enter me into the picture. She says she is happy for us, yet does things to put a wedge between Mike and I. She and I had a disagreement last Spring and I saw the person she really is and decided not to accociate with her. She is very selfish and immature for being 40 years old. She also told me her son will have what he wants when he wants is and there's nothing I can do about it. I told her that is no way to raise a child and she said that's what I had and that's what he'll have. Mind you she doesn't work so she has Mike pay for each and every new electronics "gadget" that comes out as her son wants them!

Before we moved, I was at Mike's house one day and SHE came over to pick up their son. She had her 8 year old from her marriage with her. She kept making snide remarks trying to prevoke me into saying something to her. I refuse to say anything in front of children. SHE also made it a habit to come and go as she pleased in Mike's house. Afterall, they bought that house together. When we moved into our house together, I told Mike she is not welcome in our home. She can pick up and drop off their son, but nothing more. She is not permitted to be in our home. He agreed and said he would tell her. She came into our home 3 times in the first 2 weeks. She'd walk right in and hang out with their son. Each time, Mike "supposedly" told her my wishes. We had a blackout for a few days in Sept and she came over and spent the day while I was at work! SHe did laundry, took a shower and fixed lunch for herself and her kids! Our power was back on and theirs wasn't. Her mother that lives close had power! I blew a gasket with Mike and he said yet again he'd tell her. Two days later, she came into our home again. I told Mike that was the last straw. He then called her in my presence and told her she is not welcome. She said don't be surprised if your son doesn't want to visit after this. Well, his son stayed away for three weeks. I told Mike his son's Mom needs to get out of his head. He's 14 not 4! Mike told me I would have to become friends with HER or our relationship was over! I said I will not be friends with someone I do not like or trust just to save a relationship! I also asked him why he is always putting her on top of the pedestal and me a few rungs down and he said "she IS my son's mother". Emotionally, I have become distant since that comment. Mike is a terrible communicator so we cannot "talk" about this. I began to pack the day he made that comment. He begged me not to leave and his son came over for a few days to visit. Everything is fine between his son and me. Mike tells me he loves me several times a day now (he never said it before) but I feel these are just words.

I am becoming depressed to the point where I feel I need meds/counseling! I love Mike with all my heart, but I feel I cannot be number 2 in ANY relationship!

Any advice or words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated!

keep  your friends close but keep the enemy closer. Men are oblivious to certain things, especially the one where the ex has her cake and wants to eat it too. The ex has everything she wants right now but also sees that her son's father is very happy too....when he is happy most ex's feel that there will be less time devoted to the child. Her goal may be to nicely chase you away...who knows. What you should know is that if you love this man with all your heart then you need to find a way to get that woman out of your head and out of your house without creating problems between the child and your fiance. It may make you sick to your stomach but try being nice to her and accepting, dont allow her to see how it burns you up when she purposely goes against your wishes...that is what she probably wants. Enough of this and she will grow tired and go away...back to minding her own business and bored with trying to separate the two of you. It might also help to plan a get together between your fiance and his son...."a guys night out" let them go to the movies or something just the two of them so the mom will see that you dont always have to be in the middle of father and son time. If you want you could even invite her out for a drink or something while the guys are out. You will make her raise her eyebrows.
 
October 30, 2008, 11:45 am CDT

My oppion

Quote From: sgawell

This is my first post here so bear with me please.

I am 42 and my husband left me in Aug 2004. I had a hard time letting go of him, but eventually began to look for a partner online. I signed up for several sites and met several men. I finally met a wonderful man in Feb 2006 and we have been together every since. He is now 50 and he has never been married. He does, however have a 14 year-old son that he just adores from a past relationship. His son shares living between Mom and Dad. I have a 16 year old son living with me.

"Mike" and I became engaged in Feb 2008. We also just recently bought a house together in August and moved in together.

My main problem with Mike right now is his relationship with his son's mother. They have been good "friends" since their break-up. She has always controlled her son's and Mikes life since Mike was single. Enter me into the picture. She says she is happy for us, yet does things to put a wedge between Mike and I. She and I had a disagreement last Spring and I saw the person she really is and decided not to accociate with her. She is very selfish and immature for being 40 years old. She also told me her son will have what he wants when he wants is and there's nothing I can do about it. I told her that is no way to raise a child and she said that's what I had and that's what he'll have. Mind you she doesn't work so she has Mike pay for each and every new electronics "gadget" that comes out as her son wants them!

