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Topic : Online Dating

Number of Replies: 1529
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 05:08:34 pm
Author : dataimport
Looking to meet someone online? Or have you met the love of your life on the net already? Share the good, the bad and the ugly of online dating.

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October 18, 2005, 10:04 pm CDT

Online Dating

Quote From: dulce81

I am a 23-year-old woman who is trying to put herself out "on the market" (i.e. online dating websites) sort of speak as far as dating since I don't have much success in meeting people face-to-face. I have been single for over a year and a half and would like to meet someone who shares the similar qualities and interests as me.  

  

I am a sweet, beautiful, smart, and average sized woman and most of my friends call me a "pimpette" since a lot of guys usually are after me, but I don't find them attractive at all. I only had two somewhat successful relationships that started off from meeting online and hope that I will meet a great guy (i.e. my husband) online someday.  

  

My question is that there is this guy I find very attractive on one of the online dating websites who lives in the same area as me and shares similar qualities and interests as me too. I would love to meet him and get to know him better, but my problem is that I have always had the guy approach me first since I grew up believing that "man pursues woman" and if you do make the first move, the guy will perceive you as "desperate" or wasn't into you in the first place. I have got some matches already, but I don't find them attractive or have any interest in them. What should I do??? Please help me. I am hoping and praying that I met this man someday. All of your advice is greatly appreciated. Thanks! 

 
October 18, 2005, 10:06 pm CDT

Re: online dating

Quote From: golden1

     I see so many ads for on-line dating services--how safe are they? I mean, how do you know you're getting the real article, and not just someone looking for a sucker--or a victim? Parents warn their kids about on-line predators; what protection do single adults have? Sorry, don't mean to sound like a doom-sayer.
You are absolutely correct...no one knows for sure that another person is completely safe, or that the site they met on isn't some scam and the person is there for the sole purpose of finding a mate.  However, I can tell you that I have had many experiences with online dating and all have been ok.  Do be careful - I was sure to never meet anyone alone for the first time.  I always had a friend present, and if I went out a second time, I made sure I told my plans to a friend and kept in phone contact.  I think there are a lot of scammers out there, but there are also a lot of genuine people and you just have to keep your eyes open.
 
October 18, 2005, 10:08 pm CDT

Re: misadventures in online dating

Quote From: wespauley

Although I haven't had much luck with online dating myself, both of my best friends met nice girls online, and one is even married now. The major problem I see is that there are a lot of "players" out there,  and they like to lie. I was all hot to meet this woman once who turned out to be in her late sixties. I am glad I found out about that before I embarrassed myself too bad. I think I might have noticed that she was a bit older than the forty years she was claiming. We should start a new thread here: Misadventures in online dating. I'm sure some of you have stories that are quite entertaining. I'll share if you will...
Ha ha ha!  Where do you want to start....I've got a couple...
 
October 18, 2005, 10:13 pm CDT

re: boyfriend & online dating

Quote From: lcrothers

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost two years. We met on a dating site. Last weekend, I found out that he still logs into the dating site and has the entire time we have been dating. Though he doesn't show is profile and he is not a paid member (so he can't actually email anyone and no one can email him). He says he just does it for entertainment purposes?  I am now doubting everything in the past two years. Am I overreacting?
Yes and no.  I would be a tad upset if my boyfriend of two years was doing this and hadn't bothered to tell me.  It would seem to me that he was still seaching to see what was out there.  But, on the flip side (and I am single), I go online to different sites for entertainment and just to look at profiles & pics.  I don't email them and I don't have a personal profile (I refuse to post one).  Also, I have a friend who has had boyfriends and both still search the personals - I do think he could honestly be into it for entertainment and out of boredom. 
 
October 19, 2005, 7:56 am CDT

On line dating

Quote From: sha2005

 My current boyfriend I meet on-line 8 years ago. I had just recently married and was looking for some pen-pals and long lost friends. I went into a chat room and just started talking to people. He started talking to me that night.  From there on, we would meet on-line either in a chat room or over an instant messenger. I was a little hesitant, because I didn't know if he was being honest with his description of himself. I was honest with him about what I was like and very vague on what I looked like. "You are probably thinking what did my husband think?" He was fine with it, because we were just looking to be friends.

Anyway, we would end up talking on-line most the night and when I finally felt comfortable enough, I even gave him my phone number. We talked on the phone a little bit. I was extremely shy, so I didn't say to much at first. We just kept in contact off and on for the last 7 years. We got to know each other pretty good and when I needed a friend he was there. Well when my marriage started to go bad, he was there to listen and offer me advice. (Yes we noticed a connection, but didn't act on it because I was trying to make my marriage work). Anyway,  I separated from my husband and we started filing for Divorce( My marriage fell apart because I was too young when we got married and we just grew up and apart).  I  finally got up enough nerve to go meet him, and we have been seeing each other since.

