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Topic : Online Dating

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Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 05:08:34 pm
Author : dataimport
Looking to meet someone online? Or have you met the love of your life on the net already? Share the good, the bad and the ugly of online dating.
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ukpeanut
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October 8, 2005, 12:33 am PDT

I agree with you!

Quote From: outloudest

It true what they say. When you stop looking for that thing you want the most you will find it. My husband and I met online but not through a dating service. We both had had enough of the dating world and called off dating. We both registered on yahoo looking for a pen pal. I got his profile as a match and I emailed him because we had a lot in common. We exchanged emails for six months as pen pals. Not once did we mention talking on the phone or exchanging photos. We were just long distance friends.  

We finally talked and exchanged photos in Oct. We met on Thanksgiving day. I was a soldier at the time and not going home for the holidays. He invited me over to help him cook dinner. I was really comfortable with him like I had known him forever. I would not recommend everyone do this but it worked for us. He was a police officer and I had him checked out. We have been together ever since. Married 5 years now with two beautiful children. 

Too many people go on these online dating services expecting to meet their soulmate in the first 5 min. I recommend going on there and meeting new friends. Start as friends and you can grow from there. Don't rush into things. Take you time and don't add more pressure by trying to make yourself the perfect woman or man. Be yourself and be honest. 

I agree with you! I've done every dating avenue possible: online dating -- all of them (match, lavalife, udate, kissdate, americansingles, and jdate), I've also done phone dating, meeting in clubs and school, I've even been on blind dates, and yes -- the show "Blind Date", and I can honestly say that I've done it all and NOTHING WORKED!! So...on June 1, 2005 I went on vacation -- from dating and I'm enjoying it very much. I'd accomplished so much that I've been wanting to do for myself. Now I'm builiding my studio -- I just hired my first intern! - and I'm working in finish my first book in 90 days along with a TV Script. Life is great when you think of no one but yourself!
 
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sha2005
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October 8, 2005, 7:57 am PDT

Online "Dating" Worked for me

 My current boyfriend I meet on-line 8 years ago. I had just recently married and was looking for some pen-pals and long lost friends. I went into a chat room and just started talking to people. He started talking to me that night.  From there on, we would meet on-line either in a chat room or over an instant messenger. I was a little hesitant, because I didn't know if he was being honest with his description of himself. I was honest with him about what I was like and very vague on what I looked like. "You are probably thinking what did my husband think?" He was fine with it, because we were just looking to be friends.

Anyway, we would end up talking on-line most the night and when I finally felt comfortable enough, I even gave him my phone number. We talked on the phone a little bit. I was extremely shy, so I didn't say to much at first. We just kept in contact off and on for the last 7 years. We got to know each other pretty good and when I needed a friend he was there. Well when my marriage started to go bad, he was there to listen and offer me advice. (Yes we noticed a connection, but didn't act on it because I was trying to make my marriage work). Anyway,  I separated from my husband and we started filing for Divorce( My marriage fell apart because I was too young when we got married and we just grew up and apart).  I  finally got up enough nerve to go meet him, and we have been seeing each other since.

It can work, but you need to be honest and careful. Would I do this in this age? I'm not sure. Back then  you didn't hear about all the neg things that can go on. If you go this way, just be careful and follow your instinct. I did and I'm very happy.
 
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ilovelife
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October 8, 2005, 9:45 am PDT

Online Dating

Quote From: papahue

I think there's just as many women who lie as men. I've been miss led so much. I guess there's just not much of a way to prove we don't lie. I know I'm very honest but saying it and proving it are two different things. The last experience I was to marry, got a house at her request that when I paid for her trip out here from the east coast to the west, and she helped pick out a house that I bought 

and there then was so many exuses why she couldn't come back. I just mostly give up at that point. 

Anyway, the decieving can work both ways. Thanks. 

I totally agree deceiving working both ways.  I never meant to come across that way. That particular post was referring to him still logging onto the dating site. Sorry for the miscommunication. Unfortunately, its the bad guys that makes the good guys like you work harder and make you honest men have to prove yourselves. 
 
