Quote From: heidibthI need help with my emotions right now. I've been dating my boyfriend for over seven and a half years. We started dating the summer after our freshman year of high school. Now we're 23. We go to college together, live together, have ten pets together, and share a tons of mutual friends. I never wanted to be the girl who was obsessed with her boyfriend, so in high school we would usually go to dances and things like that with other people. Honestly, when I was a teenager, I never thought we'd make it this far. But we did and we couldn't be happier except for one thing...I'm ready to get married and he isn't. I am getting ready to graduate college, move away, and start a career. I want to get married before I move away so I can plan my marriage ceremony in my home state with my family around me. Plus, I'M JUST READY. I've told him all of this. He knows what I want and he acknowledges that we are already living like husband and wife. But he doesn't want to get married until after we move away and begin our careers. I don't think that makes any sense. I think there may be another reason... To make things worse, all of my friends are getting engaged, and they haven't been together nearly as long and don't have nearly as strong relationships! It makes me kind of sick at my stomach to see them taking the next step while I am in a paralyzed relationship. I hate comparing our relationship to others, but I feel like the time for the ideal proposal has already come and it on its way out the door. I'm afraid that when he does propose its not going to be a passionate and romantic occasion because I'll be bitter about waiting and watching all of my friends get married first. I know all of my feelings aren't admirable, but they are genuine. I feel frustrated and I've begun to take it out on him.
Please know that I am not patronizing you about your age; this is coming straight from my own personal experience: if you have a stable, loving relationship now, then the right thing to do is to wait. You don't want to push him into marriage, then he will be the one with resentment. And, you will have many regrets, too- because that ceremony you dream of won't be nearly as wonderful without his heart being 100% into it. I know its difficult for you to see others getting engaged around you, but if your relationship is as secure as you say, then you are the couple who is going to stand the test of time.
When you dream of romantic proposals from fairy tales, you are bound to be dissapointed. When you can learn to accept your boyfriend for the person he is, instead of the person you wish he would be, you will feel an inner peace. That inner peace is priceless!! When he does propose, I urge you to go to pre-marital counceling. It is very helpful to be guided by a professional who has seen hundreds of other couples with the same issues, and to learn how to communicate more effectively. I also recommend Dr. Phil's book, "relationship rescue" because its very helpfull. Relax.. you are harming your relationship instead of helping.