Before we moved, I was at Mike's house one day and SHE came over to pick up their son. She had her 8 year old from her marriage with her. She kept making snide remarks trying to prevoke me into saying something to her. I refuse to say anything in front of children. SHE also made it a habit to come and go as she pleased in Mike's house. Afterall, they bought that house together. When we moved into our house together, I told Mike she is not welcome in our home. She can pick up and drop off their son, but nothing more. She is not permitted to be in our home. He agreed and said he would tell her. She came into our home 3 times in the first 2 weeks. She'd walk right in and hang out with their son. Each time, Mike "supposedly" told her my wishes. We had a blackout for a few days in Sept and she came over and spent the day while I was at work! SHe did laundry, took a shower and fixed lunch for herself and her kids! Our power was back on and theirs wasn't. Her mother that lives close had power! I blew a gasket with Mike and he said yet again he'd tell her. Two days later, she came into our home again. I told Mike that was the last straw. He then called her in my presence and told her she is not welcome. She said don't be surprised if your son doesn't want to visit after this. Well, his son stayed away for three weeks. I told Mike his son's Mom needs to get out of his head. He's 14 not 4! Mike told me I would have to become friends with HER or our relationship was over! I said I will not be friends with someone I do not like or trust just to save a relationship! I also asked him why he is always putting her on top of the pedestal and me a few rungs down and he said "she IS my son's mother". Emotionally, I have become distant since that comment. Mike is a terrible communicator so we cannot "talk" about this. I began to pack the day he made that comment. He begged me not to leave and his son came over for a few days to visit. Everything is fine between his son and me. Mike tells me he loves me several times a day now (he never said it before) but I feel these are just words.

I am becoming depressed to the point where I feel I need meds/counseling! I love Mike with all my heart, but I feel I cannot be number 2 in ANY relationship!

Any advice or words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated!

I do have to say you will always be number 2 cause his son will come first. You shouldn't be number 3 that's for sure! His ex is being a real child maybe she is the cause why he never was married in the first place. It is hard trying to work out a relationship with a child from a past relationship. I was married to a guy with 4 kids from his first marriage. I know what you are going through. It is something you are going to have to either put up with or get the law involved with her entering your house that she isn't welcome in.  I would move on with your life cause it don't sound like nothing is going to change but now that you both own your own house that is the rough part. Tell mike that you are going to start getting the law involved if you and him can't have the life you should have together. Since the house is in both your names you should have the comfort of your own home, not someone coming in when ever she pleases. Put that foot down and show who is the boss of that house! If you and him get married look into the laws in your state cause if Mike is paying for everything, and once you guys get married that could change cause you will be his spouse and his money is going to have go towards u too. I know you are trying to do what's right for his son, but his mother shouldn't be doing what she is doing. I am sorry to hear you are going through this. Keep that chin up and be strong!
 
November 2, 2008, 1:26 am CDT

Just be careful...

Greetings,

I have not posted here in over four years, but I would like to share my "Online Dating" experience.

I'm a 49 year old man that has been divorced for one year after a marriage that lasted less than that amount of time from someone I meant out of state on an over 40 dating site. This dating site had an instant messaging feature which is how we first started communicating. The communication went great and went quickly into exchanging e-mails on our personal accounts and then phone calls. We made airline trips to visit each other and she did stay with me for two months during the summer before we got married, after which I really learned about her, and some deep emotional issues she had. I do not care to get into all the details but I would like to list some things I learned.

 

**Pay attention and really read their profile FIRST. Had I done this, and realized some differences that came up later, I may have not continued to communicate in the first place, no matter how nice it started out

**All the dating sites I used had a "matching" feature. Stay with the Matches you receive. 

**RED FLAGS...We all get them about certain people we meet. Pay attention to them regardless of how you may not want to or think of yourself as being too cautious.

**"All my friends have moved away." When someone tells you that, LISTEN. In my case I found out that it was an excuse for not being able to have or keep people as friends, which says a lot about someone.

**"I'm a Professional". But are they employed? Professionals do get layed off from work, as in her case, but just because they may have a degree, are they able to work with other people? During the short time we were married after she moved out here, she worked one job for three days and quit. I found out later she was fired.

**If your communicating with someone online, and you miss a day or time in which you said you would call again due to work or something unforeseen, are they reasonable about it? Or upset with you?

**That someone "right" may live out of state from you, but you will get to know someone better over time if you can actually DATE over time in person. If your "matches" are not a reasonable distance away, I suggest you go to another site instead of going long distance like I did.

 

It's not always easy when your facing 50 and your alone without a partner, but please don't make the mistakes I did. Don't sale yourself short or think you have to settle for someone that you have questions about just because you want to be with someone. Trust me, you might end up miserable instead with a messy divorce.

Best wishes...and just be careful.

 
November 2, 2008, 1:24 pm CST

how do you get started???

I HAVE BEEN DIVORCED FOR FIVE YEARS NOW - IVE PUT MY PROFILE ON A FEW SITES AND BECAUSE I REALLY COULDNT AFFORD THE REGISTATION FEES - I GUESS IVE NOT GOTTEN THE RESPONSE THAT I COULD HAVE - BUT FOR ME - IM WONDERING HOW DO YOU REALLY GET STARTED WITH AN ONLINE DATING EXPERIENCE WHEN YOU REALLY CANT AFFORD THE SITES???- I WOULD NOT JUMP INTO ANYTHING - I AM VERY CAUTIOUS AT THIS POINT AND STAGE IN MY LIFE - EVEN THOUGH I WOULD LOVE TO MEET A NICE AND CARING MAN - I DONT WANT A LOT OF DRAMA AND HEARTACHE - I HAD ENOUGH OF THAT WHEN I WAS MARRIED - I KNOW THAT THE POINT OF GETTING OUT THERE IS TO FIND SOMEONE THAT YOU CAN BE COMPATIBLE WITH - BUT ARE THERE SOME OPTIONS THAT DONT REQUIRE A $100 OR MORE FEE??? JUST TRYING TO FIGURE OUT ANOTHER WAY.