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golden1
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October 9, 2005, 2:19 am PDT

Online Dating

     I see so many ads for on-line dating services--how safe are they? I mean, how do you know you're getting the real article, and not just someone looking for a sucker--or a victim? Parents warn their kids about on-line predators; what protection do single adults have? Sorry, don't mean to sound like a doom-sayer.
 
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mebrn5619
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October 9, 2005, 8:40 am PDT

Online Dating

Quote From: golden1

     I see so many ads for on-line dating services--how safe are they? I mean, how do you know you're getting the real article, and not just someone looking for a sucker--or a victim? Parents warn their kids about on-line predators; what protection do single adults have? Sorry, don't mean to sound like a doom-sayer.
This has been said many times and many ways. On line dating is just one more way of meeting someone.  You have to use the same common sense and intuition you would with meeting someone at the gym, grocery store etc.  The old adage "too good to be true" holds too. If someone is Too Perfect  be careful.  You can communicate on line as long as it take to feels  secure in taking it to another level but again go slow until you can verify that your initial impressions are still valid. Getting to know someone takes some risk but that doesn't mean you don't ask questions and be willing to walk away if you don't get the answers you  are looking for or are consistent.
 
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djlana
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October 10, 2005, 9:50 am PDT

It's All In The Way You Look At It

Quote From: golden1

     I see so many ads for on-line dating services--how safe are they? I mean, how do you know you're getting the real article, and not just someone looking for a sucker--or a victim? Parents warn their kids about on-line predators; what protection do single adults have? Sorry, don't mean to sound like a doom-sayer.

The best way to "date" is to meet new people, form friendships and get to know them and not to look at each date as a potential marriage.  I agree online is just another place to meet people.  It's less frustrating to just take things as they are; some you may never talk to again, some you will stay friends with and eventually you will meet and get to know someone you will date once you know them and decide they are a person you can move further with.  I don't think you know any more online than you do off what type of person you are dealing with.  The only way to tell is to play it safe; talk a couple times, meet in groups or in daylight in public places.  Any person who is worth their salt will understand, comply and have patience.  The ones who are questionable will move on...so it's a screening process.  

  

Can't we just meet different types of people and not put so many expectations on it?  That would make dating much more fun - which is really what it's supposed to be.  Not that being single is a bad thing...I wish people wouldn't put such a negative spin on it. 
 
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sellingen
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October 10, 2005, 9:23 pm PDT

Online Dating

Quote From: golden1

     I see so many ads for on-line dating services--how safe are they? I mean, how do you know you're getting the real article, and not just someone looking for a sucker--or a victim? Parents warn their kids about on-line predators; what protection do single adults have? Sorry, don't mean to sound like a doom-sayer.
First off, this is my first post here.  Just thought I would let that be known!

Online dating services, to people who arent familiar with them, are often a mystery from how they work to how legit they are.  When you go onto one of the sites its not a 1 2 3 process.  You don't just contact the person and then meet up.  Usually people chat online for a while, then begin phone conversations and then take it from there.  Yes I know I just mentioned 3 steps there...but it doesn't all happen in an afternoon.  If it does, then a "sucker" as you put it was probably on one end of the deal.  People can easily lie on their profiles, post old pictures from their skinny days and make themselves out to be someone they aren't.  I suppose one thing that separates the adults from most children is the common sense and "gut feeling" when they meet someone.   If you chat with someone for a long time there are certain things that can give away a predator from the beginning.  If they seem to rush into the "relationship", always talking about meeting, asking personal questions early in the meeting process, things like that.  You will know when something is suspicious or just not right when it happens.  On online forums, not nessesarily just dating forums, it's good to look at their previous posts, sort of get to know them before you actually talk.  It gives you insight into their personality.  If you have seen their picture and arent sure if they are who they say they are tell them to take a picture of themself holding a piece of paper with their username from the site writen on it, that way you know it isnt a picture someone has stolen off of another site or something like that.  if they really want to get to know you it shouldnt be too hard to convince them to take the picture.  One good thing to invest in would be a webcam!  if the other person has one as well, then great!  you can see each other in real-time.

   the thing to remember though is that you have to use your best judgment, and only do what you are comfortable with.  in my opinion real dates can be just as dangerous.
 
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dulce81
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October 12, 2005, 8:11 am PDT

Should I Make the First Move?!?

