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Topic : Online Dating

Number of Replies: 1529
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Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 05:08:34 pm
Author : dataimport
Looking to meet someone online? Or have you met the love of your life on the net already? Share the good, the bad and the ugly of online dating.

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July 29, 2005, 1:33 am CDT

Burnt in a BIG way

I was one of the unfortunate many who met a man online & was too hasty to rush into a relationship with him. It ended in horror. After many months of horrendous abuse, torture and degradation, I left him. He tracked me down, kidnapped & tried to kill me. He has now since been sent to prison, but my life will never be the same. For all those innocent people following their hearts online, please err on the side of caution. It is so easy to be fooled. I know what you're thinking - that was one person, not everyone is like that. But is it really worth the risk?? Do your research. Have this person checked out first. Don't go in blind like I did.

 

For the fortunate ones, may you have a life of happiness. Everyone deserves just that.

 
July 29, 2005, 7:42 pm CDT

Good Advise

Quote From: iceman5

From a male perspective, I'd suggest women to try on-line dating with an open mind.  First of all, it's hard to understand how someone can "fall in love" without ever meeting someone--love is all interaction and all you get out of e-mails is typing and writing practice.  So keep that in mind when you size up a guy who begins corresponding with you.  My experience is that women often falsely advertise themselves.  I'll take you all's word about guys doing the same thing.  That is why I promote meeting informally as soon as possible.  At a coffee house, restaurant bar, wherever.  Just do that in a safe pulic place where you can drive away without feeling like you are being followed.  Not all men who post on-line profiles are "perverts".  If you allow yourself to think that way, you are really going to limit the men you might meet and therefore reduce your chances to find a compatible partner. 

 

Just be up front with the guy.  On the first date, if he asks "how's things going so far?" and you are turned off, don't put out warm fuzzies.  Also, don't fall in love with him immediately by painting a romantic image of who you "think" the guy is.  You are probably wrong; there is no way to get to know someone that intimately in a couple of hours.

 

It's also interesting how a man is labelled a "pervert" when he makes unwanted sexual advances or flirts with other women.  How about when a woman exhibits the same behavior with guys?  Should I consider her to be a slut?  No, I think not.  It's important for a woman to be extra careful more so than a man, of course.

 

So to conclude, if you are single and not dating as often as you like, why not try on-line dating?  Finding a suitable partner is really a numbers game, so why not put the numbers game in your favor?  Just be realistic with your expectations after a couple of e-mails.  And meet as soon as possible--I find that eliminates pretenses by both parties. 

I thought you gave some really good advise.  I've tried dating services, responding to ads, placing my own ad, online dating, etc.  It's just another way of meeting someone.  I always met them in a public place like a restaurant.  I didn't have any offers for a second date, or even a follow-up phone call, but like you said, that doesn't mean there aren't decent men out there.  I pretty much gave up a few years ago and haven't tried to meet anyone.  It does get lonely at times and I think about how nice it would be to have someone to talk to on the phone, go places with, etc.  Any suggestions on how to get started?  Thanks.
 
August 4, 2005, 11:19 am CDT

Good Advice

Quote From: sdaley639

I thought you gave some really good advise.  I've tried dating services, responding to ads, placing my own ad, online dating, etc.  It's just another way of meeting someone.  I always met them in a public place like a restaurant.  I didn't have any offers for a second date, or even a follow-up phone call, but like you said, that doesn't mean there aren't decent men out there.  I pretty much gave up a few years ago and haven't tried to meet anyone.  It does get lonely at times and I think about how nice it would be to have someone to talk to on the phone, go places with, etc.  Any suggestions on how to get started?  Thanks.

Iceman5 gives some very good advice on being honest and meet as soon as possible.  I met a man in a chat room four years ago.  He lived in the midwest at the time and I live on the East Coast.  Very soon afterwards, when I felt comfortable, we talked over the phone.  In fact, we talked via computer EVERY night and by phone afterwards at least 3-4 times per week.  Nine months into the on-line and telephone relationship, we met in Kansas City for a long weekend and, by that time, I thought he was the love of my life!  We got together over the holidays when he visited my home and spent almost 2 weeks there.  We talked about everything ... our lives, our children, our work, etc. -- I believed that I knew him as well as anyone in his past had and I thought he felt the same.  He applied for work here in PA, got a job locally and moved -- lock, stock and barrel -- into my home.  Things were great for about a year (or at least close to a year).  Then I began to notice that his moods were dependent upon his alcohol intake -- that is to say that when he would come home from work and have a drink or two (or three), he was a very sociable, funny and entertaining person.  On those nights that he didn't have a drink, he barely said 10 words all evening!  He also became more interested in "talking" to his multitude of female buddies on the computer every evening (one in particular used to call the house frequently, but almost always when I wasn't home and in the wee hours of the morning!).  Time spent together was almost non-existent and I found myself doing things either alone or with my almost teenage daughter who freqently reminded me that their relationship was much less than "warm and fuzzy" as well.  It became quite evident that I really didn't know this person at all!!  Circumstances with his father's health at the time precluded kicking his butt out immediately, but fortunately for me, I was able to escape relatively unscathed (except for wasting nearly 3.5 years of my life!).  Things worked out well for me in the long-run, but I would think long and hard before repeating this mistake. 

