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Topic : Online Dating

Number of Replies: 1529
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 05:08:34 pm
Author : dataimport
Looking to meet someone online? Or have you met the love of your life on the net already? Share the good, the bad and the ugly of online dating.

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November 20, 2005, 11:23 am CST

Men

Quote From: mommare

Misadventurs of On Line Dating.  I have met several very nice guy on line.  Some have become great friends.  There was no spark between us but we had so much in common we decided to be just friends.  You can never have too many friends....now for the misadventures.  I have met two different guys with the same outcome.  We emailed, instant messaged and spoke on the phone for hours on end.  We would discuss everything, and I do mean everything.  Finally we would meet, go out on several dates and really have great times.  With both there was a mutual attraction, common interests etc.  Then a day comes when we have a difference of opinion or some type of disagreement.  These men I spoke to for weeks disappear.  It's like they fell off the face of the earth. They don't take phone calls, respond to emails, or talk on messanger.  The minute we find a issue we don't agree on they can't deal with it.  There is no communication.  What gives.  I am an honest person and I don't sleep around.  My personal values are discussed day one so that isn't the issue.  With one guy it was the marriage issue.  I'm not looking for a husband but I would like to someday settle down with my soulmate.  Well this guy said he will NEVER marry again so he stopped communicating with me.  He feels there is no way we can date because down the road I will want more.   The second one was the issue of how often we will get together and a statement I made that I would like to be somewhat a priority in the life of the guy I am dating. I still haven't heard from him.  He was upset because he felt I was demanding he go on a date with me instead of taking care of chores at his house.  How do you get a great guy that you can talk to about anything, communicate instead of running away when an issue arises.  What am I doing so wrong.  The second guy I really care about and can see my self falling deeply in love with.  But he won't talk to me because he misunderstood an email I sent to him.  I can't fix the problem if he won't communicate.  I have left messages and emails, I have apologized for the miscommunication. 

Why can't men face an issue.  I feel I lost my soulmate in this one.  We were great together. Any advice is greatly appreciated. 

Hi and sorry your going through all of that! I know what your talking about because I have done the same thing as these men. The plain truth of me cutting them off was because as soon as different little issues began to pop up I didn't want to deal with it. The reason I didn't want to deal with it was because my plate was so full already. At this time my own personal life was a mess and the last thing I wanted to deal with was relationship problems. I just didn't have the energy it takes. Not recoginzing it at the time but after I did it a couple of times and really looked at what I was doing I realized it was me not them.  I have issues to deal with here at home before I can really give a relationship what it takes. I don't believe you can start a relationship with anyone no matter how strong the chemistry if you are so bogged down with personal issues within your home. How unfair is it to drain a new relationship with your constant problems at home. Beleive me after awhile it sucks the life out of your new love. For me it just isn't fair to do that to someone no matter what they say cause really they do get tired of it. 

 
November 22, 2005, 10:22 pm CST

That being said, when does moving on occur?

Quote From: cindy64

Hi and sorry your going through all of that! I know what your talking about because I have done the same thing as these men. The plain truth of me cutting them off was because as soon as different little issues began to pop up I didn't want to deal with it. The reason I didn't want to deal with it was because my plate was so full already. At this time my own personal life was a mess and the last thing I wanted to deal with was relationship problems. I just didn't have the energy it takes. Not recoginzing it at the time but after I did it a couple of times and really looked at what I was doing I realized it was me not them.  I have issues to deal with here at home before I can really give a relationship what it takes. I don't believe you can start a relationship with anyone no matter how strong the chemistry if you are so bogged down with personal issues within your home. How unfair is it to drain a new relationship with your constant problems at home. Beleive me after awhile it sucks the life out of your new love. For me it just isn't fair to do that to someone no matter what they say cause really they do get tired of it. 

Online dating is a last-attempt to meet like-minded individuals.  Problems arise because theres is no accountability or perspective.  If we were to meet someone at school, work, or through friends--we would know some of their background and know a bit about their reputation.  However, online dating relies on an 'honour system' where we are required to do our investigating through trial and error or else blindly trust people. 

