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Topic : Online Dating

Number of Replies: 1529
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Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 05:08:34 pm
Author : dataimport
Looking to meet someone online? Or have you met the love of your life on the net already? Share the good, the bad and the ugly of online dating.

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October 31, 2005, 8:48 pm CST

NOW I KNOW.....

Quote From: tanyad

  A couple of months ago, my sister introduced me to her ex-boss on line.  I knew from the beginning that he was married, but looking...always looking.  At first I was interested only in being on-line friends with him.  The first time we talked, he told me he loved his wife, and would never leave her and their two children.  I told him that he needed to understand that I was not interested in a relationship, but if intimacy evolved, that would be fine as long as he understood there was to be NO emotional involvement.  For several weeks, things went just fine....we really enjoyed the time we spent chatting, and at times it got pretty hot and heavy.  I'm several years older than he is, and my health is not as good as it could be.  One night when I had to be away from the computer for a half hour, I left the messenger window open...When I came back, he had written,  "you know what they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder....and my heart is growing fonder..."  He'd also told me that same night that his wife was jealous of me.  When I saw what he'd written, I responded with, "you know heart's a dirty word".  Late that night, I decided to call things off between us because I thought his emotions were becoming a problem... but although I sent him an email to that effect, the next day he instant messaged me, and in very charming terms, talked me out of breaking off with him.. 

     Well, after several more weeks, I realized that I had fallen in love with him, thus breaking my own cardinal rule.  I had fought my feelings for quite some time, before I again emailed him, breaking off with him, deleted him from my messenger list, and put him on "ignore".  And I was more miserable than I had ever been in my whole life.  Two days later, I emailed him again, and begged him to forgive me for letting my emotions become involved, but telling him that I'd rather have him as my friend than not have him in my life at all.  We started talking again, but his wife found out, and pitched an earth-shaking fit.  She made him remove messenger from his pc, but she didn't know he sent me a message before he did, and said we'd have to use email exclusively until she calmed down. He said he'd promised her that he wouldn't cheat anymore, and he had to be good for awhile.  She asked him what he would do if he was miserable about not being able to play around anymore, and he told her if he was that miserable, he'd leave.......At this point, I had never met him in person, just on line and we'd talked on the phone lots.  I had moved back to my hometown, which is about a hundred miles closer to the city he lives in... I did finally meet him when he came to my sister's house...and brought his wife with him....The attraction we had always felt, grew even stronger after this meeting.....But there was a problem, too.  His wife is actually a very nice woman, and under different circumstances, we probably could have been friends...I spent almost four hours chatting with her on-line a few nights later, and, yes, I was riddled with guilt over my relationship with her husband...But even though one part of me wanted to give him up rather than add to her pain, I found I simply could not do it...I love him with everything I am, and will never voluntary give him up.  Tonight, I got an email from him, and he told me that when this started out, it was supposed to be just a game, but it wasn't anymore, and that he'd never meant to care for me so much, but that he's glad now that he does.  I suspect that he's preparing to leave her, and I can't help but hope he is, even though I hate for her to be hurt anymore than she already has been.  But all my life, I've given up things I cherished because of other people's feelings.  I'm not doing that this time....I love him with all my heart, and won't let anything stop us being together if that's what he wants.  So.....what do I do now??? 

  Reading the replies to my original query made me stop and do some real soul-searching.....And yes, it's no longer about me, or him, or even his wife...It's all about his kids, and should have been from the beginning....I lost sight of that for awhile, but am glad to report my return to sanity.  Today I emailed him and explained that, although I DO love him with everything I am,  I cannot in good conscience, continue to compromise myself or my own integrity any longer....I will NOT be party any longer to making his wife suffer more pain than she already has, more than she deserves, or making his children watch suffering caused by me....I can only thank a merciful god, that our only physical contact was a mere brush of our fingers.....at least I don't have more to feel guilty for.... 

 

  I believe my sojourn into the realm of on-line dating is at an end....I have spent most of my adult life either in bad relationships, or alone, and at this point, I think I much prefer alone. 

 
November 2, 2005, 6:12 am CST

Kudos!!!

Quote From: tanyad

  Reading the replies to my original query made me stop and do some real soul-searching.....And yes, it's no longer about me, or him, or even his wife...It's all about his kids, and should have been from the beginning....I lost sight of that for awhile, but am glad to report my return to sanity.  Today I emailed him and explained that, although I DO love him with everything I am,  I cannot in good conscience, continue to compromise myself or my own integrity any longer....I will NOT be party any longer to making his wife suffer more pain than she already has, more than she deserves, or making his children watch suffering caused by me....I can only thank a merciful god, that our only physical contact was a mere brush of our fingers.....at least I don't have more to feel guilty for.... 

 

  I believe my sojourn into the realm of on-line dating is at an end....I have spent most of my adult life either in bad relationships, or alone, and at this point, I think I much prefer alone. 

Congratulations on your return to sanity!  I know it will be an uphill battle (I'm sure he's going to email you telling you how his marriage wasn't really a marriage, or that it's been over way before you two got together, etc.), but if you set your mind to it, you CAN do it!  Anyway, I want to say that I sincerely am glad that you decided to keep your integrity and allow the children a chance at a family again.  You did the right thing.....keep it up! 