 

Sorry for the long story, but my point is this -- you can't really get to know someone without personal, face-to-face contact.  Because you don't know the circumstances of the other person's physical atmosphere at the time (i.e., are they relaxed, stressed, drinking, etc.), you can't begin to know if that person is sincere.  Personal contact just means so much in the long run!  Do the face-to-face meeting before you are able to develop an opinion of the other person.  Do it before you make that person out to be whom YOU want them to be and not who they REALLY are! 

 

I've tried on-line dating services over the past 6 months and have met a few nice people, but no one yet that has really rung my bell.  I suppose I've resigned myself to not becoming totally absorbed in searching ... what happens, happens! 

 
August 5, 2005, 6:17 pm CDT

Another Bad Story

Quote From: freebird

I was one of the unfortunate many who met a man online & was too hasty to rush into a relationship with him. It ended in horror. After many months of horrendous abuse, torture and degradation, I left him. He tracked me down, kidnapped & tried to kill me. He has now since been sent to prison, but my life will never be the same. For all those innocent people following their hearts online, please err on the side of caution. It is so easy to be fooled. I know what you're thinking - that was one person, not everyone is like that. But is it really worth the risk?? Do your research. Have this person checked out first. Don't go in blind like I did.

 

For the fortunate ones, may you have a life of happiness. Everyone deserves just that.

I had a bad experience too ... one that probably is "a defining moment in my life".  I had met quite a few men at dating sites and dated and had a pretty good time after a divorce.  Actually, I had never dated so much in my entire life.  It was fun.  Then a man emailed me and he was different.  We talked on the phone and met.  We hit it off immediately.  I fell for him ... big time.  Moved in with him and lived with him for 4 years.  Thought he was the love of my life ... until I discovered that he had personal ads all over the Internet at alternative sites (sites for bisexuals, couples, etc.).  I found that he was hooking up with men, women and couples for casual quickie encounters whenever and wherever he could.  He had many of them, including a married transvestite.  I was pretty shocked to find that he seemed to have a preference for men.  I left after confronting him.  My life has not been the same since.  Can't get over the depression and isolation that I feel.  I don't trust anyone anymore and don't go out except to see my children.  I should be able to let this go and move on, but I haven't been able to.  It's pretty hard to believe that I could live with someone for 4 years and not have a clue that this kind of thing was going on, but it's true.  His meetings were quickies and he treated me well and we went out together every week and were intimate.  I just didn't have any signs that anything was going on.  I only found out because I am a computer expert and he asked me to fix his computer.  So, I hate to say don't do it or be a spoiled sport, but I really had a blast dating men that I met online until this happened.   Suzbuc
 
August 21, 2005, 5:49 pm CDT

It worked for me.

For those of you considering online dating, I have some advice.  When making a profile, be completely honest about yourself.  Don’t be afraid to express your dislikes, just do it without sounding negative.  Write your profile as if a good friend was asking you about your perfect partner.  Spend a lot of time getting to know one another via chatting, emails and phone calls before actually meeting.  When you do decide to meet in person, don’t have the date come to your house.  It’s best to meet in a public place, maintaining your privacy until you know for sure that this person can be trusted.  Avoid “currently separated” people.  If you are currently separated, be sure you’re actually ready to put yourself out there again in the dating field.  I stayed alone after my divorce for almost 7 years before I was ready to date again, thus getting to know myself very well.  During this time, I also realized that I didn’t need someone to complete my life…..only to enhance it.  I’ve finally met the man that I have been waiting for my entire life.  He’s been living only 25 miles from me for years.  Online dating beats the bar scene and gives you the chance to read their profile and talk to them before actually agreeing to meet them.  Just respect yourself and keep safe.    

 
September 5, 2005, 6:18 pm CDT

Online Dating

Quote From: sawbgs

i am a 37 year old never married woman who is tired of being used by men.  The town in which i live is full of "dead-beat men (men who are drug addicts, acholotics, child molesters), My family has lived here since the 1800's..What ever happended to "courtship"?...is it dead?, examples:  opening doors for women, bringing flowers, talking and getting to know each other first...(before sex).  I also have a physical handicapp (cp)....I want men to know this one thing:  JUST BECAUSE I HAVE A PHYSICAL HANDICAPP, DOES NOT MEAN THAT I AM DEAD!!!! I HAVE NEEDS AND FEELINGS JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE.