  

So many people are frustrated with online dating, it would be nice to see some external influences assisting in it all.  Yet I don't seem to know what those positive influences could even be...especially since most people do not want to spend $$ on advanced systems. 

  

I dated from online and he was wonderful until I found out he had commitment phobia.  It would be ideal if a service could screen people's fears and past predicators of future behavior.  That would save us all a lot of time...so that when we do hope in someone the hope is substantiated. 

 
November 23, 2005, 4:41 pm CST

Men

Quote From: elizzy

Online dating is a last-attempt to meet like-minded individuals.  Problems arise because theres is no accountability or perspective.  If we were to meet someone at school, work, or through friends--we would know some of their background and know a bit about their reputation.  However, online dating relies on an 'honour system' where we are required to do our investigating through trial and error or else blindly trust people. 

  

So many people are frustrated with online dating, it would be nice to see some external influences assisting in it all.  Yet I don't seem to know what those positive influences could even be...especially since most people do not want to spend $$ on advanced systems. 

  

I dated from online and he was wonderful until I found out he had commitment phobia.  It would be ideal if a service could screen people's fears and past predicators of future behavior.  That would save us all a lot of time...so that when we do hope in someone the hope is substantiated. 

I think you should move on when you start sensing things are going no where. What I was doing in my situation was not returning phone calls, cancelling dates, being distance when I was with them. I just could not come out and say I really like you but my plate is so full with personal problems that I haven't the energy for a relationship. It was like I didn't even have the energy for that! It took me hurting a couple of men before I recognized what I was doing. When I went on on-line dating I was very serious about finding someone but I just forgot what being in a relationship was like and the amount of time and energy it takes. I feel really bad about it. I want a relationship but I want it when my own personal problems are more under control. I have though done on line dating before these personal problems came up and it was frustrating at times. I met men that at first who wanted a relationship with me and then boom they would be gone! now I know why or at least I think I do. The last time I was out in the dating scene or single world was  in my early 30's and now I am in my early 40's and WOW!!! what a difference! I would rather date a man in there 30's any day! I have found that the majority of men in their 40's have been through the ringer over an ex! They seem so afraid of any type of relationshp other than email or the occasional dinner or coffee! Men in there 40's seem to be hitting that mid life crisis point where they all seem to have a "harley" of some type or "fast car", always talking about their tons of friends and alot of them seem to carry around their little "blueberry" checking thier emails! It's almost like going back in time to high school! Hmmm....I see Demi Moore's point! Oh not long ago I had some good fun times with some men but it would never be nothing more than dinner or coffee. Hang in there!
 
November 23, 2005, 6:59 pm CST

Should I or Shouldn't I?

 I am a 39 year old who has been hoping and praying for love for quite some time. Although I haven't found anyone worth keeping in my life I have tried a few different avenues and would like to hear from people that have had great success with the online dating which I would like to try. Although it's been tough finding someone at Equally Yoked, which I am a member of, at Elife activites and just hoping to bump into someone while I was out, I would like to try online line dating. Can anyone give me some advice as to what to say in my profile and what to expect if I should try the online dating? I haven't given up on love and I want to hear successful online dating adventures so that I can be excited for myself if that is something that I should decide to do.
 
November 24, 2005, 3:16 am CST

i dunno

Quote From: sarai39

 I am a 39 year old who has been hoping and praying for love for quite some time. Although I haven't found anyone worth keeping in my life I have tried a few different avenues and would like to hear from people that have had great success with the online dating which I would like to try. Although it's been tough finding someone at Equally Yoked, which I am a member of, at Elife activites and just hoping to bump into someone while I was out, I would like to try online line dating. Can anyone give me some advice as to what to say in my profile and what to expect if I should try the online dating? I haven't given up on love and I want to hear successful online dating adventures so that I can be excited for myself if that is something that I should decide to do.

I havnt done it either but dont think of it as " Is this my last chance to meet someone" just go with the flow  keep trying to bump into someone try and say hi to as many people as you can remember to evaluate yourself to see your not attracting the wrong kind of bloke. So if your being friendly and know what you want then the odds say something will work out. 