 
November 2, 2005, 11:01 am CST

Confused

I am a prior participant to the online dating system.  Approximately 6 months ago, I met a guy who has all the qualities that I have longed for and treats me like a queen.  Never in my life have I ever been in a relationship where I was not the one doing all of the giving.  I sometimes find this current relationship boring.  I have discussed these feelings with some friends of mine and they seem to think that there is not a "challenge" involved and that is perhaps why he and I are not on the same page as far as emotions go.  We are not able to see each other on a regular basis because our hours conflict.  Honestly, am I wasting my time or am I just really confused?  I am not sure if I want to continue with this relationship or end it.  I would really appreciate any advice/opinions anyone could offer.
 
November 3, 2005, 5:28 am CST

Online Dating

Quote From: blondie825

I am a prior participant to the online dating system.  Approximately 6 months ago, I met a guy who has all the qualities that I have longed for and treats me like a queen.  Never in my life have I ever been in a relationship where I was not the one doing all of the giving.  I sometimes find this current relationship boring.  I have discussed these feelings with some friends of mine and they seem to think that there is not a "challenge" involved and that is perhaps why he and I are not on the same page as far as emotions go.  We are not able to see each other on a regular basis because our hours conflict.  Honestly, am I wasting my time or am I just really confused?  I am not sure if I want to continue with this relationship or end it.  I would really appreciate any advice/opinions anyone could offer.
Its a tough situation made even harder because of your conflicting work schedules. you are unable to see eachother therefore there is really no means to develop a healthy, stable relattionship. i'm not saying that you are wasting your time on this relationship by any means because that is up to the both of you to decide. what  i would suggest doing is calling him, explaining to him how you feel at this point and make an effort to get together more often to give the relationship time to grow. If he is not interested in doing so then yes youer only choice as sad as it may be would be to terminate the relationship. Best wishes to the Both Of You :-)
 
November 5, 2005, 2:45 pm CST

lots of good people to meet online

Quote From: randa819

i have been divorced for almost a year and being single sucks. I'm not exactly looking for a husband again, at least not any time soon. but i would love to find someone to just go out with and have fun. i have thought about trying the on-line dating thing, i even have friends who have met on line. but i am completely terrified that I'll end up with some freak that ends up being nothing but a pervert.

Hi there 

I met my current boyfriend on line dating.  He's a guy of really good character, very attractive, healthy and fit, and we get along really well.  He is a finance professional.  We've been together almost two years and are now considering becoming more serious in our relationship.  Our paths would never have crossed without online dating. 

  

Before meeting him, I actually met many good and successful men through online dating.  I met two pediatricians, a college professor, and an airline repair worker.  I enjoyed all of those dates, even though they didn't build to anything. 

  

I think part of my success was due to the profile I posted, and my own confidence in taking a good read of people I meet.  I made it known in my profile that I was successful in my own life, and would not settle for anything less than a person of good character and with interests at least somewhat similar to mine.  I did not post a photo.  I did not pursue lengthy e-mail discussions with anyone who did not fit my criteria, and if I was interested in meeting a person, I did this quickly so I could gauge the possibilities right away.  Finally, whenever I did meet someone, we would meet for breakfast somewhere.  Breakfast is pretty non-threatening, and avoids the possible casual sex scenario that goes along with online dating.  And if you really enjoy someone, you have the rest of the day together.  I met my current boyfriend mid-morning and we stayed at the restaurant drinking coffee until 3 p.m.!!! 

  

Good luck with your dating!  Just be prepared to have to spend a lot of time shopping - it's a lot of work. 

 
November 6, 2005, 3:34 pm CST

My internet date last night

Hi, I'm new at posting here. I don't know anyone personally that does online dating so thought I would ask you guys some advice on online dating. I have been doing online dating for 2 months now. Looking for that match has been no easy thing. My experience has been going like this: Those that I like are slower than molasses to come around. They call like a week later or seem to call on a whim wanting me to meet them somewhere right now. Which sometimes that's not always possible. I went out to the movies with this one man and this was our second meeting. While watching the movie he was holding my hand and he kept kissing my neck and then  have these moments of sucking my neck really hard. I kept yelling owe and telling him to stop! It was just ridiculous. Well my god a few hrs. later I had 5 huge dark hickies on my neck! I told him how rude that was of him and how much I didn't appreciate that! He actually got mad at me about it. So he's history. But the thing was that the following night I had a dinner date with this other man whom I had already cancelled on 3 times and knew I couldn't cancel again. I really wanted to meet this man. I did the best I could to hide the hickies. At the restaurant we had drinks before dinner and oh my god this man had 5 large drinks of Crown Royal!!! Next thing I knew right there in the restaurant he was all over me. He moved over next to me and started expressing love towards me and how he had already fallen for me through our emails and phone conversations. I was really in shock and just was looking at him and he kept kissing me and finally I told him to stop, I told him we would talk tomorrow when the crown royal has worn off! When I met this man online, although he was handsome and seemed to have alot going for him I did notice how much he talked about how woman love him and he always talked about how pretty woman are but their so shallow and he was looking for a woman with substance. Well after being with him last night I am now thinking that he is the handsome one but oh so ever shallow!!! All he talked about was how much money had, beautiful woman and sex! After spending a couple of hours with him I could take no more of even looking at him. He has called me a zillion times since expressing how much he loves me! Is he nuts or what? The impression I got last night that he was just looking for sex and surely was letting me know how lucky I was to have a date with him and haveing sex with him would be an added bonus! Gag me please! 