In closing, How come Dr. Phil has never done a show on People with physiccal handicapps and dating

 

That's a very good show idea. I have a physically handicapped friend and he has never dated anyone nor had a girl that has shown much interest in him.
 
September 5, 2005, 10:53 pm CDT

Disabled Dating

Quote From: whitemag3

That's a very good show idea. I have a physically handicapped friend and he has never dated anyone nor had a girl that has shown much interest in him.
I was born blind and with a heart defect. I am sure those factors have impacted my dating life. I have still been able to find good men to date and am currently dating a kind, accepting man I met online. I used to feel angry and left out of life by my disability. I was ashamed of myself and wouldn't even tell online friends that I'm blind. Life Strategies and the getting real shows on Oprah shook me out of that attitude. I found out that my expectation of being rejected was actually causing more trouble than my blindness ever could. My experience has taught me that my attitude and expectation that I can find a good man have overcome my limitations. My man even champions me as a blind woman, insisting that my needs are as important as his. I'm hear to say that a disabled person can date successfully. It does take time and effort in sorting through some bad eggs before you find a keeper. Some people will run when they are confronted with a disability. That's their loss. Having a positive attitude and a sense of humor help a lot. And hey, sighted people have to sort through bad eggs too, and they might have people reject them for different reasons like the color of their eyes or their height. Ok... enough rambling here. To the lady with CP, give love and the people around you a chance. You're worth it, and please don't settle for less than genuine love and respect. :)
 
September 8, 2005, 2:28 pm CDT

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Online dating?            

             

wrong topic for me. 4 years ago, I was a very succesful police officer in Holland (Europe), had my own house, I owned it, tons of friends, family, car...            

             

Now? Because I fell in love with someone in Canada (that I met online), I lost 80.000 dollars (sold my house to move to Canada and she has my money now), lost my car (new), moved to Canada, had a 4 year relationship with someone I met online and we have a son, then after 4 years she told me she had been seeing someone else also for 4 years that she had met online, now I have not seen my son in a year, lawyers wont help me (am a dumb foreigner in Canada), shipped all my stuff to Canada and is now stored in a garage. I lost jobs because she grabbed the car, lost my house (that we got in Canada), makes me homeless now, have noone in Canada, she broke my hand...oh heck I can go on, one day I will in here, will tell you all my online dating story, maybe it will help someone...            

             

Am only 35, Dutch, believed in true love, romance, love letters, poems, romantic gifts and all of that...now I miss my son, have only myself left...            

             

Some girl destroyed the man I once wast. A female online scammer. Yeah, you have those also...although she has a split personality. When I was home a nice girlfriend, when I was working an online hmmmm starts with a H. Sorry, but its true, people who dont know me and saw things she did online told me that. She is chasing guys online with money, houses and cars...            

             

Am alone in another country now. I moved for her, am just me now, and lost all I ever had. Online dating?...I dont know...            

 
September 9, 2005, 12:25 am CDT

Stop looking

It true what they say. When you stop looking for that thing you want the most you will find it. My husband and I met online but not through a dating service. We both had had enough of the dating world and called off dating. We both registered on yahoo looking for a pen pal. I got his profile as a match and I emailed him because we had a lot in common. We exchanged emails for six months as pen pals. Not once did we mention talking on the phone or exchanging photos. We were just long distance friends.  

We finally talked and exchanged photos in Oct. We met on Thanksgiving day. I was a soldier at the time and not going home for the holidays. He invited me over to help him cook dinner. I was really comfortable with him like I had known him forever. I would not recommend everyone do this but it worked for us. He was a police officer and I had him checked out. We have been together ever since. Married 5 years now with two beautiful children. 

Too many people go on these online dating services expecting to meet their soulmate in the first 5 min. I recommend going on there and meeting new friends. Start as friends and you can grow from there. Don't rush into things. Take you time and don't add more pressure by trying to make yourself the perfect woman or man. Be yourself and be honest. 

 
September 21, 2005, 10:04 am CDT

common sense

Quote From: mebrn5619

Rather than being afraid of online dating try just thinking of it as another avenue.  You still have to use the same common sense and intuition you would in any other way to meet people. It actually can be a good way to get as much information as you think you need to feel comfortable before you see someone in person.   That is if you use the services that provide confidentiality rather than just trying to talk to people in chat rooms. Good luck.

i am 23 years old and have been online since i was 17. i think that online dating can be very dangerous especially if you dont use common sense. there are so many people out there that are desperate to meet someone that they rush into it and meet so quickly and then they wonder what went wrong when it doesnt work out.  

  

you cant possibly claim to know someone after chatting or meeting them a couple times. my bf and i have been dating for 11 months and im still learning things about him everyday.  

 
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