  

cool         good luck and relax (I know its hard)        

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

 
November 24, 2005, 8:56 am CST

My Perspective

Quote From: sarai39

 I am a 39 year old who has been hoping and praying for love for quite some time. Although I haven't found anyone worth keeping in my life I have tried a few different avenues and would like to hear from people that have had great success with the online dating which I would like to try. Although it's been tough finding someone at Equally Yoked, which I am a member of, at Elife activites and just hoping to bump into someone while I was out, I would like to try online line dating. Can anyone give me some advice as to what to say in my profile and what to expect if I should try the online dating? I haven't given up on love and I want to hear successful online dating adventures so that I can be excited for myself if that is something that I should decide to do.
I can give you my viewpoint of online dating from that of a 49 y/o woman who has not been married before.  I have been on eHarmony and match.com for about 2 years now and have really enjoyed the experience.  I have felt it has given me the opportunity to refine my idea of what I am really looking for in someone and the control to be able to consider a much greater number of people than I would ever have been able to do any other way.  I feel every security measure possible is built into the systems, short of still needing to use your own good judgement about how soon to give out any information that could identify your location before you feel ready.  Getting acquainted will always take an element of risk because people can misrepresent themselves but I have found I have been able to differentiate these people fairly easily.  I have chosen to meet 7 men in person over the course of the 2 years and they have all been as they portrayed themselves and perfect gentlemen.  One happened to be a member of my church.  I could have been sitting next to him  and never known he was in a similar situation to me without the use of the online service. As far as what to say try to be as honest about yourself as you can be.  It might be helpful to have a good friend review your profile before you post it. They should be able to help you see if it really represents who you are. My friends have been able to help me accentuate some of my better qualities better than I would have done.  Don't be afraid to leave anything out if it is important to you.  This will  help you avoid people who are not looking for something in particular.  I have chosen to only consider people who post a picture.  I feel this indicates that they are much less likely to misrepresent themselves if they know someone may recognize them.  Another bit of advice...Don't be afraid to be the first to show interest in someone but don't be discouraged if  you are told they are not interested or you do not hear from them at all.  In the beginning it is easy to take this personally but it is just part of the process. It is really better not to spend time and energy on these people. Just keep going and conduct yourself in a way that you are comfortable with and how you would want to be treated in return.  I feel online dating really opens up a whole new world of opportunities we would never have otherwise. My advice is  "Jump in and get your feet wet...the water's fine"  Good luck!
 
November 24, 2005, 9:55 pm CST

Should I or Shouldn't I

Quote From: sarai39

 I am a 39 year old who has been hoping and praying for love for quite some time. Although I haven't found anyone worth keeping in my life I have tried a few different avenues and would like to hear from people that have had great success with the online dating which I would like to try. Although it's been tough finding someone at Equally Yoked, which I am a member of, at Elife activites and just hoping to bump into someone while I was out, I would like to try online line dating. Can anyone give me some advice as to what to say in my profile and what to expect if I should try the online dating? I haven't given up on love and I want to hear successful online dating adventures so that I can be excited for myself if that is something that I should decide to do.
Despite my down falls lately on online dating I still support it. My sister met her husband on match.com. She had been on match.com for almost 2yrs. until she met her husband. He was the only one she even really dated. She met numerous men and did get discouraged from time to time. He is a really wonderful man and she is so lucky to of found him and he feels the same way about her. Also a good friend of mine met her fiance on E-harmony. She had been off and on dating sites for several years until she met this man. he actually lives several states away and they had a long distance relationship for about a year and she moved to his hometown and they are very happy and planning to get married in May. I beleive you can find true love through dating sites and I encourage anyone to do it.
 
November 24, 2005, 10:39 pm CST

Online Dating

Quote From: rube1368

Hi everyone, 

Here is my story.  I met a guy online about two months ago and we chatted online about a month before that.  And the relationship went to fast we became so attached to each other very much. He met my son early in te relationship( I regret that).  We like eachother very much we have agreat time together.  After few weeks of the relationship we decided to turn off the profiles we had.  Just last week I notice his profile was back on the web-site and I did confronted him and he said, he turn on when ( I lost a temper once) and I did appologize.  To me that wasn't excuse he made me feel I don't trust him anymore.  And about few days ago he called and said how do we delete the profiles and I guided him and we deleted.  How do I trust him if he did that ,he said the web-site said(your profile has been deleted)  I was happy because I will be able to trust him again but I mentioned to him if there is a problem we can talk and he agreed.   