Do you guys really think you have to kiss a lot of toads before you find your prince! If that's gonna be my case I might just end up a nut by the time this is over with! Give me your thoughts please!!! Thanks! 

 
November 7, 2005, 10:00 am CST

I need some advice, please?

Hi everyone, 

Here is my story.  I met a guy online about two months ago and we chatted online about a month before that.  And the relationship went to fast we became so attached to each other very much. He met my son early in te relationship( I regret that).  We like eachother very much we have agreat time together.  After few weeks of the relationship we decided to turn off the profiles we had.  Just last week I notice his profile was back on the web-site and I did confronted him and he said, he turn on when ( I lost a temper once) and I did appologize.  To me that wasn't excuse he made me feel I don't trust him anymore.  And about few days ago he called and said how do we delete the profiles and I guided him and we deleted.  How do I trust him if he did that ,he said the web-site said(your profile has been deleted)  I was happy because I will be able to trust him again but I mentioned to him if there is a problem we can talk and he agreed.   

Just this morning still I got suspicous I went to the web-site if there is new profiles post on and guess what I found .......his profile under different nick name... and some changes.  I don't know what to say to him, any advice will be great.  Can I face him with this, do have to break up because of this.......I need really good advice because I love him very much and I won't forgive what I did to my son. 

Thanks. 

Ruth.   

 
November 7, 2005, 6:52 pm CST

Online Dating

Quote From: rube1368

Hi everyone, 

Here is my story.  I met a guy online about two months ago and we chatted online about a month before that.  And the relationship went to fast we became so attached to each other very much. He met my son early in te relationship( I regret that).  We like eachother very much we have agreat time together.  After few weeks of the relationship we decided to turn off the profiles we had.  Just last week I notice his profile was back on the web-site and I did confronted him and he said, he turn on when ( I lost a temper once) and I did appologize.  To me that wasn't excuse he made me feel I don't trust him anymore.  And about few days ago he called and said how do we delete the profiles and I guided him and we deleted.  How do I trust him if he did that ,he said the web-site said(your profile has been deleted)  I was happy because I will be able to trust him again but I mentioned to him if there is a problem we can talk and he agreed.   

Just this morning still I got suspicous I went to the web-site if there is new profiles post on and guess what I found .......his profile under different nick name... and some changes.  I don't know what to say to him, any advice will be great.  Can I face him with this, do have to break up because of this.......I need really good advice because I love him very much and I won't forgive what I did to my son. 

Thanks. 

Ruth.   

Wow Ruth  that doesn't sound so good to me. I think that's very rude and inconsiderate of him. I would talk to him about this because in the relationship you have with him you have every right to know why he is doing this. If he gets mad then remember that's his problem. For your own self you need to know what's going on. If it were me I would talk to him ASAP! Let us know what happens! Be strong and hang in there you can do it! 
 
November 9, 2005, 9:58 am CST

Hello my name is Angie

I am a widow 63 years old for over 5 years was married almost 40 years and have 3 daughters but now im ready to continue with my life. I would love to find someone to spend the rest of my life with but I really don't know how I really don't know if the online dating works and what should work for me. I am a christian lady who attends church but in my church there are not so many guys like always more women than men there. I would love to met someone with spiritual values who loves to laugh and have a good time who enjoys walks and who likes music of all kinds (christian that is). So if anyone has any suggestions please let me know I would love to hear from you what is the best way to met someone and if the online dating works.  

  

  

 
November 9, 2005, 11:55 am CST

Online Dating

Quote From: cindy64

Wow Ruth  that doesn't sound so good to me. I think that's very rude and inconsiderate of him. I would talk to him about this because in the relationship you have with him you have every right to know why he is doing this. If he gets mad then remember that's his problem. For your own self you need to know what's going on. If it were me I would talk to him ASAP! Let us know what happens! Be strong and hang in there you can do it! 

Thank you for the advice it did work.  I did ask why he did this and his explanation was ....He was checking me out if I contact him under different nickname. We agreed to delete our profiles and we did.  I am trying to trust him again and I asked him how I can trust him again he said he will try his best to show me to trust him again.  He's calling me every day  we see eachother often(3-4x) a week.  But still on the back of my head I think maybe he is dating or chatting, I keep wondering when he is not with me, and this is not healthy for me.  How do I stop worring and start trusting him?  Trust you have to earn it, right I said to him you have to give it to me the way I am giving to you.  I do really like him he is got thing I am looking in life and I don't want lose him because of privious non trustworthy relationships. 

How can I build a trust on him, may be he is honest with me? 

Thanks.  

 
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