It can work, but you need to be honest and careful. Would I do this in this age? I'm not sure. Back then  you didn't hear about all the neg things that can go on. If you go this way, just be careful and follow your instinct. I did and I'm very happy.

 I have tried on line dating.  I am a 65 year old woman who looks and acts much younger.  I am active and involved.  The picture people have of a woman my age does not coincide with who I am and  what I am.  I went out twice with a man who claimed to 70.  We went for lunch then he asked me out for an evening date.  This man could not contain his hands and I was so disgusted.  It takes time for a relationship to develop.  One has to nutrure it and trust has to grow.  THIS TAKES TIME.  I think people in their 60's or  older feel that time is running out and they have to "grab" every moment.

To complicated matters I have met a lovely man (only he is married )  There is much marital
 dissension in hi 40+ years of marriage.  I have not "gone all the way".  We talk and feel a very strong closeness for each other.  I know he is forbidden material.  On the other hand the pickins seem so small at my age.   Thanks for listening.  Any replies would be so much appreciated.
 
October 23, 2005, 1:47 pm CDT

HELP Advice For Friend online Dating A guy w/HIV?!!!

My friend need some serious advice. She met this guy three weeks ago online and they think they are in love with each other. He lives 100 miles from my friend. They have talked on the phone once and they want to be together. She is freaked out that when they do get together that he is going to die on her. She says she cannot loose him and that she loves him VERY much. He is thinking about moving up where she lives and getting an appartment together(she doesn't even know him!!). She says she doesn't want to loose him but is really scarred and not sure what to do. I am not currently on talking terms with my friend because she was relying on me to give her work and she doesn't want to start her life. She wouldn' t take no for an answer and pulled the gulit trip on me. I am pulling back so she can be able to get motivated to start her life without me (I was in a was enabling her to be lazy) She has always made excuses to not get a job or license and she is turning 21 in a week and a half.  I just want her to start her life by getting a license but she refuses. She doesn't think it's fair that I am pulling away in order for her to be self-reliant. I felt like she was using me in order to make money and to avoid getting a license and a real job. I've also tried to encourage her over and over again that she will find a great guy. She is VERY negative and very pessimistic toward life. She is very desperate and this online fling seems very dangerous. I think that she is in serious denial and just seakign attention and "love". I really don't think it's possible to love someone after 3 weeks of online chat.  SO IF SOMEONE HAS BEEN IN THIS POSSITION PLEASE E-MAIL HER AND TALK WITH HER AND GIVE ADVICE IF YOU CAN !!!!!! Her online lovers' name is Andrew. 

  

**********E-MAIL HER AT: fairy_dust100@excite.com her name is Danielle*************** 

  

  

THANK YOU!!! 

 
October 25, 2005, 11:30 pm CDT

So...What do I do now?

  A couple of months ago, my sister introduced me to her ex-boss on line.  I knew from the beginning that he was married, but looking...always looking.  At first I was interested only in being on-line friends with him.  The first time we talked, he told me he loved his wife, and would never leave her and their two children.  I told him that he needed to understand that I was not interested in a relationship, but if intimacy evolved, that would be fine as long as he understood there was to be NO emotional involvement.  For several weeks, things went just fine....we really enjoyed the time we spent chatting, and at times it got pretty hot and heavy.  I'm several years older than he is, and my health is not as good as it could be.  One night when I had to be away from the computer for a half hour, I left the messenger window open...When I came back, he had written,  "you know what they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder....and my heart is growing fonder..."  He'd also told me that same night that his wife was jealous of me.  When I saw what he'd written, I responded with, "you know heart's a dirty word".  Late that night, I decided to call things off between us because I thought his emotions were becoming a problem... but although I sent him an email to that effect, the next day he instant messaged me, and in very charming terms, talked me out of breaking off with him.. 