Just this morning still I got suspicous I went to the web-site if there is new profiles post on and guess what I found .......his profile under different nick name... and some changes.  I don't know what to say to him, any advice will be great.  Can I face him with this, do have to break up because of this.......I need really good advice because I love him very much and I won't forgive what I did to my son. 

Thanks. 

Ruth.   

First of all what do u mean by "I won't forgive what I did to my son"  Do you mean because your son is close to this guy already?  As for this guy.  Are you sure that its him.  You said its a different screen name and different profile how do you really know its him?  But whatever lets assume it is him.  Just you having to check tells you that something is wrong.  Deep in your heart he is sending you warning signs or you wouldn't be checking in the first place.   I say cut your losses while you can.  Your kid will survive.  Kids are a lot stronger then we give them credit for.  Its all about how you handle the break up.  If your kid sees you falling apart he wil too.  So I guess Im saying yes you do have to dump him.  Or get ready for a lot of bullshit and heart ache.  Someone else is out there that wil be a better dad for your son.  Beleive me god wants you to have someone to help you bring him up.  But your not going to meet the right guy while your holding out for a man that has already lied to you and then made excuses by saying it was your falt.  Come on!  Your temper made him lie and screw around on line-give me a break.  Well hope all works out for you.  Aloha cathee    

 
November 28, 2005, 5:42 pm CST

Been there done that... (online dating)

Well I've tried the online dating sites. I dated quite a few men off of them, amoung meeting some for just dates. I have to say I was dissappointed. The men and I that actually became a couple only lasted anywhere from one month to approximatly three months. I was pretty sad. One of them actually tried to get me to start going to church, read the bible, etc.. when he knew when he met me that wasn't in my ageda. (not that there is anything wrong with it, it's just not for me) I did not feel I should have to be someone I'm not for a man, or anyone for that matter. I was pretty upset with this. You have to like the person for who they are, if you don't and you know right away let them know! Hello?! Anyhow so I stopped trying the online thing, (plus family and friends didn't like that idea) and since then I have had only one date... it's been 8 months. YIkes! I don't know what to do on meeting men anymore. I learned bars and clubs aren't for meeting quality men. I've met men through friends, and that doesn't work- so I'm lost, lonely, and just sick of being single! Any suggestions??? Please! I'm in So.Cali if that helps-lol
 
December 1, 2005, 4:28 am CST

The joys of Online Dating

I've had a very interesting time online dating.....I am pretty shy and don't like being public with my photo on a website, but I found out nearly everyone was doing it, so why not! My overall opinion is that most guys aren't loonies or perverts.....they are just normal people like you and me looking for a date...and a decent one at that. Of course we aren't all compatible and you sure do have to filter them out!!!! 

For anyone who finds someone who they wish to seriously date and stick with I have a tip to check up on them  - use google and search for their username they used on the dating site (chances are they might use it again if they are that stupid to have a profile up when they are serious with you) and check their e-mail addy too......if they say they don't have a profile online you may just find it still up and running and active this way...I actually found out my last b/f had an active profile (12 months down the track) by this method (he is now an ex!) There's no excuse - if you find them with a profile online after 3 months or so of dating, ditch them!!!!.......they knew how to get it on there......they sure as hell know how to get it off once they are dating you!! 

Overall I've had about 15 or so dates over about 2 1/2 years, out of those I would consider 2 guys to be either completely lunatic or just general idiots who don't have a clue......but most have been pretty nice and up front and honest. I would steer clear of any guys who have had too many past relationships (check that up front girls!!).....you know there's something wrong! And check that they haven't been living alone for way too long and completely addicted to batchelorhood - means they are NEVER going to let you in and the relationship is going to go NOWHERE!
Hope my tips helped and good luck to everyone - the good ones are out there......somewhere!!! 

  

  

  

  

 
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