Topic : Ready for Marriage?

hi there  

well congrats on the proposal 

i have been with my b/f for almost 3 yrs  

and he said this is our year  

so hopefully i will get a question asked this year as well 

i am in indiana you? 

  

Well, my fingers are crossed for you!  Hope you get your question too!!  And yes, I'm in Indiana as well.

Me and my boyfriend have been together for three years. A few years ago when he first mentioned marriage, he also mentioned divorce. I knew then that he was not ready.   

Now, two years later, he wants to get married. I did not believe him but he called the church, the minister, and even got a notebook out the closet to put all the planning information in.   

My issue is that he comes from a family of divorce. He is divorced as are his parents and mine have been married for over thirty years and no one in my family is divorced. He says that he wants to get married because he loves me but I need more than that.   

I do not think marriage has anything to do with love because to me it seems like it takes a whole lot more than that to make it work and last through the many tests of time.   

   

Can someone please tell me how I will know if he is the one and if he is marrying me with a sincere heart or just out of quarter-life crisis and desparation?  

well thanks  

hope i do as well  

i am sure this will be the year  

what part of indiana?  

i am in indpls 

During your wait, did you ever leave him? Get discouraged? Were you living together all that time? My current BF is "scared" (We've all heard that before!LOL!) and I feel I'm just paying for what his ex did. We actually have more problems than that, and his getting married has nothing to do with me until he sees my car backing outta the drive! But anyway, I'm in a discouraged point right now. I really thought hw was the one, but if he was, wouldn't we want the same future? Did you ever have moments? TIA!

Ali 

hi how is christmas going i have been travelling so much trying to leave the past behind and i am not doing so well at it you know i have stopped seeing my psycoligist because i cant seem to move on it seems that everything i breath is her and i cant seem to go two seconds without getting her out of my mind it seems almost usless to go on you mentioned that you dont want to face dr phil when he askes you what were you thinking are you getting a chance to see him if soo thats great i wish i could try someway to get a hold of him but i understand that he is a very busy man with greater things to do than listen to me bitch and complain well hope you have a good christmas bud and to be honest i dunno if ill make it past the new year the way im feeling all i can say is it is getting eisier to hide the pain not forget it you know o well  

well merry christmas bud have a good one 

Orion 

Bud, you have to let her go. She has apparently made her choices, and they don't seem to include you. I'm sorry, but that is how I see it. Now that may be a little harsh, but sometimes we need to face reality. 

The Bible has been a great source of inspiration for me in my trials and there is one thing that it says, "bless those that curse you, love them that spitefully use you..."  

Forgiveness is an act where you give up the right to exact revenge or retribution completely. Forgiveness is for you to let go of your hurt and anger and move away from the pain and anguish. In actual fact, if you look at it, your pain and hurt is not affecting her one little bit. Yet it is eating you up inside. She feels nothing, you are in AGONY! Forgive her and let it go once and for all. 

Wanna giggle? Yesterday I did something. I sent her an sms accepting the invite to spend Christmas with her, and asking where we were going to be for christmas, as she had previously invited me to her family for Christmas before the breakup. 

My phone rang almost instantly after the sms went thru!!! She was Angry, man! She started to ask me what I was playing at and didn't for one second think  that I was joking!! Then the new man took the cellphone from her and proceeded to intimidate , threaten, curse at, call me names and all I did was sit and listen to him. Every now and then I would say something and goad him into a bigger rage and he just proved my thinking of who and what he is.  

And when the call finally ended, I had to laugh, because that is EXACTLY what I had expected. 

So, find a reason to laugh, have fun and let her go. Move on with YOUR life Bud, don't give her anymore power in your heart and soul. Let her go, move ahead, and make it GREAT. Theere is someone Superb waiting for you when you wipe your eyes clean again. Just you wait and see. and she will be FAR better for you than Sara ever was. 

Merry Christmas, God bless and keep you, His grace and mercy to you. 

Ali 

HAHA THATS PRETTY FUNNY THAT HAD TO HAVE BEEN THE FIRST TIME I HAVE SMILED IN SIX MONTHS THANKS . 