 
November 2, 2008, 11:33 pm CST

well!

Quote From: tse_tse56

I HAVE BEEN DIVORCED FOR FIVE YEARS NOW - IVE PUT MY PROFILE ON A FEW SITES AND BECAUSE I REALLY COULDNT AFFORD THE REGISTATION FEES - I GUESS IVE NOT GOTTEN THE RESPONSE THAT I COULD HAVE - BUT FOR ME - IM WONDERING HOW DO YOU REALLY GET STARTED WITH AN ONLINE DATING EXPERIENCE WHEN YOU REALLY CANT AFFORD THE SITES???- I WOULD NOT JUMP INTO ANYTHING - I AM VERY CAUTIOUS AT THIS POINT AND STAGE IN MY LIFE - EVEN THOUGH I WOULD LOVE TO MEET A NICE AND CARING MAN - I DONT WANT A LOT OF DRAMA AND HEARTACHE - I HAD ENOUGH OF THAT WHEN I WAS MARRIED - I KNOW THAT THE POINT OF GETTING OUT THERE IS TO FIND SOMEONE THAT YOU CAN BE COMPATIBLE WITH - BUT ARE THERE SOME OPTIONS THAT DONT REQUIRE A $100 OR MORE FEE??? JUST TRYING TO FIGURE OUT ANOTHER WAY.

There is a free site called plenty of fish.com. I had more luck finding people I endded up working with on that site go figure! LOL... So far my lucky spot has been yahoo chatrooms. Aol chat rooms are also good if you have aol, that is where I meet my husband who is now my ex. I know that don't sound good but there is a reasson for it. We where together for 5 yrs.  Yeah you have to becareful. I usually wait about a month or two before meeting anyone. Usually after the first couple weeks they start relaxing and being more them selfs. What I also do is I have one friend that I give the persons number to where I'm meeting them at. If I can find out there full name do a search online to see if they are like a child molester or something of the fact. Yeah the chance you have to take is, if they give you there real name.  Also check into myspace, you can look for single peeps on there too and respond to them for free. Never thought about it but dr. phill site may have one for single peeps I'm not sure.  So there is a few options. Let me know if you check it out and how it works out if you like. T
 
November 6, 2008, 4:12 pm CST

Still wondering

     I having been chatting with a guy that I met online alittle over nine years ago.started off chatting online than we started talking on the phone.Everyday anytime we could as long as we could,until one of us had to go to work.We have never met he is in the military and than 911 and now the military is keeping us apart,different countries not helping either.He has helped me and my kids through allot of things over the years and I love him for it all.We fell in love and hope to be together one day but after 9 years I'm wondering if I should give up.I always have him to talk to about anything,and he's the first one I want to talk to when I get home.But for now we are trying to figure things out in both of our lives.Things have changed in his life so now he has to figure out how to get out of it so we can be together.

It's hard and he's the best thing that has ever happened to me.Am I being a fool?
 
November 7, 2008, 10:25 pm CST

no luck!!!

Quote From: dntask

There is a free site called plenty of fish.com. I had more luck finding people I endded up working with on that site go figure! LOL... So far my lucky spot has been yahoo chatrooms. Aol chat rooms are also good if you have aol, that is where I meet my husband who is now my ex. I know that don't sound good but there is a reasson for it. We where together for 5 yrs.  Yeah you have to becareful. I usually wait about a month or two before meeting anyone. Usually after the first couple weeks they start relaxing and being more them selfs. What I also do is I have one friend that I give the persons number to where I'm meeting them at. If I can find out there full name do a search online to see if they are like a child molester or something of the fact. Yeah the chance you have to take is, if they give you there real name.  Also check into myspace, you can look for single peeps on there too and respond to them for free. Never thought about it but dr. phill site may have one for single peeps I'm not sure.  So there is a few options. Let me know if you check it out and how it works out if you like. T
hello T. - i went to the site and tried to sign up - Ive been trying for a week with no luck!!!!!! - it wont accept any username that i put in and i tried a lot of different usernames - i even tried to send a message to the person that created the site and i haven't gotten a reply from him either - even though he did post on his faq page that it would take forever to get a response - the site has a lot of people from everywhere in the world - so i dint know why i couldn't sign up - i live in Israel - but I'm a native American and i am not into the Israeli men here - after my divorce - i didn't think i wanted to be in another relationship with anyone - but now after five years of being alone and having a hard time finding something better to do far as work - i would like to have a man that can fulfill some of my needs in a few areas - i dint have a lot of options here - and I'm not afraid of change - but it seems that there aren't any reasonable ways to meet a decent man - maybe I'm being a bit pessimistic right now because i haven't had any luck - but usually I'm an optimistic person and doesn't give up easily - even when i dint succeed at first - i dint like chat rooms - that is why i prefer a site where i can possibly meet one person in particular - I'm still going to keep an open mind - but right now I'm frustrated - tse_tse56
 
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