     Well, after several more weeks, I realized that I had fallen in love with him, thus breaking my own cardinal rule.  I had fought my feelings for quite some time, before I again emailed him, breaking off with him, deleted him from my messenger list, and put him on "ignore".  And I was more miserable than I had ever been in my whole life.  Two days later, I emailed him again, and begged him to forgive me for letting my emotions become involved, but telling him that I'd rather have him as my friend than not have him in my life at all.  We started talking again, but his wife found out, and pitched an earth-shaking fit.  She made him remove messenger from his pc, but she didn't know he sent me a message before he did, and said we'd have to use email exclusively until she calmed down. He said he'd promised her that he wouldn't cheat anymore, and he had to be good for awhile.  She asked him what he would do if he was miserable about not being able to play around anymore, and he told her if he was that miserable, he'd leave.......At this point, I had never met him in person, just on line and we'd talked on the phone lots.  I had moved back to my hometown, which is about a hundred miles closer to the city he lives in... I did finally meet him when he came to my sister's house...and brought his wife with him....The attraction we had always felt, grew even stronger after this meeting.....But there was a problem, too.  His wife is actually a very nice woman, and under different circumstances, we probably could have been friends...I spent almost four hours chatting with her on-line a few nights later, and, yes, I was riddled with guilt over my relationship with her husband...But even though one part of me wanted to give him up rather than add to her pain, I found I simply could not do it...I love him with everything I am, and will never voluntary give him up.  Tonight, I got an email from him, and he told me that when this started out, it was supposed to be just a game, but it wasn't anymore, and that he'd never meant to care for me so much, but that he's glad now that he does.  I suspect that he's preparing to leave her, and I can't help but hope he is, even though I hate for her to be hurt anymore than she already has been.  But all my life, I've given up things I cherished because of other people's feelings.  I'm not doing that this time....I love him with all my heart, and won't let anything stop us being together if that's what he wants.  So.....what do I do now??? 

 
October 28, 2005, 7:56 am CDT

Have you ever heard of Karma?

Quote From: tanyad

  A couple of months ago, my sister introduced me to her ex-boss on line.  I knew from the beginning that he was married, but looking...always looking.  At first I was interested only in being on-line friends with him.  The first time we talked, he told me he loved his wife, and would never leave her and their two children.  I told him that he needed to understand that I was not interested in a relationship, but if intimacy evolved, that would be fine as long as he understood there was to be NO emotional involvement.  For several weeks, things went just fine....we really enjoyed the time we spent chatting, and at times it got pretty hot and heavy.  I'm several years older than he is, and my health is not as good as it could be.  One night when I had to be away from the computer for a half hour, I left the messenger window open...When I came back, he had written,  "you know what they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder....and my heart is growing fonder..."  He'd also told me that same night that his wife was jealous of me.  When I saw what he'd written, I responded with, "you know heart's a dirty word".  Late that night, I decided to call things off between us because I thought his emotions were becoming a problem... but although I sent him an email to that effect, the next day he instant messaged me, and in very charming terms, talked me out of breaking off with him.. 

     Well, after several more weeks, I realized that I had fallen in love with him, thus breaking my own cardinal rule.  I had fought my feelings for quite some time, before I again emailed him, breaking off with him, deleted him from my messenger list, and put him on "ignore".  And I was more miserable than I had ever been in my whole life.  Two days later, I emailed him again, and begged him to forgive me for letting my emotions become involved, but telling him that I'd rather have him as my friend than not have him in my life at all.  We started talking again, but his wife found out, and pitched an earth-shaking fit.  She made him remove messenger from his pc, but she didn't know he sent me a message before he did, and said we'd have to use email exclusively until she calmed down. He said he'd promised her that he wouldn't cheat anymore, and he had to be good for awhile.  She asked him what he would do if he was miserable about not being able to play around anymore, and he told her if he was that miserable, he'd leave.......At this point, I had never met him in person, just on line and we'd talked on the phone lots.  I had moved back to my hometown, which is about a hundred miles closer to the city he lives in... I did finally meet him when he came to my sister's house...and brought his wife with him....The attraction we had always felt, grew even stronger after this meeting.....But there was a problem, too.  His wife is actually a very nice woman, and under different circumstances, we probably could have been friends...I spent almost four hours chatting with her on-line a few nights later, and, yes, I was riddled with guilt over my relationship with her husband...But even though one part of me wanted to give him up rather than add to her pain, I found I simply could not do it...I love him with everything I am, and will never voluntary give him up.  Tonight, I got an email from him, and he told me that when this started out, it was supposed to be just a game, but it wasn't anymore, and that he'd never meant to care for me so much, but that he's glad now that he does.  I suspect that he's preparing to leave her, and I can't help but hope he is, even though I hate for her to be hurt anymore than she already has been.  But all my life, I've given up things I cherished because of other people's feelings.  I'm not doing that this time....I love him with all my heart, and won't let anything stop us being together if that's what he wants.  So.....what do I do now??? 