I am a 23-year-old woman who is trying to put herself out "on the market" (i.e. online dating websites) sort of speak as far as dating since I don't have much success in meeting people face-to-face. I have been single for over a year and a half and would like to meet someone who shares the similar qualities and interests as me.  

  

I am a sweet, beautiful, smart, and average sized woman and most of my friends call me a "pimpette" since a lot of guys usually are after me, but I don't find them attractive at all. I only had two somewhat successful relationships that started off from meeting online and hope that I will meet a great guy (i.e. my husband) online someday.  

  

My question is that there is this guy I find very attractive on one of the online dating websites who lives in the same area as me and shares similar qualities and interests as me too. I would love to meet him and get to know him better, but my problem is that I have always had the guy approach me first since I grew up believing that "man pursues woman" and if you do make the first move, the guy will perceive you as "desperate" or wasn't into you in the first place. I have got some matches already, but I don't find them attractive or have any interest in them. What should I do??? Please help me. I am hoping and praying that I met this man someday. All of your advice is greatly appreciated. Thanks! 
 
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neuromom
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October 18, 2005, 3:41 pm PDT

Feel it out first

Quote From: dulce81

I am a 23-year-old woman who is trying to put herself out "on the market" (i.e. online dating websites) sort of speak as far as dating since I don't have much success in meeting people face-to-face. I have been single for over a year and a half and would like to meet someone who shares the similar qualities and interests as me.  

  

I am a sweet, beautiful, smart, and average sized woman and most of my friends call me a "pimpette" since a lot of guys usually are after me, but I don't find them attractive at all. I only had two somewhat successful relationships that started off from meeting online and hope that I will meet a great guy (i.e. my husband) online someday.  

  

My question is that there is this guy I find very attractive on one of the online dating websites who lives in the same area as me and shares similar qualities and interests as me too. I would love to meet him and get to know him better, but my problem is that I have always had the guy approach me first since I grew up believing that "man pursues woman" and if you do make the first move, the guy will perceive you as "desperate" or wasn't into you in the first place. I have got some matches already, but I don't find them attractive or have any interest in them. What should I do??? Please help me. I am hoping and praying that I met this man someday. All of your advice is greatly appreciated. Thanks! 

It will make you more sure of the man's interest if the guy makes the first move. However, you should exchange quite a few emails and really get to know his values, likes, dislikes, habits and opinions first. Physical attraction is a very powerful force, but with temperment and personality added it can be more revealing.
 
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meganawade
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October 18, 2005, 10:02 pm PDT

Re: 23 year old on the market

Quote From: dulce81

I am a 23-year-old woman who is trying to put herself out "on the market" (i.e. online dating websites) sort of speak as far as dating since I don't have much success in meeting people face-to-face. I have been single for over a year and a half and would like to meet someone who shares the similar qualities and interests as me.  

  

I am a sweet, beautiful, smart, and average sized woman and most of my friends call me a "pimpette" since a lot of guys usually are after me, but I don't find them attractive at all. I only had two somewhat successful relationships that started off from meeting online and hope that I will meet a great guy (i.e. my husband) online someday.  

  

My question is that there is this guy I find very attractive on one of the online dating websites who lives in the same area as me and shares similar qualities and interests as me too. I would love to meet him and get to know him better, but my problem is that I have always had the guy approach me first since I grew up believing that "man pursues woman" and if you do make the first move, the guy will perceive you as "desperate" or wasn't into you in the first place. I have got some matches already, but I don't find them attractive or have any interest in them. What should I do??? Please help me. I am hoping and praying that I met this man someday. All of your advice is greatly appreciated. Thanks! 

I, too, have pursued the whole onlilne dating thing and have had some successes, heartbreaks and just downright "no thank you's", so I encourage you to pursue this guy if you really think there's a chance, or just to see if there's a chance.  I do not find a difference between meeting someone 

"in real life" versus on the internet.  Everyone is real, this is real life, and it's just a different mode of communication and courting.  So...make that first move - ask him to dinner, a movie, out for a drink, etc.  If he wants to go, he will.  if not, he will let you know.  And, if things work out, GREAT. If they don't, you know you tried, had fun trying, and move on.  Good luck! 
 
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