Topic : Online Dating

Misadventurs of On Line Dating.  I have met several very nice guy on line.  Some have become great friends.  There was no spark between us but we had so much in common we decided to be just friends.  You can never have too many friends....now for the misadventures.  I have met two different guys with the same outcome.  We emailed, instant messaged and spoke on the phone for hours on end.  We would discuss everything, and I do mean everything.  Finally we would meet, go out on several dates and really have great times.  With both there was a mutual attraction, common interests etc.  Then a day comes when we have a difference of opinion or some type of disagreement.  These men I spoke to for weeks disappear.  It's like they fell off the face of the earth. They don't take phone calls, respond to emails, or talk on messanger.  The minute we find a issue we don't agree on they can't deal with it.  There is no communication.  What gives.  I am an honest person and I don't sleep around.  My personal values are discussed day one so that isn't the issue.  With one guy it was the marriage issue.  I'm not looking for a husband but I would like to someday settle down with my soulmate.  Well this guy said he will NEVER marry again so he stopped communicating with me.  He feels there is no way we can date because down the road I will want more.   The second one was the issue of how often we will get together and a statement I made that I would like to be somewhat a priority in the life of the guy I am dating. I still haven't heard from him.  He was upset because he felt I was demanding he go on a date with me instead of taking care of chores at his house.  How do you get a great guy that you can talk to about anything, communicate instead of running away when an issue arises.  What am I doing so wrong.  The second guy I really care about and can see my self falling deeply in love with.  But he won't talk to me because he misunderstood an email I sent to him.  I can't fix the problem if he won't communicate.  I have left messages and emails, I have apologized for the miscommunication. 

Why can't men face an issue.  I feel I lost my soulmate in this one.  We were great together. Any advice is greatly appreciated. 

Hi and sorry your going through all of that! I know what your talking about because I have done the same thing as these men. The plain truth of me cutting them off was because as soon as different little issues began to pop up I didn't want to deal with it. The reason I didn't want to deal with it was because my plate was so full already. At this time my own personal life was a mess and the last thing I wanted to deal with was relationship problems. I just didn't have the energy it takes. Not recoginzing it at the time but after I did it a couple of times and really looked at what I was doing I realized it was me not them.  I have issues to deal with here at home before I can really give a relationship what it takes. I don't believe you can start a relationship with anyone no matter how strong the chemistry if you are so bogged down with personal issues within your home. How unfair is it to drain a new relationship with your constant problems at home. Beleive me after awhile it sucks the life out of your new love. For me it just isn't fair to do that to someone no matter what they say cause really they do get tired of it. 

Online dating is a last-attempt to meet like-minded individuals.  Problems arise because theres is no accountability or perspective.  If we were to meet someone at school, work, or through friends--we would know some of their background and know a bit about their reputation.  However, online dating relies on an 'honour system' where we are required to do our investigating through trial and error or else blindly trust people. 

So many people are frustrated with online dating, it would be nice to see some external influences assisting in it all.  Yet I don't seem to know what those positive influences could even be...especially since most people do not want to spend $$ on advanced systems. 

I dated from online and he was wonderful until I found out he had commitment phobia.  It would be ideal if a service could screen people's fears and past predicators of future behavior.  That would save us all a lot of time...so that when we do hope in someone the hope is substantiated. 

Hi everyone, 

Here is my story.  I met a guy online about two months ago and we chatted online about a month before that.  And the relationship went to fast we became so attached to each other very much. He met my son early in te relationship( I regret that).  We like eachother very much we have agreat time together.  After few weeks of the relationship we decided to turn off the profiles we had.  Just last week I notice his profile was back on the web-site and I did confronted him and he said, he turn on when ( I lost a temper once) and I did appologize.  To me that wasn't excuse he made me feel I don't trust him anymore.  And about few days ago he called and said how do we delete the profiles and I guided him and we deleted.  How do I trust him if he did that ,he said the web-site said(your profile has been deleted)  I was happy because I will be able to trust him again but I mentioned to him if there is a problem we can talk and he agreed.   

Just this morning still I got suspicous I went to the web-site if there is new profiles post on and guess what I found .......his profile under different nick name... and some changes.  I don't know what to say to him, any advice will be great.  Can I face him with this, do have to break up because of this.......I need really good advice because I love him very much and I won't forgive what I did to my son. 

Thanks. 

Ruth.