NOW I HAVE TO ADMIT THOUGH THAT I AM NOT A AVID READER OF THE BIBLE OR A WORSHIPER BY ANY MEANS BUT I HAVE BEEN GIVING IT SOME SERIOUS THOUGHT LATLEY AND I DUNNO I SEEM LOST AND CONFUSSED ABOUT PRETTY MUCH EVERYTHING IN LIFE LATLEY O WELL HOPEFULLY IT WILL ALL BE OVER SOON YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN BUT YEAH I TALKED TO HER RECENTLY AND SHE SAID AHE MET SOMEONE THAT TREATED HER BETTER IN THREE DAYS THEN I DID IN THREE YEARS BUT I GUESS HE IS ON THE ROAD ALOT AND IT DIDNT WORK OUT I JUST KINDA GIGGLED IN SMALL TOWNS WHAT ARE THE CHANCES OF FINDING THAT SOMEONE RIGHT WELL I THOUGHT I DID TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH I STILL DO HA HA I ONLY PUT MYSELF THROUGH IT DONT I HA HA WELL HER MOM WISHED ME A MERRY CHRISTMAS AND I HOPE MY TIES WITH THEM HAVE ONLY BEEN SEVERED NOT BROKEN THEY ARE REALLY NICE PEOPLE BUT I GUESS WE WILL SEE WONT WE HA HA  

ANY WAYS HOPE TO HEAR FROM YOU SOON ALI  

ORION 

PS HAVE YOU READ THE PASSAGE OF THE FOOTSTEPS IN THE SAND I LIKE THAT ONE  

What Should I Do?

Okay first let me tell you all my story. Jan 13th of 2005 I was sitting in my high school class. Business Communications. My friend suggested in front of me to this football player, Josh who is my age that he should be my date for prom. He said no. The next day in the class he asks me to be his gf. I for some reason said yes. However, I thought a boyfriend was the last thing I needed. I had rape counseling, a court case (I was raped when 16), my dad battling cancer, and my church splitting all going on.  That weekend when Josh called, he could tell something was wrong. I told him everything that was going on and told him I hadn't had a boyfriend since before the rape. He understood. And I found out I was his first ever girlfriend.The relationship started out slow.  The more I got to know about him the more I started to care. He was there for me when I lost the court case. I quit going to my home church, First Baptist of Carlisle because they spilt and was fighting. I started going to Josh's church, Carlisle Assembly of God. My dad passed away Feb 13th at 3am. that was a sunday morning. I went to church with Josh that morning. But I called his mom before I left. When I walked in the church, Josh's mom was there waiting on me. SHe gave me a hug. Church was packed that day. But I found Josh and he hugged me and let me in the pew so I oculd sit beside him. He was there for me. Not only for that day but the days to come.  We loved each other more and more. Then 2 weeks after prom, I broke his trust. We had left prom 30 minutes early so we could do "fool around" is the nice way to put it before we had to be at the school for project prom. A week later I wrote a note to a friend telling her what had happened. When she threw it away, it landed on teh floor without us knowing. Josh's football couch found it, handed it to another couch who then gave it to Josh. I broke his trust and it was over a few days later. June 3rd I had a horriable car wreck. Flipped my car three times. They released me from the hosptal that night because thanks to God, I wasn't injured as bad as I should have been. Josh came over with his parents. Then he called later on. He told me he still loved me and forgave me. Since then we have been close friends. But both of us don't date or "talk/flirt" with anyone but each other.  If you saw us together and didn't know we were just friends, you would think we are a couple. We go to movies when I am home from college, when I am at college we talk on the phone, and we well we have a personal life together too. He told me the other night that he is falling in love with me. He basically told me he is waiting until the right timing for us to get back together again.  

The thing is my mom and friends want me to be with someone who has money and is going to be in the ministry. Since I am going to bible college to become a youth leader and youth counselor. Also they don't understand why I don't move on from Josh. I have no desire to date anyone but Josh. I am also afarid even if I did date, then I wouldn't be able to let Josh go and just end up cheating on the guy with Josh.  What do you think I should do? What do you think of this? 

First off, I am sorry for all the pain you have gone through.   

Second, you need to listen to your heart and your brain.  You know what you want in life and if that is Josh, then who can tell you otherwise?!?  No church or parent, can tell what it in your heart.  They will soon realize that your feelings are stronger than they think. As long as this person is not physically or emotionally hurting you, than I don't see anything wrong with going with your heart.  

Good luck and god bless!