A couple of months ago, my sister introduced me to her ex-boss on line. I knew from the beginning that he was married, but looking...always looking. At first I was interested only in being on-line friends with him. The first time we talked, he told me he loved his wife, and would never leave her and their two children. I told him that he needed to understand that I was not interested in a relationship, but if intimacy evolved, that would be fine as long as he understood there was to be NO emotional involvement. For several weeks, things went just fine....we really enjoyed the time we spent chatting, and at times it got pretty hot and heavy. I'm several years older than he is, and my health is not as good as it could be. One night when I had to be away from the computer for a half hour, I left the messenger window open...When I came back, he had written, "you know what they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder....and my heart is growing fonder..." He'd also told me that same night that his wife was jealous of me. When I saw what he'd written, I responded with, "you know heart's a dirty word". Late that night, I decided to call things off between us because I thought his emotions were becoming a problem... but although I sent him an email to that effect, the next day he instant messaged me, and in very charming terms, talked me out of breaking off with him..
Well, after several more weeks, I realized that I had fallen in love with him, thus breaking my own cardinal rule. I had fought my feelings for quite some time, before I again emailed him, breaking off with him, deleted him from my messenger list, and put him on "ignore". And I was more miserable than I had ever been in my whole life. Two days later, I emailed him again, and begged him to forgive me for letting my emotions become involved, but telling him that I'd rather have him as my friend than not have him in my life at all. We started talking again, but his wife found out, and pitched an earth-shaking fit. She made him remove messenger from his pc, but she didn't know he sent me a message before he did, and said we'd have to use email exclusively until she calmed down. He said he'd promised her that he wouldn't cheat anymore, and he had to be good for awhile. She asked him what he would do if he was miserable about not being able to play around anymore, and he told her if he was that miserable, he'd leave.......At this point, I had never met him in person, just on line and we'd talked on the phone lots. I had moved back to my hometown, which is about a hundred miles closer to the city he lives in... I did finally meet him when he came to my sister's house...and brought his wife with him....The attraction we had always felt, grew even stronger after this meeting.....But there was a problem, too. His wife is actually a very nice woman, and under different circumstances, we probably could have been friends...I spent almost four hours chatting with her on-line a few nights later, and, yes, I was riddled with guilt over my relationship with her husband...But even though one part of me wanted to give him up rather than add to her pain, I found I simply could not do it...I love him with everything I am, and will never voluntary give him up. Tonight, I got an email from him, and he told me that when this started out, it was supposed to be just a game, but it wasn't anymore, and that he'd never meant to care for me so much, but that he's glad now that he does. I suspect that he's preparing to leave her, and I can't help but hope he is, even though I hate for her to be hurt anymore than she already has been. But all my life, I've given up things I cherished because of other people's feelings. I'm not doing that this time....I love him with all my heart, and won't let anything stop us being together if that's what he wants. So.....what do I do now???