So you think that he's going to run off with you...leave his wife and kids and start this happy little life with you?  Have you ever thought that what you do with this guy could come back to bite you?  If you don't think that when you get in a relationship with him that is exclusive, that he won't end up doing to you what he's doing to his wife, you are in for a shock.  The painful truth is, that he is most likely going to repeat the pattern.  You quoted that he was "married and looking....always looking".  Isn't that a clue?  Do you think that when a bit of time has passed in his relationship with you that he won't start wondering and wandering again?  Would YOU be able to handle that?  Would you WANT to?  I'd think long and hard before destroying a "good woman's" life just for your own satisfaction.  Especially with kids involved.  If you don't want to think about hurting her, why not think of those kids?  I'd take a good long look at myself at why you even started a relationship with a married man in the first place.  I think you need to do some serious soul searching.
 
October 30, 2005, 4:57 pm CST

THINK about yourself............

I've  not ever been on this message board before but after reading your post I HAD to respond.   

  

Three years ago an ex-boyfriend of mine (from thirteen years ago....at that time....now sixteen) found my mom through the internet.  He called her and left a message with his number.   Our relationship had been GREAT and only ended because we were in the military and he transferred.  So, I was flattered to hear that he'd never stopped thinking of me, loving me, wanting to find me.....blah, blah, blah.   

  

To make a VERY LONG story short.........I was granted a restraining order last week to keep him away from me........and we live on opposite coasts!   He is MARRIED but I only found this out AFTER he faxed me a FALSIFIED divorce decree, came to visit me, and we made arrangements for me to move to his state so we could live happily ever after. 

  

I've talked to his wife a few times........what made me cringe and actually respond to your message is that you said that under different circumstances you thought you could be friends with his wife.......I feel the same way.   

  

THE GUY IS A JERK.........NO TWO WAYS ABOUT IT........DOESN'T CARE WHAT HE'S DOING TO YOU, HIS WIFE, HIS KIDS..............PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE........take if from someone that has left out MOST details regarding my situation........do you want to end up one day requesting a restraining order because it took you too long to recognize the lies, and then the pain of letting it go.......only to have him REPEATEDLY contact you to tell you how much he's changed?  HE HAS A PERSONALITY DISORDER AND ONE THAT IS DANGEROUS!  Get out of your fantasy.  

  

Bad marriage?  Okay, try to work it out or divorce.   

  

LIE about things........dishonor everyone involved. 

  

Don't you deserve more?  The answer is YES...........I just hope YOU realize it.  So does his wife!  He is SO dishonoring his WIFE, his VOWS,  his KIDS, his INTEGRITY (he has none).  This guy is a LOSER....I don't care how much you THINK you love him.  You're in love with the "notion" of the two of you and him being this wonderful man.....................ACK!  Look at his actions.  Again, GET OUT of your fantasy. 

  

I don't mean to sound so harsh but this hits a very specific nerve. 

Sterling 

   

 
October 31, 2005, 2:00 pm CST

Online Dating

THERE ARE THOSE WHO THINK THAT ONLINE DATING HAS IT FLAWS. FOR ME UNFORTUNATELY I HAVE NO OTHER CHOICE. DUE TO SLOW REFLEXES/ COORDINATION FROM BIRTH I DO NOT KNOW HOW TO DRIVE, QUITE FRANKLY THAT DOES NOTY MAKE ME FEEL REAL GOOD BEING SINGLE & NOT KNOWING HOW TO DRIVE BUT I HAVE TO RELY ON THE RESOURCES THAT ARE AVAILABLE TO ME. 

 

I'M ASHAMED TO ADMIT THIS, BUT I HVAE GOTTEN INTO AS DEBT PROBLEM 4 YRS AGO TO NO FAULT BUT MY OWN.....BECAUSE OF MY INCAPABILITY TO SAY "NO" AT THAT POINT. SHER HAD A  BEAUTFUL 3 YR OLD DAUGHTER, ONE THAT WOULD MELT YOUR HEART AT AN INSTANT. I WANTED TO DO EVERYTHING FOR THEM.......ALL BECAUSE OF MY INCAPABILITY OF SAYING NO. I HAVE ALWAYS BELIEVED THAT IT IS BETTER TO GIVE THAN TO RECEIVE & THAT IS WHERE MY PROBLEM CAME IN. 

 

ONLINE DATING DOES HAVE ITS FLAWS IF USED INCORRECTLY. HOWEVER BY USING COMMON SENSE AND GOOD JUDGEMENT ONLINE DATING CAN BE A VERY HELPFUL TOOL TO GETTING TO KNOW SOME ONE. 

 

i WELCOME ALL REPLIES, COMMENTS TO THIS MESSAGE. 

 
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